Tag: Poets and Storytellers United

The Silence – 31st May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

The sadness is creeping
– Into my periphery
Until it overwhelms

Salty tears a-weeping
– All about is sucking me
Deep into darker realms

My old friend
– A bitter taste of blood
A dull aching head

Let’s not pretend
– That this is good
But sleep instead

Submitted to dVerse Quadrille #202 – Darkness and Poets and Storytellers United #129

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but kept running by knowing that it’s the end of the week.  Six hours of hot and humid teaching even with brief respites in the aircon have been completely draining.  

I’m home now and will make myself a salad soon.  

I took three of the magic mushroom pills that I got from Matt and can feel a sense of pleasure rising in me and will watch some comedy to wind down the evening.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Den, (I’m not sure if that’s her name actually) who lent me her Bluetooth speaker for my second class.  I gave her a frangipani flower in return.  I’d gotten it from a student earlier, who had put it behind my ear.

The best thing about today was:

Getting some good feedback on some of my recent poems.  I didn’t get a chance to write anything new today but whereas I used to be about a week behind in posting poetry I’m now a month ahead.  I’m enjoying writing and learning different forms and playing with it a little more.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I snuck up on Nong Fah and stuck a wet finger in her ear as she was lying down looking at her phone in a classroom. She went off in a huff and Jet said that she had PMS and had been moody all day (although she was fine in the morning when I saw her).

Knowing that it is best not to do anything more I played a bit with some other students but saw Fah dabbing her eyes with a tissue and looking really upset.  I watched her from a distance and wondered at the loss of emotional control that many females get once a month.  I can never really understand what that must feel like.

I caught her eye before I left for my own class and tried to express my sympathy with her.

Almost instantly on arriving at my own class, I could see that KanomBang was grumpy with me and her friends tried to explain that she too had PMS.  “That thing…..girls….once a month…”  I love it when the kids realise that they successfully communicated something in their second language.

Anyway, KB soon picked herself up a little bit and was ok.

It’s so weird to see the bewilderment on these kids’ faces when they go through this.  Like ‘Why the fuck am I feeling like this and can’t change it?’

After I got home I messaged a mini heart to Fah and said that I was sorry she was upset in the classroom.  She too, had recovered herself a little by then and was happy to chat a little.  I told her I was sorry I snuck a wet finger in her ear and she laughed and said she was sorry that she behaved the way she did, which I, of course, told her there was no need to apologise.

As an aside, interestingly my super smart grade 8 student Film questioned me in class why I treated boys and girls differently, something that he had picked up on perhaps when the ‘couple’ in the class were ‘fighting’ with each other.  I say ‘fighting’ because it is really just puppy love quarrel-play – nothing serious.

The kids listening were very interested when I replied that I treat girls differently because of the way I can see they are treated in Thai society and that boys are seen as superior and are spoiled more.  This got them talking a lot and whilst the girls agreed in general they said that their own families treated them like princesses.

It was an interesting idea to leave them with, to think and talk about.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Monday is a day off and on Wednesday students won’t come to school.  

Apparently, there will be a sports event at the stadium for about 10 days which is going to make traffic even worse in the mornings.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave Nicha a little pep talk when she was looking down this morning.

After I’d finished teaching I saw my old grade 9 students with Kru David and I checked in with a few of them who were struggling with his work.  Earn was all happy with herself because she told me that she had finished and, being a little suspicious, I asked if she had copied someone she shushed me and immediately admitted that she had.

I asked her what program she might do next year and she said the Chef program. I said that’s great and encouraged her to at least get what she could out of being in the English program this year.

As I was leaving I saw Aida sitting by herself and also looking down.  I actually didn’t recognise her at first as her head was tilted downwards with her hair covering her face.  Her friends said that she was upset and tired today and when I met her at lunchtime she was resting her head on the table but with a quick chat she said that she would be ok to do my work in the afternoon.

