Tag: poetry

Ninth House – 27th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 33 Comments

Spark-lit dancers under crescent moon
On a hilly heather discotheque
The nighttime gathers the darkened gloom
In the ninth house, strong intuition
Vibrates in sync and to earth attune
A circle storm, a drummers dreaming
Through the night and to the wilds commune
Seen from afar on this pale blue speck
Mother Earth awaits the day’s costume

A 9-syllable Magic 9 shared with dVerse OLN #372 , Poets and Storytellers United – moon and Word of the Day Challenge – costume

The following is a letter from December 28th, 2023, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

You turn 57 today. This is it, the downhill straight hurtling towards the finish line. Finish with a flurry, why not?

Right now I’m sitting in House, this very familiar spot, looking out into the messy garden here. My body aches from chest and arm exercises but it feels good. Slowly making this machine the way it was supposed to be. A little late….but never too late.

It’s the 28th of December, the kids all had sports day yesterday and it was a blast. So much fun for everyone. Today is a combined Christmas/New Year party day and sure to be fun too. I’ll go back to school soon and stick around for a while before heading home for a five-day break. We talked about going to Chiang Mai which I’d really like to do but being short of cash means we’ll just be at home, spending New Year’s Eve at Mum and Dad’s.

I wonder what life will bring between now and when receiving this letter. I don’t have any definite plans but Amy is planning to go to Turkey and Europe sometime this year and maybe even a quick trip back to Australia.

I’d like to get back to other parts of South East Asia again to meet friends but also need some other motive, like a band tour to tag along with. I also only have April to take a break like that without getting penalised payment at work. Let’s see.

School has been great this year and the connection I feel with my students grows exponentially as I’m introduced to a new batch each year. I really hope I can stay here in this fulfilling role for a good while.

Do something nice for Amy today. And every day.

Let’s go!

Today I’m feeling:

A little bleary, as last night Amy was excited to find a weed and alcohol bar where she had some kind of cannabis cocktail, and I had a cold milk CBD smoothie. It was a very gentle, calming feeling but we were both knocked out and slept til 8 am.

Crisia had to be ready by 6 to go off to an elephant farm and tomorrow, her birthday, she has to be up at 4 am to catch a flight.

Which reminds me. Happy Birthday, Shaun.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Shaman book shop in Chiang Mai for having quite a few books in stock that I am interested in. Before coming here, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to buy more books but the power was too strong and I could’ve bought many more!

I’m also grateful to all my students wishing me a happy birthday and some saying I am the best teacher! I choose to believe that they are sincere!

Also Hayden for video calling me from Germany. He flies back to Australia on Tuesday.

The best thing about today was:

Breakfast next door to the bookshop.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As it’s my birthday, Amy wants to celebrate with me, which means a few bar stops around Chiang Mai and I’m ok with that, but right now we’re at Library and the music is loud and definitely going to aggravate my tinnitus! If I stick my fingers in my ears, I can hear the ringing.

It’s ok. It’s my birthday, our last night in Chiang Mai and no hurry to wake up tomorrow either.

Something I learned today?

Ipswich managed to score three goals yesterday but lost to a last-minute winner by Brentford. Still waiting for our first win of the season.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I’m being a good and patient driver this evening as I taxi Amy, Crisia and Nong May around for food and drinks.

I took this picture because the golden hour felt comforting in this Thai back lane.

Thomas On The Fence – 26th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I don’t know what I believe anymore
The fence gets more comfortable every day
The Holocaust, massacres and genocides
Did they really happen that way?

Is it all a facade, my own Truman Show?
Is the grass actually greener over there?
To discover my world was built on lies
I wish to remain blissfully unaware

Now reality assaults me at every turn
Left guilty and helpless at the pain
Paralysed by the bystander syndrome
The fence is where I choose to remain

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good, though not enough sleep as we were up and in a rush to get to Chiang Mai.

