Tag: racism

To The Bliss – 18th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Challenge the unchallenged
Surrendering to the blissful
Ignorance, life unexamined
Anxiety becomes wishful
– A fate worse than death!

inspired by Existential Comics
submitted to Moonwashed Musings

Today I’m feeling:

Excellent.  Got up 5 minutes earlier than usual so that I can incorporate some stretching into my morning exercise routine.  Also gone back to two lots of exercise.  The habit is fairly well entrenched now so doing a little extra is not too much of an issue.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru David joining me briefly for a coffee at House. It cut into my writing time but actually, I appreciated a quick chat about AFL and racist English hooligans!

The best thing about today was:

Getting home around 2pm and getting lots of things done earlier than usual (trying to prioritise things).  It’s not even 6pm at the moment and just a couple of things left to do.  I was already contemplating going to bed and reading comics and I’ll do that soon I think. 

I need to adjust my sleep time a little too, with getting up five minutes earlier and extra morning exercise.  I don’t seem to have any problem falling asleep but I’ve not been getting good sleep recently due to waking up with pain in my right shoulder.

Something I learned today?

I read an interesting article on the West’s history of the Great Leap Forward in China and how no one who went there could find any evidence of a famine at all.  There were food shortages due to 3 years of crop failure and the US, intent on destroying the Communist Party of China, then sanctioned grain into the country.  However, the CPC continued to distribute grain to those most in need. 

The whole narrative is posited to be pure Western propaganda and the figures quoted for the number of people who died were just the usual number of people that died anyway.  When something is quoted as ‘6 million people died during the famine’ it implies that it would be on top of the normal death rate. 

The author provided lots of evidence and it also reinforces other articles I’ve read recently stating that the US war with China started when they realised the Nationalists would be defeated by the communists. 

Over time, I’ve become more convinced of the lies and deceit at play in the hands of the USA and it has become much harder to decide what is the truth.  As the old phrase states, ‘If you see the lips moving then you know they are lying.’

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

The usual encouragement to my students for trying their best.

What were some moments of joy I experienced this year?

This is hard for me to recall specifically but as moments of joy did not particularly stand out (which doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy or having a great time) I do recall moments of savouring. And these too are not specific but I do recall the feeling when it occurs.

Sometimes this might be several times a day and other times maybe just once a week. It could be on a bike ride, drinking a coffee, eating food or just sitting and reflecting. That feeling has come more often in recent years rather than moments of joy.

I took this picture because Cappuccino looked beautiful sitting in the soft light of the sunrise this morning.

Sometimes a parrot talks – 7th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the 1970s, 80s and 90s, Arthur Deikman warned that many of the spiritual and utopian groups that had mushroomed out of the counter-culture were harmful cults…… He identified four signs of cult-like behaviour — dependence on a leader, compliance with the group, forbidding dissent, and devaluing outsiders. These four behaviours were particularly strong in cults, he suggested, but existed throughout society.

Jules Evans – The soulful psychiatrist (email newsletter)

When I read this I immediately became aware that the school system that I am working within in this country is cult-like. These are government schools where I work, so it makes some sense. Governments operate utilising these four behaviours too.

In this system, preferences are given to the leader, superior or elder, whether they are deserving or not. If they are found lacking machinations begin to move that leader along, often with a handshake to comfort the stab in the back.

Compliance within the group is essential. You must conform. Non-conformity will enable idle gossip, rumour and lies. This will dig deep into your soul until it becomes unbearable. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. (I am that nail, over and over. Yes, I am stupid but I hope to learn.) It is a culture clash that happens repeatedly as teachers come and go faster than they can be replaced. No one learns from this as each party shakes their fists as they walk away.

Dissent leads the same way. Any question is seen as dissent, any suggestion is dissent, opening your mouth can be taken as dissent. To make improvements trickster behaviour must be employed, backroom suggestions that may filter through as if the leaders had thought of it themselves.

And the old favourite – devaluing outsiders. In an environment of education, it seems like it should be essential for everyone to work together. However, here there is a palpable us and them. If you decide to follow the path of non-compliance and dissent you will be seen to have no value (‘you’re one of them, one of them’). The survival technique ensures devaluing yourself – it is too great a burden for many to take.

I am not filled with hope for education in this country. But I can hope that it is only my limited experience and that things are much better in private schools at least, but which unfortunately only the wealthy can afford.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #28

Music from Aburadako, Ween, The Fall, Ahleuchastistas, Steve Miller Band, Radio Palestine, Sajjanu, The Motions, The Letters, Abnorman Chaffy, The Ramones, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Girls Against Boys, Marmalade Butcher, Guzzlemug, Slight Seconds, Cinematics, Strange Changes.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to watch our trees sprout new growth. To see the birds fly down from the branches and pick up yummy worms.

To-do list

  • Practice being nicer to everyone ½
  • Upload and record TCRAH ✅
  • Check files and start grading ✅
  • More CD sorting ✅
  • Xbox Dance today?

