Tag: pride

When You Are Ready – 30th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

I will always hold you up on high
I will be your rock until I die
When you are ready I will never ask you why

I will walk through this field of dreams
I will remind you all is never as it seems
When you are ready you’ll know what it means

I will give you all the love I can give
I will show you how I learned to live
When you are ready you’ll know who to do it with

You will know there’s much to learn
You will teach them respect to earn
When they are ready – it’s their turn

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit slow again but I was able to take it pretty easy with my classes today.  I was still tired and hungry by the end of the work day though.

Today I’m grateful for:

The last bagel in the freezer that I ate for dinner.  Thanks, Nut!  It’s probably been in the freezer for more that six months already but, well, that’s what freezers are for, right!?

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that next week is Scout Week again.  I initially cheered when David told me but then he reminded me that last year we ended up doing some silly useless tasks (that I decided to enjoy at the time). 

Either way – it’s a whole week out of the classroom (again!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy called while I was at House saying that she would stay in the city as the new owners of the apartments that Mum sold were having a housewarming party.  The plan was for me to pick her up after I finished work, we go home and then I bring her back to get the truck in the morning. 

When I got there though Amy was still happily drinking and talking whilst I was tired and hungry and itching to get home.  I stayed for a while but when Aun came back from work she offered to bring Amy home later and I quickly agreed that that was a good idea even though I would have to find my own food. 

Of course, I could’ve just come straight home after work but I tried not to think about that.

Something I learned today?

Whilst watching Jerry Grey talking about the possibility of war between China and the USA he brought up a point that makes some sense, about who would fight for the USA in a conventional war. 

This got me wondering about the fact that so many Americans are in debt and many are also homeless.  Is this being done on purpose so that when a serious war might arise the military will be able to easily incentivise joining up as a way for citizens to get back into the black? 

Could they be that cynical or is it my own cynical streak coming through?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With writing up old things into this blog I’ve been talking online a little more often with Rich Levine and will also drop an email to Rob again at some point.  He still doesn’t use much of this new-fangled technological stuff and only has email.

I did wait fairly patiently for Amy this afternoon.  Was it a vile deed to leave when it became convenient?  Perhaps, but hunger and tiredness can do that to a man.

My student Nudee stayed back in class after everyone had left and I saw that she was doing some of her own self study with a Kumon workbook.  It looked like a very useful study aid for her and she said she has been using them for about three years to improve herself.  Later she sent me a message that she had received a certificate from them for being in the top 5% of around 3000 students in Thailand.  She was ecstatic and I told her I was proud of her too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 9. Take More Risks. Don’t be such a wimp.

I think this one would be more appropriate for me ten years ago than today.  Though ten years ago I was still big into risks – such as moving to a non-English speaking country to live.  These days I’m not so big on the risk taking. 

As the body’s inevitable decline edges ever closer I’m not so keen on taking physical risks though I suppose I might get further beyond that at some point and just think ‘fuck it’ such as sky diving when I’m 90 or something. 

I suppose I still take some risks with money as I’m still investing in releasing records that I’m not certain I can sell.  Those are low-level financial risks balanced by spiritual rewards.  I’m not going to sink all my money into trying to make a business out of it now. 

Amy is still considering the risk of opening a restaurant in Australia which would easily see us use up all our money and probably go into debt.  I’m not so keen on this idea though I will happily support her because I think she could do it well.  Whatever happened financially though, the stress levels of pursuing that dream might be enough to make me very unhappy.  My mindset would probably change though once this plan was executed. 

I guess I’m just happy with my life where it is right now and thinking that I would miss this.  Once getting into the maelstrom of something though my survival instincts would likely kick in.

I took these pictures on Sunday because this is where I drove to so that Amy’s mum and dad could leave gifts and give thanks because they had come here before to ask for good luck to sell the apartments and within a month they had sold. I don’t know the reason that they came here or even why these monuments are located here, directly opposite a T-junction.

Aymara – 3rd January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The future is behind me
Invisible to the eye
The past keeps coming
Towards me until I die

Understanding is backwards
Yet life is straight ahead
In the end, it’s all done
When it’s all been said

Today I’m feeling:

A little edgy due to lack of sleep.  I kept waking up whilst having wild and unusual dreams.  I forget their story but have kept the feeling as I woke.  It’s a little disconcerting. Leg exercise and stomach stretching was good and easy.  My shoulders are feeling a little better but not sure that they will be fully ok before next week when I’d like to get back to arm and shoulder exercises again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The teachers who helped me with some little things today, such as finding a stapler and staples in the mess of the teacher’s room and sending the student list so that I could print out the student names for my new class.