Almost 1pm and only now getting my first coffee! I’m a little tired and thirsty and it’s sticky hot.

(Later) The coffee and Kao Soi lunch (not a good taste combo) kicked my ass and I felt great as we drove around and then up to the Doi Suthep temple, where we took photos and wandered around.

After that, though we all felt heat-tired and we drove to our hotel for a quick air-conditioned break before heading out to the night market.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

A safe journey from home to Chiang Mai despite all the roadworks and dodgy roads. Amy treated Almy to a wash just after we picked up her old flatmate, Crisia, from the airport.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling happy and playful with Amy after the coffee kick and then driving up the mountain to get a view all across Chiang Mai.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy complained and whined a lot as we were driving this morning and it was just about things that she had no control over, so I didn’t feel inclined to say anything and just felt amused.

Something I learned today?

Lanna means ‘a million farms’. This made me realise that it is a good way to remember that ‘lan’ is the word for million (not that I have much use for this word!)

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I’m sorry to the lady who tried to help me at Tops with the self-serve machine. There were so many steps to be able to pay by QR code and it was only 36 baht, that I decided not to bother buying anything. I wasn’t upset or anything but Amy said that I should at least say ‘Thanks for helping and don’t worry about it’ to the staff. She was right.

I took this picture to celebrate going back up the mountain in Chiang Mai again. The last time we were here was before we were married.

Endless Summers – 25th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The endless summer must end
Towards the golden autumn bend
Those long lazy days are sweet
Becoming tedious without retreat

Permanent vacations missing
Excitements of first-time kissing
Anxious to be happy, here and now
Only the winter’s balance allow

So the endless summer ends
Wrapped up tight with fellow friends
Nostalgic and happy to reminisce
Awaiting next year’s sunlit kiss

Inspired by this poetic post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Quite alert and positive.

Last night I had to leave the temple early as I was very dizzy and a little out of it. Luckily, Amy could get home with Goy. I was early to bed and asleep by 10 pm and even in my dreams, I was feeling dizzy!

Thankfully, when I woke up, I was feeling ok and did some exercise and a dead hang. The dead hangs are really making a difference, I think.

So I felt good when I got to school and bumbled around with students and then did a little administration to help get myself prepared. I talked with Kru Mai about my assigned hours and he advised that six of the hours will be assigned by other teachers for the students to do online. But, he said, I have to be in the classroom! Which essentially means I’m still working those hours!

I couldn’t convince him to remove my one-hour classes, unfortunately. Things may still change, I guess, though.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai and Kru Tang for helping me today as we discussed my new timetable. I’m not sure what the outcome will be yet, but at least they know about it.

I’m also grateful to Art, who experimented by giving me a double shot coffee of a new blend that he is trying out and it was awesome! I’m just a little sad that I probably won’t have time to pick one up every morning once I start teaching again next week.

The best thing about today was:

The relaxed feeling around school again today. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood and it kept me chipper, too. I had fun with the kids as usual.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had to wait at school until the afternoon, as Amy was working out the best plan for us today, as we would attend the temple again today. It was fine for me as I can easily keep myself busy, whether being with the students or sitting in the cafe.

In the end, Amy decided that she would come with Goy to the city and come back with her tonight. I could just drop by the temple and give my best to Nong Oh and then come home and relax a little in the evening.

Something I learned today?

My grade 11 students let slip that some Thai teachers don’t like me because I talk with the students. I’m not sure exactly what they meant but it made me curious and interested.

After some follow-up to try and get some clarity, it seems that they don’t approve of my style and ability to communicate with the students. I think it’s a cultural difference, as the old school Thai teacher just gives information and expects the students to mimic it, to do as they are told and that the teacher is the absolute authority on everything. I’m not like that at all!

I took this picture because our orchids keep coming out at various times throughout the year. I’m happy that they have managed to do well since shoving them in the tree.

