Tag: quote

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination – 2nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Working stiff, time is sucked away
Beer o’clock, a chance to play
Reclaim the day, sleep when you’re dead
Tomorrow’s here with a throbbing head

Power through with a mindful meditation
Revenge bedtime procrastination
An ever-decreasing circle of frustration
Revenge bedtime procrastination

The office runs, so take a rest
Getting paid to sleep is the best
Pretty soon it’s time to go again
Waiting for the whistle of 5pm

16 more hours without destination
Revenge bedtime procrastination
Chase away time with dedication
Revenge bedtime procrastination

When you’re young, dumb and energetic, your greatest asset is that you’re young, dumb and energetic.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy arrived in Australia safe and sound. It was good to see her in our old house last night.

17th August 2023 – Amy’s old friend Anna and her husband still live in our old Chatswood apartment and offer us space to stay if we ever need it and I still receive bits and pieces of mail there so I can use it as an Aussie address still if necessary.

Damn, those kids were noisy in class and I can see that for some, they are not interested to study. So, I’ll just continue to focus on the ones who are trying their best. The sad thing is that the ones not interested could actually do the work. It’s not difficult. There are just too many damn kids in the class.

Anyway, I kept it as fun as possible and everything was OK. I floated around for the afternoon, pretty much just waiting until 4pm to go home.

I couldn’t tell if Amy’s parents had come and watered, so I did it again, which was pleasant and relaxing. I made it to my room but didn’t do much on Ableton and the keyboard; instead, I got sucked into the guitar, which has fallen off the last few weeks, so my fingers are a little soft. I played until they hurt too much to carry on.

In the middle of this, Amy called from our old home, where Anna and Big Boy now live and Amy felt so happy to recall all our memories from there. She was already excitedly talking about new plans. I’m glad she’s feeling good, though I can (and she can) already feel how expensive everything is. 100 dollar taxi from the airport!

(Later) Just the one class today, which was fine, though the kids were a little restless. It was still fun. I got my pay cheque today, which I’ve been hanging for and not just have to wait for it to clear.

I went over to Matt’s and he surprised me with a huge bottle of wee tincture, some dried wee and some mushrooms. Awesome! A pity I have to take the car for service on Saturday morning but maybe I can take a dose when I get home.

Matt and I talked a lot about getting older and being happy not to be surrounded by friends for friendship’s sake. We’re happy with ourselves.

Do you still have a deep dark secret?

I don’t think I do. There are perhaps certain things that I wouldn’t tell certain people but ultimately, there’s nothing really so secret in my life. There are things I’ve done that I’m not so proud of but they are all in the context of growth and development. In the end, I hope to put down everything here (in this blog) and some things may upset certain people if they ever saw them but they are generally intended without judgment and just a record of events and feelings of those moments.

I don’t think I’ve ever had any kind of dark secret.

I Shall See – 1st February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sell your smile and sell your glances
Use your words but take no chances
Don’t decide now and you will see
Silence is a power to set you free

On writing: In these youthful efforts, there was no desire to say something particular, to recall a memorable experience, to express a strongly held opinion or to air a grievance.

Abdulrazak Gurnah

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this pretty red and black shirt that I can fit into again now that I’ve lost some weight!

It’s a cold Chinese New Year morning. Yesterday was a great day and I was very happy even though busy running around, taking care of the cats and trying to fit in all the things I like doing. As I was reading comics, I was starting to feel sleepy but then I went for a shower and got re-energised again. Eventually, I had a good sleep with good, forgotten dreams, but less than six hours.

Still, I woke up just before my alarm and got up and exercised and got myself up and running, ready for the day. My morning classes were cancelled as there is something going on for the Chinese New Year. Just the noisy 1/6 (grade 7) kids in the afternoon, so it should be an easy day

New Coffee – 31st January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Close my eyes and count to three
Sit up as straight as I can be
Breathe in deep, expand my chest
Slow it down to do it best
Racing thoughts, I let them go
Race on down that river so
Five minutes later and I’m done
So now the day has just begun
I can face everything I’m thrown
I can count each day I’ve grown
Even more wicked witches come
I can carry on until I’m done

Successful people do things that they don’t like to do because they can accomplish the things that they want to accomplish.

paraphrase Albert Gray

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have made a good plan to get everything ready for my first work day without Amy.

Did a double exercise this morning so ended up rushing a little but managed to get everything done, though Kim Chi looked upset that she couldn’t come out today.

