A little tired and gloomy, due to the weather and grey skies. Everything is fine, it just looks a little off. I have heavy eyes, perhaps from staying up too late last night.
Today I’m grateful for:
My umbrella, or more specifically for thinking of taking my umbrella with me from the car before my second class. It pissed down about twenty seconds later.
The best thing about today was:
Writing what felt like a pretty good poem in between my two classes today. I struggled for any inspiration earlier in the morning.
Something I learned today?
Julian Assange is finally free.
A lot of the grade 8 girls got a cervical cancer vaccine today and I only found out when I saw Palm crying and when I grabbed her shoulders to comfort her she started crying more!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
This evening I messaged Palm to see if her arm is ok now.
Armed with my umbrella I offered to share it with Ploy and Kaem as they were stuck in the canteen until I came along. We all still got pretty wet though!
I took this picture last week because Tangmo brought along a friend one morning. Very friendly but completely subservient to Tangmo. They love running, rolling and play fighting.
Can we grow? Help each other know The best is ahead; let’s just start with better It’s the knowing when to come and go Through thick and thin together
Twenty years with no exchange When we didn’t need each other Resumes without feeling strange Wherever you are, I’m your brother
Written for an AllPoetry assignment analysing friendship
Today I’m feeling:
Reasonable. I reluctantly got up with my alarm as my neck was sore but opted out of any exercise and after a shower went out for coffee. I wanted to be productive today so didn’t dilly-dally too much and when I got home I went to my room and caught up on some emails and a little bit of writing.
After lunch though I couldn’t help having a little nap but when I woke up I forced myself back out again to play some guitar.
The rest of the afternoon and evening have disappeared with some YT videos and helping some students with reading.
Today I’m grateful for:
Rain! Finally. Though it didn’t last much longer than 30 minutes and afterwards the humidity set right back in.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing my first erasure poem. The words came out well but the overall look is a bit messy. I need to study what others have done and get ideas from them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I wanted to read more of my book today but watching videos won out.
Something I learned today?
There was a cosplay event at Central today. Baipad told me that she was going to check it out. She was a little disappointed that it wasn’t bigger but Chiang Rai is still a small city compared with Chiang Mai or Bangkok.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I took some of Amy’s cookies to Utopia for them to try. I didn’t think much of it at the time but when I stepped back in home Amy had already received a message from Art wanting to order some! Amy was convinced that I did it just to try and get her busy at home but I laughed and she was being good-humoured too.
Later in the afternoon, she started working out how much they cost to make and what she could sell them for.
I took this picture because our neighbours were chilling this morning.
A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price. Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste. I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.
The best thing about today was:
Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year. But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall. The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up. Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger. I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year. I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.
Something I learned today?
Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting. It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere. Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches. I’m still quite smitten with it all though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”
The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for. Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something. I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.
I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm. I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.
I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning.
Better than yesterday but I slept really badly, waking seemingly every 20 minutes or so and feeling either too hot or too cold. When I went out for coffee Noey commented that I looked better today, that yesterday I looked about 60 years old and today I look about 20! I’ll take compliments wherever I can get them.
It felt good to work with Thiban this morning and get the order placed for the High Voltage/Speech Odd split 12”. We were able to get that done before Amy and I headed into the city to see Grandmum and get lunch.
Today I’m grateful for:
A surprise rain last night that did the watering for us and helped clean the air of the layer of smoke descending from the mountains.
The best thing about today was:
Still being alive. Many others didn’t make it today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy invited me into the room to see her grandmum. I didn’t want to go but felt obliged to. She looks like a skeleton, just bones and motionless except gasping for air. I couldn’t stay.
A minute later, Amy let out a scream and everyone came running. As mum comforts grandmum, saying it’s ok to go, but life wants to hold on. Shallow breath returns but how long can death be put off and is it worth it? There’s nothing to look forward to except another gulp of breath.
Another minute later and she’s gone.
I don’t know what the etiquette is now or how to help. I feel useless. This once vibrant body is off on its final disintegration and I don’t wish to acknowledge that this is my fate. Everyone’s fate. I feel empty in my stomach.
I don’t cry for grandmum, for Amy or her family. I cry for my own useless self.
Something I learned today?
It seems that the best option for the nomeansno book is to order it on Amazon but as money is short this month it will have to wait.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Of course, today took a turn and I did as Amy instructed without complaint despite still feeling dizzy and tired by around 4pm. Lots of running around picking up things for the temple. This will be the way for tonight and the following three nights before the last prayers and trip to the crematorium.
I took this picture of Grandmum’s photos that we took to the flower shop and will be used alongside the wreaths for her funeral. Her younger self; a beautiful Chinese-looking lady, though I think the Chinese heritage was on the grandfather’s side. The picture on the right was how I knew her. She always offered me food when I saw her. I held her hand when we went out to restaurants or visited the temple, her skin was so soft and smooth that it was hard to believe she was the age she was. She would have been 92 in March. A good run but as I approach my own end it doesn’t seem like it is even close to enough.
