The whole of life calls for tears The past is done, the future coming Now is when the fog clears Get ready to hit the ground running
Today I’m feeling:
Tired. I’m sleeping better but still not well so waking up feeling out of it and a little dizzy. Nothing on this morning though so can take it easy and get my brain into gear slowly.
Today I’m grateful for:
Mei and Haken again for picking up all of Amy’s donations this evening after sharing a nice dinner of tapas with them and their friends.
The best thing about today was:
Taking the ferry from Drummoyne to Olympic Park and seeing every single house and apartment that we are likely never to be able to afford along the way. Sydney is a wealthy city, or in a lot of debt.
Something I learned today?
Watching a documentary today about abandoned places, I learned about an old nuclear missile silo somewhere in the USA that housed the biggest baddest bombs of the time but due to technological advances had become obsolete and abandoned after only three years.
What is an experience that changed my perspective?
My experience of being in Thailand has certainly changed my perspective on many things and is highlighted by my return to Australia where I now feel a little out of place again. Perhaps it is the switch from country living to being back in the city again though. I guess I’m a country boy at heart. The slower quieter life.
I took this picture because it was certainly a beautiful day on the Harbour. This was Amy’s view every morning as she went to work.
Who is my witness? Who is left alive? Does anyone remember our struggling to strive? With no one left to share Is there anyone left to care? All the wisdoms found Buried back in the ground Words are often repeated Once the time’s completed The same mistakes are made For which the past already paid
A bit fried. My head is not quite clear this morning. I’m not unhappy or bothered at the moment, just kinda wondering what’s next.
(Later) The weekend slumber has helped and I feel fighting fit again for a new week. Last week at school with the kids!
Today I’m grateful for:
The non-communicative (grumpy?) guy in the bottle shop next door to Lamp Cafe who said nothing except ‘30 baht’ when I was buying soda water. He never looked up at me or said thank you or goodbye, even though I did. I’m getting used to all sorts of people and grateful that I still feel like this is an enjoyable place for me to be.
The best thing about today was:
The slow get-go that eventually turned into enthusiasm and happiness. It’s hot again but I definitely prefer the less cloudy grey skies. Riding back from Utopia I was considering riding off and around about but perhaps have to wait until next weekend.
Something I learned today?
I watched a fascinating documentary about the collapse of the Bronze Age in the Mediterranean. It makes me interested to travel more. In my imagination, it feels like life hasn’t changed there much over the centuries.
What activities cause me to lose track of time?
As I’m getting older I’m finding more and more that time slips away ever faster. I’m never troubled by boredom anymore and often wish I could be. I’d like time to slow down. Could I stand to give up my comfortable life and possessions for a more meaningful and meagre existence? Do I really want to feel bored again?
Pretty much all activities cause me to lose track of time these days.
Where can I broaden my perspective?
I think this can be anywhere and everywhere. Despite knowing I am opinionated on many things I don’t wish to ever become close-minded about things. I can only make judgements on the things I know and I must admit that I don’t know everything. My perspective is broadened every day with everything I see and do.
Noey took this picture because… I’m not sure why actually, but I think I look pretty good in it.
In my orbit, looking down Twenty-six thousand kilometres per hour Is the earth spinning? Am I moving? It’s safe up here In the most dangerous place Nearly on earth Nearby goes Elon’s debris Who was he when he was alive? I have so many questions Like why won’t they let me return? Unable to experience the thrill of danger With feet back on the ground I remember the old pictures From encyclopedias tattered and worn The lights of humanity Turning on in darkness…
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired, it took a bit of effort to not snooze my alarm but I got going and did some chest exercises again along with a distracted meditation. A cold shower and breakfast and I got going, feeling good and upbeat.
Today I’m grateful for:
Paul (Fatty) for contacting me to advise he’ll put out a vinyl album of Atrox, the band I was thrilled to join back in 1984 or 1985. I didn’t do any studio recording with them but there are a couple of live tapes with me and maybe he will use some of those. I’m cool with the idea though joked about having two hundred copies left over under his bed. We also admitted that neither of us even owns record players anymore!
The best thing about today was:
At lunchtime, I came back to school a little early from House where I’d enjoyed coffees after my morning class. I went over to the new building where the little store is to buy some rice crackers and my new grade 10 students shouted to me from the third floor. With an hour to spare, I went up to meet them and they were in good spirits as their teacher hadn’t shown up for their class. They had lots of fun interrogating me about tattoos and piercings and they seemed happy and comfortable to be able to talk with me.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got frustrated at my last class of students as they were all spread out around the room shouting ‘teacher, teacher ‘ whilst I was trying to sort things out. I banged the table really hard and shouted at them to be quiet and if they had a problem they need to come and ask me not just shout from where they are. I asked them if they treated their parents like this at home shouting for help from their bedroom. They were stunned into silence. Though I was loud and a little angry at the behaviour, I wasn’t upset and smiled at them for being quiet. The rest of the class went ok after that and I think they get it now, more than last year. They have a little better understanding of the limits with me and more self-control. Whilst this was going on Noah and little Nicha were nagging me to go to the bathroom but I had asked them to wait whilst I checked their phones were set up correctly. I’d just sent them off when I had my meltdown. I came over to help Nicha after they got back and she looked very upset and Noah said she wasn’t feeling well. They were still around at the end of class and Nicha was adjusting her skirt with Noah’s help. Nicha picked up another skirt and said ‘teacher, look’ and there was blood on it. She had borrowed another skirt from a classmate. I told her not to worry, that it happens sometimes and it’s just a normal thing and Noah said the same to try and comfort her. As with many situations with kids she soon appeared to get over it and was laughing and playing about twenty minutes later in the playground. After all this excitement though I realised that I had hurt my vocal cords shouting so loudly and I’m pretty sure my throat will be sore in the morning and I just hope it doesn’t lead to a cold or flu.
