Tag: perseverance

Dull Drone – 25th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Imagination once so bright
Turned toys into tigers
Battered to death with culture
That no longer inspires us

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and needing that Saturday morning sleep-in catch-up. Still stuck with this dry cough. My weight this morning is down to 78.45kg because of not eating much yesterday and no doubt contributing to my tiredness.

Today I’m grateful for:

Noey at Utopia changing my water to be room temperature instead of with ice after she noticed I was coughing a lot.

The best thing about today was:

A little evening ride around to check out new advancements in our little municipality.

Lots of new things going on and we ended up checking out a shop that we have been past many times where there are just a bunch of bean bags on a lawn with no cover. It stands out a little because the shop will have to close whenever it rains.

They serve some really simple food and speciality sodas. It’s a nice environment to chill out and is pretty popular now that things are back to normal after Covid.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Much of the day felt out of my control today but none of it was in a way that bothered me. Some days are easy to accept.

Tomorrow though there are things I want to do and I will push the time in that direction.

Something I learned today?

Hayden’s girlfriend Vashti will move in with him soon. They will have separate rooms so that they can get away from each other somewhat if necessary, which I don’t think is a bad idea. 

I realise that it was at the age that he is at now when I moved to Australia.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

As usual I let Noey make my coffee at Utopia and despite it not being quite hot enough, it still tasted fine. I’m happy to let her improve her skills and be her taste tester.

After an afternoon snooze I was looking forward to going out to my room and playing guitar. Amy said ‘lets go for a ride’. Ok, I thought. It won’t be long before the sun goes down so there’s still plenty of time.

As we were riding around though Amy was looking for places to eat dinner. So even though it was now apparent that I wouldn’t be home soon, I happily rode us from here to there until finding a place to eat.

How do I practice patience and perseverance?

Well, as a quote-unquote ‘teacher’ this is an easy question to answer. I was fairly well practiced in patience before but even I have noticed that I have become far more patient these days.

As to perseverance I do remember as a child and teenager giving up way too easily whenever I found things too difficult. Somehow, possibly aligned with starting work, that changed. I started to enjoy working hard and to see a job completed, even if not always well done.

I believe I learned these traits from my mother who was always working and trying things. I’m grateful for that. Thanks mum.

I took this picture because this was the view from my beanbag at the restaurant this evening.

The Cup Spiders – 5th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A cracked cup
Chipped and faded
Sits dusty behind antique glass
A spectator to many stories
Left untold

Holding congratulations aloft
Cheers to that day
Or sombre with lukewarm water
The passing of time

The spiders came
With their own tales
Making a new home
Hiding in wait
But nothing comes
All the times have died

The heat, the air
The insects and the weeds
A cup returns to earth
Still cracked, still broken
Yet still a cup

Today I’m feeling:

Strong and healthy. But also getting a little positive anxiety to start planning for next semester. It’s positive because I will use that as motivation. At the start of my exercise routine this morning I felt like I would want to fall back into bed by the end of it but I was suitably energised to get myself going. I can feel some of the exercises getting a little easier but push-ups kill me.

Today I’m grateful for:

The DuoCards app that is helping me improve my Thai learning quicker than other apps I use. I’m considering buying the subscription so that I can practice for longer. I currently use 4 free apps which are all time limited. DuoCards is a spaced repetition flashcard system similar to Anki.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a nice message from Earn after I sent her some positive reinforcement in an effort to help her combat her shyness when talking to a boy she likes. She wrote ‘i luv u t.shaun’ which comes as a big surprise as she was very rebellious and grumpy with me for a lot of the time last year. 

Also today, Fah tried to sneak away from my class this afternoon and I just happened to see her and call her back and she was a little upset and impatient at the time. I messaged her later and she is smart enough to understand that she shouldn’t have done that.

When some of my students call me ‘father’ in a loving way I sometimes think that perhaps now I am suitable and knowledgeable enough to actually be a father. But that time has come and gone. It also helps that I don’t need to see ‘my children’ for more than a couple of hours at a time!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

For the second time, someone stole my cooling powder from the small teacher’s room where I keep my things at work. I have to remember to see if I can find keys for the lockers in one of the classrooms tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

In a speech directed at the USA Xi Jinping commented on their behaviour with a Chinese idiom along the lines of ‘blowing out everyone else’s light won’t give more light to you’. I liked that as it seems appropriate.

What is one good thing I can do for myself?

Keep going.


I took this screenshot because I thought I could use it from time to time to send to students when they are feeling a little down. I’ve been collecting other similar inspirational quotes for them since too. No new pictures today.

