Tag: poem

Dark Sunset – 22nd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

When did the heart harden?
Turned to stone, dark and rough
Too tough to beg pardon
Too much no longer enough

The buzzing bees have built
Wide walls to the castle
No more red wine spilt
The parts no longer a parcel

And so the keep is locked
The key swallowed by a raven
Flown far from the flocked
To maintain the inner haven

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but not wow. Thinking that my drop in mood yesterday may be because of my reducing my sertraline. It was definitely the feeling I used to have when I couldn’t shake off minor slights.

I slept before 9pm last night and slept well but still not quite up to snuff yet. Let’s see how coffee does for me.

In classes and whilst occupied, I was feeling ok. Now that it is time to slow down, I can feel myself fading fast already.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

My grade 12 student, Men, who gave me information about doing translation for mobile games, which I passed on to Baipad.

The best thing about today was:

The fact that it takes me ages to walk around school these days, as everywhere I go, students stop me to talk to me. Finally, I feel accepted when I’m at school.

Why wasn’t it like this forty-five years ago? I obviously know the answer to this but, well, here we are.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There were a few disruptions around the building that I was teaching in this afternoon and I had to quickly find a free classroom to move to for my final class. It was a close thing to keep the momentum going for them to study, because if it took too long, we all would’ve been frustrated and just given up for the afternoon!

As it was, we found one, though the projector didn’t work, so I made it a pretty simple and easy grammar lesson and we still managed to get out early.

Manow took this picture because I was replicating a picture that Fahmai painted of me.

Leaving Here – 21st November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 20 Comments

Silhouettes
In purpled passion
Freedom calls
Life’s tangle
Left far behind, flown away
Branches now laid bare

Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Tangle and Tanka Tuesday – Shadorma

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but ok. It was a struggle to get up but not too bad once done.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

Plenty of parking spaces at the airport this evening. I even managed to park next to the other car here tonight for the family.

The best thing about today was:

In my second class I played along with my naughty students instead of getting upset with them. We were just doing quizzes, so it was quite fun. I wasn’t in the mood for serious work either.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After a fun first class, I was sitting in the cafe and saw a message from Amy saying that she tried calling two times but the phone hung up on her. I never heard anything so I called her back and she seemed annoyed and distracted with her parents buzzing around in the background.

She asked me questions and then didn’t listen to my answers and so she asked them again.

Anyway, I will meet them at the airport in the early evening.

Then I got messages from Nut asking about Namsai’s phone, which I had taken from her in class and she swore badly at me. Nut’s messages were rude and direct (though I can forgive her, as it may just be her poor English).

These two things together, along with a sudden feeling of exhaustion, put me in a bad mood, though. I’m trying to think myself out of it now.

I got out of it by the time of my second class but when I got home, the tiredness overwhelmed me a little more and then problems with playing guitar made me grumpy again.

Now I just want to sleep and then hope to wake up tomorrow in a better state of mind.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I messaged Baipad last night about painting rocks and giving them away and this morning we looked around for some and she took three with her. A little later, she sent me photos of her painted rocks and who she gave them to.

I took this picture of my naughty students lazily doing my quizzes because I was going to use it to threaten them that I would show their homeroom teacher. BB, Namfon, Tulip and Baibua behind the chair. Khawhom jumped out of the way when she saw what I was doing. Ironically, they all blame me for being in trouble because their SchoolBright scores are so low but they have no answer when I ask them why I’m always reducing their scores! They do crack me up most of the time, though.

Canon – 20th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

I have the words within my pages
My knowledge forms your future texts
Amassed wisdom sung from many sages
Collected comforts to which all connects

This power I pass for you to share
The lessons lived easily explain
To conquer chaos and choose to care
To shrink in size or grow to gain

Your personal action accumulates
Eyes sparkle like dancing diamonds
Mixing the messes of made mistakes
Form the future from many islands

Shared with What Do You See #263 and submitted to an AllPoetry assignment about alliteration.