Something I learned today?
When I got home and sat down to eat, a video recommendation on youtube came up about classroom management that was totally appropriate to my day. I’m not sure I need to implement the good ideas from it just yet but it also made me realise that I do have a great rapport with about 90% of the students in each of my classes and we can and will work out the classroom together.
What am I looking forward to this month?
I look forward to every day. I look forward to nothing in particular. When I look back I can see forward.
Amy’s friend took this picture as part of a video because she was impressed that Amy could sing Aussie karaoke in the pub so well. In the picture is another Amy that my little Amy met and they decided to do this duet which I think was a Fleetwood Mac song.
I have all the character strengths I need at my disposal but there are some I need to practice more and improve.
Perspective: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself/others.
I see myself on a journey where the destination is wisdom and contentment. My challenge is to acquire these attributes before I die. My default assumption is that everyone else is on the same journey whether they know it or not. Many have already met their challenge whilst others are still travelling. So I sometimes find myself being able to provide counsel for others and other times go in search of that counsel myself.
Social Intelligence: Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.
This is one I really need to practice more. I have gotten better at this since I was in my 20s but even now I just avoid social situations if I feel they don’t suit me. This is slightly compounded by being in Thailand where some situations may mean I’m the only English speaker or there may be myself and one other English speaker, almost forcing us to be sociable with one another. Then there are other times I may only be surrounded by other teachers, where our only connection is our profession and conversation devolves into complaining about our schools, which becomes unproductive and boring. Finally, there’s the rest of the ex-pat community who I generally remain suspicious of, mostly through negative experiences when around them previously. Well, I guess it’s a fertile ground for improvement at least. Must push myself. (Today I just want to shut down and sleep.)
Spirituality: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.
I believe life ultimately has no meaning so we must give it our own meaning somehow. These days I am doing a lot of thinking around all these ideas but it is becoming time to put things into action (shaping my conduct).
I remember one time when I was working at the check outs in a supermarket and a regular customer I would chat with was contemplating out loud what the meaning of everything was, to which I responded that life is pointless. She readily agreed but we understood each other that this was a motivation for giving it meaning rather than giving up on it. I have definitely changed my view on this over the years. When I was younger, with lots of time ahead of me, I sometimes thought life was pointless so just gave up on trying to do anything. I’m questioning this statement even as I write when I consider all the many things I actually achieved during that time. But no matter, those negative thoughts were in my mind.
Kindness: Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.
Sometimes I don’t give myself enough acknowledgement for doing this. I perhaps consider kindness as being normal so forget to account for it. But there are definitely other times when I think back to times when I could have been kinder and offered to help someone with something that they were doing, rather than concentrating on my personal tasks.
Teamwork: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one’s share.
I wonder if this characteristic is an issue for most only-children? I’ve learned to rely and depend on myself, even more so having been raised by a single parent. I do prefer working alone but also happy to be part of a team so long as instruction is clear and meaningful. When part of a plan doesn’t make sense I just won’t do it. Perhaps I am sometimes thought of as cantakerous because I am not afraid to speak my mind. See next point!
Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.
Me and my big mouth.
If you’re led around by your nose You’ll never get to see how the garden grows.
-Volcano Suns
Cool hidden cafe. On the edge of Burma.
I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. Perhaps people who know me would be surprised at these choices; perhaps they would see me differently. That would be nice to know but ultimately there’s only me that has to live with my thoughts. Only me that can think, and then act, my way to improvement.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be invited for a bike ride by Boyan this morning. I was quite surprised. I think he feels a little more comfortable to talk with me now. I’m happy if he feels that way.
Testing, competing with and criticising others weaken and defeat you.
Morehei Veshiba
To-do list
5 kind things you did today?
Catch up on emails and articles ✅
Think again before speaking – do not complain ½
Write blog entry – take new pictures ½
Gym after work
I forgot about Mondays being tough. I think I realised as soon as I stepped into school and my energy levels suddenly decreased dramatically. My annoying students certainly lived up to expectations and it wasn’t until eating some lunch I started to feel better. So I didn’t have much kindness within me.
I did catch myself speaking and complaining before thinking when chatting with Kevin and Said. I have to think of those situations like a game to play. Not to win but to stop from losing by complaining.
By the time of getting home, the students had drained me so much that gym was out of the question, despite me knowing these are key moments that need to be pushed through to make real change. Instead, I watered the garden which was a much more pleasant pastime.
Tomorrow I will be in the city – oh, as I’m writing this, plans have changed. Now it seems I may be able to get to the gym tomorrow – something I will aim for.
Things I will try to do better tomorrow are to not let the students push my buttons so much and calmly deal with them if necessary. Tuesday is a much easier day too. I will endeavour to remind myself to play the listening game when talking with others and look for opportunities to be kind.
1994ever 