Sanctioned – 11th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No bombs dropped 
No drones deployed
Bloodletting stopped
Society destroyed
A silent terror
Stalks night and day
Without error
Slowly eating away
Bloodless coups
To change regimes
No power to choose
Economic dreams
For years to suffer
To wither and die
Each breath tougher
A silent cry
A subjugated state
Media silence
Returns tenfold hate
Brewing violence
Order dies alone
Then the lies reveal
The war comes home 
Melting beams of steel
All the machinations
The manipulators
Warred with nations
Hate generators

Today I’m feeling:

The morning went fine as I had no class and the kids in the playground were all chatty and playful so I felt pretty good hanging out at House drinking coffee. I went back early to get some paper ready for my first class to make origami hearts and that went well and everyone had a good time. For my last class, I prepared a nice little Quizizz lesson about Japan in preparation for Friday’s Japan theme. Sadly things didn’t go well. Twenty minutes into the class and about 12 students hadn’t arrived so I marked them absent. I sent a message to their homeroom teacher who said that six students were helping her. Well, thanks for letting me know. When other students finally arrived I told them that they were marked absent and could leave if they wanted. Some did. Fuck them.

From here the students that were there were already rowdy and got more so as the lesson went on. They were mostly spread out all over the floor, rolling around and playing. I kept my cool as long as I could and we got to the final question of the quiz where the students had to write two things that they learned. When they just started writing nonsense I blew it. They had already been crying to leave early so I made them wait until the actual end time and told them they would have to do the whole quiz again within the next 24 hours and answer the question properly.

I left school bewildered and pissed off. Even the younger kids are more together than this class. And why do I let it bother me? Like I said above  ‘fuck them’ but really I can’t help myself. I want to try to make it better. So I have to find a different way. I’ll think about it more this week.

Today I’m grateful for:

The one or two students in that class who were paying attention and trying their best. I’m glad to see that some of them have some awareness about what is going on around them though they feel just as helpless as me.

The best thing about today was:

My first class making origami hearts was a lot of fun. I told them that they could write inside who they wanted to give their heart to and that caused a lot of frivolity. As they finished making them I handed back ever smaller pieces of paper to see how small they could go. They all accepted the challenge eagerly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

While I was drinking my morning coffees Amy messaged me that her cousin (?) Boom had died. He had gotten sick after exposing himself somehow to some strong insecticide which started eating away at his legs. He was given medicine to help but apparently decided taking multiple doses would cure him quicker but sadly it fucked up his internal organs until they gave out. I’m not sure this is the full story but the sad thing is that it is possible he could have survived if he had money to pay for ICU for longer. Unfortunately, he had a bad habit of being spoiled by his family and had frittered away everything that they ever had. I don’t think people deserve this fate but some people certainly don’t do anything to help themselves.

In the back of my mind this afternoon, whilst struggling with my class, was having to go to the temple, possibly this evening but thankfully I don’t. I’m still feeling tense and annoyed. It looks like I will be able to go on Friday late morning as it is nearby. That’s better than having to go after the work day.

Something I learned today?

I read and learned a lot this morning but now my mind is full of saltiness. I look forward to waking up more positive tomorrow.

What does it mean to be wise?

This morning I heard a great line from Gino Jevdevic from Kultur Shock. It went along the lines of, to be old and wise you must be first young and stupid. I guess that’s no guarantee but perhaps feels like a requirement. So people seem to be wise already in their youth. Something innate for a special few though no doubt they themselves may not see it that way.

To be wise? To understand oneself, to understand the world as best as you can and for that understanding to bring contentment.

When was the last time I showed perseverance?

I think I show this quite often. For example, I will persevere with this annoying class of mine even when my thoughts are of just giving up on them. I will try to find a way to make it work for them and for me. 

I’m persevering with guitar playing despite very slow progress, same with learning Thai. I have kept going with tenzenmen for 20 years already through various ups and downs. 

I’ve persevered with writing here on this app too, almost a year now, so this sentence is an example of the last time I showed perseverance,

I took this picture because the sun was playing crazy with the tops of the clouds and this storm that threatened blew away somewhere else.

Upside – 31st May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s so precious to see you smile again
Stepping down from the chair
Panic may still grip the heart at times
But I know you’ll still be there

The promises the liars gave you
Cheated your belief into ease
But reality hits like a punch to the gut
And your dreams just become a tease

Let’s go forward together into the dark
There’s nothing that can kill us
We’ll turn apathy upside its head
And only love will ever fill us

Inspired by a student I helped get to the psychiatrist, take some meds and get counselling. Still suffering anxiety and a tough life, it definitely made an impact to see a face that hadn’t smiled for a long time.

Today I’m feeling:

Very good. Got up earlier, my back was still stiff and sore but did a workout and meditation. I enjoyed all my classes and had a good time with students outside of class too, though it is ridiculously hot and everyone is complaining. They still run around playing volleyball, some still with jumpers on and begging me to come and join them. I tell them to wait until winter.

Today I’m grateful for:

Some of my students energetically fanning me with their homemade paper fans or now, many students have little USB fans, some that hang around the neck and they let me borrow them. It’s better than dripping sweat on them, though it is barely enough to cool down!

The best thing about today was:

The fact that I can’t think of anything, in particular, to put here but that I had a very enjoyable and happy day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Again, there’s nothing really for me to add here either. Any minor things that felt out of control were easily subdued and dealt with without any drama.

Something I learned today?

I’ve been occasionally checking out videos about classroom management and getting students’ attention back and I often come across some good ideas but then forget about them completely. Part of this is because my two new classes this year are much better behaved than the ones who started last year (though I came to love them all somehow). There are still a couple of disruptive students but in a class of thirty that’s fine. Last year about half of each class was disruptive. Er… so what have I learned today? Umm.

