Tag: positive

Overflow – 21st April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

I’m pouring rainbows down on you
Until your cup is filled
You’ll overflow with a love so true
It can never be killed
All your seeds will bear fruit
In fields never to be tilled
Joy spread deep from the root
A life spent fulfilled

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt, Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Flow and NaPoMo.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good after a long sleep from the day of travelling yesterday. Should be a relaxing day ahead.

Today I’m grateful for:

Aircon.  I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but today was freaking unbearable outside between 10am (when I woke up) and around 6pm.  Even just going to the kitchen or bathroom was a chore. It’s going to be hotter this coming week too!

The best thing about today was:

I didn’t do much to speak of today though when the sun did finally relent I enjoyed watering the parched earth in the garden.

Something I learned today?

Charles Cunningham Boycott (12 March 1832 – 19 June 1897) was an English land agent whose ostracism by his local community in Ireland gave the English language the term boycott.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave Art and Noey some gifts of candy that I picked up at the market in Chiang Saen yesterday.

What’s a recent realization I’ve had about myself?

I’m starting to BE old.  I’m not in need of thrills or excitement so much these days.

I think I realised this when I think about travelling overseas. When I think about going somewhere with Amy I’m not so interested in planning things to do and where to go. 

When I see people in places on YouTube videos I think that might be nice to go and see but I’ve just seen it pretty well. I would be taking the same photos every other traveller has taken. I feel like I may not be able to savour it deep into my soul like I might have done before. I’m much more amenable to just getting on a tour bus and letting others deal with logistics.

Having said that I’m still interested in organising a tour for a band around Southeast Asia and dealing with the stress of that, perhaps because the shows would give me the drive and inspiration I’d need.

Perhaps this is not a great realisation but has crossed my mind more recently.

Amy took this picture because this princess was enjoying our (relatively) expensive prawns yesterday.

The Storm – 5th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

Along the road, we met, orphans of the storm
Cursing the life to which we were born
Sitting on these steps, desperate and forlorn
Soon alone again, an orphan of the storm

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive.  

Cap woke me up three times during the night, to let him in and out of the bedroom.  Another time I needed to pee and then the birds started singing and my alarm zapped me up.  

I contemplated snoozing but pushed through and struggled on with my intermediate abs exercises.  I felt good about that and the cold shower but then as I was listening to my students doing pairs reading I found myself tired.  

Fortunately, they were all called off for the second period to practice for the ceremony on Thursday to wish farewell to the grade 9 and grade 12 kids, giving me an extra hour free today!

Today I’m grateful for:

Max from Ad Interim contacting me again to see if I would like to help with their second album.  

I’ll give it a listen first but have no issues working with them again as they paid back their first album loan within six months of receiving their records.  

I’m extremely grateful to be asked to help them again.

The best thing about today was:

Nong Freya being the only student who came to my class today and still wanting to be taught.

I guessed that the class were practicing for the ceremony on Thursday and as she is somewhat excluded socially in her class I’m guessing either no one told her to be doing that or that she chose to come to class instead.  Either way, if she wants to study then I will teach!

Being just one-on-one makes for a lot of clarity and ideas to be shared.  I was able to see how she worked and thought about things (we were just doing a simple gap-fill exercise) and I also got to hear how well she can read, something which I don’t often get a chance to do in normal class time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As described here, there were a few surprises thrown at me today and I handled them pretty well.

Something I learned today?

You can hear a blue whale’s heartbeat from over 2 miles away. Their hearts weigh roughly 180kg.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I replaced the light bulbs in the garage and at the front of the house today.

I helped Amy by carrying some ceramic pots to where she wanted them in the garden.

I got pens for two of my forgetful students this afternoon, whereas normally I would deduct points from them.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  25. Take Action. Don’t just sit there, do something. Without action, there is no outcome.

I have followed this mostly, sometimes out of spite or contrariness, proving that I can do something, either to myself or to others and other times out of a desire to inspire; if I can do it then anyone can.  

All the action has amounted to me being here, where I am in the world.  Generally happy and satisfied.

I took this picture as a follow-up to yesterday’s picture as the flowers end up falling on my car.