I woke up a little hungover today despite only having two beers last night. I’m really not enjoying drinking as much now, though I think I’m not really enjoying anything at the moment. It’s just a feeling that I’m sure will pass soon enough. I feel like I’m going through the motions mostly.

I did get a few things done today and starting to refocus myself a little and after six days stuck at home, I am getting a little itchy to just go for a walk.

I really want to get up tomorrow morning and start playing that dance game. I must do it. I should dance – in my own unstylish way. It will at least make Amy smile.

I got bothered today because Amy mentioned that when I write to school or TLC my words are quite argumentative, or could be perceived that way. I need to become more aware of that and be more amenable. I must think more about what I write and hoping that will transfer to the way I speak too.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #21 – 18th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!

To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.

Joseph Epstein

To-do list

  • Upload TCRAH ✅
  • Finish writing to Chrissie
  • Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
  • Go to the gym
  • Sort out more in the office ✅

I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.

Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.

In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.

I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.

I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.

It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!

Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.

Well, what will tomorrow bring?

You may think you don’t need teaching but you’ll need it when you’re old – 17th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been spending what free time I have reading a lot this year and really getting into it.  English books are a little hard to come by here – there’s just one guy who sells secondhand books from his house here.  He’s a character – and not always particularly pleasant but his bigotry and short temper cracks me up more than offends.  When you hear another foreign immigrant being racist to other people (who don’t live here), it kinds of shines a different light on things in some ways.  Being English and white in this country is a double-edged sword – for me and for people judging me.  It’s an unusual situation to be in.

One time I was sitting in his shop chatting with him when two early 20-year-olds, backpackers, had been browsing and brought two books to him to ask the price. They then spent what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about 30 seconds, discussing if they could buy both and carry both. I could see our bookseller getting more and more agitated and eventually he grabbed the books off them and shouted at them to stop wasting his time. He handed one book back and said ‘Give me 100 baht for this one and get out of my shop!’ I couldn’t stop laughing.

The girls were discussing whether they could afford to spend another couple of dollars or be bothered to carry two books instead of one. It was a very inconsequential decision that they just couldn’t arrive at. To have someone unable to make this decision when an extra 100 baht would really make a difference to this guy was obviously frustrating. They also weren’t to know that he was late to take care of a friend of a friend who was dying of cancer. Something done out the goodness of his heart. Humans are complicated.

Anyways, I’ve been stocking up books, trying to build a library of my own.  Inspired by a friend’s room of books and old wooden shelves, which I always loved being in – to browse, to consider, to wonder, to breath in that mysterious air of hidden words.  I once went into an antique bookshop in Albury and immediately told the owner that I wasn’t going to buy anything but I just wanted to look and smell the books.  He was quite agreeable.

When moving from Oz to Thailand I grew accustomed to letting go of things that I had held with some regard.  Of course, the things I held really dear I shipped over.  It’s a good catharsis to sell or gift things that you own though.  It’s not like we can keep them forever anyway.

I also remember a quote from a writer, maybe Marquez, along the lines of ‘one must die with a library of mostly unread books.’  Not sure my wife agrees with this philosophy but that’s probably why my office/library/man cave is in a room outside my house.  I look through the books contemplating what I’m going to read next and can get excited with the possibilities. I turn my head as I’m sitting here and thinking about All Quiet On The Western Front, The Grapes of Wrath or Lord Jim?

On the iPad, which I use to read comics mostly, I’m thinking to start on Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses. It was the bookseller who got me interested in this as he mentioned it was banned in Thailand for some reason I forget now. He described the story a little bit to me and the idea seemed cool enough for me to give it a go. How can a country ban books these days when it’s so easy to transfer them digitally? I sent a copy of Animal Farm to a friend in China. Easy enough (and they’re still alive and free!).

The book I have been enjoying most is Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. I’m not sure where I saw a recommendation for this, though I’m guessing it was from The Daily Stoic. I’m guessing this because as I read it I see those philosophical themes throughout. The characters are fascinating in their different beliefs and ideas and Tolstoy makes you feel sympathetic with everyone of them.

I was never a big reader when I was younger and I was thinking that a younger me would have dismissed ever trying this book. Why would I want to try and understand about Russian aristocracy from over 100 years ago? What did that have to do with me and my life now? Ah, the stupidity of youth. I’m often envious of those who have found this beauty in the world at a younger age than myself. Why am I late to the wisdom table!?

I can only hope that in my teaching I can inspire the kids to get there quicker than I did. When I look at all the ‘trouble-makers’ in my class I only see my own stupid face reflected in their eyes. Ah, the stupidity of youth. But I wouldn’t really wish it any other way – and what would be the point?

“And so from school to the outside world these morals you will take…”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my dreams. I can meet old friends, people who are no longer in my life. They stay close to my thoughts and experience.