I didn’t sleep too well and will put the mattress back to the soft side tonight. When I woke up I just found myself worrying about food and what I was going to eat. Hope to sleep better tonight. Will try to get into bed later, reading comics in the living room instead of in bed.

If I – 30th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If I was guarding the prisoner
I’d loosen their chains
If I was lost in a dark wood
I’d look where light remains
If I was walking home late
I’d shortcut through the park
If I found your magic idol
I’d goof around in the dark
If I could be young again
I’d test myself further still
If I found the point of no return
I’d climb the nearest hill
If I was caught in this rip
I’d flail against the tide
If I found all the answers
I’d find somewhere safe to hide
If I saw all the warning signs
I’d still struggle to react
If I heard you telling lies
I’d tell you what is fact
Me, you and everyone else
Like cats fighting over a fish
Me, you and everyone else
We’ll fight for what we wish

My poetry is, or should be, useful to me for one reason. It is the record of my struggle from darkness toward some measure of light.

Dylan Thomas

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to listen to music in my house whilst doing housework-type things.

Slept a lot last night and had good dreams but also kept waking up, what felt like all the time. Weird and nice not to have Amy here and somehow I felt more responsible and happy to feel that way.

Sorted the cats with breakfast, noticing Tangmo was already waiting for me at the gate. Cute.

I’m reading a Jim Morrison biography with my weekend coffees at Utopia and it’s well written and interesting to learn more about this guy. Never really enjoyed the Doors much but a well-written book put some music in better perspective and I may give them a go again at some point though I’m not short of things I want to listen to, having watched a Black Sabbath documentary the other day and hearing Pink Floyd at Utopia.

When I got back I still felt like I had many things to be responsible for, so I figured out what food to order later online, testing my Thai reading ability, watered the garden before it got too hot and as it was still, I decided to clean the leaves off the roofs of the teaching room and spare rooms, getting myself covered in dust and water. I did all this whilst listening to 400 Blows on the outdoor stereo.

Currently blasting random tunes on the kitchen stereo whilst I’m here in the living room and feel like all this strange music is my constant companion. I think I would go mad without music.

Showered and then marvelled at the speed and efficiency of the Grab Food order and delivery service, eating while watching The Twilight Zone, an episode from 1987. It’s odd to think that I was alive at the time – already 20 years old. The clothes, acting, and styles all feel like they were from an era before I was alive.

Sacred Solitude – 29th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I must nourish myself to face the world
I’m always on the way to my home
I’m happy to have myself as my best friend
I’m never lonely when I’m alone

6th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Musings
11th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

All it takes to get better at something is first a willingness to be bad.

Austin Kleon

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to all the people, technology and coordination that enable Amy to fly from here to Australia this weekend. It is not that long ago that this would be difficult to imagine.

I’m at home now, alone. Amy will be in the air on the way to Bangkok. The first hour at home. Have rearranged the living room and bedroom furniture a little as I will exercise in the bedroom in the morning now. Save a minute of time as I figure out a new routine for the working week.

It feels weird to have some freedom, or almost complete freedom (except for financial). Have I gotten used to the pseudo-authoritarianism of a loving relationship? Of course, whilst I’m free to do whatever I like, I will not do anything that would damage my and Amy’s relationship.

After saying goodbye at the airport, I dropped by Big C and bought some pomelo and had forgotten that there’s a B2S there and so splashed out on two new pens to replace those that ran out or broke last week. An 80 baht extravagance. I have to get carfeul with money. I’m already running coffee credit at House and Utopia until I get paid again. Need petrol for the bike and the car. It’s a test.

25th Feb 2026 – 4 years and a month later, I’m still running credit at House and Utopia – though not the same one. I do pay it off every month.

Guiding Light – 28th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Follow the North Star
A guide towards a future
Adapt to ever-changing skies
A night grows darker
Before it lightens again
Come and go like the moon
Like the wind, like the clouds
But the air is always there
Never seen, but always there

Struggle in the quicksand and you only sink deeper.

Eric Barker

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see a beautiful crescent moon and a bright Mars in the dark morning sky, bordered by the trees of our wonderful garden. Wow.

Quoting the Dispossessed

A scientist can pretend that his work isn’t himself, it’s merely the impersonal truth. An artist can’t hide behind the truth. He can’t hide anywhere.

