Music from Senyawa, Jamesy and Sean, Far East Family Band, Air Miami, Arcwelder, Flesh Narc, X_X, Deerhoof, Hidden Rifles, The Damned, Chepang, Lindsay Cooper, Tigermen, Fifty Foot Hose, Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros, F, Younger Brothers, Shadow Minstrels, Cypress Hill and Eddie and the Hot Rods.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my computer. It enables me to do so many things. I wonder if I could live without it? Of course, I could but I don’t think I want to.
To-do list
More 1994ever ✅
Record TCRAH – spend time on this one ✅
Watch less TV today ✅
More drawing
Today is Tuesday. I haven’t been writing in here because I have gotten myself absorbed in some good TV and by the time I come to bed it’s too late to turn on the light and write.
I feel like things are coming together more in my room – nearly got all the CDs in their cases – after more than two years! Now I’m trying to get rid of the CDRs and thinking about all the DVDs I have and what to do with them.
I’m hoping to keep up with all the backlog of 1994ever and other bits and pieces of writing. It’s been enjoyable to go through all those, thinking about the past. It still feels like it happened to someone else. Even brief glimpses of mundane things pop into my head and it makes me think about what times and events that I’m part of now will pop into my mind in the future.
Life feels quite mundane and predictable though I also feel quite happy and content.
High in the North in a land called Svithjod there is a mountain. It is a hundred miles long and a hundred miles high and once every thousand years a little bird comes to this mountain to sharpen its beak. When the mountain has thus been worn away a single day of eternity will have passed
Hendrik Willem Van Loon, The Story of Mankind
That little bird is our lives. Dwarfed by the magnificence of time.
We are small and insignificant. Not individual, not a group, nor a race. Not a society, a species or a thought from God. We are nothing.
The dinosaurs, the mammoths, the pharaohs, the sultans and kings, the inventors, the thinkers and philosophers, the builders, the masters and slaves, the writers, the historians, the celebrities, the murderers, the saints and the despots. You and me. Nothing.
What will you do with this information?
Our floating houses on molten granite Our liquid planet, it is a home for us all I’m firmly planted, my earth is solid I feel a presence but there is nothing at all I wanted something, down here is something It’s really something but there is nothing at all
‘Slowly Melting’ by Nomeansno
The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #34
Music from Tipographica, Keukhot, Chui Wan, 400 Blows, Lifter Puller, Mazaj, Geronimo, Unknown, Pell Mell, Opal, Child Bite and Debile Menthol.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the space we have in our house and garden. We can move furniture around and reinvent ourselves, change our views.
To-do list
Talk to George ✅
Record TCRAH
One more lesson plan
Record more 1994ever for blog ✅
Write a short blog post ✅
Almost didn’t make it out to my room but somehow managed to motivate myself. I am slowly completing things, whether it is sorting out bits and pieces from my past, things I’d intended to do for a long time, reading books, watching movies and TV series, sorting out my CDs etc. So at least I have a sense of achievement.
I’m reminded of when I was about 10 or 11 years old and used to ‘race’ my Matchbox car collection and keep tables of which was fastest and kept all sorts of statistics about them. I was already organising my mind, putting things in order, sleeping everything straight.
I can pinpoint other instances of this at various times during my youth actually. Looking through old diaries has triggered some deep recollections which is interesting. I’m testing myself to see what else is hidden away in there.
Music from Girolamo Ugolini, Dragibus, Giant Sand, The Majic Ship, Bellini, Psychedelic Furs, The Sugar Shoppe, Sax Ruins, Beefeater, The Show Business Giants, The Hoax, Lindsay Cooper, The Afterglow, Amaxonas, Delroy Wilson, Dag Nasty, David Bowie, Christian Fitness, Beekeeper, Jackie Wilson and Negazione.
Music from Here and Now, Bob Drake, Orthrelm, Per Purpose, 20 Minute Loop, Shinki Chen, Tuxedomoon, Smog, POX, Cheetah Chrome Motherfuckers, The Move, The Who, Unsane, Samla Mammas Manna, Unwound, Bob Dylan and Retox.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for these cushions where I rest my head on these lazy days.
Music from Cause For Effect, The Fall, All, Non Compos Mentis, Unwound, The Who, Black Flag, Beau Navire, Maximillian Colby, Sir Millard Mulch, Thin Pillow, Volcano Suns, Angst, And The Earth Swarmed With Them, Empat Lima and Captain Beefheart.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Sichuan pepper. Numbs my lips and creates havoc in my stomach but it tastes so good.