I was intent on leaving quickly but seeing her again I stopped and sat with her and also gave her a little pep talk. She didn’t say much until I asked her if everything was ok at home and she opened up that she was having some problems with her mum.  We didn’t get into it but I told her that she can talk to me at any time if she needs to.

This Poet Saves Lives – 23rd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 25 Comments

This poem saves lives
Drawing down the heavens
When without inspiration
All at sixes and sevens

This painting saves lives
Painted with blood and muck
When without inspiration
And the world seems to suck

This song saves lives
Proffered just as it was
Inspired by the chorus
And sung loud just because

These words save lives
In these perilous times
And inspiration found
Reading between the lines

Inspired (unironically) by The Red Hand Files #274 – check it out for some wise words from old man Nick Cave.

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge INSPIRATION
13th Sep 2024 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United – speak up or stay silent
3rd Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – chorus

Today I’m feeling:

Under the weather again.  Last night I could feel a slight tickle and ache in my throat as I was about to sleep.  

I slept well though not enough and my alarm woke me up with a start to which I succumbed to another 30 minutes of snoozing, skipping exercise.  When I got up I could feel the oncoming sore throat, confirmed by blood in my nose.  

My mood was down a little too but it’s Friday so let’s go and get it done.

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering that there is a holiday on Monday.  Yippee!

The best thing about today was:

A chilled vibe at school (see below) and spending about five hours at House, reading, lesson planning, blogging and writing.  What a job!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the morning flag ceremony, I noticed that my grade 7 classes were less than half in attendance and discovered that they were attending some meeting about a field trip. OK….

When it came to class time there were only about ten students and they told me the rest were still in the meeting.

I went to find Kru Karn, their homeroom teacher who didn’t know anything about where they were.  I mentioned a field trip and she said ‘oh yes, there’s about 6 students going.’  I asked when it was and she thought that it was in the holiday.  ‘Hmm’, I said, ‘that’s weird because there are more than 6 students missing from the class?’

She came to my class and talked with one of the students and was surprised to find out herself that many of the student’s parents skipped the process of advising her about their children going on the trip and, more importantly, the trip starts on Monday and is for one week!

The communication here is so crazy – no one knows what’s going on.

I said ‘Well, I guess that’s it for teaching these kids this semester.’  Kru Karn agreed and advised to start doing their grading files.  And it leaves me with another day with no classes again already.

Something I learned today?

As I was wandering around Baipad’s class this morning, because my class was cancelled and Kru Ren wasn’t there, I learned that a couple of students are taking money from the lazy ones to complete their coursework for them.

It’s enterprising of the hard-working kids to make some spare cash but disappointing from a teacher’s perspective.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered Baipad to help her on Monday with all her catchup work.  Let’s see if she gets it together to actually wake up and do it.

I helped various students in their different classes today as my own classes being mostly free time for everyone.

Kru Fluke dropped in to visit.  I gave her a big smile and a hug, happy to see her again.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  20. Enjoy Small Things. I like clichés because they are true.

Over the last three or four years of self-improvement I’ve followed the Noticing Things blog (I forget the proper name), thought about gratitude every day (with a couple of exceptions) and been writing, journalling, blogging etc.  All of these combined have led me to enjoy the small things.

Partly due to this, I’m not often in the vicinity of big things and things that I once thought of as big seem comparatively small these days too (the circumstance of ageing).

One thing that I was doing more of last year or the year before was savouring moments.  I don’t often stop to remind myself to savour something now.  I should practice that again.

I took this picture last weekend when I was getting my haircut. HoiTod makes me miss little Kim so much, almost one year now since she’s gone. Sniffle.

On Top – 10th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

What is to be done once at the mountaintop?
Once having surveyed the delights to be seen
Can you shout into the valleys till the echoes stop?
Telling all who care to wonder where you’ve been

Counting the cost when the afternoon storm arrives
There’s no magic lantern to wish you safe and sound
Darwin showed us that the smartest one survives
Keeping their heads down back home on the ground

6th Dec 2024 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers – adventures

Today I’m feeling:

Exhausted! But happily so. I had a disrupted sleep with having to deal with the results of the spicy seafood sauce from last night as it got stuck straight into my bowels!