I took note of this quote last year when I was reading Ursula Le Guin’s ‘The Dispossessed’ as it obviously struck a chord. And re-reading it, it still strikes a chord but I’m struggling to define it. Is it true? An artist can’t hide behind the truth? A scientist, I understand, doesn’t have to care that 1 = 1 and 2 = 2. An artist, even if faking it, still shows their truth. Or can a really good artist actually hide?

Perhaps I took note of this considering myself as an artist? Today, I’m doubtful, but whatever. I’m putting this out into the world as an artistic skill (good or bad depending on your opinion) but my tablet is a search for truth. I cannot hide. But what of the fiction writer – they are artists. They could write about unspeakable acts that they would never dare carry out. Are they hiding, or are they still showing a truth?

I don’t know. And I wish my friend Steve was here to dig into this deeper. It is exactly the kind of topic that we would love to discuss long into the nights and early into the mornings. Although things seemed murkier then, they somehow also seemed clearer.

Yesterday, got home feeling good. Had a really great class with the grade 8 TED-Ed students that had me feeling very upbeat. I made it into my room for more keyboard experimentation and a little guitar playing before Amy called me in as it was time for termite attack mode.

We poured about eight litres of the killing liquid into the hole and it all disappeared. I’m thinking that down there, they must have eaten through the concrete foundations and so it’s possible the liquid is getting soaked into the earth. It’s likely that the termites will be back again at some point, no matter what we do.

After that, I was just chilling and munching on Amy’s yummy tarts that she had made. I also started to feel some minor dread at her not being here. I have made some plans in my mind about how the days will be from next week but they could all go to hell in a handbasket quite easily once it comes down to actually implementing them. I guess I’m also preparing for that possibility too. Just relax into it. Things will be ok.

A good morning this morning. Cold and a beautiful crescent moon in the sky, with a crocodile-looking cloud right on the mountains on the horizon.

During my abs workout, I noticed a tightness in my thighs from the previous day’s leg workout and it all feels good. Working towards that target of ongoing good health.

I started my first class just by watching funny cat videos, which most students ignored cos they were looking at their phones – but it made me feel happy and calm. Subsequently, the class went well. Though they are not the best at English, at least they gave it their best. 2/9 continues to impress me and it’s got me thinking about if I teach them next year, then what the hell can I do with them? They are so good that they test me.

What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?

I don’t really think about birthdays and any celebration is minor and usually involves just going for a nice meal somewhere. I don’t feel any kind of excitement around celebratory days. For me, they are just another day.

I don’t mind celebrating other people’s special days and I would be in trouble if I didn’t partake in our wedding anniversaries! But again, these celebrations generally revolve around food and getting a nice meal somewhere.

That’s Saying Nothing – 27th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You used a lot of words
To say nothing at all
Asking for some clarity
You raised a higher wall

Fake it until you make it
The megalomaniacal king
The rebels at the ramparts
Protest the hate you bring

The castle you’re living in
Contains a bloodied throne
Surrounded by your leeches
And afraid to be alone

There’s no way to be equal
In the games that you play
If you can’t explain yourself
Then there’s nothing left to say

Most people seek to avoid tedium, pain and any form of adversity. You must choose to move in the opposite direction.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see Amy’s grandmum on her 90th birthday yesterday. She’s going good.

My pen broke yesterday, leaving me penless. I brought one from home today but it doesn’t flow as well. I love a good pen.

After school yesterday, I took Amy to the skin doctor, who gave her a bunch of pills and creams that have previously worked for her, so hopefully will clear her up by Saturday when she leaves.

While I was waiting, I gave Hayden a call and he told me he got his first tattoo, which came as a bit of surprise, though perhaps more surprising that it took him so long. Anyway, it looks cool. Three 5’s on his wrist, which has a special meaning for him and made more so when I told him its meaning of laughing in Thailand. I’d forgotten that it was Australia Day today and he was out with his friends, so we didn’t talk for long.

Got home dog-tired and didn’t make it into my room and tonight we have to attack the termite problem again with more things to try and kill them off.

A Magic Trick – 26th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

A theatre in which to participate
A groupthink in which to integrate
Share no thoughts, share no feeling
Just a picture of instant appealing

A fantasy completely documented
A world that you yourself invented
Within that mirror, behind the screen
A hamster wheel forever unseen

A like or love with each clickety-click
Buying more will do the trick
The magic hat, a rabbit appears
A wave of the wand to dry your tears

Ocean sunsets with glorious wives
A time to remember for all your lives
Yet forgotten as you endlessly feed
And try to satisfy your doom-scrolling need

13 Aug 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Mislead

The meaning of life is nested within the set terms of our own mortality.