Beaten Heart – 24th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 14 Comments

And so it must be repeated…

…when the cat scratches at the door wanting to be let in
come, come

And so it must be repeated…

…when screeches of missiles fly overhead
run, run

And so it must be repeated…

…when Mama’s voice soothes the frayed edges
there, there

And so it must be repeated…

…when the fringe comes to the centre
win, win

And so it must be repeated…

…when the image of the devil is hailed as a hero
praise, praise

And so it must be repeated…

…when all the signs of dying breaths disappear
gone, gone

And so it must be repeated…

…when the locks are bolted after sunset
tight, tight

And so it must be repeated…

…when shiny ribbons emerge from the dust
curiouser and curiouser

And so it must be repeated…

…when the tide rises to overwhelm the bloodied sands
rush, rush

And so it must be repeated…

…when the swarm of flies search for new flesh
buzz buzz

And so it must be repeated…

…when the ghoulish fiends build castles on the haunted beach
higher and higher

And so it must be repeated…

…when the night breaks so does the heart
beat

beat

beat

Shared with dVerse Poetics: Of Mantras, Repetita Juvant and The Sunday Whirl Wordle 676 and inspired by this post at Sunra Rainz

Today I’m feeling:

I got myself up and running at 6.10 having already woken up a little earlier yet again!

Last night I made a little mistake as we received a message from school with our new timetables and I had a look at mine and was a little frustrated.

Firstly, I have been given 25 hours again, whilst David got 22 and George only 20! Then I noticed that I have two seven-hour days on Monday and Friday! Finally, I have been given 4 separate one-hour classes throughout the week, which annoys me as my planning is usually for 2-hour lessons. With only one hour, it will usually only end up with about 30 minutes teaching time at most.

Funnily enough, one of my students Jee, messaged me saying that she was disappointed that I would only teach her for two hours a week again and I mentioned that I was frustrated too, for the reasons above. She replied, ‘That’s not fair!’ But I said to her, ‘Yeah, but it will likely change anyway,’ and considered that things are not set in stone just yet.

Unfortunately, it couldn’t stop my brain working overtime for a while as I was trying to sleep and I was playing out scenarios about what to do and say.

By morning, though, I had let it all go and just figured to get on with things and accept them. For now, at least.

After a long, happy, hot day, I was starting to feel flaky as I was driving home. I could easily have slept until tomorrow even though it was only 2.30 pm, but I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Baitoey, an old student of mine who I will teach again this semester, who helped me get things sorted to create a new LINE group for her class. This class has 48 students and is certainly going to be a challenge to keep them all engaged.

Kru Ning also helped me out, as she is the homeroom teacher for them, too. It’s good to have a reasonably competent ally when dealing with a big class like this.

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with all the students again. I got so wrapped up in talking with them that I didn’t even make it to my first coffee until after 10 am!

They all seemed happy to be back at school again and to see their friends. I was certainly happy as kids came to talk and play all throughout the day.

Kwang also turned up to see her friends before she switched schools. I gave her a hug and told her that I would miss her. She said ‘how much’ and I told her, just a little bit.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy told me in the morning that Nong Oh’s mum passed away today and that she wants to go and help at the temple today and tomorrow. This means there’s little chance of rest for me before we do the three-hour drive to Chiang Mai on Saturday morning.

Our third funeral this month. What can we do? I am grateful to still be alive and healthy to have these problems.

Something I learned today?

I found out that sports day is at the end of November, for a couple of days and for most of the month leading up to it, we will have 50-minute periods instead of our usual one hour.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Driving Amy and Baew to the temple after school this evening. There’s not much that I can do to help here, so I was quite relieved when Amy suggested I bring a book.

I took this picture because we are not the only ones making a home here.