Music from Unknown Gender, Chaser, Vibrators, Soul Junk, They Might Be Giants, Pfaff, Bob Drake, The Dils, Y.U.P., King Crimson, The Monkees, Universal Totem Orchestra, Meat Puppets, The Who, Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, Great Plains, The Wipers and Etron Fou Leloublan.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that our house is a paradise that I can stay there all day, every day.
To-do list
Find more topics and lessons
Cancel anniversary booking ✅
Lazy and happy day again – but I have a weird feeling of dread and panic – not overpowering – I guess it is just the uncertainty of the current pandemic situation. In fact, if I did get sick it is unlikely to be a critical problem for me personally. It’s just the general hysteria around and I think it’s slowly seeping into me. It’s making me think twice about even working again next semester. That could just be my holiday mood and lack of motivation though.
In the 1970s, 80s and 90s, Arthur Deikman warned that many of the spiritual and utopian groups that had mushroomed out of the counter-culture were harmful cults…… He identified four signs of cult-like behaviour — dependence on a leader, compliance with the group, forbidding dissent, and devaluing outsiders. These four behaviours were particularly strong in cults, he suggested, but existed throughout society.
Jules Evans – The soulful psychiatrist (email newsletter)
When I read this I immediately became aware that the school system that I am working within in this country is cult-like. These are government schools where I work, so it makes some sense. Governments operate utilising these four behaviours too.
In this system, preferences are given to the leader, superior or elder, whether they are deserving or not. If they are found lacking machinations begin to move that leader along, often with a handshake to comfort the stab in the back.
Compliance within the group is essential. You must conform. Non-conformity will enable idle gossip, rumour and lies. This will dig deep into your soul until it becomes unbearable. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. (I am that nail, over and over. Yes, I am stupid but I hope to learn.) It is a culture clash that happens repeatedly as teachers come and go faster than they can be replaced. No one learns from this as each party shakes their fists as they walk away.
Dissent leads the same way. Any question is seen as dissent, any suggestion is dissent, opening your mouth can be taken as dissent. To make improvements trickster behaviour must be employed, backroom suggestions that may filter through as if the leaders had thought of it themselves.
And the old favourite – devaluing outsiders. In an environment of education, it seems like it should be essential for everyone to work together. However, here there is a palpable us and them. If you decide to follow the path of non-compliance and dissent you will be seen to have no value (‘you’re one of them, one of them’). The survival technique ensures devaluing yourself – it is too great a burden for many to take.
I am not filled with hope for education in this country. But I can hope that it is only my limited experience and that things are much better in private schools at least, but which unfortunately only the wealthy can afford.
The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #28
Music from Aburadako, Ween, The Fall, Ahleuchastistas, Steve Miller Band, Radio Palestine, Sajjanu, The Motions, The Letters, Abnorman Chaffy, The Ramones, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Girls Against Boys, Marmalade Butcher, Guzzlemug, Slight Seconds, Cinematics, Strange Changes.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to watch our trees sprout new growth. To see the birds fly down from the branches and pick up yummy worms.
To-do list
Practice being nicer to everyone ½
Upload and record TCRAH ✅
Check files and start grading ✅
More CD sorting ✅
Xbox Dance today?
I woke up a little hungover today despite only having two beers last night. I’m really not enjoying drinking as much now, though I think I’m not really enjoying anything at the moment. It’s just a feeling that I’m sure will pass soon enough. I feel like I’m going through the motions mostly.
I did get a few things done today and starting to refocus myself a little and after six days stuck at home, I am getting a little itchy to just go for a walk.
I really want to get up tomorrow morning and start playing that dance game. I must do it. I should dance – in my own unstylish way. It will at least make Amy smile.
I got bothered today because Amy mentioned that when I write to school or TLC my words are quite argumentative, or could be perceived that way. I need to become more aware of that and be more amenable. I must think more about what I write and hoping that will transfer to the way I speak too.
Music from The Cavedwellers, Circus Brekovic, Deerhoof, Descendents, Gregory Isaacs, The Milkshakes, Queen, Didjits, Octafish, Elvis Costello, Emporer Yes, Althea and Donna, The Soul Owners, White Blacula and This Heat.
Weight: 79.0kg Resting heart rate: 48
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for being able to sit on this plane. To be able to afford to visit my friends. And for having a home to return to.
