“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Inspired by Existential Comics #593
Inspired by Existential Comics #577
Inspired by Existential Comics 551
*quote from Tolstoy. Partly inspired by Existential Comics #546. Submitted to NaPoMo.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. Did some exercise again and thankful for it as I can feel my lazy muscles trying hard to pull my body together.
Today I’m grateful for:
Getting out of the house for a day as Amy suddenly came up with the idea to drive to Toeng, so after coffee, we set off, ate huge prawns in Toeng, cake in a rice field cafe somewhere, dropped by to see Wan in Chiang Khong, up to Chiang Saen for some snack shopping in the walking street, and finally a Maekhong riverside fish dinner before getting home 9 hours after leaving.
It was good to be out, but I’m looking forward to tomorrow and staying in!
The best thing about today was:
Having a quick video call with Hayden before our lunch was served. He’d just come off a 20-hour shift with one of his difficult clients but seemed pretty chipper.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy is pre-menstrual so whilst she was pretty good today she also got a bit wild every now and then.
Something I learned today?
Crispus Attucks was an American whaler, sailor, and stevedore of African and Native American descent, who is traditionally regarded as the first person killed in the Boston Massacre, and as a result, the first American killed in the American Revolution.
inspired by a recent Stoa Letter newsletter
4th Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty positive. Woke up with a start when my alarm went off. I was in the middle of a dream where I jumped into some icy water and got sucked into a cave and started drowning. But then I was watching myself counting whilst holding my breath to see if I had enough air to find my way out.
When I arrived at my first class the kids were early and busy doing work so I asked them why and they said they hadn’t done the work in the six-day break and had to finish before their next class. I asked them what it was about and it was something to do with a futuristic world. So I let them carry on and I prepared a related quiz for them for the second half of the class which they are competitively doing now. Easy work for me so far.
Today I’m grateful for:
Hearing that Hayden has landed himself a full-time job in Brisbane. I’m not sure how this will affect being able to see him whilst I’m there but I hope this might be a good starting point for him to find a routine that he can work out to his advantage.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying being back at school even on my busiest day of classes. I had everything in order and things ran pretty smoothly.
I also advanced myself a little bit with my guitar practising, finally being able to stumble through some difficult tunes well enough to pass that section. I’ve been stuck at the same level for two years or more mainly because there’s a fingerpicking section that I’m not particularly interested in completing but I’ll give it a go again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing untoward out of my control today. Things that were out of my control were treated as such.
Something I learned today?
I had a little look at my old lessons on Google Slides today and can see that they should be relatively easy to convert to Quizizz for use next semester. Apart from being unable to control the students forgetting logins and passwords, I feel more confident using the system now and finding a good tool for tracking and ensuring work is done and revised again easily.
What do I need to let go of?
There is a certain person that I would like to get out of my thoughts. I need to let go of any resentment and bitterness that has been left. In fact, I don’t have those feelings much but somehow this person’s actions in the past come back to haunt me as validation that my attitude towards them is correct but what I would prefer is to just not care. I don’t have anything to prove so why do I keep comparing?
There was a time when some British comedy TV became too dour even for me. Last of the Summer Wine and Only When I Laugh are referenced and remain memorable for their misery! I was self-aware enough to realise that watching these shows made me unhappy. I just wanted to laugh at something funny, not at something sideways.
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and useless. The grey of the sky is getting me down. It’s not like the grey of a cloudy sky. That sky moves and promises. This sky is dead. I woke up tired and have napped twice since. Everything feels pointless. No inspiration. No movement.
Today I’m grateful for:
My memories of Murray and myself philosophizing with our teenage imaginations at the bottom of the school field. We looked up at the sky and stars and had no idea how inconsequential we are.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading Death’s End. What an awesome book with big crazy ideas. Onto some lighter reading next with Michael Parkinson’s biography.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My positivity has fallen down today mainly due to tiredness I believe. My PMT or low point of my circadian rhythm. Perhaps I napped my way out of it.
Something I learned today?
I read today that China has offered to mediate between Palestine and Israel in a search for peace in the Middle East. It’s difficult to imagine that it might work but if both sides can see the benefits of increased prosperity perhaps there’s a chance?
What place holds special meaning to me?
There are too many to mention. Today I feel like I am not living my life. My memory feels like a story I watched on TV rather than events that actually happened to me. The places in my memory are still there yet the actual places are not. They exist but are not the same. Sometimes it’s better for a memory to be repaved over with concrete.
inspired and plagiarised from Existential Comics
Poverty is not necessary. It is a social, economic and political failure, usually caused by a history of injustice.
Chris Tomlinson
This ends a year of finding quotes every day. I wrote them all in a book that I will gift to Hayden. I’m going to fill up the book with some choice lyrics that also inspired me.
Today I’m feeling:
Motivated and energetic
Today I’m grateful for:
Well, I’m grateful for Amy again. Despite her being busy preparing food for a party at our house tonight she still made me pasta for dinner and enough to feed me for three more meals in the freezer. All her friends are happy to come here and enjoy Amy’s entertainment.
The best thing about today was:
Having that feeling of motivation again and not being too tired and lethargic at the end of the day. While Amy was busy I was preparing some lessons and discovering new worksheets and things for the kids to read and then also updating old entries for my blog and things like that. I’ve managed to keep going fairly well today. I hope I can keep it up.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At the party tonight I was actually expecting to be joining them and eating with them and didn’t realise that when Amy made dinner for me I was supposed to eat it quickly. I was hungry anyway so it didn’t really matter and when I think about it Amy planned well because she and her friends will be chat-chat-chatting in Thai.