Lips Shut Tight – 23rd October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Private in my thoughts
Breathe deeply with lips shut tight
Cautious of conflict
Concentrating and counting
Listen to air, push and pull

~What’s that I smell? An idea rising!~

My throat starts rattling
For a thought now fully formed
With my turn to speak
I watch you concentrating
Lips shut tight, breathing deeply

A tanka puente shared with Tanka Tuesday wordlist – listen, smell, speak

Today I’m feeling:

Good again, though waking before my alarm again, then getting back into some sleep and my alarm going off, shocking me reluctantly awake.

Last night, before I got into bed, I went outside to do some dead hangs to stretch my shoulders out. My hang rings are in the entertainment area, which is currently covered in a vine that hosts all sorts of creatures.

When I got into bed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were spiders crawling over me and I was itchy all over. I had some welts on my neck and arm too, so something was obviously dining on me. However, I couldn’t see anything.

I still got to sleep quickly but even this morning, I still feel itchy; maybe whatever was biting me has put an itching agent into my blood.

Today is a holiday but I was told we still need to come to school. When I got there, though, there doesn’t seem to be anyone around! Never mind. I’ll take this opportunity to do some more writing and another lesson plan.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

I’m wondering if I will ever move past 7 for my physical health? The daily dead hangs are helping with my shoulder and if that possibly leads to fewer problems with my neck, then just maybe…

Today I’m grateful for:

The family at the two-dollar shop who helped with a couple of plumbing supplies this week as I attempt to fix the dripping pipe under my sink.

The mum and daughter were at the counter and they looked exactly the same (except one is a child, obviously), allowing me to make the joke that they were sisters.

The best thing about today was:

Being in a good, positive mood all day. It started with a good attitude to being at school despite it seeming that many other teachers didn’t bother to hang around, then writing a poem that I particularly enjoyed the results of.

In the afternoon, when I got home, I enjoyed playing guitar more than usual and really, really loved the comics and book that I’m reading.

It’s been a good day all round.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whatever was out of my control today completely slipped on by without my notice.

Something I learned today?

Amy’s plans for our trip to Chiang Mai on the weekend are slowly coming together and I am finding out what my chauffeur duties will be. I’m fine with everything so long as I can find an hour or so to get to a book shop or two.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought some fruit at the market and got an extra tray for Baipad and her family.

I took this picture because Garfield was rolling around at the entrance to school today. He(?) is really affectionate.

The Chase – 22nd October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Seduction – theatre in real life
The meeting of illusion and reality
Lost in a hall of mirrors
Reflections prove difficult to see

Kept busy with ritual
The chase, chocolate and flowers
The world is just a stage
Filled with clockwork amateurs

A geometric jerky quickstep
A dance without a guarantee
All those things worried about
And that never came to be

The first two lines are paraphrased from Robert Greene.

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but a bit tired as I woke up well before dawn and my brain’s jukebox got active as I started thinking about school.

We’ve had trouble with starting the car recently and it took me a while to get it going this morning, so I decided to drive to Nissan before school, but they don’t open until 8. I thought that I could go to school and clock in and then come back, but unfortunately, I couldn’t start the car at all, so I waited until they opened. Hopefully its just the electronic key that is the problem.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at Nissan who helped me this morning. Despite our communication difficulties (even with Google translating), everything was sorted, with me 400 baht worse off and only 30 minutes late for work, where it seemed many other teachers were arriving late too.

The best thing about today was:

Getting stuck into a lesson plan about pyramid schemes. It was fun to figure out a way to approach that hopefully engages the students and tests all their skills. I think I can use it for at least two lessons, maybe even three if I choose to go a little more slowly with it.

Something I learned today?

My testing testy student Kwang will move schools this semester.

It’s a shame. She’s smart but has something holding her back, distracting her.

I forget her story now but I think her dad left or passed away and her mum is working in Pattaya, which may or may not involve the bar scene, but either way, it means Kwang is left here with her grandmother or some other relative and is probably losing out on a good emotional familial connection.

