Stupid Delusion – 1st January 2024

No longer intoxicated
Awoken from my dreams
Meaning was a delusion
A stupid delusion it seems


Yeah, happy new year!


Today I’m feeling:

Happily lazy again.  I ate lots and did little over these last 4 days and it’s been a good wind down to the end of the year.  Tomorrow it’s back to exercise, work and reality. I plan to just do abs and legs this week to try and get the ache out of my shoulders before working on any upper body exercises again.  I’m stiff from sitting and laying down so much recently too!

Today I’m grateful for:

The internet, YouTube, the BBC, John Peel and Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 whose John Peel Session I have just found and listening to as I’m writing this.  Excellent!

The best thing about today was:

Finishing the excellent John Cooper Clarke biography.  It feels good to finish reading a book on the first day of the year.

Also releasing the SpeechOdd/HighxVoltage album for pre-order through Bandcamp today which got a few folks interested.  It feels good to have a record release on the first day of the year.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There wasn’t much to be done today, lots I could’ve done but decided not to, so there was little to get out of control.

Perhaps I could say that though I was happy to play a little guitar this afternoon I was also really bad at it. Just missing a few days sets me back. And then after watching some Thinking Fellars live footage I marvel at the genius of their guitar interplay and wonder if I could ever become as skilled as they are. It’s half inspiring, half frustrating. What a great band. I fucking hate popular music – what a waste of skill!

Something I learned today?

I came across an interview with a YouTuber I follow called Nathan Rich titled Scientology, Punk Rock and Addiction.  Wild!  I know him for his investigative journalism opposing the Western anti-China narratives.  Life is long and varied and I’m looking forward to watching this and learning more about his past.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I made Amy’s bed for her without being asked.

I cleared as many hairy worms as I could find around the hose and drowned them all in a bucket.  All this was in an effort to stop Amy’s allergy to them which makes her itchy and brings her out in a rash.  Somehow I’m not affected by them.

A close member of your family has committed murder. Would you keep quiet about it? What might your silence depend upon?

No way.  The circumstances of the event may have an effect on my attitude towards them but covering it up would be out of the question.

Write a message to myself to be reviewed one year from today.

Why? Everything I write here is up for review at any point in time. Review that.

Art took this picture a few weeks ago on his trip up to Mae Hong Son. I saw it on his Facebook page and it jumped out at me with its magnificent misty morning glow. No new pictures today.

Burn – 12th December 2023

Forgive the fire the pain
The hand pulls away
You’ve broken down again
Beautiful, in a way

Who you were is worthy
Of the love in your heart
Your mind made up too early
You pulled it all apart

Once the scar has healed
The tears have all dried
The love deserved revealed
Comes from deep inside

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions


Today I’m feeling:

Struggled through exercise this morning as I’m still tired despite a long sleep and my first class was a little difficult to settle down but we all got there in the end.

Today I’m grateful for:

There not being the bad traffic I was expecting when driving home. There are some events going on around the city and surrounds during this month as well as royal visits that close off roads from time to time. But not today! Hooray!

The best thing about today was:

Doing some investigation, planning and discussion with Nampan from SpeechOdd for an upcoming vinyl release. I’m hoping that this will help me get more involved with the scene here in Thailand.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my first and last classes were difficult and annoying today but I persevered, having to keep the second class late due to constant interruptions. It doesn’t help that my lessons are designed for two full hours and now we only have 100 minutes.

Something I learned today?

Just as I’m writing here this evening I got a message from Jan wanting me to talk with ****** because tonight she wants to kill herself! Sigh… it’s easy to see how despondent kids can get in the home environments here sometimes.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Talking with Jan and ******, getting information from one and consoling the other.

Offering a helping hand to Freya who is also suffering from depression as well as some physical ailments.

Sharing in the happiness of Mee, who also tried to kill herself last year, but today ran up to me to give me a big hug and smiles, pronouncing that her mum is home from abroad after a long period of absence. Hopefully, this will be enough to turn her life around.

Offering to help out to teach some extra classes since two of our teachers have left recently.

How does my body feel today?

It’s pretty good today actually. I did arm exercises this morning but didn’t feel any after-effects from that during the day, even feeling compelled to do 10 push-ups in the evening. Yes, it’s not much but this weakling old man has to start somewhere and started I have.