Today I’m feeling:

OK, once I got going. I slept pretty well and my alarm was a bit of a shock. Exercise and a cold shower jazzed me up all right and once at school, it was fun to back around the students, which gave me some positive vibes.

It was a pretty easy day with one grade 12 class (who were more rowdy than usual but still did my work) and a quick grade 10 class that was excellent. I really like that class, but there are 47 of them, and it’s difficult to take time with some individuals that need help more than others.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Deciding to go to Oasis to pick up some dinner. I think I haven’t been there for more than six months now and the food is as delicious as ever.

The best thing about today was:

Being so happy and relaxed after my last class that I was still chatting with students around the school an hour later.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Something I learned today?

I figured out what I was trying to remember yesterday! It was when I was in the bathroom, drying myself off after a shower. Just recently, I noticed that my right nipple is lower than my left! Maybe it’s always been like this – I’m not sure.

Anyway, I was wondering if it might be connected to the pain I have in my right shoulder. Maybe some muscles in there are not quite working properly.

I have a desire for symmetry!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I made Baipad and Q get up and walk this morning – just for a couple of minutes. I talked to Q but he couldn’t understand any English but Baipad translated everything quickly and easily. I told her that she should think about getting into translation work.

Later, in my grade 12 class, Men told me that he does translation for mobile games. Maybe a good contact for Baipad for the future.

When crazy Sarah steals my phone!

It Was Told – 19th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Time out of mind, the rock of ages
The time of our lives was to be had
Foretold on ageing faded pages
Three heads good, foreheads bad

Sands a-trickle made to measure
Losing track as the dawn is cracking
Always racing towards some leisure
Begged and borrowed to be slacking

It’s up, beyond a blue moon hiding
To weave a future, past and pleasant
Dropped stitches will do their biding
When Nick manifests in the present

Shared with No Theme Thursday picture prompt (above) and Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Foretelling

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again, though my shoulder is hurting a bit, probably from overuse with exercise, hanging and general bad posture.

An easy day at school today, as I will come home for a psych appointment in the afternoon. I’ve given my afternoon class work to do – let’s see if they will actually do it!

For my morning class, only 4 students attended as the others were visting MFU open house today. It was good to be able to sit with so few students (who are all motivated too) and go through a simple lesson with some chitchat and we were all done with 30 minutes to spare.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The hospital system here. I saw the psych and told him I’m doing ok on half a tablet a day, just getting a little dizzy and he said to keep going and gave me some more medicine to keep going. All up it cost me 250 baht – about 10 Aussie dollars.

The best thing about today was:

Having such a simple and straightforward day and being about to go about things at a fairly chill speed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I played some guitar again but my wrist was straining during the warm-up exercise and I sucked at the song I’m always trying to improve on! Uh! Some days good, some days bad!

Predictably, most of my grade 10 students didn’t bother doing my class work. So annoying, having to constantly chase up students for work!

Something I learned today?

There’s something that keeps crossing my mind to put here but every time I sit down to do it, I can’t remember what it is!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Baipad messaged me last night that she feels tired and bored and doesn’t want to come to school. She seems aware that her days are a little predictable and so this morning I arrived in the canteen where she and her friends always sit and I pulled her out and made her walk with me a little around school.

Whilst she was complaining and fighting me, I was telling her that it’s something different, break her routine and get off the phone. Although she wasn’t particularly impressed, I could see the smile on her face and that she was a bit more lively just after this.

I told her that we will do the same tomorrow and Wawa has to come with us too. Let’s see.

Tonkhaw took this picture of Satang during the class I missed today. Obviously busy…

Boredom – 18th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sat in cafe corners
Quietly going out of their minds
A complete picture of confusion
It’s the illusion that blinds

The last page read
Of Notes From Underground
Dragged down into the illusion
A confusion so profound

Mother Nature ripped them off
Consigned to just a minor part
Boredom won out after all
The fall came before the start

The ‘almost-was’
That in cafe corners hides
Couldn’t pick a side to fall
After all, shot by both sides

Inspired by and paraphrased from Howard Devoto, reading about him in Rip It Up and Start Again

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. It was dark when I woke up this morning. I’ve been setting my alarm one minute earlier every workday to slowly get back to waking at 5.50 and doing more exercise each morning. I’m still at 6.05, so working my way there.