Nick Cave

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nancy for giving me a nice scarf as a gift yesterday. It was a nice surprise.

I’m glad today is an easy teaching day as I’m pretty exhausted. My body is OK after exercise but my head just feels laggy.

Last night, Amy had a really allergic reaction to her dreaded enemy, the hairy worm. It affected her face and around her butt and thighs. Her skin came up in welts. It’s amazing how badly it affects her and yet I don’t have any problem with them at all. She took some medicine which knocked her out and I also had a deep sleep from which I didn’t want to wake this morning.

Today is Amy’s grandmum’s 90th birthday party. She’s starting to show her age these days, though I think her brain is still going strong. It must be annoying to not have total control over your body. It’s what we’re headed for.

What’s an ageing-related adjustment you refuse to make and why?

Right now, I feel like I’m constantly trying to fight my own narrow-mindedness. I don’t want to be that grumpy old man who complains about ‘things these days’. As a result, I don’t want to stop learning new things. Health-wise, there’s nothing much needed at the moment. I definitely don’t want to be in the brown and grey parade, so I try to keep my clothes young and fresh-looking. I think this could be a question for ten and twenty years time.

Grandmum’s 90th birthday lunch was yummy, after which I dashed off to an ATM to get cash for my work permit, as last year I didn’t bring any and they didn’t accept cards or QR payments. Well prepared this time……except! Except now they don’t accept cash but only cards and QR payments, which I now no longer had enough funds left in the bank! Argh! Expect the unexpected!

This is so typical of Thailand that it is not worth getting stressed about. Just like last year, I knew that they would sort it out and they did. Someone there who was also applying for their permit paid for me and I gave her the cash.

Shut Up And Shout – 25th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Letting others speak, even some nasty words
Tells you almost everything you need to know
Rather they, than you, put a foot in it
It’s a wonderful lesson for truth to grow

You can’t change what happened but what happens from here is up to you.

owner of Cerro Gordo

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to change up my first lesson today to start outside – give the kids and me something different to do.

After 3 busy, fun classes today, I can say that the kids are inspiring. In the morning, we did running dictation outside, which was a nice break from being in the classroom. Funny how some days the vibe is not quite right and other times everyone has a good time. So, it’s good to take it day by day and not stress when the bad ones happen.

After school yesterday, I went to Bruno’s and we went for our usual two circuit walk, to take me over 10,000 steps for the day. We talked about what happened with George last week and I feel OK with it and that it has told me more about him than he tried to imply about me. I also read about how some of us just prefer to be alone and are often criticised by those who are more social. I can accept George for the way he is – I can’t control it and it’s not my place to. It feels like he cannot do the same. So, whatever, as they say.

When I got home, I had a shower and a spoonful of kratom and felt awesome again, though I didn’t make it to my room to practice keyboard and guitar. Hopefully tonight.

What age-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?

The most obvious adjustment for me is health-wise, with cutting down on alcohol almost completely and doing more regular exercise. As a slow learner, I finally figured out to start small and build on the habit. Many of us are like that.

Beauty and style-wise, there’s not much of anything since bleaching my hair, giving up on trying to make my pepper hair black. I think I’ve been like this for 5 or more years already. It’s cool to have bleached hair in Thailand, as dark hair is pretty much the norm.

Maybe learning keyboard and guitar can be considered age-related adjustments; some things I now consider possible for me to learn, whereas I didn’t really have the opportunity before.

Top Of The World – 24th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What was here in the week before existence?
Were those seven days, days at all?
Were you alive yet somewhere else?
Hidden behind some divine wall?
What meaning has a simple atom?
The planning, random, still put us here
Must I make my own definition
Atop the world, this spinning sphere?

You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. But, that’s why they have coffee.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I didn’t kill our grasscutter by putting the wrong oil in it. I poured it out after realising and everything was ok.

Did not sleep easily last night but feeling ok this morning. Just a little chest workout to get going this morning. Been trying mini 3-minute meditations but even those, I’m not able to keep focus. Will persevere.

Amy spent most of the day at the Cafe With No Name and I cut the grass and tinkered in my room a while.

Preparing myself for next weekend when Amy will be away. Need to find an ironing routine! Ugh! Will try to do some tonight.

Have to do a little more lesson planning and prep too. I want to add some variety to my lessons again. Try and keep students interested. After enjoying the weekend at home, I know where I would prefer to be, really. The kids will keep me inspired, hopefully.