I’m okay to just sit and enjoy everyone having a good time but I can’t really add much to the conversations and things like that, so it’s good that Amy allowed that I wouldn’t be part of the party although I was around and still talking a little bit with everyone. It’s nice not to have the expectation and to feel a bit like the odd one out.
Something I learned today?
Today I watched an interview with Andy Boreham and the ex-prime minister of New Zealand John Keys and they were talking about China, in particular, John Keys was talking about his experience of China and I pretty much had to agree with everything that he said and so I didn’t really learn anything new but just confirmed something that I already believed.
It’s okay to listen and watch things that confirm things that you already believe but also I’m interested in other arguments or a point of view.
I watched another video of someone whose reports I usually enjoy but this one, whilst it was about something that happened between China and America there was something that he was saying that didn’t feel like it fell in line with what I believe to be true. I wanted to understand his argument for the particular situation but because of other things that were said that seem to be common putdowns about China put me off wanting to watch any more about it.
It’s a shame because even people who seem to have a balanced view can fall into rhetoric or just follow what is accepted as fact when actually, if it’s not accepted by some people, such as myself in this case, then it affects what they are trying to argue. Maybe I would change my mind on his point but because of other statements around it, I was put off to listen further.
It goes to show how difficult it is for people presenting news and reporting to just stick with, I’m going to say facts but is it facts or just accepted truth? It’s difficult to judge for anyone now as a listener, as a watcher. We all get caught in this trap.
Write about your most embarrassing moment.
I’m struggling to think of something that was really embarrassing to me since I became an adult.
So, I can remember a time when it was a Christmas time family party and my grandad played a prank on me. I guess I was about 12 or 13. He was selling it as a seance and that he was contacting people from beyond. He had me rub my finger on the underside of a plate and then touch various parts of my face and apparently, this would help communicate.
After about 10 minutes they showed me a mirror and what had happened was that they tricked me and they had burned a candle under the bottom of the plate and obviously I was running my finger along there and putting soot all over my face and when I was shown the mirror and saw myself, I was so upset and unhappy.
I couldn’t believe that I had been made to look so foolish in front of the family. I hated my granddad for a long time after that.
Dang! And back into it!
Two morning classes, push, push, make these kids work, no easing into things. They responded well enough and I feel satisfied. We know what to expect of each other on the battlefield as we push for a win-win outcome.
Some will be lost, maybe lost already. Some will return and be pulled into the unit by improving maturity.
I tried to encourage Poppy this morning by showing her a magic card trick but she wasn’t sure why I was doing that. I think she will go off and think about that a bit more. She needs attention, which she no longer gets as she lost her friends. I will try a couple more times. She’s hard-nosed and unsure of things but presents a tough exterior. I’m reminded of myself, of course.
A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions – as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all.
Friedrich Nietzsche
So here’s the last of my Dostoevsky cool quotes for now, this time from the fantastic The Dream of a Ridiculous Man. Despite being quite dark and moody I feel like my poems came out a little more on the positive side – perhaps a reflection on how I was feeling when I wrote the poems compared with when I was inspired by the quotes as I was reading the story.
Acknowledgement to Husker Du and Rob Crow/Heavy Vegetable for some relevant phrases and ideas and, as before, the poems borrow heavily from the text.
Searching for a picture for this post also lead me to finding this hand painted animation of the story.
Ah, it’s so hard to be the only one to know the truth! But they won’t understand it. No, they won’t.
Maybe it was the result of the conviction that dawned upon me quite independently of my will that nothing made any difference in this world.
…eternally dear to the hearts of her most ungrateful children.
We can truly love only with suffering and through suffering. We don’t know how to love otherwise; we don’t know any other love. I want to suffer so that I may love.
My hatred for the people of our earth had always contained a feeling of despair – why couldn’t I hate them without loving them?
They grew to appreciate the beauty of untruth…the germ of the lie penetrated their hearts, and they took a fancy to it.
…they experienced suffering, and came to love it; they declared that suffering was the only way to Truth. Then science spread among them.
Each became so jealous of his individuality that he had to do his best to belittle and humble the individuality of others….
Voluntary slavery in which the weak submitted to the strong of their own free will, if only in order to gain their support to oppress those who were even weaker than themselves.
We’re striving for the same things; we’re all, from the sage to the worst criminal, making our way toward the same objective. Only we’re trying to get there by different roads.
Let’s say paradise will never come about! I know myself it won’t – yet I’ll still go on preaching.
Afterword:
Man’s desires are not reasonable and often make him act against his own interest and common sense, but they are what makes him human.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the daily struggle of thinking of something to write here, without repeating myself. During the day something will pop into my mind to write but when I sit down to do it I struggle to remember. As days are somewhat repetitive at the moment I keep coming up with the same ideas. So anyway, I am grateful that I have this first-world problem.
I am so happy and grateful for Bruno for lending me this funny book. It is quite philosophical as well as being hilarious. I’m nearly finished and I’ll be a little sad not to read more!
6th Sep 2022 – The book is called ‘The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared’ by Jonas Jonasson.
1994ever 