Wound tight, played precise A night fight, all that jazz Voodoo spell, doll will dance Deadside hell and razzmatazz Pagan sages, a ragtime roll Inner rages in shadow hours Pinprick pain, man divided Ridden insane by fiendish powers
Still a little dusty and vague. Predictably, last night I didn’t sleep well as indigestion bothered my stomach and the oysters bothered my guts.
A really vivid poop dream got me out of bed as the oysters decided to make their early exit and it was a struggle to get a good deep sleep after that.
Today I’m grateful for:
Starting to feel normal again this evening. Even early this afternoon I could still taste Friday night’s whiskey in my mouth. This evening I seem to have my energy and motivation back after pushing through with a few things this afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
Sorting things out this afternoon for the Bennu 12” release and the upcoming MPC CD, downloading some comics, listening to some tunes and playing a bit of guitar. I have to try and force myself into my room this week to play some more. No book reading again this weekend sadly. I really want to read more but seem more invested in YouTubing. I’m going to turn off the video I’m about to watch and read instead.
Something I learned today?
Watching the Swans mini-match I found out that we lost by one point in a poor game. Hopefully, it keeps us from being complacent.
Got a head barren of motivation What’s said only delivers frustration Not dead but denied inspiration Get it together or you’re done!
Emo-driven tears an aberration Forgotten fears sudden implication Perspective clears internal narration You got skills but the bills are due!
Each turmoil treads towards education Lessons learned have no expiration Third eyes open to the realisation Time to shine because the rains will come!
Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 53 and inspired by one of my students who is trying hard at school but is close to getting kicked out.
Today I’m feeling:
Woke up tired but got going with Utopia coffee. Game was there and commiserated with me when I told him and Art that I couldn’t hang around as Amy had me quickly home for us to go to meet Mei and Hagan for lunch. I still managed to get a little reading in though, starting Rip It Up And Start Again again.
Today I’m grateful for:
Mei and Hagan for shouting us lunch at Mo’s (near Mae Sai). Good food and good catch-up, probably the last before they head back to Australia.
The best thing about today was:
Whilst out in the village in the evening I went across to the 20 baht shop, which was closed in the morning, and picked up some batteries and a door closer. I saw that KhaoThang was sitting in her mum’s shop so I went in and chatted with her and her mum for a minute.
Her English pronunciation is awesome now, though her vocabulary is still limited as she studies in a Science program rather than language.
They told me that they will close the shop in December and mum will go to a temple in Phan and KT will stay in a dorm near her school (Tessaban 6). She’s only 14 but its quite common here. Good luck to them both.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Somehow it feels hotter than it did in summer. It still hasn’t rained, two weeks now, so our new gutter is still untested.
After the first rain, a month or more ago, it felt cooler and refreshing and now the temperature has remained the same but the humidity seems to have skyrocketed. It’s pretty tiring but despite some huffing and puffing, I’m still trying not to complain out loud.
The heat did stop me from going to my room today though. I could’ve still gone but I couldn’t even really face getting up out of the air-conned living room to get a drink of water.
Something I learned today?
I came across a Roy and HG documentary and it made me reminisce a lot about my early years in Australia and then even more so when there were clips of The Dream which was the show they did during the Sydney Olympics. That was still a memorable prime time in my life.
I found a load of videos on YT which I stuck in the queue to watch at some point.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Around 7pm Amy wanted to go to the market to get some soy milk, implying that I had to ride her there. I still didn’t want to get out but eventually, I did.
I took this picture at Mo’s because I finally remembered to take some pictures today. I knew this one was going to look good when I took it.
So-so. Despite thinking that I might get up at my usual time of 6am I slept for another couple of hours. I feel less tired than yesterday but still not ready for action.
I did feel inspired enough to bring my laptop to Utopia and caught up on some poetry reading and a little writing. I may do some more lesson planning. I should, but I also may not!
Today I’m grateful for:
My old friends from When Chimps Attack. I messaged Tommy recently after he had posted a picture of himself and Aaron at a show in Sydney.
Tommy had been in London for the past ten years or so but he said things were so grim there now that he came back but that he was struggling a little bit on his return too. I told how I had felt there back in October – pretty similar.
Tommy also passed on Aaron’s email address and I wrote him today and look forward to hearing from him.
I know Jon and Ama live in Sydney again and wondering if Aaron has moved back too? A Chimps reunion?