I’m also grateful to my past self for downloading lots of useful English workbooks in the past and finding something useful to use for my new class.  I already have too many ideas and I haven’t even met them yet or know what their skill levels are.  I’ll soon find out though – first class tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

An interesting comment from Kru Karn when I expressed concern for one of my students that she looks after.  She off-handedly said that most teachers don’t care that much about the students, implying that I do.  I don’t know if she was congratulating or criticising but I took it as a matter of pride.  As an average, untrained English teacher I make it a point to at least care about the students and the job that I’m employed to do.

A late update as I’ve just hopped into bed with delectable-smelling clean sheets and anticipating this, I used the expensive shower gel that smells like glitter and glamour. I’m soft and snug, smelling of champagne!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My grade 7 class was a little out of control, still in holiday mode.  I have the feeling it will be like this until the end of the semester with this grade.  I didn’t push them too hard today, just prepping them for the real work on Friday.

Something I learned today?

The Ancient Romans used to drop a piece of toast into their wine for good health, which is why we ‘raise a toast’.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

After my grade 10 students had completed their work for me I helped them with a speech that they had to do for another class later today.  I recorded the speech myself so that they could copy my pronunciation and I sat with them as they practiced and gave them tips.

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

Somehow I wonder if I might relax a little knowing this.

Without knowing this, of course, I may die suddenly tomorrow.  I should relax now!

Would I keep working?  I enjoy what I’m doing right now but with a known time limit what else could I do in the meantime?  Would travelling the world feel satisfactory or would it just feel meaningless?  Do I even know how to enjoy myself anymore!

I think perhaps I would go travelling but on a nostalgia trip and also to catch up with old friends and have one last conversation.

I don’t think I would just fuck everything off and spend the time decadently.  Maybe a little!

I took this picture because this weird little cactus at House appears to have the Christmas spirit.

Maybe It’s A Madness – 21st December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Staring at the TV static
Hearing the song of the dishwasher
Hidden messages reveal themselves
To those who listen closer

The stars whisper in the wind
Words that make the shapes
Colours taste of iron and gold
The myth perpetuates

Maybe it’s a madness
But someone must be chosen
As the alien messenger
The guide for the gods

Today I’m feeling:

Definitely tired again and not from lack of sleep.  Still waiting to get over the hump of exhaustion brought on by exercise.  Thankfully just the one class in the morning today and I spent til midday running around to get documents together for my work permit again before heading home and a catch up nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy again, as I asked if she could get the medical certificate I needed for me again, like she did last time.  Otherwise it means me either waiting around or going back to the city after 6pm and the last time I did that the clinic didn’t even open.  Happily, she agreed.

The best thing about today was:

A third coffee at 22 Grams, after a couple earlier at House. It tasted delicious and spurred me to action to make some easy Quizizz for my classes tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been trying to push my student Baipad to become more confident and independent but I can see now that she is not yet mature enough and is somewhat comfortable despite her frustrations.

I get it, at 14, we want independence AND everything handed to us on a plate. Sooner or later a rude shock awakens us.

It’s an interesting contrast that she knows girls a similar age as her back in her family village in the mountains and they are already having babies. We both agreed that that is not a good situation to be in but also highlights her somewhat comfortable life at home where a bed and a mobile phone are the main objects of her interest.

Something I learned today?

I still don’t have syphilis! I’m not sure why foreigners need to get tested for this to get a work permit.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I made sure to encourage the students who were putting some effort into their work today. Once they got rolling with it, it was great to see. Some days they make me proud. Tomorrow may be a different story of course, but I’ll take it for today.

I took this picture because this is as Christmassy as we get here in Chiang Rai. This year, despite being two months into winter already, we’re still using aircon for a couple of hours at night.

Time Tester – 7th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Distilling War and Peace into a 15-second TikTok
Surely something is lost
We’re paying for our own dumbing down
Unable to understand the cost

Did you find a virtue in your scrolling?
Fingertips raw and red
No longer is anyone listening
Because nothing is being said

There’s no glitter to the wisdom past
And thinking has been removed
The truth is further from our experience
And unlikely to be improved

Submitted to MindLoveMiserysMenagerie

Home Workouts Workout — Morning functional strength training

Today I’m feeling:

Awesome. I felt especially good after my short chest and arm exercise this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Our car. I say this because I often see old cars around that I would like to own but remember all the trouble I always had with old cars, except for The Rocket, and how unreliable they could be. So that got me thinking about how grateful I am for our little boring Nissan that keeps going despite the daily thrashings I give it.