Swan Waiting – 1st March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Maybe she wasn’t the smartest
She’s certainly not the fastest
Some days this brought her to tears
Unable to face all her fears

Yet she determined she must try
If she was ever to get by
To prove to herself she could do
The things she had been asked to

She told herself she must believe
And so she began to achieve
Slowly transformed from ugly duck
Full of intent and not by luck

(Formed into a beautiful swan)

Not waiting for others’ consent
No dumb luck, just full of intent

Submitted to Sammi Scribbles Weekend Writing Prompt #352 – Intent (91 words)

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive. Forced myself up to exercise and feel a lot better for it, as well as the cold showers when getting home from work.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting paid today whilst sitting in House between classes, meaning I could pay off my tab.

The best thing about today was:

Relaxing with my grade 7 students in the afternoon.  There was a good atmosphere as I had them reading one on one with me though predictably other kids joined in, even from other classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Busy with catching up on reading and other writing I forget to write here during the day and I’m catching up in the evening. However, I’ve had a quarter of the brownie Amy bought last night and I’m happily stoned now and struggling to write more!

I took this picture because I noticed the sun shining on these delicate flowers as I walked into House this morning.

Johnny Two Doors Down – 22nd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s the offer of a night to remember
Riding around with the hood down
A petrol romance in a warm September
Exploring every corner of the town

Further out into the smaller hours
The soundtrack radio begs the stirring song
“It’s just me, you and the night flowers
We’re right where we belong”

Johnny, he’s furnished with all the skills
But the pleasure here is a book
These are a different set of thrills
A reward for the patience took

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A bit stronger than yesterday.  My exercise was easier and it put me in a bright mood which I hope continues throughout the day.  I know I’m tired but I don’t have the feeling yet.  Perhaps because I’m ‘on-the-go’.  If I sat and relaxed somewhere it might be a different matter but the plan is for no relaxation today!

Today I’m grateful for:

My lip balm.  One time a year I need it, just when the air cools and gets drier.

The best thing about today was:

In my first class, Baibua was wearing a bootleg Iron Maiden sweatshirt.  Thailand has lots of knockoffs like this and people wearing them have no idea what they mean or represent.  Anyway, I asked her if she liked Iron Maiden to which she just looked at me blank-faced.  Namfon joined and she couldn’t understand either.  Eventually, I pointed to the shirt and even knowing what I was talking about neither of them knew what Iron Maiden was.  Well, let’s do some teaching.  I searched YouTube for The Number of the Beast video and blasted it through the room speaker to everyone’s laughter and my pleasure.  What a way to start the school day.

Also, watching some of my students playing football after classes finished and chatting, and playing with everyone around.  It was a good atmosphere, everyone happy and having fun.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There was a lot of plan-changing going on today, for things happening today and tomorrow.  I’ve gotten used to it now and don’t get annoyed at some plan that has been made that isn’t quite what I feel up for.  More than half the time the plan changes back to nothing or something I’m more interested in.  The rest of the time I just accept my fate.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I rubbed the hands of some students who were cold throughout the day.  Skinny Nicha in particular has no fat whatsoever to keep herself warm.  I told her to jump up and down which she did for a little while before hugging herself around my arm.

What are five positive characteristics about Amy?

Happiness.  I first noticed Amy at the cafe where I daily bought my double-shot cappuccino because she was always happy.  Many pretty girls were working there and I could have chosen to talk with any of them but I chose Amy.  One of the first things I said to her was ‘Why are you always so happy?’ Because it’s pretty much the opposite of my default mode at the time.  She just replied ‘I’m a happy girl.’ Well, this sounded like someone whose influence I could enjoy.

Outgoing.  Amy is somewhat extroverted but not in an obvious way.  She told me that when she was still in high school her friends couldn’t believe that she would just go up to foreigner strangers in bars and start talking with them.  She has no fear in this regard and can make friends easily.

Hardworking.  When she has a goal in mind she will work hard towards it.  From running her own business in Thailand to moving countries, studying, cooking and more lately housekeeping – she puts all she has into it.

Good with money.  Amy has always managed to budget well even in what seem like difficult circumstances. And she can still enjoy herself without fear of spending money when it makes her feel good. I’m happy for her to take care of our finances.

Loves cats (and good dogs!).  A first judgement can be made on many people by their love of animals.  A love of animals shows the ability for compassion.  Amy will do anything for our cats.

I took this picture because Hayden called me as I was talking with these students and they all shouted hello to him. I figured he might like to see his new fans, Sarah, Toey, Iphone, Pump and Ozone.

