Tag: poetry

The Silo – 5th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There were many that day
Was it day? Is it night now?
Here, it’s not possible to tell
Time has lost all its meaning

We lined up waiting for the interview
It has been a long wait
But I will review all that came to pass
It was obvious, even as I said it
It took me a long time to figure it out
The master told me that messages were sent
But I had been slow to realise

Later, we all gathered round
And I wasn’t the only one
Most of us facing the review agreed
That we all took too long to realise
Then we returned to the silo
Perhaps one day, we can try again

A time-disoriented play on a life’s review in The Matrix or Heaven.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again, though sadly, I was a little achy again this morning. Never mind, I’m still feeling relaxed and positive. Only a couple of classes today, one tomorrow and then that’s the week done for teaching! What a crazy school!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru David for inviting me to get involved in a little project idea he has to sell a maths board game. It could be a money maker but for me, I feel that I can’t invest my time in this, especially as it requires effort in marketing it, which I absolutely detest.

The best thing about today was:

Being able to get back to writing poetry with a 3-hour break between classes today and working hard on two pieces. It’s now, when I realise that a lot of my time and effort is going into that writing, as I’m not just churning out the ideas anymore but trying to improve my work.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The sports boys in my grade 12 class were late to arrive this morning and what I was teaching was far above their capabilities, so I let them be, whilst trying to interact with them whenever I could.

I’m not going to be able to gift those boys with much knowledge beyond convincing them that they should at least give everything a shot.

Something I learned today?

Baby owls often sleep face down because their heads are too heavy.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I good humouredly let Earn know not to talk to me in a rude way, even if it was just for fun. We were both laughing about it, but she understood what I wanted to convey.

One of my students sent me this today, along with some funny, cheeky comments.

Launch Pad – 4th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

The swagger of the fisherman
He’s dreaming big, nets full of fish
An ocean filled with his thoughts
Trawling towards his deepest wish

Eyes to the astronauts overhead
What are they thinking as they fly?
Break the big things down to the small
Everyone, everywhere, just getting by

Inspired by a David Elikwu newsletter

Today I’m feeling:

Great. This is the first morning in a long, long time that I woke up without any aches! I have a little ache now after exercise but I am still quite amazed at feeling this good this morning.

(Later) The good feeling in my body persisted during the day, which made me pretty happy and motivated.

Health:

Physical: 8!
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Lucky bringing back snacks from his trip to Japan during the holiday and sharing them with all the teachers. Which reminds me, they’re still in my bag waiting to be eaten.

The best thing about today was:

The general, lazy feeling around school for most students who are not participating in the sports events. It’s relaxing but a little too relaxed. I can’t get my students into the flow of the semester and to knuckle down.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I still don’t have a new schedule yet, so I’m still down for 7 hours today, though thankfully, our classes are reduced to 50 minutes for the rest of this month, making things a bit easier. It’s always a little jarring transitioning in and out of this change and today I struggled a bit, either with getting things done in time, or erring the other way and not doing enough in the time. Luckily, it’s easy enough to jump onto some quiz sites and do a quick quiz, though.

Anyway, this afternoon I was due for the final three hours to be in building 8 but when I got there, the room was padlocked and only two students had arrived. I got a message saying that the other students were in a meeting for sports day but no indication of how long that would last. A few more students rolled up while I was contemplating whether to find another classroom or not. Of course, the students begged me for free time and eventually I agreed but on the condition that I would set them work to complete before our next class.

I went back to the teachers’ room and figured out a couple of tasks for them to do and in the process ended up making a whole bunch of other lessons that can be done at any time.

I also cancelled the last one-hour class of the day with my grade 12 English students. I know that they will be happy enough with that and doubted that they would attend anyway.

Something I learned today?

Potatoes have more chromosomes than humans — 48 compared to our 46.

I took these pictures of Program hard at work in my class today. I sent them to Kru Karn, his homeroom teacher, and we both laughed later when we remembered how we were saying that he is a little better behaved this semester.

A Fiendish Faerie Flame – 3rd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

Fire
sprite
prances
late at night

Sets the fields on fire
until the whole world is alight

A fibonaiku Shared with What Do You See #260 and the attached picture prompt (Klára Vernarcová @ Unsplash)

Today I’m feeling:

Not bad. I woke up at 6.30 and just decided to get up, although after feeding the cats etc did get back into bed to read for an hour, waiting for Utopia to open.

The weather is more reasonable in the mornings and I’m feeling fairly positive about life in general.