When the things you own Start to own you It’s time to head to the river And watch it all float away Say goodbye to safety Burn everything that belongs No thieves can come to spoil To steal away the heart When the wind blows away the nest Or the wolves knock down All the walls you thought you owned You see the splendour in new bricks
inspired by the line from Fight Club ‘The things you used to own, now they own you’
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and tired. I enjoyed a sleep-in and feel like I may not make it through the day without a nap but I also feel like my body is recovering faster each Saturday now. I’m grateful for the rest day though more thoughts are coming now about doing exercise because I know more about the benefits through experience. I’m still not quite ready and the holiday will surely set me back but I think it will come one day.
Today I’m grateful for:
My last weed gummy that I bought months ago. I heard that the government has banned weed again though I don’t know how well it will be enforced. All the folks who have invested in it surely won’t switch to another product for a while so I’m guessing it will still be available. While I sometimes like the effects of ingesting weed I’m less bothered about it these days.
The best thing about today was:
I caved to the nap and it was great! Almost three hours.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got back from Utopia, the sun was poking out so I decided to stick the washing on and hope for the best with the weather. As I hopped into bed for a nap the pitter-patter of raindrops could be heard hitting the tin roof outside. It wasn’t enough to stir me though and a couple of minutes later it had become a deluge and I handled it by falling asleep dreamily to calming sounds.
Something I learned today?
Art will go for a walk up to the Hill Tribe village past the Nang Lae waterfall tomorrow at 6.30 a.m. He invited me, which I’m grateful for, but I prefer to catch up on relaxing the weekend away after my 6 a.m. weekday starts.
What were the highlights of this past month?
I always find these questions difficult because I’m not really seeking highlights but consistent contentment and so if I think back over this month it has been steadily positive and happy.
My various interactions with my students are foremost in my enjoyment but they come thick and easy during the work days.
I took this picture because I still didn’t take any pictures today and decided on these two ducks found in a second-hand store, with the awesome picture I got made for Amy behind them.
Relaxed and a little sad. Most of my relationships now have been formed around my students and I know that I will miss them during the holidays. Some students feel the same, not necessarily about me but about not being able to meet their friends often. But it is also great to have a break from it all too and I’m starting to look forward to going to Australia.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Gam for putting a frangipani behind my ear, giving me a hug and saying she will miss me in the holiday. I have appreciated her efforts to improve her English this semester and she has appreciated the time I spent to help her.
The best thing about today was:
Little Nicha wrote a very sweet message for me in the Quizizz I gave her class today. Along the lines of ‘Thank you to help me learn more when I am struggling and for comforting me when I was sad.’ I’m tearing up a little just writing it!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had psyched myself up to stay at school and play a little tennis with Funfai before her coaching but it had rained a lot during the afternoon and I wasn’t sure if she would still go. She said she wanted to and the rain had cleared so I waited around playing volleyball with a bunch of other kids. But then more rain came and I gave up and we agreed to try again next semester when there will be less rain.
So, it was annoying that I stayed around when I could’ve gone home quicker but I still enjoyed the time hanging out with different students.
Something I learned today?
Last night I was following up on the drama at school with Feije and asked Nong Fah what was the story. She told me a little and it was a totally new story to the one from the day before!
When I asked Fah what she thought about the events she said she didn’t know, much like when I asked her before what was up with Feije recently. I then realised that she was being typically Thai-style diplomatic and didn’t want to say anything bad about someone else.
I found this kind of endearing but also frustrating in that it’s difficult to know how people really feel about things in Thai culture.
Either way, it was an interesting learning experience for me to see how some cultural norms are here through the lens of my students.
Also in relation to yesterday, the student having trouble with his friends messaged me saying he stopped being friends with them because they were punching him. I told him that friends don’t do that and that he can tell me if they keep bullying him. He said that it was okay because he didn’t want to cause any trouble. I told him that I understood but that I was there if he needed me.
I thought that this was a kind of Thai attitude but now I’m writing more I guess this is how many kids deal with being bullied anywhere in the world.
What changes did I experience this past month?
This feels a little difficult to contemplate these days. Things are changing a lot more slowly than previously and are less noticeable. I guess that as it’s gotten to the end of September I’m starting to feel a little excitement about going to Australia, as I will leave in ten days time.
Also as the month has gone on and the holiday approached, I’ve felt a gradual winding down and relaxation in the classroom.
I took this picture because I have no new pictures today so scouted around the house for something interesting. These cats are part of a set of 5. The picture behind is from a long time back as I was still dying my hair black then. I think it’s from a trip to somewhere in Thailand.