It’s only another month until the solstice, which seems to have come quickly this year, perhaps because of the long rainy season.

Today was a busy day with six hours in class but they were all enjoyable and fun. I could’ve done with more free time between classes but I still managed to get a little done.

I also caught up with some writing in the evening but it did mean skipping guitar today. My fingers need a little break anyway.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

For the salad seller, being back at the market today, as my fish lady had no fish! She said that she won’t have on Thursday either. Maybe she has stopped selling it altogether.

The best thing about today was:

Finding some cheap Korean milk candies at Makro. They are delicious for my sweet tooth. Sometimes it’s the little things. Today has been pretty great all around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’m driving Amy’s mum’s car whilst ours gets all the paint scratches taken care of. As it’s an old car, there is no way to connect my phone to the speakers, so I’m having to listen to podcasts on full phone volume with it as close to my ears as possible!

It’s also amusing to me that with the scratches and knocks on the car, which Amy often blames me for, the biggest and worst was her doing when she scraped the side of the car on our gate last year. I don’t say anything!

Something I learned today?

Amy is happy enough looking around Pusan with the oldies. She says she’s really loving the temperature, which is a max of 11 degrees.

Sarah took this picture because I was in the teacher’s room and could see her in her class, not paying attention. When she saw me, she took this. She also stole my phone earlier in the day and snapped some photos for me. Thanks, Sarah!

The Disparity – 17th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

People will demand freedom of speech as compensation
For the freedom of their thought that remains in suspension

Disparity between desire for outward expression
And the actual practice of inner contemplation

A little poem based on the Soren Kierkegaard quote “People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.”

Today I’m feeling:

Good again, even waking before my 7.30 alarm despite going to sleep well past midnight.

As I have to take Amy to the airport this afternoon, I know that I won’t succumb to an afternoon nap, which is good.

Amy goes to Pusan with her mum, dad, auntie and friend and she has already been frustrated with organising this trip, which she initially just intended to be her and her mum. I asked her yesterday if she was excited but she is mentally preparing for more frustration!

It did trigger me to investigate the possibility of going to Nanning for a few days in April, so I asked Ellen for some ideas on what to do there. I figure that it might be a way of easing Amy into the idea of travelling more in China.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

For our washing machine and the sunshine today, meaning that tonight I sleep in fresh, clean sheets again. I’ve been waiting for this for a few weeks already!

The best thing about today was:

Getting some more guitar playing in again and slowly making improvements. I go through cycles and at the moment I’m playing more guitar than I am reading, possibly helped by the fact that I’m constantly going to my room to kick off downloads of comics I’m interested in – so I guess there’s still a connection.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I very gently sent a message to Nancy at TLC asking why David and I are still getting all the junior high school classes again this semester. I know the answer but I’m suggesting to her that perhaps it is not quite fairly distributed among the three available teachers.

She replied that she will talk with Kru Tang about it. That made me chuckle a bit, as it seems Kru Tang is unaware of the reason it is not fairly distributed.

I’m stirring things a little bit and would like things to be more fair and it would also make the school happier that they don’t have to cater to one particular teacher’s selfish requirements.

I wonder what will happen next…

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I pointed out a huge cockroach to Safe while I was sitting reading in Utopia. Luckily, no one else was around at the time and the roach gave Safe a good chase and I think even got away, back outside via the door.