There were a couple of points during the day when I was feeling like I could be a bit off, but not actually off. Like it was a possibility. Thankfully, that didn’t eventuate.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

A lazy day of reading. I have to get out of the habit of thinking that I didn’t really do much during the day if I spent most of my time reading. Reading is still learning, particularly when reading David Foster Wallace talking about linguistics!

The best thing about today was:

My fingers working a little better on the guitar today compared with yesterday. I still suck badly, but don’t care.

Keeping my brain busy with difficult tasks makes me feel like I can live a bit longer.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was starting to get sleepy in the afternoon and even went back to the bedroom but managed to suck myself into reading comics that encouraged me to keep reading, so that eventually I recovered my energy and went back to my room to practice guitar for a second time today.

Something I learned today?

Ipswich are now in the relegation zone and still without a win this season after another draw yesterday against Leicester. Life is tough in the Premier League.

I also discovered that the young MMA fighter Victoria Lee, who died last year, had, as I sadly guessed, committed suicide.

I saw an interview with her sister, Angela, who also confessed that she had attempted suicide when she was a similar age.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I brought in Amy’s clean sheets and made her bed for her, as I usually do.

I took this picture because these are our home grown bananas.

A Mad Man Made Man – 2nd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

A
made man
comes apart,
seams unravelling
Bolts become unscrewed;
Filled full of dust and dirt
Electrical kickstarter
Blood pumped in from poison vials,
Eyes barely open to see machines
Clinging to this life for a madman’s dreams

Confusion reigns in this laboratory
there seems to be something in the air;
A sadness amongst the madness
Who is the real madman here?
A sigh, a final breath;
Living forever
is a fool’s game
Give it up
This dream?
Dead

Shared with No Theme Thursday and the attached picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go this morning but my mind is clearing a little after two coffees.

Trying to catch up on reading poetry and it is a bit of a blur to try and comment after reading so much at one time. I can usually tell within a few lines if the rest is worth reading, though.

I plan to read more comics and books this afternoon, perhaps a little guitar action. Must try to avoid napping!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Spending three hours at Utopia catching up on reading and doing a tiny bit of writing.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more of Bob Mortimer’s biography. I’m about halfway through now and enjoying the Englishness of his writing and humour.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I did succumb to lying down in the afternoon but stuck on some crazy music to listen to and that kept me from falling into too deep a sleep. I went to my room to play guitar after that and discovered that my fingers weren’t working properly, butchering songs that I usually enjoy playing. I need to practice more.

Something I learned today?

The word pogonip is a meteorological term used to describe an uncommon occurrence: frozen fog.

The word was coined by Native Americans to describe the frozen fogs of fine ice needles that occur in the mountain valleys of the western United States in December.

According to their tradition, breathing the fog is injurious to the lungs.

Anchan sent me this picture. Yesterday I talked to Jee about Anchan and she knew a little of her story too. So last night, after getting paid, I sent Anchan some money as a gift. She sent me this picture of her smiling, a picture for her application to the HAP program next year, if she can’t get to her favoured school in Chiang Mai.

A Lad In Time – 1st November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Don’t waste a wish on wondering
Chances are as rare as the genies
Don’t rue the wasted time blundering
Made maudlin by monsters and meanies

Vinyl orders at adinterim.bandcamp.com/album/we-saw-a-window-2

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired and slow. The first full week is catching up with me now. I still feel fairly positive, though, thanks to my happy, playful students this morning.

My body feels pretty good after getting it moving and hung. I was a bit stiff when I woke up but exercise seemed to have loosened things up.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Tony at Suspect Device for arranging to get me sent a copy of Running At The Edge of Their World, the book about Suspect Device fanzine, which arrived today. Double amazing as I haven’t even paid for it yet!

The best thing about today was:

It’s consistency. No one thing in particular, but just a general great feeling throughout the day. Though I’m starting to feel that familiar Friday wind-down of exhaustion again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was happily sitting in the cafe when I got a message from my student, Palm asking me where I was.

As November is ‘sports day'(!), classes are cut from one hour to fifty minutes so that at the end of the day, students can practice their sports.

I made the incorrect assumption that it would start on Monday but instead discovered it started today!

I got to class and I only had an easy task for them anyway, which was on a preprinted worksheet, so no harm done.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I nearly lost my temper with my student Pang today as she gave me a lot of attitude but luckily I was able to step back in time and sit down with her to try and find what the real problem was, because I was sure it wasn’t me.

I told her that I was on her side and if she would let me in, then I could try and help her. I have given her this message before but she didn’t really take to it. Maybe it will this time. Maybe it won’t.

