So no, I don’t want to go to Cuba – 20th-22nd February 2018

We’re taking an overnight flight to the UK and of course, I slept a lot already.  It’s only in more recent years that I’ve been able to even sleep a little bit on planes.  Except for that one time out of Guangzhou, I was lucky enough to start talking to a girl as we were waiting for departure.  Just by chance, she knew the staff working the counter and wrangled an upgrade to business class for herself.  She was kind enough to come back down to cattle and tell me to follow her back to business class, where there was a spare seat.  Best sleep on a plane ever, and probably the last time I’ll enjoy that too.

Our plane in and out of London is the new A380 and it is huge.  Even for the likes of us paupers, it feels like there is a little more room to breathe at least.  I barely manage to sleep though.

We arrive in London around 6am and the weather has me instantly cold and chilled (not in the relaxed sense at all).  We pick up a hire car, which is amazing but I keep forgetting that it is manual and stall it at every roundabout.  Then we take the wrong lane and exit off the motorway and the sky is grey and the rain is drizzling just that annoying amount to make the wipers screech.  I am thoroughly depressed already.

Somehow the shitty English coffee manages to take off the edge at least for a while.  Just remember not to watch what the barista actually does and just go by taste.  I think I had one half-decent coffee this trip – which is one more than last time I visited the UK.

As we arrive in Brighton the sun very occasionally decides to show itself.  We’re staying at Amy’s university friend’s house and she just happens to live herself on Brighton Marina.  Sometimes I feel especially lucky to find myself in such beautiful places just through the people that I know.

It’s a great little house, and when I say little, I always forget just how tiny and compact English houses are.  And doors – always doors.  Gotta keep that heat in.

Amy has decided that we must eat Indian food on this trip and, as they are everywhere, it’s only a short walk to our lunch.  It’s cold and even the slightest breeze is enough to make us shudder.  We have prepared appropriate coats but there’s still the other bits turning blue.  Luckily the sun decides to stay for a long while and the sky turns blue.  Wait, are we still in England, in February?

Amy’s friend, Bookie, speaks with the typical American accent of her tutors from years ago.  Something that I (or Australia) have managed to change with Amy over the years.  She doesn’t sound English and not really Aussie but at least it’s not American.

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Bookie is married to an airline pilot and he is away 20 days a month and he’s away now, arriving back in the following couple of days for his birthday.  They have a five-year-old son called Kyle and when he comes home from school I’m tasked with keeping him entertained whilst food is prepared.  We have fun playing Star Wars action figures and making up stories.

Later, Amy and I enjoy the comforts of a nice soft bed and perfect pillows.  Back at Amy’s parent’s house, the bed we are sleeping on may as well be a block of concrete – it’s good for learning to sleep on a tiled floor though.  The only downside of the night is I wake up having a coughing fit and end up in the living room for a spell.  Amy is starting to catch it too and her voice is starting to crack.

We wake up again to brilliant sunshine and coffee’d up (instant) we hit the road, passing Arundel castle and some other Olde Worlde buildings.  The history and mystery of England is a little bit magical for me if only the temperature was more appealing.

Heading along the coast we get back into very familiar territory for me, with roads I travelled repeatedly in other glory days.  We soon arrive at my cousin’s house and are treated to a warm welcome of food and central heating, along with discussions about details for my mother’s funeral and some other minor details that need to be sorted whilst I’m here.

My cousin, Sharon and her husband Ken have been doing all the hard graft for my mother and for me, of course, over the last 18 months or so.  I’m so lucky that she has been here and willing to assist with everything.

It still doesn’t seem real that my mother isn’t here to talk to, to show pictures and to keep updated on the minutiae of everyday life.  I feel sad about that but not overly emotional.  I keep wondering if I’m going to sit down one day and have a big cry.  Maybe.  I’ve upped my dose of antidepressants recently, in preparation for my big life move and it’s likely they are helping keep things smooth for me emotionally.

Another coughing fit just after going to bed sees me again relocating to the living room until I’m on the verge of sleep when I return to bed and later Amy wakes me with coughing of her own.

The weather is excellent again and even though it’s cold there’s little wind to bring in the chill.  We drive back to my hometown and go to the bank where my mum and I have a joint account and sort out access for Sharon to deal with expenses etc.  Amy and I spend a little more time walking around, returning again for pizza at Piccolo Mondo, once my favourite pizza ever, not so much these days though, it’s still good though.

We take ourselves on a country drive as I search out Bulbarrow Hill.  I love this place.  It sparks that mystical quality of olden days more than some of the other places scattered around the south, even more than Stonehenge.  It’s a fabulous view and the sun’s rays break through the scattering of clouds.

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I have time to scoff down some more home cooked food, that Sharon says isn’t to her usual quality but it tastes great to me.  Bring on the cheese, potato, garlic and butter anytime!