In the eighteen months I’ve known her, I’ve made her laugh and made her cry. I’ve helped her, argued and fought with her. I like her a lot, like all my difficult kids and I’ll miss her being around despite how much of a pain in my ass she could be.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

A couple of days ago, I prompted Anchan to post an update on social media so that her friends could see that she is still around. She said that she didn’t have any photos and didn’t feel like posting, which I totally understood.

This morning, I was pleased to see that she had posted on Instagram, eating at a cafe somewhere in Chiang Mai. Lots of her friends commented and I hope that it makes her feel good.

I took this picture because, as often happens, suddenly there is a new plant flowering in our garden that we were unaware of. I do remember seeing something growing here earlier this year but pretty sure it was only one stem and only knee height. After the rainy season, here comes the surprise.

Recall – 21st October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

Dear me. Yes, you!

Recall that time you made a fool of yourself?
Your so-called friends, laughing and pointing

You grew stronger with every struggle
And maybe now, you don’t even recall
You are still here and where are they now?

A cherita letter shared with What’s Going On?

Today I’m feeling:

Good again, though I woke up during the night and can start to feel the rising anxiety (good anxiety) of returning to work and being in the classroom again. What with all the disruption from the flooding at the end of last semester, it seems like such a long time since shepherding my students towards enlightenment!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the free time that I have had to read, write and think. Particularly to work hard and focus on writing poetry.

I know that this free time is coming to an end and I will have to concentrate on getting things straight with all my lessons for the next few weeks.

I feel confident that I can do it again, just as I have done before.

The best thing about today was:

Stretching out my shoulders with a little bit of dead hanging. Today wasn’t filled with anything particularly exciting otherwise.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I succumbed to an afternoon nap again but felt pretty good as Amy put Tigger next to me and he settled down there, chatting away when I turned over.

I’m also feeling a little dizzy from the reduction in sertraline and also not taking Tramadol for two or three days. I don’t feel particularly bothered by it yet but will try and push through it.

I took this picture because the old boy was looking a little tired, unable to open his eyes in the sunlight this morning.

Stone Sirens – 20th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Why the angels are heaven-bound?
What purpose do they serve
When on earth there’s no sign to be found?

The witchcraft of man, made curious
The angel descends to earth
God’s breath drawn and furious

A silent walk through woods at night
amongst the garden flowers
Where beauty hides within plain sight

In thunder and a whirl of lightning flash
A metamorphosis into a siren
God’s wrath turns golden wings to ash

Unable to fly and then bound in stone
God sighs at the circle of life
The angel’s choice to die alone

Shared with No Theme Thursday picture prompt and The Sunday Whirl Wordle #675
(wordlist: witchcraft metamorphosis garden whirl woods fly siren sign breath stone circle why)

Today I’m feeling:

Good, though my neck is a bit creaky. As I looked into the bathroom mirror after getting up, I thought that I’m not doing too badly for my age. When I think about retirement approaching in the next decade, I can’t imagine it as I still feel fit and vital (at least this morning anyway!)

Last night Amy turned up the air conditioning, and I was freezing as I also had a fan on me. Once I woke up, I had to get going to warm myself up!

Two hours later, two coffees and two poems down and I’m feeling good. Today I must NOT nap! I have a plan!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy always doing the washing up. It’s not that I don’t want to do it – I’m not allowed to do it! I’m not allowed in the kitchen in general and that suits me fine!

The best thing about today was:

Staying awake all day! Yay! Amy’s mum and dad came for lunch and stayed for a while afterwards, so I took the opportunity to get out to my room for a while, adding to the blog and playing a little guitar.

I came back in at around 3 pm and executed my plan to stay awake by bleaching my hair, which also meant that I couldn’t be in a lying position either, so I read a bit more of Bob Mortimer’s biography, which is thoroughly enjoyable.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’m down to my last 1000 baht with another two weeks left before getting paid! Actually, I have some of this month’s pay saved in another account that I was hoping to put towards getting some new glasses. Looks like I’m going to have to dip into that, though.