The best thing about today was:

Getting things done in the garden and cleaning the moss from around the teaching room using the high-pressure hose. I’m really tired already but it provided a great sense of achievement also topped off with mala soup and grill.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my cool as Amy badgered me for help and then started (what felt to me like) talking down to me like I was a kid. We were outside and I kicked a nearby bucket away in frustration, which then, of course, got her upset too.

I almost immediately just found the situation funny but Amy was very upset and gave me the silent treatment whilst I tried to make it up to her.

Something I learned today?

I watched some videos of the recently released City Skylines 2 video game. It looks very good but I could immediately see how much time would need to be sunk into it and it’s time I would rather spend with other things these days.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My vile deed was losing my cool with Amy and I’m disappointed with myself because it was nothing really. I’m still trying to make it up to her but she hasn’t quite forgiven me yet.

This morning I just had the one grade 7 class and encouraged my students with their reading which is slowly improving. They should be proud of themselves.

Amy took this picture because Tangmo quietly came over as we prepared to eat an early dinner. He sat and waited patiently and occasionally begged for bits of food. After we had finished we walked him to the gate where he now understands it is time to say goodbye and he walked off home.

Recognition – 12th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What does your world feel like?
Is there still wonder in your eyes?
Do you recognise yourself anymore
When you hear the children’s cries?
Can you describe this moment
Even to yourself in thoughts?
Or are you too busy thinking
What may be in others’ reports?

Today I’m feeling:

Busy and positive. Even with only one class today I seemed to have little relaxed time though that’s not to say that it wasn’t enjoyable. I was at House most of the morning but filled that time with schoolwork and writing. I got back to school early and helped out a few students before class as well as getting some volleyball in with a mix of students I knew and others I didn’t. It was a lot of fun. Time ran away quickly.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady in the next air con shop who I communicated with using translation and asked for a mechanic to come visit on Saturday if all goes well. I hope she doesn’t get scared off like the last shop.

The best thing about today was:

Watching one of my students, Goya, in Kru David’s class do really well at finding information within a text. David had been complaining about her before as her behaviour in class is not always attentive and he wasn’t convinced when I told him that she was quite clever at English. I was proud of her today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was talking to Amy on video call Tangmo and Tigger were suddenly fighting on the terrace. I got them apart and Tigger ran off with Tangmo chasing and barking. They ran all the way around the teaching room and back again until Tigger got himself up a tree. I was quite impressed as I’ve never seen Tig run and climb like that before. The old fat furball still has some energy in him.
I managed to drag/chase Tangmo out and close the gate before trying to coax Tig down from the tree. Eventually, I was able to get him down with help from the step ladder and he seemed to be ok though shocked and grumpy. Amy went off upset too but I reassured her that if there were any problems I’d take him straight to the vet.
He seems ok now it’s later in the evening but I’ll continue to keep a close eye on him. That was a bit of excitement I could do without. I’ll keep the gate closed more often again now. 

Something I learned today?

Apparently, China plans to build a military base in Cuba! Well, why not? China is surrounded by US military bases.

Who has had a significant impact on my life?

My mum, for being there; my dad, for not.
Bronwyn, for helping me gain confidence and to leave England.
TLJ, for being the kick in the ass I needed at the time.
Amy, for being able to share a life without letting compromise get in our way.
These are just very quick and minor thoughts, before bed.

I took this picture because cows were on the loose. This is just outside the school cafe.

Up In Smoke – 29th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

How to fill the hole in that space?
The emptiness in the halls
When reminded every day
By the pictures on the walls?
Your smell permeates the air
Your shoes still outside the door
Waiting for some other soul
Because you don’t need them anymore
As your clothes hang in the cupboard
Unbearable, the thought to remove
But one day the burden must lift
Knowing you’d surely approve
Now you’re blown to the wind
But the heart is where you stay
Bittersweet what time is left
Until I join you again one day

Educate the children and it won’t be neccesary to punish the men.