But I got up easily and quickly at 6.30 and we set off biking again soon after. We took a very dodgy detour that took us so far into the unknown, wondering if we’d ever make it back.

In a tiny village tucked in between cornrow hills, an old Auntie and uncle, who seemed a little unaccustomed to Thai, and even more so to two dirty farangs emerging through their dog-infested dirt tracks, helped stave off some thirst and hunger with a grocery of delights hidden in a shack underneath reams of old corrugated iron but do be sure to take off your shoes! Nervous dogs sniffed nervously, on the constant scavenge.

It felt like we were making good time but a breakdown in here would’ve consumed the rest of the day and it wasn’t even 8am yet.

Already shaken from intermittent dodgy rocky roads, it dawned that there was another hour and a half of this ahead!

In most part beautiful but also at times frustratingly shaky, I prayed little Fino could hold itself together.

Today I’m grateful for:

Little Fino performing, as one would reasonably expect any modern piece of expensive motoring machinery, magnificently despite the abuse I brought forth on it over the last two days. I would not be surprised if he sounds a bit cranky in the morning.

The best thing about today was:

Getting to Chiang Rai and familiar surroundings was a welcome feeling. At least if something went wrong here I had some idea of where to head for help.

After our morning wilderness adventure, I told Bruno there was no need to wait for me and we made our way separately North from Lampang.

I took some minor detours and when back into recognisable territory I decided to follow the Mae Lao klong (which was sublime) up past Singha Park and then back off the highway after following cute girls on what must have been their boyfriend’s souped-up motorbikes, that popped so loudly as they flew past fuel tankers whilst desperately clasping their phones in one hand.

Past the prison and up into Mae Yao through the back of Bandu and the university and delivered, finally, to my first coffee of the day back at home in Utopia! That coffee was the best ever!

It was already 2 pm and my ears were still full of wind, my hands shaking from hours of gripping the handlebars, and my eyes and clothes full of smoke and dust. It felt so good to be back home!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Lots of things were out of my control today and I happily went along with everything. I’m pretty easy to please.

Something I learned today?

The ACTUAL axis of evil seems to be the USA, Zionists and…… well, an axis only needs two, doesn’t it?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Spending a few baht in a village shop to give the locals some income, though I think Bruno actually paid!

In another village where Bruno stopped to stuff himself with som tum, the family there were so tickled to be serving a couple of ‘crackers’ and we happily obliged them with photos, which I hope they print out and put up one day to fade in the dust and sun of posterity.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

The way I was raised was fine, even great. The circumstances could have been different though. However, because my father died before I even knew him I never knew what it was like to have and lose him. I wonder how much impact that has had on my personality and life in general?

My mum was very liberal with me and I got to make plenty of my own mistakes. I grew up slowly. Like most teenagers, I thought I knew everything and I could fake being mature. My mum generally left me to it.

I took this picture because this is what we spent three hours traversing the back end of beyond to come and see. An emerald lagoon in a sinkhole in the jungle mountains near Lampang. The fish in there are huge and we wondered how they got there. Signs for no swimming, fishing or feeding the fish. There’s nothing else here except for a couple of big trees and once you’ve looked up and then back down again, you’ve seen a big tree. For some reason, the car park seemed to be able to accommodate a fleet of tour buses yet it’s at the end of a dirt track that a tour bus wouldn’t be able to navigate. The shop was on the far side of the car park so when we arrived a lady jumped on her motorbike and came to a makeshift stall next to the lagoon entrance, we happily wandered by on both entry, and fifteen minutes later on exit, and she happily rode her bike back across the car park to the shop. It was only 10 am. Maybe busloads of Koreans swamp the place come the afternoons?

Everything – 2nd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

You can’t have everything
Where would you put it?
In a world-sized garage
Under everyone else’s everything?