Our First Mother – 6th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Smelling the rain, sniffing the dirt
Bonding with our first mother
From the ocean to the mountain
We are not tied to any other

Chasing the rain, rolling in the mud
Climbing to the tops of trees
Out first mother grants us all
With her gentle fragrant breeze

Burning the oil, slashing the forest
Make her angry not
This mother is not just the first
But the only one we’ve got

7th May 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Good again. Reasonably energetic and positive.

Today I’m grateful for:

Two easy and fun classes where the grade 10s were teaching me how to improve my pronunciation. I let them make fun of my pronunciation so that they don’t feel too bad when I correct their English. I did some reading with them and was quite happy to see them trying and not just looking to me to tell them. I really wish that I had more time to be able to do that with them individually or in pairs.

The best thing about today was:

It was another all-around good day without one thing being better than another.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Likewise to above, anything that was out of my control didn’t get in my way today.

Something I learned today?

I should probably stop reading about the genocide of the Palestinians. It’s frustrating and inhumane. Of course, there is nothing I can do about it but at least know that if there is evil in the world it is openly on display by the Zionists. Religion, whilst preaching goodness and acceptance continues to do exactly the opposite.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Giving lots of encouragement to my grade 10 students and support to my grade 7s. Even though the 7s are still a little distracted they can get back to it if I keep shepherding them. I can see some friend group dynamics shifting a little in that class too. It will be interesting to follow.

Who do I trust the most, and why?

Obviously, this is Amy. Now we have shared 15 years of our lives together and have a deep sense of trust in each other. Our actions have proven that. Whether we are in the same country or not, we trust each other.

I am generally quite trusting of others, though also have a reasonably good radar about people. I like to think that most people are good and decent and I am also prepared to be let down.

Baipad took this picture because I asked her to take a selfie of the fursuit head that she is making. She reckons she can sell these for 150 USD! That’s wild. She’s a little critical of her work because she lacks confidence. She’s only 14 and her skills will only get better and better.

Tabula Rasa – 24th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Born empty, yet complete
A whole thing of being
A clean slate to begin
Eyes open for the seeing
Entropy now underway
Holes puncture the slate
Until the whole is empty
No longer able to create

5th Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty reasonable, though exercise was a bit of a struggle this morning. Just a tiny tickly dry cough left and there’s little pain from the tooth extraction but just a little bit of a weird feeling in my mouth.

Today I’m grateful for:

A kind of family dinner at Amy’s folk’s house. I ate as soon as I arrived after school as I had only had a few spoonfuls of yoghurt in the morning. Amy rode out to get me some fish congee which was what the dentist suggested for a couple of days whilst the hole in my gum heals. Everyone else was running around preparing food and then ate outside but I ran inside because of the hundreds of busy mosquitoes.

The best thing about today was:

It seems more common these days to not have anything stand out in particular but just to be generally having a good day all day. This is reflective of a more positive and healthy attitude all round.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my last class one of my students advised me that everyone had to be out of the building by 4.30 because the pest control people were coming to spray. 

I don’t know why it is that we have to wait for our students to inform us of what is going on in the school but I’ve gotten used to it by now. 

Something I learned today?

Sadly Kru Fang will leave our school on Monday which is such a shame as she has been the most helpful and friendly teacher of all in our building. I like her a lot. Nothing stays the same.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Despite feeling tired during the day I was still happy to accept Amy’s message that we would eat at her parent’s for dinner.

Arriving after finishing school, Amy directed me to walk Leo and though I was hoping to relax for a minute I got over it quickly and let Leo pull me along as he snuffled in any interesting pile of leaves and dirt that he came across. He gives few clues about what is going on his head.

After finishing dinner I was keen to get home but Amy needed some baking ingredient that we needed to go back into the city for. I took it in my stride, even after the first shop we tried being closed and the second shop not having any stock and rushing to the third shop before it closed where finally she got it. I was satisfied with a nice soft cake that I found at the second stop and I think that kept me going.

I sent congratulations to Funfai for more medal-winning tennis and get-wells to Nut, Lin and Baipad.

I sent supportive messages to Aum and Ice because I saw them both enjoying my class of tongue twisters and helping other students.

I managed to go another day without taking a picture. I guess I had opportunities here and there but I did spend a lot of time either in class or in House and distracted with other things like reading or studying Thai.

I feel a little like I’m accustomed now to my environment here in Thailand. It’s not as novel as it once was though I do still appreciate what is around me. I need to get on my bike again soon and go exploring.

