Tag: quote

You relapse unconscious, you don’t remember – 17th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the help my co-workers give me.

17th Mar 2023 – Fuck me, Shaun! What was this help!? Sometimes I just have to pretend that I am good with words. Still, at least I got something down for the day! Perhaps there’s more information hidden away in another book somewhere.

The paradox of the internet has always been that the thing that’s connecting us all also seems to be driving us apart.

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • Shut your mouth! I know you want to speak – but DON’T!!! ✅
  • Pictures for Fern and Chinese teacher
  • Figure out 6 daily life topics ✅
  • AirAsia refunds
  • Stay calm and stay chill – sabai sabai ✅

I stayed calm and clear today and believe that I successfully did what was asked of me, without complaint.

I rewarded myself by coming home early and relaxing with TV – almost forgetting about having to teach Bruce. That was a bit of a shock to the system but again, I dealt with it quite well.

Tomorrow I need to start planning for next semester – working for my new masters!

We got that attitude! – 16th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have a car so I can get places without having to suffer so much from the polluted air.

There is no great difference between novels and banana bread. They are both just something to do

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • Finish off AirAsia refunds
  • See if the Office downloads can work ✅
  • Enjoy your day, your work, your interactions ✅
  • Drawings for Fern and Chinese teacher
  • Go to book shop, drug store and buy Vitamins ✅

Well, today went well until the rabbits (the idiots) raised their paws and decided that things were not well with my grading. Rather than actually tell me what the problem was they deferred and advised me to ask someone else tomorrow.

The problem, I already know – because I graded accordingly – so many students did not pass. What is the point of grading if our grades are not permitted? It’s a waste of everyone’s time. Why even teach?

Anyway, it’s an easy fix – it just involves lying and deceit. Is this right? Is this moral? Of course not. It perpetuates the lie that everything is ok. It hurts to be part of this. Fight it or forget it? Of course, the best answer is to forget it but then nothing changes. I hate this time of year.

Tomorrow, no doubt, to pass the time quickly I will adjust the grades so that everyone will pass. And….hmmm….everyone will be happy….?

We got that attitude! – 11th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for being able to entertain myself at home.

Peace is the break between two wars.

Krishnamurti

To-do list

  • Just Dance ✅
  • Meditate ½
  • Sort CDs ½
  • Finish grading files ✅
  • Read a lot of Midnight’s Children ½

Dancing got us revved up this morning and I set to finishing marking all the exams and completing the files at around 5 pm. I remained calm even whilst trying to navigate the nonsense that gets sent out to us teachers. I even realised that marking the exams doesn’t really mean anything. It’s a strange system that sets the teacher to write the exam because it can’t be compared with anything. There needs to be a standard exam and defined curriculum to work with – it’s a huge waste of time for teachers year after year after year. But, whatever – I did it – it’s done (at least until someone tells me I have to do more).

Whilst marking the exams I think they were quite well done in that (with only a few exceptions) they accurately reflected the standard of the students. Someone will look at the results and will get upset because the scores are so low. They could say that the teacher is no good, to which can countered with, then why let the teacher write the exam?

I can see Ray, who taught these kids last semester, was very lenient with his marks and that’s fine – no one has the same standard. The three days I’ve spent filling in grades will be looked over and modified so that no one fails so that all entries can just be filled with random numbers and, indeed, that is what many teachers do.

I’m aware that someone will likely say something to me about my grading and I will have to control myself and try to be as diplomatic as possible. I don’t know how well I can handle that.

I’m always surprised at the things people come up with when they have different ideas about how things should be done.

We got that attitude! – 10th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to my students this semester. They made me laugh despite driving me so crazy!

Now, you’re in this argument. In the middle of it, take a deep breath and ask yourself ‘What do I want right now?’ My hunch is the answer is NOT ‘I want to argue!’

To-do list

  • Just Dance
  • Mark exams and complete grading ½
  • Record TCRAH
  • Meditate (Inner Engineering)
  • Sort more CDs (about halfway done now!)

I ate a lot of blue cheese yesterday and it woke me up during the night with bad diarrhoea so I ended up sleeping almost until midday.

After lunch, I started marking exams and it was around 7 pm by the time I finished so didn’t get many of the things done that I wanted. However, I feel like I still achieved things and completed tasks that had to be done.

I enjoyed marking the exam and thinking about all those different personalities in my class. It really sucks that the system has let the students down but it is what it is. I have to figure out a way to find myself happy within it.

I thought today that I can’t change the world – the ideal of youth – so I can only change myself.

Tomorrow, I hope to dance!

Tune for the wind god – 9th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a lot of free time and not feel under pressure.

“How do I know that the wind should blow? It’s blowing!” She adds “I realised that it’s insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose – but only 100% of the time.”

Byron Katie

To-do list

  • Just Dance ✅
  • Again, yes again – think before writing and speaking ✅
  • Start grading if you can ✅
  • Meditate (Inner Engineering) ✅
  • Sort more CDs ✅

Watched the first Swans game of the year (not sure we’ll be in any contention this year – we have good players but not a good team for some reason) and taught Ellen, so the day has flown by.