Keep everything in your thoughts
Give away your proudest dreams
They’re still yours
Now you have it all!
Walk out of the cave

24th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United as tangentially related to ‘an elegant sufficiency’!

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly good after an extra hour of snoozing then good coffee so that when Amy suggested going out for lunch that sounded pretty good to me. The air is already unhealthy due to burning but it’s not overwhelming yet. It will be soon unless a fire ban is implemented and followed up.

27th Feb 2024 – A fireban was implemented from 15th February until 14th April and so far the air is better than last year.

Today I’m grateful for:

Soulseek, it being the only place I could manage to find Prog 2000 of 2000AD which was a special edition at the time due to the end of the millennium. It has some parts of the stories that I’m reading in the regular edition but is difficult to track down online as it isn’t actually the 2000th issue and was just called Prog 2000. To complicate it more, there is a 2000th edition of the comic which came out around 2016 I think. I think the series is up to about 2500 issues now. I love reading it. I’m not even half way through. I reckon it might take me another ten years to get up to date with it!

The best thing about today was:

Lunch. We went up into an Ahka village nearby to try their food and just get out of the house. Perched on the side of a hill overlooking our valley was a wide panorama of hills, jungle and rice fields. We could see several plumes of smoke slowly filling the valley but thankfully it was on the far side. Above us the sky was still a bright blue. I felt relaxed and enjoyed stacking up on some calories. I resisted the urge to nap when we got home, instead settling into the hammock to finish reading the Clive James biography. Wuthering Heights is next in the pile.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I usually sit and read with my weekend coffees at Utopia but today Amy decided to come with me as she hadn’t seen Art since she got back. Knowing that my I wouldn’t have chance to read I could have been disappointed but instead decided to just enjoy the change in routine.

Something I learned today?

The average age of Palestinians murdered by Israel in the last two months is five years old. Zionism is sick.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Last night I dealt with the tokay in the kitchen (see photos), cleaning up its blood and still wriggling tail.

I cleaned out the water tank and also brought a mop and bucket of water to Amy when she requested it to clean the floor in the teaching room.

I drove us up to the Ahka cafe for lunch, and back again but my lack of funds meant that I couldn’t pay for the meal.

What do I like about this time of year?

Now is high season for North Thailand as the temperature during the day becomes bearable and the nighttime cold. But there is just a short period to enjoy this as the farmers fill the air with smoke from burning their rice fields. Now, at least, their is some breeze to stir it around to reveal blue skies but soon, once the hills come alive with fire, the air remains still and stagnant leaving it putrid brown and acrid. This should be the best time to enjoy being outside but sadly, gets reduced to being the worst.

Amy took these pictures. Last night Tigger brought this special gift and Amy was freaking out. I didn’t have my glasses on and thought I was looking at a freaky enormous dinosaur-style lizard, only seeing the tokay later. Tigger was quite proud but Amy wanted it out. After a bit of chasing around the kitchen I managed to grab it with some tongs and it hissed and spat its disapproval at me as I threw if over the fence. Then this afternoon instead of Amy brushing this little lizard off my back thought it better to take a picture.

Isolation – 22nd May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Trapped within these walls
There are no words to share
Bare functions, dirty nails
Life lived less there

Rats outside running scared
The snakes all need to eat
From sundown to rise again
A dead circle again complete

The echo chamber of the heart
Energy gone to waste
Dreams quietly smashed apart
With only bitterness to taste 

The many paths that led here
Beyond the now closed door
Content in isolation
Left alone forever more

16th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that.
I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.

The best thing about today was:

Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.

Something I learned today?

Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at.  I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!

How can I make today amazing?

I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe.
Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.

I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.

My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week.
Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit.
I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there.
One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them.
It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want.
Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.