This morning, the kids were making fun of my hair and then Nicha took this picture after grabbing my phone out of my pocket. I guess from this angle (around Nicha’s height) I can understand why it looks so crazy.

Made For Us – 31st October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

How can you ever let me down?
We’re not made to be broken
Just like fools, we left so much unspoken
Now the future is a past that’s come back around
We were made to be broken
How could you ever let me down?

A biolet quadrille shared with dVerse – promises.
Highly inspired by The Buzzcocks – Promises

Today I’m feeling:

Not bad once I got going, it was a struggle to get up this morning and my right shoulder was a little achy from using the new silica scrubs I ordered from Temu in the shower last night. For some reason, I had a sudden urge to clean.

Amy came with me this morning as she had some things to do in the city and she’ll pick me up again at 2.30 for my only day of the week to be able to get home a little early.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

My old students, Ploy and Ozone, playfully begging me to teach them again. I’m not sure exactly what brought this on for them but it made me feel good.

I wish I could teach everyone who begs to be taught!

The best thing about today was:

Listening to my grade 8s attempting to read a reasonably difficult passage of text and doing way better than I expected.

They are no longer afraid to try and to fail or get things wrong. Though some still need to be pushed to work because they are not really interested, I can see that they do have the capabilities if they so desired. Unfortunately, they are too busy with distractions most of the time.

Something I learned today?

Today I learned something that has left me a little stunned.

When Amy picked me up, she told me that she had gone to Nut’s house to have lunch with her and Bee, as Bee was visiting the psych at MFU.

Bee then told the whole story about her and George and it is fucking amazing!

Firstly, Bee moved out of their house about 3 years ago and they have been separate ever since! All this time, we have been saying that George was holding her back and that she was stupid to stay and she had actually already left.

This got me thinking about why she never said anything before and it turns out that George is still trying to influence her and to keep things secret from other people.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We were all shocked to know that they were actually married! Neither of them had ever told any one of us so-called friends about this.

And why did she leave? She finally had enough of his vicious manipulation and control and had to get away from him. She said that he is totally self-absorbed and selfish. He has no friends and only cares about himself.

Well, those things I had figured out for myself and now I feel completely validated. He is indeed the dark empath, the smiling narcissist.

Bee said that he talks badly about everybody behind their backs. This is also a reminder for me to try and not to do the same thing but this one is going to be difficult, as I would love to put him in his place. I’d like to wipe that smirking smile off his face!

Interesting that Kru Mai said George no longer talks with him in the teachers’ room but that George has told others that it is Kru Mai who no longer talks to him!

My mind is blown by all these revelations and it makes me feel more confident in myself. All those times he tried to manipulate and control me, too and got upset when I refused to comply – it’s all making sense and falling into place.

I should never have doubted myself. I realise now that on quite a few occasions in my past, I have been a very good judge of character.

I learned a lot about myself today and that’s great!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought an inspirational poster online and put it up in one of my classrooms today. I will refer to it at different times during my lessons.

I took this picture because today is Halloween and crazy little Winter wore this to school. He is fucking hilarious!

Nudge – 30th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Unexpected blossoms
– Sudden purple on blue skies

A gentle reminder
– Life blooms best unscripted, unplanned

Shared with Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt #387 – Unexpected (15 words)
10th Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – unexpected

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again, though a tiny bit more tired than yesterday. I picked up another kicker coffee at Utopia this morning and it has me wound up well.

No classes this morning, so a lot of catching up with students’ videos that they sent to me on Monday. Finally cleared all 100 or so of them!

I did a little bit of reading and writing but not as much as I would like. Things will settle down again soon, though.

Amy messaged me that the fields are being burned already and she is understandably annoyed about it. What can we do, though?

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Baipad bought me a cuddly toy for my birthday, which was very nice of her, as I know that she doesn’t really have any money.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying my new class of grade 10s. I know quite a few of them already and I did my best to try and remember some of the others, which was a tough ask in a room full of 47 students.

They all seemed happy and attentive and enjoyed the class, which wasn’t much more than a grammar quiz on tenses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad messaged me in the afternoon with the news that her little cat had died due to the car hitting her yesterday. I had kinda assumed that that would be the outcome, as she was tiny.

I saw Baipad a bit later and I think that perhaps she had assumed the same outcome too. She may have been sad but had accepted the situation.

Unfortunately, her mum doesn’t really care about any pets and she can’t really afford to have them either.

I feel a little frustrated for this likeable kid that may just end up facing the same struggles with life as her mum. For whatever reason, her mum isn’t able to encourage her growth and development into a strong, independent adult.