To-do list
Meditate on the plane – reflect on these days ✅
Please try to stay calm when back ✅
Wear mask all day ✅
Finish reading book ✅
Take some photos
It’s Tuesday as I write. Getting back was equally emotional and equally flat. I felt numb. Amy is angry at the inconvenience that my trip has now caused us. She’s not so much upset with me as upset with the situation.
I drank a couple of whiskies and fell into a deep 12-hour-long sleep. I got up for lunch and fell back asleep again for the afternoon, got up for dinner and then went back to sleep around 9 pm.
Now it’s Tuesday morning and everything still feels flat. The situation with the virus is looking increasingly likely to postpone the WDS tour which meaning losing all the money on our flights in South East Asia. That’s the situation now and what we have to deal with.
Amy and I are stuck at home for another 12 days. I don’t anticipate any illness from the virus so we just have to wait and carry on as best we can.
Music from Magma, Sir Millard Mulch, Big Grump, Chemicals Made From Dirt, Vulk, El Rass, Les Baxter, Converge, Pile, Djang San, Honeymoon Killers, Monkees, The Misunderstood, Half Man Half Biscuit, Bondage Fruit, Moving Targets, 2227.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and thankful to George and Bee to be good friends we have made in Chiang Rai.
Those who don’t pay attention to their own thoughts and know their own minds are bound to be unfulfilled in life.
Donald Robertson
To-do list
Contemplate your death ½
Upload and record TCRAH ✅
Enjoy teaching today (stay in the moment) ½
WDS spreadsheet
Card for Tian ✅
My belly was giving me trouble today due to the chilli and alcohol mix last night. Despite that, the day passed happily enough. I even managed to ‘meditate’ for 30 minutes. I put the word in quotes as I wasn’t fully able to calm my mind, though I did relax and feel better after it.
In the morning I was quite tense but I think it was the effect of the coffee. Usually, I’m ok but not this morning.
I struggled through making another TCRAH episode but I persevered and did it. I was quite happy with myself.
I did, at various times during the day, remind myself that I may die at any time and I felt a strange feeling in my chest that focused me back in the moment. However, it merely reminded me of all the many things I want to get sorted in my room and I soon started back on that.
Tomorrow I will go and play basketball with Bruno. I hope that it will give me an opportunity for discussion about our views on life and maybe offer each other advice on our lives. Bruno is an emotional Italian and can get overexcited about things. He reminds me of me sometimes.
Whilst hanging with George gives me a positive energy boost he can also be somewhat relentless. Bruno may be a little in the negative direction and it’s not the way I prefer to go. However, it will remind me that the world is about balance.
Music from Art Moulu Trefin, GÄA, Sly and the Family Stone, Reciprocate, Death Pedals, Sonic Youth, Jimi Hendrix, Irving Klaw Trio, The Sonics, Pavement, Andy Partridge.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to my friend Kimi who unexpectedly passed away this morning. He was a good man and I loved him very much. I will miss him.
To-do list
Get out of this funk
Upload and record TCRAH
Find opportunity for acts of kindness
Case CDs
Try longer meditation
Unfortunately, today got worse as I found out my great friend Kimi passed away. I’m shocked and devastated. Despite living in different countries we have remained close since meeting and I always with or visited him when I was in KL. I can’t believe he’s gone.
I didn’t want to do anything except be by myself.
On top of this, the grandfather of the village family also passed away today and we had to help them too. So it’s been an awful couple of days and going back to school on Monday will be a challenge.
Kimi, me and Stacked State in Singapore (2019)Hayden and Kimi in KL (2015)Me and Kimi talking shit in Singapore (2019)
Music from Bob Drake, The Work, DMBQ, FLIRT, Neutral Sons, Prag, Brainticket, Grobschnitt, Appollonius Abraham Schwarz, The Sweet, The Dazzling Killmen.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to see Oh’s puppies again and thankful she gave us a place to stay for one night.
To-do list
Stay relaxed – it’s a mini-holiday ✅
Do another Smiling Mind meditation
Really savour something today ✅
3 acts of kindness ½
Only buy books on your want list
Went book shopping but ended up buying a couple of extra things because I didn’t see any books on my wants list.
In the morning we went to visit Jessica’s aunt and I really savoured sitting and talking with her in her garden. Whilst we were talking she mentioned a book she really enjoyed about Afghanistan. She couldn’t remember the exact title, something about a Thousand Suns. Just as I was leaving the bookshop I spotted on the shelf ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ and that was the book – so I bought that too.
1994ever 