After my exercise in the morning, I noticed a sharp pain in my foot like I was standing on a sharp stone. I then just thought that perhaps an ant had bitten me. It wasn’t until I got home after school I found that it was a thin deep cut. I didn’t feel anything whilst wearing shoes at school but in bare feet again it’s painful as hell as every time I put weight on it the cut opens up.

Apart from still aching shoulders after the weekend ride everything else is feeling just about at the normal level of ache for a 56-year-old boy.

I took this panorama picture on Saturday because the whole view was just magnificent. A picture doesn’t do it justice really. No pictures today.

Garage Renegades – 28th July 2023

A society of no use, no one else wanted to play
Inspired to produce new anthems for today
From the garage born, out onto the snowy roads
Teenagers once forlorn gathers and explodes

Alienated and rejected, the world begins shaking
Many more infected by songs the kids were making
Playtime is over, the child juggles live grenades
Better run for cover, here come the renegades

Inspired by a passage in the book ‘SNFU – …What No One Else Wanted To Say’ about Canadian punk legends SNFU.


Today I’m feeling:

Like it’s a catch-up day. Exhausted and blurry-eyed as I sit with my first coffee for which Amy has joined me before she goes to look after her grandmum for the day. Her family are off to Phan to offer prayers and blesses to their uncle in the hope that it can help them sell his land. Amy was quite relieved to not have to go and perhaps her mum understands that Amy is not interested in partaking in these events too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The man washing my bike for a couple of bucks. It hasn’t been washed for six months or so and some of the mud will be glued to the engine casing. 

In the time it took me to look down at my phone and write this, it started raining somewhat negating the effects of the cleaning but whatever.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar for a couple of hours. It’s been a dull grey day and I kinda dozed for a couple of hours listening to podcasts and music. I couldn’t move because Tigger was happily sleeping on me and I didn’t want to disturb him. Baew and Mee came over for dinner and told of their troubles living back here with their family and their intention to go back to Bangkok. I enjoyed food with them but was itching to play guitar so left them to it. I found a few more Damned songs that I should be able to play along to.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve run out of money early this month so already eating into the visa money in the bank which doesn’t matter now except I need to move it back into our high interest account. I’ll have to wait to get paid to do that.

Something I learned today?

Inconsequential and irrelevant to pretty much everything but I never knew that Ted Leo used to play in Citizen’s Arrest and Chisel. I read his interview in Punk Planet and really connected with what he said, much more than many of the other interviewees in the book. I’ll check out Chisel and his solo stuff when I get time.

What is one thing I wish I could tell my future self?

These were the good times. You’re glad you moved your body more often and prepared yourself for the fragile years.

(All these entries are me telling my future self something. My future self will understand.)

I took this picture because P’ti was looking handsome and content in Utopia this morning.

My Rats – 7th August 2022

My rats, my rats, my little gutter rats
We ran together, we released the bats
Our bondage brigade marched ever on
We instinctively knew who was the clever one
With cider right beside her bag of glue
Hellzapoppin as all the young savages dü
On mattress castles, the princess and the pee
And stinking dogs shit wherever they be
No glamour in this clamour drenched in sweat
We know we grow to be the best ones yet
D. cried about courage, and soon he was dead
If the man doesn’t get you, he’s always in your head
Nuclear ghosts haunted all our youth
Marching in millions seeking some truth
The sham in 69 was still in 79 too
We loved in vain but knew that love was true
And so those glories now dare not be repeated
Angry eyes glared, “ever feel like you’ve been cheated?”
That revolution sparked is now a faded glory
Who now to stop the world with their own story?


People’s opinions are mainly designed to make them feel comfortable; truth, for most people is a secondary consideration.

Bertrand Russell

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful Amy got back to Sydney safely and is happily amongst her friends there again.

The Fantastic Four – 26th December 2021

A family always on the edge
Fighting to hold itself together
Fear and doubt grows in the dark
And the fantastic four will be no more


Make your own bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see the beautiful sunset over the cloudy mountains at Singha Park yesterday. The view was lovely and filled with warmth.


As I’m getting to the bottom of the bottle of weed tincture that I got off Matt, the effects are getting stronger. Today, Amy is off with her friends to celebrate Christmas, leaving me this opportunity to be home alone and get a little high..