I will do what I can, when I can but I feel it may not be enough.

Something I learned today?

With the new class of grade 10s, I asked them who else teaches them and they told me that George teaches them for eight hours a week. I asked them how it was and what they learned, but they looked a little reluctant to say anything, just saying that he talks with them.

While it felt like they didn’t seem happy with his class, I also wondered how they would answer the same question if asked about my class.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I gave some Oasis posters to Art at Utopia this morning, as he is a big fan.

I took this picture because it’s blooming time again.

Castle Contrarian – 29th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Run away from the zeitgeist
I don’t know what’s going on
And again once it’s caught up
It’s a lifetime on the run

Hiding under self-made shelter
Cocooned in homegrown truth
It’s no conspiracy theory
Or trappings of religious youth

Bored by irrelevant gossip
A talk show in every pub
The drawbridge to my castle
Bars entry into my club

Still sympathetic to the circles
Of a society I’m sat outside
Deliberately contrarian
But sharing my space to hide

Full of personal contradictions
To care and not to care
I don’t know what I’m doing here
Or what you’re doing there

I’m happy inside my castle, in my head, in my home. I welcome others in, especially in sympathy/empathy, but there will always be a time when I will usher them back out in order to be alone again.

Today I’m feeling:

Great so far. It was good to be back amongst the kids again this morning and especially charged up on a quick takeaway coffee from Utopia.

I talked with Kru Mai about fixing up my schedule and I should at least get my Monday and Friday down to six hours of work.

I met with my grade 12s after their three months of internship and assigned them a task to make a video detailing their experiences while I go to see a new ENT specialist at the hospital.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The new ENT specialist I saw today who spoke very good English.

She suggested some different medicine, more for allergies. Probably due to the fact that the problem has been ongoing for about three months now.

The best thing about today was:

A long break between classes, which allowed me to do a bit of catching up with all the work that was submitted to me yesterday.

I still only got about halfway through, though and will have a bit more by tomorrow, as my first class this morning was disrupted as I had to go to the hospital.

I caught up a bit on a backlog of emails, too and hope to have everything back on track by next week. Need to get back into the swing of things with working things out with my new schedule for this semester (when that gets finalised too!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad just messaged me this evening that her little kitten got hit by a car and a Uni student took her to a vet somewhere.

She’s worried and upset, obviously, but I tried to advise gently that whatever happens next is going to happen, whether we are worried or not.

Her house is right next to the highway and their shop door is often left open during the day. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens a lot.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I gave Mei the earrings I bought in Chiang Mai for her birthday. I can’t be sure if she liked them or not, but she appreciated them anyway.

I tried to help Anchan with some more information about the studio at school but I think she figured out a solution for what she needed anyway.

I took this picture because Nicha and Earn were busy making TikTok videos instead of studying.

D’Arby Manor – 28th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

*What does it profit a man that he gains
The whole world but loses his own soul?*
Holding on to the fantasy never explains
What happens when he reaches the goal

To the manor born where his shit don’t stink
He’s forever drunk on the power
*The honey is not as sweet as people think
And the milk’s gone fucking sour*

The empire imagined now rank and rotten
The cancer manifests within
Like everything ever, it’s all soon forgotten
Until the next man chooses to begin

Inspired by the two quotes* from Terence Trent D’Arby that I read in Charles Shaar Murray’s Shots From The Hip. I hated D’Arby’s music but it seems he wasn’t a bad guy.

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly reasonable and relaxed. I didn’t drink too much in the end last night, so I don’t have any hangover but I’m also not exactly full of energy either!

Amy is finally up and hopefully we can get some hearty breakfast and decent coffee and prepare for the drive home.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

My own smelly bed again. I love travelling, and I love my home.

The best thing about today was:

Driving back from Chiang Mai, I ate a CBD gummy and while I didn’t really notice any effects, I did really enjoy listening to music on my old iPod while Amy slept a lot of the way.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After going to a few different bars last night, Nong May wanted to take Amy to a place called Warm Up. Amy was a little reticent as it was the place that she used to go to as a uni student more than 20 years ago, but Nong May said that it had changed a lot.

When we arrived, May’s friend Namfon met us and even though it was midnight on a Sunday, the place was heaving with people, both young and old.

I had had enough by now, though and didn’t feel like drinking anymore, so I left them to it and went back to the hotel. I knew it was going to be trouble when a full bottle of vodka appeared in front of us and Amy was already a few sheets to the wind.

I left the keycard with Amy and asked the hotel staff to give me another but then struggled a bit to get to sleep.