The best thing about today was:
Playing guitar after a couple of days break. I managed to improve a little on last time and I felt good for that.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Around 4pm I went out to my room to catch up on some emails and play guitar. Amy came out about ten minutes later and propositioned me.
As I had just sat down to do something else I was hardly in the mood, and these days I’m less in the mood a lot of the time.
My libido is definitely dropping off and I have no thoughts of looking elsewhere for satisfaction. I love Amy and am committed to her but it’s not easy for me to just put myself in the mood these days. This is not helped by Amy usually propositioning when she has been drinking which isn’t very flattering for me. Are beer goggles needed to look upon me now?
Having said that, when the time is right for both of us I still have the best orgasms that I’ve ever had with her.
Sadly, today she seems to be offended by my rejection and has locked herself in the second bedroom and won’t even communicate anything. I was frustrated enough to try and kick the door in but gave up, considering that it would make things worse.
What happens next when she comes out? I will try to just behave as normal and ignore her actions and try to smooth things over when she has calmed down.
Something I learned today?
All the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are set to 4:20.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave candy to both Art’s at Utopia this morning.
Whilst I was there Amy called me because I had taken the car as I had planned to do some work at Utopia and wasn’t sure if it would rain or not. Amy suddenly decided to go for a spa and massage and needed the car immediately, so I drove back home and swapped over to the motorbike to go back to my coffee.
I took this picture because I’m trying to get this plant to grow over the top of the old roof frame. With the rain, it will grow like crazy and I just need to keep going along the beams.
In the maze presented ahead each day Unable to navigate true It is possible to get completely lost But there is always someone who Will find you and take you by the hand And guide you back to your bed A breadcrumb trail in the form of a friend Keeping you one step ahead
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed. Enjoyed a lazy sleep-in listening to the light rain outside this morning.
After coffee, I did some work and catching up on emails and then in the afternoon got sucked into watching music reaction videos.
Today I’m grateful for:
Quiet (as such). No one else around, nothing specifically to do, nowhere to be.
The best thing about today was:
I picked up my book to start reading at midday but then started watching videos and did a little weeding and tidying up in the garden (maybe 20 minutes max!) and it was about 6pm when I actually got to read!
I finished the chapter about Africa up until about the start of the Second World War and the rise of the anti-colonialist movements there.
Something I learned today?
Nicha sent me a heart message this morning. I’m assuming that means she’s doing ok.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a follow-up message to Aida though don’t expect her to answer as she doesn’t usually respond on the weekends. I will try and talk some more with her next week though.
I also encouraged the students who did reading for me and that I listened to this morning. I love to see the kids improve their reading skills but it is definitely a chore to listen to the same text over and over!
A little tired but positive. Snoozed my alarm and skipped exercise this morning otherwise I feel like I will be totally exhausted by tomorrow night.
I’ll see how I feel tomorrow morning but hope to do some exercise again. I can feel my abs holding me together a little better!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the folks that grew the watermelon, picked, cut and packed it and sold it to me in the market this afternoon. Refreshing and cooling.
The best thing about today was:
After school, I did a quick walk around the lake again to see who was around and bumped into my quiet grade 8 students Earn and Nampan who I had also just finished teaching about 15 minutes earlier.
I asked them if they liked studying with me and they both grew big smiles and said yes and when I asked them why they said that the class was fun and that I am funny.
It was nice to hear that and made me feel good.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The afternoon grew super humid and dealing with a restless class of grade 8s was hard work and made me sweaty. Film came and stood next to me waving a fan saying that I was sweating too much.
When I bumped into some other students they said that I looked tired and I realised that I was feeling it and when I got home I went straight out to pick up some food at the walking street.
I had planned to go and eat with Baipad and her sister later on but couldn’t wait.
Something I learned today?
Teaching my grade 12 class about IELTS today I asked the students what they knew about it, what they wanted to know and at the end of the lesson, what they had learned.
During this lesson, we all learned that the test costs about 7,350 baht here in Thailand.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a message of support to Namsai who cried in class today because others made fun of her not knowing how to spell a word. I got really upset with the rest of the class about it at the time.
Whilst not particularly vile I did cut in traffic on the way to school and upset some ute-driving workers who sped up to force me out.