Feeling good and positive again – maybe because I’ve been laughing at myself playing Just Dance in the morning. Going to do it again tomorrow.

12 Jun 2024 – The Swans finished 16th out of 18 this year. One of the only years they have not played finals in the last couple of decades. It was a time of rebuilding and if memory serves me correctly they made the Grand Final a couple of years later.

We got that attitude! – 5th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for my lounge where I can lay and read or listen to music or even sleep.

How does it help…to make troubles heavier by bemoaning them?

Marcus Aurelius

To-do list

  • Stretch and exercise when you wake ½
  • Meditate before looking at the computer ✅
  • More CD sorting ✅
  • Clear emails ✅
  • Figure out script for files ✅

Quite happy with today. Spent a lot of the day reading Lu Xun’s ‘Medicine’ for a Chinese student studying about translations. It was interesting and put me in a good mood. Helped by figuring out the script I wanted on my computer.

Almost at the end of the first week at home. I would like to and ride around a bit but it doesn’t matter too much. When I’m away from school I start to feel more like myself again. Still practising, still improving.

Which one are you today? – 3rd March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Picture of some flying insect building its home on one of our trees. Not for long!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this time to enjoy my life. I can sit in my room in silence and feel content.

Idleness can be useful; it allows us the space to explore and soothe our troubled soul.

School of Life

To-do list

  • Record and upload TCRAH ½
  • Close tabs on Chrome ½
  • Read and write (writing is awkward) ½
  • Don’t start anything new ✅
  • More CD organising ✅

Lazy day. I did a bunch of preparation and bits and pieces. I could quite happily stay at home all the time. What do I really need to be doing? Tomorrow will be the same so I’m glad of that.

5th June 2024 – Whilst I’m still happy at home, the long periods of time spent at home after this point due to COVID-19 definitely made me reevaluate this thought!

We got that attitude! – 29th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for Epit taking the time and effort to drive me around KL and to take care of me on this visit.

Regrets are only regrets if you haven’t learned something from them.

To-do list

  • Talk with Talib and Thiban about plans ✅
  • Talk with Sikin about tapes ✅
  • Stay positive – enjoy the friendships of the living ✅
  • Savour the tahlil and Kimi’s memory ✅

Everyone here is so lovely and friendly. I really like it and I love to visit but it is strange not to see Kimi. I keep imagining he will suddenly appear.

Sikin seems to be doing ok but I’m not sure when she’s by herself. Epit and Aelin’s kids are fun and I hope they have enjoyed having me around.

Tonight I just found out that I won’t be able to go back to school due to the virus and a new law enacted that stops people who have been in Malaysia from going out for 14 days on return. This is kind of good news though I’m guessing I won’t be getting paid. Hopefully, I can treat it like a bonus holiday and I still have the online teaching to do.

We got that attitude! – 28th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be able to afford to fly to visit my friends.

Hanlon’s Razor – never attribute to malice what be attributed to stupidity.

To-do list

  • Follow usual morning routine ✅
  • Wear make everywhere ✅
  • Meditate ✅
  • Find out about SIM card ✅
  • Enjoy time with Epit and his kids ✅

It was a terrible start to the day as Amy and I fought over money and my travelling. I was so upset I wanted to cancel my plans and not go to KL. I don’t feel like Amy’s frustrations are really about money or me travelling but more connected with her feelings about Thailand.

I want to suggest to her that she goes back to Australia later in the year and work there for three months and see how she feels. Something has to change.

My plan now is to try and enjoy 12 months more of teaching in the school and if I can’t get on with it then I will stop and just teach at home and online. I think Amy can go back to Australia and work if she really feels like money is going to be a big problem. It doesn’t have to be for six months at a time but that’s up to her.

Another possibility is that she really gets behind teaching at home. I feel like she hasn’t really invested herself into it to make it a viable income yet.

The other thing we should do is to sell the house. I’m sick of always having to think about money and if it is spoiling our happiness even when we live in a beautiful home then we can live anywhere. It doesn’t matter. So long as I can have a space to call my own and a happy Amy then that’s what I want.

I’ve got a question to ask you, and then you can ask it of me – 27th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my psychiatrist who prescribes me my medicine. Can I live without it?

Forgiveness is choosing to not let negative events of the past define how you feel about someone or something in the present.

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • Finish Chinese drawing.
  • Eye-gaze practice – so difficult! ½
  • Stay calm. Talk less. ½
  • Staple exam papers. ✅
  • Focus on colours today ½

Stayed calm but talked quite a bit with Said and George.

Occasionally focused on colours and tried to remember about eye gazing. It’s really uncomfortable though!

I stayed calm during a difficult lesson this morning but some of the smarter kids had a great idea to go outside and finish the lesson and it worked out really well.

My other lesson was fine and I spent a couple of hours talking with George. I really look up to his way of thinking and want to push myself to end up like that too. I found myself interrupting him in conversation sometimes though and must try not to do that, and to really listen to what he is saying rather than just waiting to say the thing I want to say.

I felt a bit rejuvenated after that though not having any proper lunch made me tired as I got home. I did, however, feel some relief at it being the end of the working week for me.

Tomorrow I will use the time on the plane to read and meditate.