Send me down to the countryside I’ll happily dig our ditches For the benefit of the countrywide Will one day lead to riches
Teach me how to let the water flow And guard against the flood Help each other to thrive and grow Community built on sweat and blood
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good though still a little rundown. My weekends are feeling the reverse of how they used to. I’m enjoying being at school during the day more than being at home. I know Amy will fill my time again when she’s back so I really should be relishing these lazy weekends of freedom. I’m not quite sure why I’m not.
Today I’m grateful for:
The last four candies I had in my car. When I got to school, the little group of kids I usually talk with were hanging out, eating breakfast. Noah looked at me with a smile and told me ‘Lin is crying’ and so she was. She had a snotty nose but didn’t look too sad.
I tried to find out what was upsetting her and all it seemed to be was that the food she bought for breakfast tasted bad. I think she knew that it wasn’t something so serious to be crying about but perhaps it was just an overwhelming feeling of disappointment and hunger. Tears then poured off her cheeks and into her lap though as Noah, bemused, sat by and comforted her.
Later I gave her the last of my candies and she was already feeling better.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing updating the blog with the handwritten gratitude journal entries. Another book out of the way. A lot more to go but at least I’m not adding so much more these days as I write here in the app instead.
I’ll finish up the diary and old poetry book before adding another book into my bag. I only have one more old diary to go, from 1985.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At the beginning of my class today two girls asked if they could go to get water which I allowed them to do as I took the register and handed out worksheets. I didn’t think much about what else was going on around me but soon realised when the girls turned up again five minutes totally drenched in the storm that came through. They had no way to dry off except jumping up and down and shaking themselves off and needless to say that didn’t really work. They couldn’t do my work because they would have just gotten the sheet wet but they agreed to do it home tonight. Let’s see if they do.
Something I learned today?
There is a city in China called Nagqu that is larger by area than Sweden! This ‘factoid’ seems to depend a lot on the definition of city though.
How am I using technology to make my life better?
Mainly for reading books and articles but there are probably many more that I’m already taking for granted. I am from a time when microwaves were the brand new thing, otherwise I would be scrubbing baked beans stuck on the bottom of the saucepan til this day.
The amount of information readily available now is overwhelming and I think most people are struggling to get to grips with it all.
I do still prefer the traditional methods for consuming information and entertainment such as books, comics and CDs but even these are diminishing now. I used to collect vinyl, comics and DVDs but all these things are now readily available, legal or not, at a few clicks.
I’m sometimes somewhat dubious that this makes my life better.
What is most important?
A healthy body, a healthy mind? Love? Amy? Hayden? My cats? My home? My work? Most important….? Is anything important?
What is in my control? The struggle. The suffering. The stress. To be here. To breathe. To persevere.
This question raises more questions. Or am I just avoiding a definitive answer? Most important to me must be myself. If I don’t take care of that how can I take care of anything else.
I took this picture because the combination of the misters in the cafe entrance garden, the downpour of rain and the dark foreboding clouds suddenly made this exit from a modern cafe feel like the beginning of an adventure into a damp and mysterious wonderland.
Slow and achy. Slept for ten pretty good hours and woke to some aches and pains from my exercise this week. Push through again next week. Make it normal. No real plan for today beyond hanging out the washing and maybe vacuuming. The most stress will be deciding what to eat.
Today I’m grateful for:
The brief sunshine this morning that got my clothes 90% dry before a quick rain shower happened and I had to quickly drag it all inside the kitchen to get completely dry.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to Eat Avery’s Bones whilst phasing in and out of lucid dreams.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Napping from about 4-6 pm kinda messed up my eating plans as I felt so tired that I would sleep again soon, so I didn’t want to eat a meal. I’ve been snacking all day instead and just about to get back into bed. I can eat tomorrow.
Who do I need to thank?
I generally thank everyone at the required moments in time. I don’t think I have anything in the past that specifically requires thanks though I could reaffirm my thanks to many people for their little slices of influence on me over my lifetime.
I took this picture last weekend because, on our bike ride, we came across this garden area that looked like it was being renovated. It’s on a main road but not a busy one and I’m curious who is likely to pay to come and look around here.
A little vague with heavy eyelids. Exercise got me going but driving to work I was distracted and forgetting how I’d even got to where I was. I know it’s the extra exercise making me tired but I’ve gotta try and keep it going. My body is benefitting and I need to get over the hump and get used to it, become a habit.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yet another half day with no classes affording me time to catch up on more reading and writing with my coffees.
I went upstairs to see who was in the classroom of what was usually my first class of the day. There were six students and when I asked where the rest were they told me that they’d gone to one of their dorm rooms. Amusingly they confirmed that they went there to sleep more. The idea though was that they go to the Science Day event rather than study with me. Sleep was not what they should miss my class for!
Never mind, I was taking advantage of the event too.