One Of The Gang – 16th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Showed my buds, I’m one of them
When they watched me stick it in
I bring freedom with a gun
And I’m responsible for no one

We three, prod and poking
Watching the sunset paradise
Sipping dry martinis of tears
Laughing at a 12-year-old’s fears

We three, the seventy per cent
Paid us for our duty
A dividing line, a locked gate
Allows us to rob and rape

Watch again as I stick it in
We’re bonding over this flesh
This little girl, powerless in pain
Coerced to let the gang remain

After reading about the 1995 gang rape of a 12-year-old girl by three US soldiers in Okinawa.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again, though my body is aching from all the work I’ve been putting it through.

I tried to sleep longer but my brain was already awake, so I got up and set Amy’s sheets to wash while I came out for coffee.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The sweet Chinese milk drink that was at the Mala hotpot shop where we had lunch today. It’s delicious, but sadly, it must be full of sugar. It’s one of the best solutions for a chilli-burnt palate.

The best thing about today was:

Nothing in particular stands out today – it’s been a great day all round with me doing all the usual things I like as well as a bit of running around with Amy, who kindly paid for our spicy lunch and a strawberry and cream croissant for dessert.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In a turn of events, a couple of my students are hassling me to check their homework! It’s usually me hassling them to submit it!

Something I learned today?

I’ve been practising one song in particular in Yousician for perhaps a year already and it has been a slog. I made a bit of progress about 8 weeks ago and it is only now that I can feel a little more progress again.

I learned lots of semi-forgettable information today but this achievement stood out a little for me whilst I was playing guitar. I was quite pleased with myself.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Some of my grade 9 students have interviews today for their programs next year, so I sent them some good luck messages.

Amy took this picture because Tigger was enjoying some daytime grass rolling before the stress of the nighttime festivities this weekend.
Fatman report

Chess With Pigeons – 15th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Lined up against the wall
Identified with your tribe
Where does the mindset shift
From the rules that you prescribe?

This game isn’t easy
Yet played out every day
All uniquely similar
In deeds and words we say

Incited to live in fear
Lies are told as true
Only some allowed to win
But tell that you can too

A race to become less tolerant
Can be run in any way seen fit
Upend the board and strut around
Covering everything in shit

Inspired by this great post at The Renegade Press

Today I’m feeling:

Good once I got moving and going. Exercise and hangs were a bit more difficult today as my arms are tired from doing this more often but hopefully it will settle down to strengthening everything.

With a long day ahead, I’m still feeling positive and on top of things but definitely looking forward to resting up at the weekend.

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Ploughing through the day and continuing when I got home. Using energy is giving me motivation to draw on my reserves.

The best thing about today was:

A student that I hadn’t met before said, ‘Hi, Teacher Shaun’. I asked her who she was and we talked a little and she said ‘I like Teacher Shaun.’

I asked her why, and she said ‘I’m ใจดี๊’, meaning kind-hearted. As I’d never talked with her before, I assumed that she had heard this from other students.

Either way, it made me feel good.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my short break between classes today, I was hoping to enjoy some peace in the cafe but there was some meeting going on and I was relegated to an uncomfortable low table but I got on with a few things anyway. It was a bit rushed but it was good not to drop the energy levels and flake through the afternoon.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Amy is in a feisty, drunken mood and being a bit loud and dramatic. I’m doing my best to entertain her but the day is catching up with me and I just want to read and relax until I fall asleep.

Our cats were extremely scared and bothered by the fireworks for Loy Kratong last night. Amy let them both into the bedroom, which I knew was a bad idea but didn’t want to say anything.

Cap settled by my head, but Tigger was hiding under the lounge, and I got back to reading. After a while, I saw movement to my right, and Tigger had come out onto Amy’s bed. Unfortunately, he wasn’t sitting but pissing. I quickly got him off and pulled up the doona but it had also gone through to the sheet too.

I got them off the bed and into the washing machine and Amy complained that I wasn’t watching them whilst she got stuff prepared to sleep in the other room.

Art took this picture because the sunlight through the cafe window was giving a beautiful soft morning glow to Piti and me.