Data Point – 16th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Oh homeless man, the new waiter
The undercover friend, the infiltrator
TV celebrity, the idol musician
The data points inform the position

Oh trendy barista, petulant child
Enraged protestor, a traveller wild
The service staff, the queuers waiting
The data points accumulating

Oh gentle find, words so kind
A bus conductor helping the blind
Kissing the ugliest and prettiest face
The data points fall into place

Oh fighting man, the bruise creator
The best, and worst – lover, hater
The times recalled of instant regret
The data points are all being set

Oh husbands, wives, fathers and mothers
Every conversation where meeting others
Their influence felt without fail
The data points tell their tale

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty rough in the morning but I knew as the day went on I would improve. My cough has gotten worse but the sore throat is almost gone.

After my only class in the morning, which went well enough considering, I’ve been running around getting documents copied, printed and pictures taken.

By the time I got home I was tired but not sleepy and if I had slept it would have been long and deep and then I wouldn’t sleep tonight. But that has left me a little deflated and unenthused.

I played guitar for a little while before stopping feeling a bit frustrated. Some days don’t feel right and I can accept that much better these days.

Today I’m grateful for:

The immigration officer who was sympathetic to my situation though unable to do anything to help. He was kind and friendly.

I’m also grateful to TLC to put together all my paperwork for my visa and dealing with immigration for me this time.

The best thing about today was:

The feeling of things getting done and finished by mid-afternoon, even though it’s not really completed yet. It was just satisfying that after the running around everyone said ‘ok, done’. Now wait for the next bit of running around.

Maybe I still have to do a border run to get another 30 days extension if this visa application through TLC isn’t ready in time but even that could at least be an interesting day out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

A little frustratingly in my class this morning many students were having trouble recording audio on their phones due to permission settings.

I’m getting better at figuring out how to change their phones’ language setting to English so I can then figure out how to fix the app permissions. In the course of doing this on one girls phone though I found she had about 60 porn website pages open.

I wasn’t particularly bothered about the content just that there were so many pages open possibly draining her battery and taking up bandwidth so I started closing them. When she saw that I could see these pages she wanted to grab her phone but I told her not to worry, that it wasn’t important right then and I eventually fixed her settings for her. 

When I got home I sent her a message to clean up her phone just in case another teacher or her family members might see.

I also told her that I understood that all the kids her age are curious about these things but wanted her to understand that pornography doesn’t represent what sex is really like and that it is acting.

I sent her a translated version so she could more easily understand and she soon replied, though just with a simple ‘ok’ so I’m not sure exactly how she might be feeling.

Sometimes when I see my 13-year-old female students I’m reminded about the book I read years ago about a poor Thai girl who sold her virginity at that age to an old white guy. It was sure a depressing story and I can’t imagine the desire that drives people to seek out youngsters in that way. 

Yes, they are cute, curious, sexy and everything else but actually having sex…? It doesn’t make sense to me.

Something I learned today?

I learned that I have to go and interview the primary students in the morning tomorrow instead of the afternoon as originally planned. Who knows, it might still change again in the morning….

What is something positive happening in my life right now?

My attitude. Considering I’m stuffing around with visas yet again, maybe working without pay, dealing with naughty children constantly and many other little niggles that could accumulate to get me down I’m still surprisingly upbeat and positive.

I took this picture because Pat turned up late to my class the other day with her hair like this and I found it quite amazing. I think another couple of girls who were late had helped her. Well done, good job! I still marked them all late in the attendance system though.
Fatman report

The Weakest – 19th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No eagle, no lion, no predator
The playground of hope is dark
Clinging tightly to a rape whistle
At night to cross the park

From the last to the lowest
A place at the table is set
Fighting for a share of pie
When crumbs are all you’ll get

If the line is ever crossed
To rise beyond the station allowed
Conspirators will come to cut
The tall poppies from the crowd

How may a little girl push the boulder
Up the hill each day
Without joining together to make
Lighter work and play?

Bitter words spat out designed
To keep the weakest divided
Too late to change the rules of the game
With a winner already decided

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive. Winding down my brain a little bit as the term ends. I could feel the exercise this morning getting easier and happy to see the body changes going on. When I try to convince some of my students to get some exercise I’m sympathetic to their feeling of lethargy and apathy as I was exactly the same but now I think more about how much better I might have felt in my formative years if I had kept up some proper exercise or even sport.

Today I’m grateful for:

The distortion and overdrive pedal board I have that make it fun to try and play along to noise rock bands. It gets so noisy I can’t tell how badly I’m playing!