Whilst I was talking to those students I was feeling a little tired and slurring my words a little. One of them offhandedly remarked that I looked stoned. That reminded me that perhaps the effects of yesterday evening’s cannabis oil hadn’t quite worn off.
The best thing about today was:
At 6.30 pm sitting on the terrace in the cool air, writing here and hearing the drip drops of rain approaching from across the fields which became a steady fall, the windblown droplets cooling my skin even further. The rain is damn cold but I’m also thoroughly enjoying the feeling, sitting under cover and watching the water drip from the roof. Cap is sitting at the door looking out in comfort behind the screen. I think it will be an early night for me tonight.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been sleeping very well this week partly because of increasing my morning exercise routines but also aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter. One downside of that though was last night feeling sure that I had done my daily language learning only to discover this morning that I hadn’t done any at all! I also haven’t been able to read as many comics as usual, just feeling that I can’t keep my eyes open.
Something I learned today?
I’ve followed bits and pieces about Russia and the war in Ukraine and I understand very little about the involvement of the Wagner group. It felt like Western media was making a big deal over an alleged coup by the Wagner group and the words of its leader Prigozhin who ended up in Belarus. The Wagner group was then mentioned to be involved in Africa trying to counter armed interference from Western allies. Today, a small aircraft Prigozhin was on, crashed, killing everyone on board. There is sure to be more to that story.
I guess in some ways I’ve learned again that I know nothing.
What is the best gift I have ever given?
I’m struggling to even think about any gifts I have given!
There was the iPhone I bought for Amy when I came to Thailand but that was spoiled by the immigration officials who wanted the tax paid on it when I arrived. An iPhone is not really special either – it was more the surprise that I wanted Amy to get.
There were all the drawings of Amy and her friends that I did for our anniversary. That was a bit more special and personal.
Ok, here’s one. Back in 2013, I planned to go to Yogyakarta. Kimi and Sikin were disappointed that they couldn’t afford to meet me there so I bought them tickets. In the lead-up to that visit, I was suddenly retrenched and worried about spending too much money so I ended up cancelling my trip whilst Kimi and Sikin were still able to go! I shouldn’t have cancelled that trip but the future was feeling a bit uncertain at the time.
I took this picture because I was surprised to find Tigger in here, although as you can see he doesn’t all fit. All our cats constantly swap their favourite places and it feels like they wish that they could occupy them all at the same time to stop each other from stealing their spots. There’s something to be said for only owning one cat. But if we ever get more cats in the future I’d really like to get two or three brother and sister kittens. That would be great to watch them grow together and hopefully love each other more than our current cats do.
I’m a mafia, a ninja A beauty pageant queen A killer, a lover Not what I seem I’m a prisoner, running The drama in a dream A thriller, a horror Lived out on a screen I’m a wolf, a soldier All I want I’ve been A housewife, a salesman A life lived so clean I’m a target, a comedian Laugh until you scream Anything I ever wanted Is what I’ve always been
Coffee is the fuel this morning as I struggle to get going after feeling some pain in my left hip throughout the night.
But ‘get going’ is relative as today I plan to do little beyond watching the football.
And that was one intense game of football which has weirdly seen us through to the finals as opposed to Geelong, last year’s winners unable to make it. It’s been a great turnaround but I don’t see us being able to make the grand final this year.
Today I’m grateful for:
The shirt that I ordered for Hayden arrived here safe and sound. I’ll try it on for size and then order a couple for myself some time too.
It was weird that some of the shirts are in stock in Australia but the shipping to Thailand was cheaper than shipping within Australia!
The best thing about today was:
Catching up with some reading, books and comics. Choosing to read instead of watching TV. It’s not easy because there are lots of things I like to watch but I’m finding that I’m neglecting reading because of it. I usually get my ideas from things I read rather than things I watch.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Yesterday I hung out the washing even though dark clouds were brewing. I mistakenly trusted the weather forecast of no rain. An hour later a huge storm hit drenching everything. Oh well, they’ll dry today I thought, but today the sun barely broke through and whilst some of the lighter things managed to dry everything else was still wet or damp and will need to be washed again. There’s another ten days of rain due so I may actually have to go the laundry to use a dryer.
Something I learned today?
Things I haven’t thought about for a while are a little bit of a struggle to recall these days. I struggled to recall some manga artists’ names this evening, artists of which I paid lots of dollars for the work at one time in my life, so they had a deep enough meaning for me for a while. I did eventually figure out the names through a series of online searches but still, I worry about nonsense going into my head pushing out all the good stuff.
If I had to describe myself using only five words, what would they be?
Sometimes I think I’m ok. Sometimes I make mistakes too. Friends can be far away. I do what I do. No excuses for doing wrong. My life means nothing anyway. Always trying to understand myself. There’s often little to say.
I took this picture because although Tigger can fit into the shelf under the table, for some reason he felt more comfortable with his butt sticking out like this.
1994ever 