Singha Park yesterday seems like weeks ago right now. In the end, I ate too much despite not finishing a third can of Wild Rose, drank too much. My stomach just couldn’t take it. I realised it soon after that the beer was just too gassy. I burped and farted the drive home. I took a minute at the park and savoured a divine moment watching the sunset to the clouds on the mountains. As the clouds were moving, the sun would peak out again and it felt like a special surprise and a secret message meant just for me. I’ll hold it in my memory more than any photo I could’ve taken as a reminder.

This morning has been righteous, with two good coffees and a few more pages of the Slash biography read. It has been interesting to me to see how their band worked (as people, not as musicians), think about how my bands worked and wonder how everyone deals with it differently.

I updated more blog posts and listened to the ..? album to write a review and that was fun, and the start of reviewing my CD collection – an impossible task, I know, and already this morning I could think of at least ten different, other, things I could be doing. This is life and I’m loving it.


..? – …! – CD review

I had downloaded this album back when I was living in Sydney and as I did with a few different albums I enjoyed, I burned them to CD and printed a cover and pretended they were the real thing. So something must have struck me about this album at the time but in all honesty, I have probably never listened to it since. I would venture to say that this album is more than 10,000 other album downloads ago by now!

Searching for this band (…?) and album (…!) is not google-friendly, to say the least. Luckily some of the track titles enabled me to find a little information that this was actually a one-man recording project and the music is described as avant-metal. 16 songs in 26 minutes apparently. Appealing to my short attention span.

Let’s see how it sounds on this slow, tired Sunday morning.

Goodnight, Folks
It’s a cartoon intro and vocals that recall Pentti Dassum from Deep Turtle. Ah yes, I can hear what pulled me into this. The first minute or so actually recalls a few Finnish bands such as Keukhot and Y.U.P. before a half-minute Darth Vegas/Mr Bungle bomp-a-long. Obviously, an ironically titled introduction that has me curious. I’m expecting the beginning of the next track to be bombastic.

The Band of Bald Mountain
Well, only for a second, a big booming crescendo before wandering off and then careering through all sorts of genres, this definitely has me smiling behind my serious lips. I like this middle section that hangs around for a relatively long chunk of time, until the end in fact. I like that balance and transition, from the crazed to the more straightforward and especially like the fact it doesn’t go back into zaniness as may have been expected.

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten
Haha, this is a high-octane counting song that would be on my dream Sesame Street. The transition into single snare hits about three-quarters of the way through is very cute. The lyrics though… Well, I guess they are easy to remember. A favourite so far though.

3-2-3
More counting? It’s ominous, booming, and Emerson Lake and Palmer have arrived, then Slayer and it’s on. Fuck yeah. Yes, it’s that cartoon thrash that has been heard many times before, BUT, because it is cartoon thrash it’s never the same and I marvel at the musical dexterity of it all.

Moe and Mumbles
Ah-ha. The gypsy thrash song! And…..there’s the Simpsons theme tune thrown in for a couple of bars for good measure. Impossible not to smile at but feels a little filler here.

Tear Out My Eyes
What is this main riff, lifted from – it sounds familiar? I’m digging the pace of this one, a jaunty thing…oh – double speed and I’m turning the volume and pumping my imaginary double kick drums. And it’s over before I could even finish writing the first sentence. Dug.

Hello, Oh, Sweetheart
Is this the interlude? A show tune of sorts. It’s brief and serves as an intro to the following tune.

Mitch, The Bastard Id
Nice bass tone, nice guitar tone, this punks along before speeding off. Like a twisted cowboy song, the rhythm feels like horse riding. Weirdly, I think this is the first tune that has a repeated section before scattering itself all over the place. It’s good music, so why not?

Peeping Toms Make Good Spies
Yes, spy movies are brought to mind here, at least at the beginning. I like music when I have no idea where it is going. Of course, I also like music that is more conventional but I think I like to work a little when listening. I like things that most people would find testing. I’m gonna listen to this one again, right now.

Damn Gypsies
Gypsy? In a ska way. In a punk-ska way. Great chorus and again the pace is compelling. This is actually the most conventional song so far. I want to sing along and punch the air.

The Charmer – The Torture
A slow down, another interlude tune. Good to give the ears a little break from the nonsense-circus-core. Haha….and then…..great. Perfect. Yes – kill me!

Subservient Girlfriend
This intro reminds me of DI. A faster So-Cal classic punk bounce around which a swirling synth before a mad chorus that I wish I could hear the lyrics more clearly.

Siblings
OK – well, lyrically this one is straightforward and clearly understood. Sibling love.