To-do list

  • Email to Aaron and float the TCRAH idea to him
  • Give more positive reinforcement to the kids
  • Compliment one of the other teachers
  • Follow up with Andrew about Indra
  • Check on the IEC lesson for the New Year’s week, maybe plan something else

Did it list

Wrote email to Aaron.
Made some arrangements with Indra for shows in Yogyakarta.
Up to date with Anna Karenina cliff notes.
Read 4 chapters of Anna Karenina.
Did 30 squats and weightless shoulder presses.
Posted to 1994ever blog.
Survived one testing class today!
Updated lessons to allow for the 2-day week at New Year’s.
Cleared some emails and Chrome tabs.
Brief online talk with Cake.

My regular English class were very testing today but I realised that my lesson plan was not so smart – the ideas were good but the execution was not so much.
I don’t really know how to get the class to settle back down again after some excitement. I think to improve I need to be more aware of the class dynamic and arrange my lesson accordingly. Don’t shove too much into it.
My other class went well though I still see room for improvement – it gave me an idea though, that hopefully makes the next lesson easier.

There are words we hold inside and words we can’t conceal – 17th-22nd March 2018

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Five exhausting days down. Early starts, late nights, big digs and frequent fights. Building a house isn’t stressful, right? Even though I’m not physically doing the building there’s much to consider every day and without the local language, it’s an extra stress on Amy to translate and sometimes even decipher, as she doesn’t know some of the correct words and phrases for things in either language.

Language and its meaning have become an issue from time to time as, from what I can feel, Thai is quite vague about things and, of course, English likes to be precise. Words like soon, here, now, not sure and the ubiquitous yes and no can all be interpreted in many ways.

Amy has gotten used to the more precise language of English but I’ve noticed her falling back into vaguer terms which in the end frustrates me.  Sometimes, she’ll get annoyed when Thai people do the same to her too.  When it is other people, such as the workers building our house or Amy’s friends trying to arrange things etc then it doesn’t bother me too much but somehow when it’s Amy doing it to me and then she gets frustrated with me then it can escalate quickly depending on the moods we’ve woken up with.  (This paragraph seems vague to me now on re-reading so maybe I’m adapting too!)

This week those moods have been tested by many things. The set of workers who have been here for two months have moved to a new site, dismantling their temporary shacks. We (Amy and her mum really) organised a big meal and beer and juice for their last night but that morning we had to run around to fix up a few things that the workers had broken or messed up that by lunchtime Amy and I were both getting hangry with each other.

Finally, we got some lunch and slowly our moods improved particularly after our builder dropped by and tried to help out with fixing things. Late afternoon soon came and we both couldn’t wait to start on a cold beer and we prepared tables, chairs and food.

Although most of the workers are Burmese and don’t speak Thai, and none of them speaks any English, we’ve come to know and appreciate each other whilst working together here.  We can see that they are not professionals and they are doing their best, they work really hard in pretty rough conditions.  If we look closely at their work we can see things aren’t straight or haven’t been done quite to the standard we might expect in the west, or the standard we might actually desire.  We have to accept that you get what you pay for and this is what we can afford right now.

Honestly, we really do appreciate the work they’ve done and it was great to see their happy faces as we tried to talk with each other. We found out that they are all from Yangon and only get back home once every 2 years and it’s a three-day bus ride. We told them that we could understand how they feel, being displaced in another country. Amy has to chastise some of her friends who sometimes make derogatory comments about foreign labour ‘taking our jobs’. Yes, it’s the same here as anywhere else in the world. She reminds them that she was in the same situation for ten years in Australia and had to face the same kind of intolerance from people too.

After a few days of stress, we were somewhat more relieved at the arrival of some doors and windows. Even though we don’t have them all yet it gave us a small sense of security and a feeling that this is ours. Despite all the minor faults here and there, most of which can be fixed, we can see our home becoming more real. Now, if we can just get the final doors put in, maybe we can stop the rats and hairy worms from invading.

Talking of visitors a local dog decided to drop by and christened our new driveway gate before continuing on his way. A cat seems to have left its mark in our dining room too, something we’ll have to clean up smell-wise before we move our two in here and they decide to start doing the same thing.

This dog certainly made an impression.

We also need to start investigating what types of trees to plant to entice more birds to come and visit, in the hope that they eat more of the bugs that are hanging around. We’re on a big learning curve with the garden and due to its size just taking care of it is very time-consuming. Currently, watering takes a couple of hours. Yesterday I borrowed Amy’s dad’s strimmer, called a lawn mower here, and set about attacking the weeds and long grass that have sprouted pretty much everywhere. The strimmer uses a metal blade and our land is littered with hidden rocks and stones and I didn’t even make it halfway before the blades got messed up and the internal rotor decided it had had enough of my heavy-handedness and the thing fell apart. Looks like an easy fix but only for someone who knows what they are doing, ie. not me.

Luckily, many things seem to grow easily here. I mean, besides the weeds. Check out the size of our first mango below.

“Don’t forget to keep your head to the ground.”

Three