Something I learned today?

I watched an interesting video about a homeless guy in Bangkok called Pichai who leaves weird mind map-style graffiti around the city.

He has something going on in his head but was an interesting character and his ‘art’ is fascinating to look at.

I took this picture because they looked cute sitting together for most of the morning.

Strong Cap – 19th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Vacuous thoughts rise
– then becoming prosaic
Never surrender!
Clarity comes with coffee
– so life has meaning again

Shared with Tanka Tuesday using synonyms for mindless and humdrum and reflecting the struggle to write before coffee and the ability to conjure words after coffee!

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good, getting up at a reasonable time. My hips were aching again, telling me that I need to move my lazy ass around more.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The neighbours’ kids playing in our driveway and garden and making enough noise to ensure that I woke up from my afternoon nap in the living room. I couldn’t resist the temptation to sleep today after a big lunch.

The best thing about today was:

Reading 2000AD and Judge Dredd comics. I love their crazy stories so much and there are so many of them. I’m now up to the end of 2005 and thrilled to think that I still have another 19 years’ worth to read and by the time I get there, there will be another few years more too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I took Amy for lunch as she made fun of me last weekend for taking my students for pizza and never taking her anywhere. I decided I wanted Lard Na near Big C.

When my food came, I poured over the sauce but we had forgotten to tell them that I didn’t want any pork, which isn’t usually in the sauce anyway but this time it was.

I picked out all the bits that were obvious, but resigned myself to eating the rest of the food, as I had already covered everything with the sauce and the crispy noodles and chilli vinegar were delicious.

Something I learned today?

I was surprised to see Gong in Utopia this morning. He was off being a monk as far as I knew but he told me that he was working as a coffee roaster in Bangkok. He said he missed Chiang Rai, particularly as his girlfriend is still here.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

When the kids woke me up, Amy soon came in and asked me to help her in the garden. I was still a little slow and blurry, and Amy had me up the ladder to try to attach our vine plant to the tree so it grows over and provides more shade. I wasn’t much in the mood for it, but did it and ended up doing a few other things of my own volition too.

I took this picture because now the rain and cloud has gone, everything is turning a deep green, preparing for a lack of rain for the next six months.

A Light Sentence – 18th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Until the end of my days
I’m fighting to finish this life sentence

It may be 25 years or longer
The key is here somewhere

It’s solitary confinement
No escaping the prison of my mind

Resigned to my fate
The end of the tunnel

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #210 – light

Today I’m feeling:

A little underwhelmed, though everything has been just fine.

I think this is my third day on half a sertraline, and I haven’t had tramadol for a couple of days, too. I’m trying to get by just on kratom and see how it goes.

My butt was sore yesterday from too much sitting and my neck is sore today from not sleeping in the best position last night.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering an old letter from Roger Miller of Mission of Burma! I don’t remember ever writing to them! I have some treasures hidden in my piles of old stuff and looking forward to rediscovering them!

The best thing about today was:

Getting up when I couldn’t stop my brain spinning, as I was drifting into an afternoon nap. It forced me to get up and go look for some photos in my room and then get distracted whilst there and finish off another book of poem updates that had me thinking hard to figure out when they were written and who/what they were about.

In the process of doing that, I found a few other things that were interesting and that I will add to the blog over the weekend.

I am a little conscious of the fact that I am spending a lot of time going back over my past and not generating any particularly memorable moments right now! But I feel ok with that at the moment. I’ll get bored at some point and go and do something else for a while, I’m sure.

Something I learned today?

Amy was telling me why she liked a particular Thai TV show at the moment, because the presenter is standing against injustices carried out by monks. This is very unusual, she said. It gives me hope that Thailand is slowly changing and hope that Amy will be a little bit more positive towards her country.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

In reading through other people’s poetry, I tried to find something positive to say wherever I could.

I took this picture because these two flowers look like buttons to be pushed, but best not to!