I’m off for a quick catch-up with old school friends Rupert and Murray, though we barely have time with our busy schedules.  A quick couple of pints and it’s time to head off on our merry ways, and I am feeling quite tipsy.  That is until I open the pub door and the cold wind blast instantly sobers me.  This forces me to reminisce quite clearly the many many nights spent walking home from the pub, or the local football club, or the school field where we huddled around a couple of cans of beer and maybe a fire.  Those days were either hell fun or hell shit depending on my mood and what was going on around me.  I miss the good bits.  A lot.

Edit:  Could not stop humming this tune during these few days – https://youtu.be/xk2QbCDRP0U

Your senses are bombarded by the roaring that you hear – 20th October 1994

Last night we drove back from Bathurst, over the beautiful mountains, unfortunately covered in a dense fog, scary for me to drive through, up those tight turn tracks with ten ton trucks overtaking in their haste and knowledge of the roads (poor little scared foreigner I am) straight into the city like an arrow from the mountains.

We quickly stop off at the flat to dump a car full of Broni’s stuff (more clothes, workbooks and electric piano(yeh, brush her up on her ivory work because she’s great when she gets her act together on the piano)) and then we’re off again, we don’t ever stop, to Marrickville for a family and friends meeting on mental illness.

Broni’s brother G_ suffers from schizophrenia, he was there with his elder triplet brother C_. (the triplets, C_ is the one who made good, so to speak, and has a job, wife and five kids, A_, the middle trip started the mega famous band Icehouse and could be described as on the rock and roll journey of experience and has been known to go off the rails from time to time, married and divorced and a child by someone else and then there’s G_, born tiny and recognisable in boyhood photos as the not so happy chappie, now 37 and coping with his illness)

For someone who sometimes loses control he’s quite together and the meeting tonight helped me understand a little bit about mental illness plus I get to see a bit more of G_, like all the rest of the brothers and sisters of this Smith generation are fairly simple to work out, you know where they are coming from, G_ needs a bit more time to consider.

So, the meeting’s cool and there’s more to be covered over the next three Wednesdays, so we promise to go to them for our own interest as much as for G_’s comfort. We give G_ a lift home, not far up the road and drop C_ off at the train station but we end up driving him all the way up the north of the city home cos hell, we feel like it and he promises us some food and drink, something we’ve forgotten in our long day.

We drive for miles and miles eventually reaching his place, where the promised goods are delivered, we also pick up Broni’s piano music which their kids had been using while Broni had been in England, so after this short relaxing break we trek back across the city, on the harbour bridge at midnight, wow what a sight, the city’s lights tiny beacons of life, parties happening, people working late, lights for no good reason, and then we get lost and then we get found and then we get home and get ourselves tucked up in the security of our luxurious double bed, spoonlike.

We get up early to take the hire car back, which we do with no hassle and stop off for breakfast in a beautiful vibrant but secluded cafe. The waiter is a charmer, sweet french accent, soft tone, looks intelligent and moody, the waitress, his girlfriend or wife, beautifully sexy, all in black, moody and sultry, they’re both running around like crazy at this crazy hour of the morning, their french friends sat at the end of the cafe sneaking quick snatches of conversation. The food is delicious. Betty blue sits on the wall in posterol glory no spelling error, the very definition of France and its beauty.


A cold whisper of darkness came over me as I stood waiting for service in the post office.  Both doors were wide open as normal, outside blue sky and sunshine. When I’d finished and stepped outside onto the wide clean sidewalk I saw the reason for my cold shudder. Up in the heavens something was a-brewing. The sky had divided into two, one side bright blue the other a steely grey, like the rumbling of oncoming evil and bad tidings, a low bubbling cloud so unlike the beautiful clear sky that it was now taking over.

The building on the left is the 24 hour pub, conveniently located opposite the station and usually occupied when I was catching the train at 7am.

I ran home excited and at the turn at the top of the street I saw out into the distance the enormity of the storm as it came in across the ocean. As my eyes flicked across the long horizon a bolt of lightning shot down to earth about a mile away. The wind was whipping the tall eucalyptus trees into a frenzy of excited rustling noise, deafening the low mellow tone of thunder in the distance.

Blue circle – our apartment was around here.
Red circle – the 24 hour pub

Botany Bay is directly south just a couple more blocks

I dragged Broni out to see, she’d promised me storms and here they were, and we ran back up the street, over the road and up to the train station for a better view. Things were now very grey, but still visible a line across the sky where this storm was invading our beloved sunshine.  Cracks of thunder and shots of lightning whizzed around in the distance as gradually the drops of rain became harder, heavier and more numerous. We stood in the eye of the storm, getting wet in the delicious rain, soaking our bones and then ran home to dry off in the shelter of our flat.

This photo from the station bridge is the same spot we were observing the storm.

All photos on this page found via search.