What is one thing I learned about myself this month?

I can bounce back. I can keep going without (much) complaint. I can find the positive. Have I become an optimist? Not quite. I don’t think I’ve ever been really pessimistic except in the throws of depression. I think I’m more of a realist which is casting an optimistic view over pessimistic situations.

I took this picture because I’m hoping that this is the beginnings of a storm tonight.
Later – there’s rumbling and a light show but it seems like it might be circling around elsewhere.
Even later – everything disappeared.

Keep Blowing – 7th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Keep blowing, the wind
Blow away the aches
Blow away the pain
Of all of my mistakes

Keep blowing and skronking
Blow in the chance
To fill the empty spaces
With a feverful dance

Today I’m feeling:

Better today but still flat and unenthused. I was able to write out some words, write a lesson plan and bash about on guitar. This all helped a little.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Nut bringing me a bag of food for which I’m very appreciative. Check the picture for one item plus bagels, yoghurt and dried mango. I also felt a little better after our brief interaction so I’m glad she came to visit.

The best thing about today was:

Just feeling a little better in general. Little Kim is still on my mind particularly as it was this time last week I took her to the vet. Though I miss her I’m starting to feel happy when I think about her now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Tigger sat his fat body in amongst the stacks of flashcards that I’d been sorting through. Miraculously he was delicate enough getting up again that he didn’t disturb them. I have to finish sorting them out and packed away before he sits on them again or worse still, sprays on them.

Something I learned today?

I watched a video summarising The Infinite Jest and it reminded me how awesome it was to read and made me feel like reading it again but…. there are a couple of hundred other books begging me not to!

What are three qualities I appreciate about myself?

Perseverance, ability to be alone, caring.

Perseverance because I have learned to just keep going. I’ve learned the things that I am unable to do but if there is something I do but do not do well or easily then I will keep trying. Some of these things I get better at and others I just keep doing them. I used to give up a lot when I was young. Somehow along the way, I learned to enjoy the big challenges. I’m thinking about my first job working at an electrical wholesaler and we always had large quantities of different types of cable. Sometimes the reels would break and the cable would get into a terrible tangle. Everyone hated dealing with this, including me. But I would take the time and set myself the task to do the impossible and untangle it all, measure it and tidy it up. I got pleasure from the end result of this.

My ability to be alone is surely learned from being an only child to a single mum (after my father died before even knowing him). Even though there were always many people around in the places that I lived I knew I was alone and kept myself amused and entertained. Yes, I still don’t play well with others and never enjoy suffering their dramas but I’m at peace with myself this way. Sometimes I watch TV or videos and think how fun it would be to do this and that, to be surrounded by family, part of a gang, hanging with work colleagues etc but then I realise that that is not who I am. And that’s ok. I still feel all those things are possibilities that I may one day entertain and enjoy.

And caring. I know my personality has at times shown extremely uncaring attitudes but I have always felt an existential care for the disadvantaged and underdog. I tend to care more about those who are truly suffering than those who are complaining (knowing I can be just as much of a complainer).  I am a utopian dreamer and believe it is a government’s role and duty to provide care for all its citizens. I am only marginally philanthropic. I donate money where I can but don’t often donate my time. I often think about it but never take it further. I care about my close family immensely and I care about my student’s welfare, some would say more than I should.


I took this picture because Nut made this food for me and it was tasty and much appreciated. Middle Eastern and/or Indian inspired.

Who needs action when you’ve got words? – 25th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

After a busy and tiring Sunday, I’ve been struggling this week. I’ve just started to get my energy back but not quite there mentally. If I look at the last couple of days properly I can probably realise that everything has been going along as normal. Perhaps I’ve reached a kind of plateau at the moment and the next steps will require perseverance as the improvements in my life will be smaller. Who needs action when you’ve got words?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have friends all around the world. Thankful for technology that makes it easy for us to communicate.

To-do list

  • Go to CRPAO – be courteous if see Kru Paew.
  • Write week 15 lesson.
  • Do not complain!
  • Stay calm.
  • Next Thai video

Did it list

  • Three good fun classes today.
  • Visit CRPAO and meet old students and teachers.
  • 30 squats and 30 weightless shoulder presses.
  • I don’t recall myself complaining today.
  • Complimented some students on good thinking.
  • Only one coffee today.
  • Watched another Thai study video and Drops (study).
  • I think I stayed calm all day today.
  • Joined some online courses.
  • Streamlined my email/web browsing.
  • Read 3 chapters.
  • Went from tired and a little down to happy and enthused.
  • Showed people around Auntie’s house for rent.

In my regular class today we played a team game and people reacted differently when losing – it was a perfect opportunity to introduce kids to the growth mindset. 
I started out today feeling a little tired and flat but thankfully I had three good lessons in a row, with a quick lunch in-between. 
Then going back to CRPAO and getting an overwhelming response from the kids was very gratifying. I’m starting to get a good bonding feeling with the kids at Anuban now though and really enjoying it there. 
Time is getting more precious now and I have to squeeze things in anywhere I can – some non-essential tasks will have to be removed.