Sometime later, I woke with a start to two loud bangs at the door and there was Amy. Either the keycard didn’t work because there was already one in use in the room or she couldn’t find hers.

Amy stumbled around a bit, getting ready to get into bed but just as she was about to, she fell on the floor in the dark and I heard a thump on the bedside table. I jumped up, scared that she had hit her head on the corner of the table but thankfully, she hadn’t and I got her into bed and finally to sleep.

With all this drama, I was now awake again and checked to make sure Amy was still breathing. It took me a while to get back to sleep again at what must’ve now been about 4 am.

I woke up at 8.30 and when Amy stirred a little, she mumbled, ‘How did I get here?’ not remembering anything from a few hours earlier.

Something I learned today?

Last night, Amy met one of her students whom she taught twenty years ago and who is now a successful restaurateur. He was so happy to see her again and said that part of his success was because of her.

This kind of reaction is what I hope to inspire in my students and that in ten or fifteen years’ time they might say the same things to me.

It was especially poignant after yesterday’s birthday messages from my students, some of whom said I was the best teacher.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I took care of crazy, hungover Amy.

I took this picture in the lobby at the Mercure Hotel because it looked like an interesting design where I was sitting and its intricacies only revealed themselves when I got closer.

Ninth House – 27th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 33 Comments

Spark-lit dancers under crescent moon
On a hilly heather discotheque
The nighttime gathers the darkened gloom
In the ninth house, strong intuition
Vibrates in sync and to earth attune
A circle storm, a drummers dreaming
Through the night and to the wilds commune
Seen from afar on this pale blue speck
Mother Earth awaits the day’s costume

A 9-syllable Magic 9 shared with dVerse OLN #372 , Poets and Storytellers United – moon and Word of the Day Challenge – costume

The following is a letter from December 28th, 2023, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

You turn 57 today. This is it, the downhill straight hurtling towards the finish line. Finish with a flurry, why not?

Right now I’m sitting in House, this very familiar spot, looking out into the messy garden here. My body aches from chest and arm exercises but it feels good. Slowly making this machine the way it was supposed to be. A little late….but never too late.

It’s the 28th of December, the kids all had sports day yesterday and it was a blast. So much fun for everyone. Today is a combined Christmas/New Year party day and sure to be fun too. I’ll go back to school soon and stick around for a while before heading home for a five-day break. We talked about going to Chiang Mai which I’d really like to do but being short of cash means we’ll just be at home, spending New Year’s Eve at Mum and Dad’s.

I wonder what life will bring between now and when receiving this letter. I don’t have any definite plans but Amy is planning to go to Turkey and Europe sometime this year and maybe even a quick trip back to Australia.

I’d like to get back to other parts of South East Asia again to meet friends but also need some other motive, like a band tour to tag along with. I also only have April to take a break like that without getting penalised payment at work. Let’s see.

School has been great this year and the connection I feel with my students grows exponentially as I’m introduced to a new batch each year. I really hope I can stay here in this fulfilling role for a good while.

Do something nice for Amy today. And every day.

Let’s go!

Today I’m feeling:

A little bleary, as last night Amy was excited to find a weed and alcohol bar where she had some kind of cannabis cocktail, and I had a cold milk CBD smoothie. It was a very gentle, calming feeling but we were both knocked out and slept til 8 am.

Crisia had to be ready by 6 to go off to an elephant farm and tomorrow, her birthday, she has to be up at 4 am to catch a flight.

Which reminds me. Happy Birthday, Shaun.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Shaman book shop in Chiang Mai for having quite a few books in stock that I am interested in. Before coming here, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to buy more books but the power was too strong and I could’ve bought many more!

I’m also grateful to all my students wishing me a happy birthday and some saying I am the best teacher! I choose to believe that they are sincere!

Also Hayden for video calling me from Germany. He flies back to Australia on Tuesday.

The best thing about today was:

Breakfast next door to the bookshop.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As it’s my birthday, Amy wants to celebrate with me, which means a few bar stops around Chiang Mai and I’m ok with that, but right now we’re at Library and the music is loud and definitely going to aggravate my tinnitus! If I stick my fingers in my ears, I can hear the ringing.

It’s ok. It’s my birthday, our last night in Chiang Mai and no hurry to wake up tomorrow either.

Something I learned today?

Ipswich managed to score three goals yesterday but lost to a last-minute winner by Brentford. Still waiting for our first win of the season.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I’m being a good and patient driver this evening as I taxi Amy, Crisia and Nong May around for food and drinks.

I took this picture because the golden hour felt comforting in this Thai back lane.