*The Week That Was – 12th March 1984

Record of the week: Confessions Of Sin – Richochet or Roundabout (?) (live), Anti-Sect – In Darkness There Is No Choice, Sex Gang Children – Mauritia Mayer, Abyss, Deuche

12th March 1984
Rupert might go tonight. Physics – started new group, Pregnant Combine Harvesters. Maths – shit. Social Studies – had a laugh. H.E. – piss funny. Walked down to Wimborne. Collected moped. Found out I’m still not legal. Rode back. Rupert’s mum took us to Wimborne – got bus for Bournemouth. Went to gig – looking forward. Disgusting Pukey Scarves – not too bad. Someone (?) – good. Josh and John – fucking ace (bit like SPK). The Thing – just like Hawkwind – fucking good. Confessions Of Sin – bloody fucking amazing. Ended with Loose (again), bassist chucked his guitar about. Saw Neville there. Came back 10.45, got home 11.40 and here I am now.

13th March 1984
Going to look for new moped tomorrow. R.E. – ok. P.S.C.E. – wrote a song about Newtown (?). Maths – shit. Biz – crap. English – good. P.E. – played a serious game of basketball. Come home. Rang Simon, said practice was on. He rang back 10 minutes later – said it wasn’t. Went on moped to collect records off old Ratty. Was in pub. Had a coke – no d ‘n’ d. Went up to Simon’s – who wasn’t there. Came back. Ran out of petrol near Murray’s so left moped there. Pick it up tomorrow. Came back with Mum. Played records. Lost track of time doing art. 12.15 Mum told me to turn records down. I thought it was 11.15.

14th March 1984
Thinking of getting a DT50 depending how much. H.E. – time plan exam – piss boring – fucked it up. Lunchtime – went down to practice football – had a laugh. R.E. – ok. English – reading some ace poems. Biz – ok, electric typewriter. Maths – shit. Mum picked me up. Went to 3 Legged Cross and decided to get Kawasaki AE50 – looks good. Collect on Sunday (?) £625 (?) – on the road. Go get moped in a mo’. Went down – had a laugh. We got Burt’s trousers down for a laugh – he wasn’t too pleased. Went for a drive about on moped. Went to Horton and back. Watched football Derby 0-1 Plymouth.

15th March 1984
Looking forward to Sunday. Julie’s acting like she doesn’t want to go on Saturday. Maybe I don’t want her to now. Art – ok. P.E. – talking to Daisy in weight training room. Lunch – not a lot happened. Social – not too bad. Biz – ok, getting used to electric now. English – ok. Cleaned out Damien – fucking bit me again. The cat had a sniff at him too. Went to Gaunts. People in school – knocked on windows. We nicked Martin’s trousers – he started crying and went to tell his mum. Came back with a stick. He started smashing Jasper’s lights so Jasp hit him. Mark came back with a stick. They made up in the end. Saw cops on way home.

16th March 1984
English – pretty boring. H.E. – very boring. Maths – don’t remember. Lunch – must have been boring cos I don’t remember anything. Art – ok. Biz – ok. Physics – had a laugh. Writing more PCH. Went to Muz’s and chippy. Got bored so went to Houldey’s. Watched football. Southampton beat Liverpool 2-0. Got bored. Went back to Muz’s – nicked on of his mum’s fags – then she gave me one. Came back. Watching film ‘Tower of Evil’ while finishing Bloodstains cassette cover. Went to sleep

17th March 1984
Get up. Caught bus. Saw Gilby (?). Saw Jasper in Poole so went around with him – he was looking for Muz etc. Found them. Went back to Arndale. Met Lisa. Had a chat. Saw Justin. Not doing an awful lot. Met mother at 3.15. Went to Huxhams, Parkstone – got a bike jacket and reflector. Came back to Wimborne – found out we lost football 5-1. Jim got an own goal. Came back. Still looking forward to tomorrow. Went to Muz’s had a laugh in Gaunts knocking down hedges. Could have gone to Muz’s sister’s party. Started at 10 ended at 4. We didn’t have any way of getting back. Muz was a bit pissed off. Came home. Watched Joan Rivers and Comic Strip. Went to sleep.

18th March 1984
Got up 10. Had a fag. Put on Anti-Sect. Went to collect moped. Had a practice around the estate in 3X. Came back. Had dinner. Took dog. Went out again. Saw Chris. Went down to Witchampton. Saw Pru (?) and Carly. Went to Muz’s – he wasn’t in. Came back. Went out again. Went to Roo’s. He wasn’t in. Waited but left. Went to Muz’s – he wasn’t in. Went to Simon’s – he wasn’t in. So I went to Jim’s – he was in. Stayed there. Wrote a song. Had a couple of fags. Came back. Clocked up 43 miles. Watched Spitting Image. Had some semolina. Watched a film. Long weekend. It’s good. Went to sleep.