Build Your Brain – 14th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Million dollar questions
Blind spots abound
Magical machine limitations
Mapping mountains found

Collect complementary artefacts
Elevate our understanding
Synaptic message transference
Magic made mind-expanding

Engaged spatial reasoning
Exempt obedient demands
Onwards and upwards
Internal freedom commands

Everything ever got
Meant diddly squat

…say what!?…

Inspired and paraphrased from a David Elikwu newsletter and shared with dVerse Quadrille #212 – what

Today I’m feeling:

Great with an underlying tiredness that isn’t really bothering me.

I got up and got going, enjoyed a couple of simple classes where I had time to interact a bit more with some of the poorer students.

Got home by 2 pm and straight into my room sorting more comic files and a bash around on guitar. With practising a little bit more this week, I can feel some improvement. The only downside is that with the dead hangs that I’ve been doing, my fingers aren’t quite moving so freely. Hopefully they will as they get used to be used.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai helping me by switching one of my Friday classes to Wednesday so that I have more to do on Wednesday and fewer hours to teach on Friday.

The best thing about today was:

No one thing in particular. It was a good day all round. I have a suspicion that I will be very tired and catching up on rest on Saturday, though.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing stands out here today. Everything went well enough.

Something I learned today?

In my classes, I notice subtle changes in relationships and today I talked with Wipping in the morning, who is fed up with some of the nonsense that goes on with her friend group. She separated herself a little to concentrate on studying, and I talked with her a little about how she is probably a bit more mature than her friends, but that they will catch up one day and she should hang in there.

Later, Miyor arrived with a different friend group than usual and she told me later that she and Khaofang had a falling out over nothing much. Those two are always clashing over something, though and I wonder if things will be back to normal again next week.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I messaged Kru Jern about our student Nomsen, as she always complains about a headache and wanting to sleep. She also has lots of sores on her arms and she says it is because she is itchy.

I asked Kru Jern to check in with her because whatever issues Nomsen is having, it is affecting her ability to concentrate in class. She’s a good kid and I like her and want to give her all the opportunities that I can whilst she is my student.

I took this picture because when I got home, Tigger was here chattering away. I’m not sure what he was talking about. There was nothing obvious outside the window.

A Crack In The World – 13th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What version of me did I show you?
Was the impression left in your mind
The enigmatic or the sad and sulky?
Which one would you prefer to find?

I was hiding, desperately
Trying to be anything but myself
To slip through a crack in the world
Leaving an image of someone else

I cross each bridge as I burn it
Wait impatiently for the credits to roll
Each day takes a small part of me
Once put together defines the whole

Inspired by a few paraphrased quotes within.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good after a slightly better sleep last night and waking up with a start to my alarm. Some tough exercise, as eating ice cream for the last three days has increased my weight more than I would like.

It’s weird Wednesday with just one 50-minute class today at 12.40, so lots of sitting around, thinking, reading and writing.

(Later) I let my class catch up with the work that I had asked them to do and started checking those who had finished. In a flash, it was over and done with an exclamation of ‘shit’ when I was told it was time to finish!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The old uncle at the 20 baht shop who let me change over the light bulbs for a different colour and to pay the difference.

He was a bit slow working out the difference to pay, but I let him do it with a calculator and a phone, hoping that he might make a mistake in my favour!

The best thing about today was:

Finishing off the little project of writing 52 mini poems – an idea that I started a couple of months ago.

Though some of them are just little throwaway ideas and ruminations, there are a few that I rate quite highly.

Something I learned today?

It was Mimi’s 16th birthday today. I found out when I entered class and saw a mangled half-eaten cake on the desk! She’s from my new grade 10 class and I haven’t really got to know these new students yet but she seems to be a happy and friendly kid and the work she did today was good.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I dropped by to see Baipad as she was throwing up yesterday and didn’t come to school. She wasn’t there today either but I felt certain that she was feeling better and just being lazy.

I got her to agree to come to school tomorrow and also continued to try to encourage her to do something nice for the boy that she likes.

I took this picture because it’s a tough life for this fat little cafe cat.