Tag: rational

Something I Don’t Know – 11th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am a rational being
Though telling me I am able to control my emotions
Does not help me to control my emotions
Tell me something I don’t know

I am a rational being
Though you lead by example in the things that you do
Understand that I am not you
Tell me something I don’t know!

Submitted to RagTag Daily Prompt – Rational

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired this morning.

Tigger woke me up at 6am, he doesn’t understand weekends, telling me he will die if he doesn’t eat, so I wearily poured out some dried food, much to Cap’s disgust, fell back into bed and,  resetting my 7.30 alarm for 8.30 dived deep into a sexy, though not sexual, dream about Nong Fah!

When my alarm went off I forced myself up and now I’m at Utopia and struggling to focus my eyes properly on my book.

Today I’m grateful for:

A change of plans.  Today I was supposed to drive us all up to Doi Chang and here and there and all around but Mai’s family are all tired and/or sick with dodgy stomachs and even the backup plan of going to the Black House got cancelled and in the end everyone just came to our house and chilled in the air con.

The best thing about today was:

A whole load of mala sticks for dinner at a Chinese shop and even though I could’ve skipped dinner completely I ended up with a stack of vegetables and dug into the super spicy Sichuan sticks whilst sipping some soothing milk tea.  I’m not sure yet how my stomach is going to react overnight.

Something I learned today?

As we don’t have internet in the house I am perusing my hard drive full of TV shows and movies and watching some of Paul Merton’s travel series around Europe.  It’s maybe 20 or even 30 years old already but at that time there was a group of Germans who dressed a little to look like Nazis and carried flags with the same colours as the swastika symbol but with an apple shape instead. They would go outside known Nazi gathering spots in Berlin and chant things like ‘Drink more apple juice’ in a fun attempt to humiliate them.

Did you do something difficult or challenging today?

I happily drove Mai and family around this morning and afternoon, trying to keep Yaya occupied and happy.

Someone took this picture in Utopia and they used it on Facebook. I’m happy with my hair in this picture.

I lost my membership card to the human race – 17th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

It’s amazing how one emotional event can soon be overshadowed by a larger one therefore putting the first into more perspective. On Friday I fought for what I believed and ended up in a cloud of destructive self doubt. On Saturday it all became irrelevant.

I try to clear my mind. Breathe in and breathe out. Focus on it. Thoughts come charging, running across my imagination. Focus. Re-focus. But they come too quickly, from all sides. Emotions rising from my belly, adding to the darkness inside.

I started writing a diary in 1994 after my best friend Steve Burgess passed away aged only 23. I kept that up for the year that saw me move from England to Australia. I continued writing bits and pieces over the years and then in 2018 I decided to start this blog and document another transition moving from Australia to Thailand. The final move date was decided by my mother’s passing in February 2019.

Now I have to write again about another best friend passing away, this time not significant of anything. Just another Saturday. He was 36 years old.

I’m shocked and devastated. I don’t have many people I would consider as close friends and now another has gone. Rationally I know it happens, it happens to everyone. Everyone you know will be gone. Everyone you love. But I’m not feeling rational again yet. Just let me be like this for a while. I’ll be ok.

I love you Kimi.

I’m starting to see why people find comfort in religion. Their faith counters our natural fear of death. If it all boils down, that is all it is. And that’s fine. I have to learn to deal with my fear of death by living now. The fear of death should make us happy.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have the chance to make another day count.

To-do list

  • Passwords for Amy ✅
  • Investigate emotional control ½
  • Be nice to people you don’t like
  • Go to gym after work
  • Look at G’s lesson plans ✅

I got through school today in a bit of a blur but it was OK. Asikin messaged me and told me how Kimi died and I decided to go and visit in a couple of weeks time.

I’m thinking a little differently about teaching now and trying not to let the kids bother me. If they don’t want to learn, then forget about it. I’ll try my best but I will try not to let them affect me.

Tomorrow I will try to read more about emotional control – what I read today was OK but a bit superficial. My self-control was tested with the kids but I didn’t lose it, even though I sometimes had to raise my voice to be heard.

I learned today that bad feelings don’t have to last a long time and I can make the choice about it.