The best thing about today was:

My grade 8 class knuckling down and helping each other to complete a task that many of them weren’t prepared for. If they had their books with them and had done all I asked each week then they could easily answer all the questions. I knew many who always forget their books or write on pieces of paper that they lose.
Once those kids realised they were screwed they recruited their friends to help but then those kids were busy trying to complete the work.
The idea is for the kids to remember to bring their book every time and that will help them. Did it work? A little, perhaps.
The smart ones understood and they were free to go when they were done which put the pressure on the others. I enjoyed watching them and helping them when they needed it. For me, at least the class went well.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Everything felt like it was in control today. Not necessarily in my control but nothing really got derailed.

Something I learned today?

Russell Brand has been accused of sexual assault. Whether the accusations are true or not, it is interesting that this is happening now, some 15-20 years after the events, now he is straight, sober, rolling in money and challenging dominant media narratives. 

He admits to many bad behaviours in his past and some of the accusations are disturbing and he should at least be held accountable for anything proven.

The investigation into these accusations was done by journalists. Why not by the police?

If I could change anything from my past, what would it be?

With the benefit of hindsight, I want to answer that there’s nothing. In reality, I often answer this question with ‘I wish I had gained wisdom faster and listened to what I was being told instead of being so pig-headed.’

But perhaps if I want to get specific, and again this is with the benefit of hindsight, I would change my drinking habit and despite having many great drunken times, wish I hadn’t used it as a crutch and exacerbated my depression.

When people told me exercise was good for depression I could only exercise my drinking arm. It was impossible to motivate myself through my constant stupor. I’m careful not to tell others so bluntly that they should exercise but just say to go for a walk if you can or start very slowly and not all out to burnout in a week.

I took this picture because as I’m often having days with no pictures I’m forcing myself to find things in the house to take pictures of. This is one piece from my tiny collection of Gloomy the Adult Bear paraphernalia that sits on top of the ledge of the living room door.

Start Again – 13th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 14 Comments

Looking back over poems I wrote in the past, I realise what a catharsis they provided and thought it a good idea to try and get back into the swing of it. I needed to make a small statement (and a trial).

Start Again

How long, how many years?
Pen on paper held no fears
Laziness, time, other things
The good and bad that it brings

So back to it, start again
New book and brand new pen
Conscious to make the time
To find that special word to rhyme

Throw emotions out in words
From realistic to absurd
My own form of meditation
To re-read all my own creation

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to discover the Oasis vegetarian restaurant in the city. Dylan took me there yesterday. They have a wide range of delicious fake meat and vegetable dishes. I’ll keep going back if Amy doesn’t cook me lunch.

This morning, I got up a little earlier so that I could do my 5 minutes of exercise and start getting back into some good habits again, and I think it really helped set me up for a positive and happy day.

I’ve started sketching again when I go for my coffee and also want to start writing more poems too. The one I wrote today may be the first one I’ve written in, I don’t know, two decades or more! I used to look out for interesting phrases I would come across and use them as a basis. I came across a cool phrase today in some article I was reading and jotted it down. I hope to keep inspiring myself in different ways whenever I can.

Things are good today. George even looked me in the eye when he was talking to me today. Even that small change made me feel good.

I went to visit Bruno and Nut after lunch, and we talked mostly about his garden exploits – he’s really into it, which is cool – it’s great to see his enthusiasm for it. It inspires me in that direction, too, but I am still a little lazy when I get home from work. Or, more accurately, I prioritise other things instead.

Then came the dawn and you were gone – 31st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Too much to dream last night – Electric Prunes. Cannot remember dream now but I do know I didn’t sleep long enough. Woke up knowing I need to try a bit harder today (in my thinking) – be positive, stay positive – say positive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I forgot my passport and that I had to go to immigration this morning. It meant some extra running around but also meant I got to try a new coffee shop which has great coffee. It was delicious.

To-do list

  • More blog posts – need to do at least 1! ½
  • Compliments and kindness ½
  • Listen!…….speak.
  • Awards ½

Somewhat have achieved these things. I noticed that in the last few days, I get annoyed at the way George presents himself sometimes. The things he says are usually good advice but I hear it with a hint of arrogance and belief that he feels he is right. I’m cautious about this feeling because it is coming from me and not from him. I want to understand this feeling more and I won’t make any judgment on the person.

I feel like George is always setting a great test for me (not on purpose, of course) – it makes me consider my thoughts, feelings and actions. For that, I am grateful.

Because of this though, it can be tiring to be around him.