The last traffic lights before school are a pain in the ass and take too long because of the way they are set up (just one direction can enter the junction at a time). As the turning lane moves the slowest I usually drive down the freer lanes and cut in which is usually easy because the Thais are either so chill or so lacking in attention that they don’t move quickly and leave big gaps to cut into.
Driving to school is probably my least favourite part of the day.
I took this picture last night as our birdy was on her nest. I had to stand in our living room behind the blinds and then zoom in to get this shot without frightening her off.
My usual Saturday morning tired already. It’s only been a three-day workweek for me too.
Last night I felt kinda invincible. Throw anything at me and I can do it.
Come the morning and I can feel my brain struggling to connect things together. As I was reading about John Lee Hooker and BB King I was thinking about something else entirely and I can barely remember either.
Quick coffees today as we will take Nong Na out for lunch to thank her for taking care of our cats last weekend.
Today I’m grateful for:
Taking the time to go to the city for lunch, picking up Na on the way. We got to the hotpot restaurant at 12 and I couldn’t believe that it was 2 pm when we had finished. Time went so quick and I was very relaxed.
The best thing about today was:
The mix of the hotpot soup that soaked into the rolled-up tofu sheets, then dipped into a peanut and sesame oil sauce with chopped garlic and then a sip of some Chinese milk drink to take off the heat. Awesome!
The staff were concerned that the soup would be too spicy for me but to be honest I could’ve done with some more Sichuan peppers in there!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As seems to be getting more normal these days, time is out of my control and disappearing faster than I would like. I sat in my room after lunch and started investigating a cento poem, which required looking through lots of other people’s poetry to pick out lines from.
Doing that and catching up on some other poetry reading evaporated 3 or 4 hours and I didn’t end up coming up with anything for the cento yet. I still need to collect more before trying to put it together.
Something I learned today?
The USA has threatened the capability to shut down chip manufacturing in Taiwan if China should invade. The short-sightedness of the threat is incredible as it would mostly affect USA products such as Apple, nVidia etc.
There’s a lot of crazy in the world right now, perhaps I should stop looking.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
We drove to pick up Nong Na this morning as there was a bit of rain around and I drove us to the city and back. Whilst Amy paid for lunch I paid for the durian bingsu dessert.
I also picked up a couple of 20 baht Japanese toys for Baipad and NamHom whilst at the bingsu shop.
Nong Fah took these pictures because Anchan was sleeping in class like this! I asked her later about it and she told me that Kru Ren doesn’t know anything about teaching and is difficult to understand! The kids are smart enough to know their education sucks but don’t know how to get out of it and the culture here is not to question those seen as above you.
A bit tired again, maybe from mentally preparing to get back into it with the kids again tomorrow. I’m excited to see everyone again.
Today I’m grateful for:
Twinkl having a free download day for their whole site. Perfect timing! I got a stack of role-play and conversation starters that I can go through and see if I can use in my new classes.
The best thing about today was:
Spending time out in my room, clearing out emails, writing and reading, sorting out files on computers and online and probably the top thing was playing guitar with the new strings that I put on yesterday. Sounds good again!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Our internet connection got fixed but it still seems a little shaky. I’m struggling to download some of these things from the Twinkl site because it’s so slow. I’m trying to handle it with patience! Mostly!
Something I learned today?
This morning Noey told me about a nice breakfast cafe in the city which had sourdough toast with avocado and smoked salmon. I’ll try it one day. It’s called In Am’s Kitchen.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I helped Amy with moving a big cactus from a pot to the ground but it was very clumsy and awkward. Hopefully, it doesn’t get blown over whilst waiting to get some deeper roots.
What have I been reading lately?
I’m two-thirds through Charles Shaar Murray’s Shoots From The Hip, today reading about The Boomtown Rats and Guy Stevens. It’s a nostalgic read about the wonders of the music business.
I’m halfway through The Decline of the British Empire, which is an amazing read but requires extended periods of concentration that I haven’t been making enough time for recently.
I’m still in the early stages of Goodbye 20th Century, the Sonic Youth biography but I’ve been skipping that and reading plenty of comics instead, 2000AD (still 21 years behind on that!), Judge Dredd Magazine, ALL of the New 52 comics (only up to 630 of 2500 comics so far!), Volume 1 of Shadowman, Heavy Metal (still in the 1978 issues – some of them are hard going) and I want to start Lucifer and 100 Bullets when I’ve finished Shadowman, Stray Bullets too.