Pythagoras

Today I’m feeling:
Tired and sleepy
Today I’m grateful for:
Shitty 7/11 coffee to fuel my drive to Lampang. No decent coffee today but that will make tomorrow all the more sweet.
The best thing about today was:
At uncle’s funeral today there was the usual chanting and ceremony but something I hadn’t seen before was a traditional acapella song that sounded almost islander in origin. Mourners gathered around the coffin and with arms around each other in a long chain they swung side to side with the rhythm. It was really quite beautiful.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Almost everything was out of my control today except my thoughts and reactions, which were all positive. Today was a day for other people and I submitted to that.
Something I learned today?
The US military has recruiters in US schools actively targeting the poor and those unable to afford college tuition fees (or their debt). Military personnel, I believe, get free college tuition. That’s pretty crazy!
What are you most proud of in your life?
Coincidentally I just posted a response to a similar question that I wrote a couple of years ago. That was a list of three things I was proud of, which still stands today. Though looking at this question grammatically, I wouldn’t want to have one thing I was most proud of but to be proud of many things. Life is long and deserves many proud moments.

I took this picture because this is where uncle’s body became ash and smoke. This crematorium is bigger than I’ve experienced before. I’m starting to recognise more of the extended family at the funerals I go to. However, the family also dwindles each time.

Why does everybody have to be like that? – 14th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What 3 things are you most proud of?

I am most proud of all the things I have done with tenzenmen – organising tours and shows are always a lot of fun. Challenging but fun.
I am also proud of the time I had to deal with losing my job of eighteen years which set me on this new journey.
I am also proud of the work I have been doing as a teacher – making a positive difference in the lives of some children.
I am not yet fully proud of my son, though I feel it is coming. He shows flashes of inspiration that will one day all come together to make me proud.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I am able to use my native language skills and help other people to better understand. I sometimes still can’t believe that I am a teacher. I don’t feel any smarter than anyone else, even the kids I teach.

27th Dec 2022 – I started doing Laurie Santos’ online Happiness course (at Coursera I think it was) and these were my starting results. I’m not sure I went back to check after I finished the course. Either way, it was an interesting learning experience.

Accept that change is necessary, learn to accept whatever befalls you and remain cheerful in the face of great adversity.
– a simple piety

piety – strong belief in a religion that is shown in the way someone lives.
virtue – a good moral quality in a person, or the general quality of being morally good.

Every day I feel that I am developing inwardly. Why, then, should I be in despair?

Anne Frank

To-do list

  • Clean up the balloons ✅
  • Move the bricks and concrete base ✅
  • Continue Coursera study ✅
  • Next read-to-lead challenge ✅
  • Dream book questions ✅

Another satisfying day today and I feel like I have a lot of energy.

This morning I was taken aback a little when a girl student said I wasn’t good. She didn’t explain but I felt odd and wondered if someone else had been saying things about me. I tried to evaluate how rational my thinking was and decided to put it out of my mind. People may think but it’s not true.

Then, a little later, by coincidence, I came across a quote ‘You will become less concerned with what other people think of you when you realise how seldom they do.’ Tomorrow I will try to maintain this positive attitude by continued study and practising my character strengths.

Oddhamshaw Style – 21st February 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Oh, what beauty I wake with, wrapped in her smooth tentacles.  A delight to behold in hazy mornlight.  A flicked switch lets us ten minutes more ponder dreams just dreamt and what’s in store.

When finally eyes open full through sleepy dust Sandman left, I rush towards her lips to welcome the new day.  Soon sadness takes her as she prepares her head for the assault of new studies.  I humour her softly and we both understand.

My day away from her is frantic and if adrenaline could be tapped I’d sell you a barrel.  When our paths cross once more she is chef and smiling in anticipation of our evening ahead.  This cold old blown night sees us streaking off to pump iron with guys who’ve pumped iron too hard.  We opt for more gentle affairs as rowboats, cycles and steps set our hearts a-booming in our ears and we leave satisfied we’ve fit ourselves in ten short minutes – but we are properly happy this first hurdle has been taken.

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Dinner on laps we watch skaters ice skating for medals decided on some pompous judges opinions.  Who shall so decide what is best?  Let’s value each and every performance for what it is.  I enjoyed it all, not caring about placings or pride.

Now my Broni sleeps dog day tired while I write away and wonder what else I may do.  I do not wish to disturb her so I may just slide down beside her once naked and light turned off.

Goodnight dear reader; I hope you, too, find happiness as I.