Fireworks Away
A great speedy tune with uplifting tunes and some sweet percussion tingly away in the background. I’m liking that this one maintains a steady beat and not pounding off into double-time death metal mayhem. Another favourite.

X
Fuck, this recording is very nice, probably lots of time poured over each sound. I like that the distorted guitars are cut so cleanly into each section. Not attracted to this middle-end section breakdown but as with music like this, it’s not usually long before a change comes along.

Mania Love
Well, those recording cuts are even more overplayed at the beginning here. And I’m loving it. This farts around all over the place wildly and every moment is genius or thereabouts. And farts is the word as this crazy fun album blows off back onto the shelf for now.

That was a rad listen and I will check it again. I think the album has been looked over as it exists at spot #1 in my collection and so is not easily seen. Perhaps I should move to the D section (for dot).

Favourite track right now is ‘One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten’, I’m thinking purely because I have an idea how the lyrics go!


E.very D.umb M.ale – 24th September 2021

It’s a post-post-punk world
Music totally deconstructed
No alternative Alternative
A disco ball disruptive
Every dumb male makes music
Click, click, bleep and hop
Bedroom producers now equal
In this new world of pop
Indie kings sold guitars
To take up regular jobs
Making money on weekends
With the twiddling of knobs
Purists complain to deaf ears
Yet this was always the goal
Anyone can be making music
Even if it is without soul
So the punks both won and lost
Perhaps they were never right
Now there’s little to rebel against
And everyone gave up the fight


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I remembered to write something today, especially as I forgot yesterday too.

Ready For Something – 22nd September 2021

The kids are bored just hanging out
Breaking curfews and running about
They’re ready for something, set to rise
The fire is burning behind their eyes

The trigger arrives by train and bus
Thinking ‘no one else can fuck with us’
The energy is bursting out of control
Electric atmosphere to charge your soul

The movement grew to change the world
Banners raised, freak flags unfurled
Possibilities open to interpretations
Underground rising across the nations

Inspired by listening to Joey Keithley of D.O.A. talk about travelling to their first show in San Francisco in 1980 (?). Some band members went by bus, another by train and a fourth by hitchhiking. D.O.A. were a pioneering band spreading their punk rock messages around the world. He said that at that time kids were ready for something, though they were not quite sure what it was.

Of course, there are other possible interpretations too.

15th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge using this quote as inspiration:

I think if you are curious, you create opportunities, and then if you open the doors, you create possibilities.
– Mario Testino

11th Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all that I’ve achieved in my life so far. I am happy with the way I am. and the changes I have made throughout my life.


I took a walk over to Primary today and chatted with folks there and it’s still the same crazy nonsense as I when I was working there. One surprising thing to learn was about everyone’s dislike of Mike there now and not just because of his brownnosing ways but also passing on private information from their personal Farang teachers LINE group to the Thai teachers and, worst of all, fucking one of the Thai teachers.

Most of the other teachers know his wife so they are pretty upset about it. I know it’s not the first time for him either.

Anyway, hearing all this and all the other stuff from there made me appreciate not being there anymore. I feel good and relaxed today. Nice!

No Punk Intended – 24th June 2021

Slamming into each other
Having so much fun
It’s a heaving circle pit
Until each song is done
But someone is down
On the slippery floor they slid
Someone should help them up
But no punk in ten did

The skins have come with bats
Meting out some violence
What to do about them?
Just met with silence
The beatings had started
The punks all run and hid
Stand up all together
But no punk in ten did


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that it is Thursday and I only have two classes today and will finish at 1.30 so will have lots of free time. I plan to draw a picture of Tokyo to give to Gui as a gift.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #70 – Dead End – 27th December 2020

Shut Down! Dead! Run out of town!  Sheltering over the border, we bring this one last episode before fleeing the despots.  One day we’ll be back!  Look out for DJ Donut Trump – he’ll bring you the future of rock ‘n’ roll.

This week there’s all sorts of music – weird, noisy, experimental, fucked up strangeness, straight-up punk and pop all delivered with no compromise.  Join our other 3 listeners to check out the end!

Incidentals taken from the Church of the Sub Genius Hour of Slack.

Listen right here or Mixcloud, Stitcher, Apple, Amazon…..all those cool places I guess.

https://www.facebook.com/The-Chiang-Rai-Alternative-Hour-107307097314670/

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the students I have met since I started teaching. I have learned something from all of them.