I also have 4 books open on my laptop that I’m dipping into every now and then.
I took this picture last weekend at Chatuchak weekend market as there were plenty of tunnels of books to explore. No pictures today.
Don’t tell the monkeys that we understand Let them think we’re stupid and dumb Otherwise, they’ll force us to work And their rat race sure looks no fun
Don’t tell the monkeys we understand Our nature is just to laze and play Let them think we’re too stupid and dumb To be forced to an office job all day
Don’t tell the monkeys we understand Can you imagine us wearing suits!? We’re happy right where we are Still closely attached to our roots
Don’t tell the monkeys we understand We chose to communicate with grunts The monkeys have forgotten now That that’s how they were once
Apparently there is an old Indonesian myth that says that Orang-utans have the ability to speak human languages, but choose not to, because they know if we caught them speaking we would force them to get jobs.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good so far though I’m disappointed to find my weight has still increased despite doing exercise and getting lots of steps in at the weekend. I’m sure it will regulate back down to around 79kg once I get back into the teaching routine.
The exercises in the Mad Muscles app that I’ve been using for a month take a little longer than my normal app as it’s not possible to skip the rest times and jump ahead. This means getting up a little earlier than before.
The subscription runs out soon though and I’m not sure if I will try it again, I actually just wanted the chair yoga exercises but got leg and arm exercises instead. Maybe when I get paid again I will check it out again, otherwise I will stick with the free app I’ve been using.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the Nat Geo books that arrived at the school a couple of years ago and are still sitting around waiting to be used. I didn’t use them last year but can see that they will be useful for one of my classes and will save me time as I already have lessons written for them.
The best thing about today was:
The books I bought at Dasa on Monday arriving and having forgotten about them, rediscovering what I had bought. The library grows way faster than I can read!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got home I stuck a load of washing on as I was running out of underwear. I had to spin it twice as there were so many other clothes too and I started hanging it out at around 3 pm.
I joked to myself that it was so hot that some of it might be dry by the time I finish hanging everything and sure enough a couple of shirts were already dry.
A little while later I was preparing to head out to my room to play a little guitar but Amy called because she had forgotten to submit an assignment for one of her students. As I waited for her stupidly slow computer to load, login and open the web browser I heard a bang outside and when I looked around there was a huge wind blowing through and I ran outside to our washing which was now scattered around the garden!
I furiously gathered everything up and shoved it into the kitchen, also worried about any rain that might come with this wind but an hour later, the skies are still dark though nothing else.
I eventually got to log in and sort out uploading Amy’s assignments whilst marvelling at what a piece of shit Microsoft Windows is.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interview with the economic advisor to US President Biden who couldn’t even explain how his own economy works.
He made lots of confusing statements and then actually said ‘I don’t know how it works, but it does!’
I checked to see if it was April 1st – it was THAT unbelievable.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gifted some Thai candy to Baipad, her mum and Butter. We didn’t go and ride because the storm that blew in kept threatening though predictably it didn’t rain at all in the end.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Push-ups as part of my morning exercise. The routine required different types of push-ups but my upper body is so weak that I could only do a few push-ups and even then, by the end of the sets I couldn’t do them all. But I didn’t quit the routine, at least.
I took this picture at the restaurant yesterday because it’s a pretty wild and interesting painting!
Lazy to get up but I’m enjoying the ache in my body from exercise. I’m already reminiscing about the lost time of this holiday despite actually being more productive than last year. I’ve got into the groove of taking it easy and am now feeling anxious about getting busy again in the next couple of weeks. Though I know well that I can deal with it easily enough.
Today I’m grateful for:
A brief small storm at around 7pm that whilst not hanging around for long meant a drop in temperature that even allowed us to turn the aircon off for a while!
The best thing about today was:
Tigger coming for cuddles about 7 or 8 times. He’s getting more affectionate with his age.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t get a chance to read more of my book today as I ended up busy with other things. I did get some comic reading in and a chapter from another book that I delve into every now and then.
Something I learned today?
A US senator was complaining that a bag of steel brackets needed for weaponry was costing 90,000 dollars. A Chinese seller responded offering to sell the same thing for 8 dollars! And the reality is that US Defence spending from Chinese sources has quadrupled over the last few years. So the US military is becoming dependent on parts for war with China that are….made in China!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan a little more money so that she can get back to Chiang Rai as she is stuck in a village outside Chiang Mai at the moment.