New Names – 12th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

40 years or many aeons
It’s all exactly the same
What more is there to see?
Just give it a new name

Every empire risen
Has since fallen away
It’s the rhythm of events
There’s nothing that will stay

Do not dwell further on it
Neither choose to ignore
Every atom recycled
And we will be no more

14th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United Friday Writings #131

Eremo are a four-piece math-rock band fighting their way out of Milan, IT since 2015

L’ego in un pagliaio recorded at Trai Studio
Mastered by Snug Recording

Artwork by Federico Verde
eremo.bandcamp.com – released May 2021

s/t originally released December 2016

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the cheap rope I bought for Tangmo to play with and that I found it again in the field opposite after he ran away with it last night.

Ploughed through all my recently downloaded music. Some genius works there and lots of perplexing nonsense. I have too much and also not enough. I have half a plan to do another new podcast for a while. We’ll see. I want to get on top of my blog more than anything.

The daylight is weird today. It’s warm but looks like it will rain but it is 100% unlikely to rain. It’s making me feel tired. Or maybe I am tired. I think I just want to go and watch crappy TV for a while. Give my brain a break.

Start Again – 13th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 28 Comments

Looking back over poems I wrote in the past, I realise what a catharsis they provided and thought it a good idea to try and get back into the swing of it. I needed to make a small statement (and a trial).

Start Again

How long, how many years?
Pen on paper held no fears
Laziness, time, other things
The good and bad that it brings

So back to it, start again
New book and brand new pen
Conscious to make the time
To find that special word to rhyme

Throw emotions out in words
From realistic to absurd
My own form of meditation
To re-read all my own creation

9th Jan 2026 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #209

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to discover the Oasis vegetarian restaurant in the city. Dylan took me there yesterday. They have a wide range of delicious fake meat and vegetable dishes. I’ll keep going back if Amy doesn’t cook me lunch.

This morning, I got up a little earlier so that I could do my 5 minutes of exercise and start getting back into some good habits again, and I think it really helped set me up for a positive and happy day.

I’ve started sketching again when I go for my coffee and also want to start writing more poems too. The one I wrote today may be the first one I’ve written in, I don’t know, two decades or more! I used to look out for interesting phrases I would come across and use them as a basis. I came across a cool phrase today in some article I was reading and jotted it down. I hope to keep inspiring myself in different ways whenever I can.

Things are good today. George even looked me in the eye when he was talking to me today. Even that small change made me feel good.

I went to visit Bruno and Nut after lunch, and we talked mostly about his garden exploits – he’s really into it, which is cool – it’s great to see his enthusiasm for it. It inspires me in that direction, too, but I am still a little lazy when I get home from work. Or, more accurately, I prioritise other things instead.

Permanent Scars – 12th February 1987

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 19 Comments

Scars on the flesh, wounds of the heart
Pride is damaged, as I fall apart
Confusing twists in a melodramatic play
Running circles around me day by day

Turn the next corner and it could be pain
Tears pour down like the soaking rain
I could be happy but most likely not
An analysis of everything I’ve got

Bit part actors act so unbothered
Til darkest secrets are uncovered
Watch the soaps on the TV
Look at them, they look like me

Real life comes from gut reaction actions
Two minutes ago, it was so full of passion
Two minutes later it’s so full of hurt
Crushing each other into the dirt

“I love you’, tie me down, lock me away
If I told you that, did I mean it anyway?
End of scene one, start of scene two
It’s hurting me and I’m hurting you

Carry on the game til the blood is boiling
Is it really worth all the toiling?
Hanging on to loose ends for each other’s sake
I wish I could sleep but you keep me awake

Please don’t come see me tonight
It won’t turn out to be all right
I love you but want to say goodbye
Jesus, all we ever do is cry

That’s not right, let’s stop hurting each other
It would be easier if we didn’t bother
My heart is broken and yours will break
We’re just push and pull, not give and take

18th Apr 2025 – I’m guessing this was written after my first girlfriend, Emma, confessed to sleeping with her childhood friend, who had been begging to do so since I’d met her. This was a confusing time for an idiot 19-year-old boy. We stuck it out for a little longer until she went off to college and found better things to do with herself than drink in my bedroom every weekend. Never dated a blonde since.

1st Aug 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #188 – Scars