I helped Amy moving around some furniture on the terrace as she wanted to change it up. It looks good and change is good.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Despite the last two days of not enjoying playing guitar I picked it up again for about 20 minutes and was a little happier with my ability.
What are my thoughts on growing older?
In the last couple of years, I’ve enjoyed the wisdom that age has brought me but recently, with the feeling of time disappearing too quickly, I’m pining for the days of boredom I used to endure as a teenager.
Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing? I know it’s just the way of looking at it. Perhaps I am bored now but don’t really know it?
It can’t be helped to wonder about being able to live your life over again but now I have to take a positive attitude with me with what remains.
I took this picture yesterday and along with other garden pictures sent them to Sharon and Rob.
When judgement comes, what may you say In your defence? For every tiny part you play Comes at some expense With violence spent, you walked away All of it forgotten Whilst those you hurt were forced to stay Sour and turning rotten
When judgement comes, it will be Seen from your heart For better or worse, you set me free You played your part A part in miniature, a part of me Reborn stronger My part in this is plain to see And I will stay longer
Uncertain. I just looked in the mirror and felt old and worthless. Perhaps it’s because I’m not around the energy of the kids at the moment.
Last night Amy also cried that Thailand isn’t her place anymore and that she feels more at home in Australia. There’s a lot behind that but there is also a factor that I haven’t written about here because it’s a sensitive topic and the situation is ongoing. Needless to say, I understand her feeling, whilst not sharing it.
She also asked me if I would ever go back to England to live and I said no, which made me consider her position.
I seem to have really found myself here and just have no real idea what I would do with myself back in Australia.
Anyway, this is not a new feeling or thought and is not able to be actioned upon just yet due to having our cats and our home here, which we would need to sell. Sometime in the future though, it looks a given that we will be back in Australia.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student, Nong Aoi, who called me this evening as she was happily cooking and eating with her boyfriend and friends. Despite giving me big headaches last year enough to make me worry that she was going off the rails, she has calmed down a little now and is quite sweet and affectionate. I think it’s nice that my students feel comfortable enough to call me. I’m doubtful that they call other any other teachers.
Yesterday I also messaged a little with Nong Nam, who was Aoi’s accomplice in giving me grief last year. She has also matured a little more now and said that she really appreciates that I contact her every six months or so to check in on her. Sometimes it’s the small actions that make all the difference.
The best thing about today was:
Quietly reading 2000AD and Judge Dread Megazine stories after getting home mid-afternoon. It was excellent and I was savouring the time spent.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a glimpse of my new classes from Kru Mai today and whilst he has taken heed of my reluctance to be involved with the Integrated classes for next semester he has spread me out into other high school classes which means figuring out new lessons to teach.
I would also not teach any grade 7 classes, for which I already have a hundred lessons accumulated over the last three years. Oh well, new challenges lay ahead.
Cappuccino is still not looking too good at the moment and doesn’t seem to be able to settle himself into a comfortable position, like there’s something not right in his hips or belly. Poking around doesn’t seem to cause him any discomfort but something is obviously not right.
Amy and I are both wary as it was at this time last year that Kim got sick and went to the vet a couple of times until that fateful day she didn’t come back alive.
Something I learned today?
In medieval Europe, mercury was used in medicine and manufacturing. Hatters were specifically exposed to mercuric nitrate, a form of inorganic mercury.
By 1837, “mad as a hatter” was a common saying.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent messages out to a few more students today to check in on how they are doing. I discovered that Anchan is having a tough time of things these days.
She has been living with her uncle as the rest of her family have been put in prison for an illegal online gambling website! She says her uncle is never around so she has to take care of the house and as she is not getting any money from her mum now she has to help her grandmum with selling things and gets barely enough to buy herself food.
And all that is taking away from her school work where, amazingly, she is still motivated to push herself and enrolling herself in extracurricular activities. She’s only 14 years old.
She asked for some help with information about exchange programs to Australia and I talked a little with Kru Champ about that as it is something he is working on in the future.
It’s frustrating to see smart, motivated kids trapped in situations like this. I hope she doesn’t give up and lose herself as so many teenagers can do.
I took this picture because Cap is not quite feeling well at the moment, unfortunately.
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