Although I wanted to enjoy sleeping longer I got up and out for coffee. Amy had called during the night, though I couldn’t quite get what was happening. She was at the nightclub and I knew she could take care of herself. She hadn’t made it home but ended up calling and was staying at Aor’s house after some mini escapades. All was well though. Still feeling positive after yesterday.
Today I’m grateful for:
Sichuan hotspot. A new Chinese hotspot shop opened in Bandu so we gave it a go and filled our bellies with delicious burning chilli and peppers. I may be less grateful if I suddenly have to rush to the bathroom during the night. My stomach feels like that may be a possibility.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more of the SNFU book whilst drinking my coffees at Utopia. I’m really enjoying it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Tiredness caught up with me for an afternoon nap that I was really reluctant to get up from. I felt like I could just keep sleeping until tomorrow. I will go back to bed soon too, for a stretch of comic book reading first but I will look forward to my sleep and my dreams.
Something I learned today?
Mega Home doesn’t stop fabric spray like Febreeze or the better heavy-duty version I found at Home Pro before.
I took this picture because there was nothing particularly exciting today except for our early spicy dinner.
Undecided. Still a little weary and the skies are dull and grey again though at least there is rain to make the pleasure of staying inside more appealing.
After lunch of Amy’s homemade lasagna, it’s difficult to stay awake and I thought I could play guitar but Amy has gone for a lay down so I’m struggling through. It seems to have gotten darker throughout the day somehow, the mountains drenched in dark most, as the farmer backs and forths through the watery paddy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The wind, our fans and the humidity. Despite it raining today and as it was forecast for the whole week I decided to wash my bedsheets, hang them on the terrace and shove the fan on them. Tonight I’m back in the big bedroom with clean sheets and another fan. Amy is out with Nut tonight and if she comes back late and drunk she can possibly not disturb me if I’m already sleeping.
Amy invited Bee to go with them but never got any reply before she left. Bee had commented on a photo that Amy shared of us all out at dinner, ‘miss you so much’ etc. but we know that she won’t be allowed out by herself by George.
Who knows, maybe she did get out in the end. But I doubt it.
The best thing about today was:
Watching Sydney hang on against the Bombers in the AFL. We have a slim shot of making finals still this year though to be honest we probably don’t deserve it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Just as I’ve been sitting here writing this Cap came in and pissed on Amy’s bed. A big one, FFS! Just as everything was starting to smell nice…
I took the wet sheets and pillow and dumped them outside on the terrace then soaked up as much pee as I could before throwing a bottle of baby powder over the whole bed.
Something I learned today?
My OG student Momo messaged me today asking me what question to ask someone to find out what kind of person they are? Cute! She’s switched to the Japanese program this year but from what I understand her pertaining to, she is online chatting with an Italian guy using English.
Quite amazing how far we’ve come from pen pals writing letters every couple of months to just being able to immediately connect with someone face-to-face on the phone.
Momo is a very intelligent and cute girl. She can snag a handsome Italian!
What is my favourite photo of the past month?
Oddly, it’s this one. I took four photos of these flowers which hang on big trees. None of the pictures were good but I zoomed in and cut the picture down to just this and it has something about it. The image has stuck with me.
I took this picture because these pretty dragon fruit flowers only look good for a day but they are big and cake-like fluffy. Still no fruit.
A library for escape Away from toxic adolescence Give me a book, a cure Ten-minute convalescence A silent conversation With Kurt, Leo or Tim Sudden shock discovery Stirs something within Where I fell in love Every day, every page turned Caught like a naughty child A secret found, unearned This secret isn’t yours to share Find your own stairs to sit Fall in your own love And be satisfied with it
Tired from lack of sleep. Slept well but just not long enough. Hopefully coffee gets me going.
I was having a very nice dream this morning but it was suddenly interrupted by what seemed to be a handsome TV presenter with a gleaming smile. He looked at me sideways and then gave me a wink and a knowing smirk. And my alarm went off!
Did I almost cross over into the Matrix? A glimpse behind the curtain? I actually laughed as I turned my alarm off. It felt like some sort of comfort.
Today I’m grateful for:
Teaching the grade 10 kids first this morning. Even though their English isn’t good, their maturity at least makes them more manageable to teach. They still have concentration issues when it comes to phone management issues. I can’t help but feel that letting them have their phones in class is going to affect them badly in the future unless our societies turn into 5-second functions where they might be ahead of the game.
I think these kids will be in for a rude awakening or have already accepted their fates.
The best thing about today was:
A big beautiful rainstorm from low black clouds as I was driving home. Our poor rusted guttering couldn’t cope with the deluge and I may need to make another venture up onto the roof to see if there is anything blocking it. If there’s not it just means there’s too much rain too quickly to even take care of.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As a follow-on from yesterday’s annoying class, I spent much of the day chasing up lazy kids, offering them help several times and making myself available, all to little avail. Less than half the students bothered to do anything. When the online quiz deadline passed I advised their homeroom teacher again asking what she could do about it and she just said she’d tell them again. She doesn’t get it either. The work for my class is no longer the issue. My two-hour lesson shouldn’t end up as a twenty-four-hour helpline. I asked again what she is going to do to stop them from wasting everyone’s time. I’m not expecting any answer.
Something I learned today?
Chatting with David, he is also frustrated with his classes and the student’s lack of understanding. I do take it as a challenge for me to find better ways to engage the kids but it is exhausting when they are just not interested in developing themselves at all. I think David will quit soon.
When was the last time I felt at ease?
I feel at ease most of the time if I consider it carefully. Sure I can let my classes wind me up but I’m mostly wound down again the following day even if I’m still thinking about it. By that point, I’m thinking up solutions and not getting emotionally caught up in it anymore. I’m not letting things overwhelm me like might have happened in the past. It is still a rollercoaster of being totally on during the semester and then totally off during the holiday. That transition does feel weird.
My student, Wipping, took this picture because she asked me to smile but I pretended to be upset that she wasn’t working. This picture captures my internal feelings in class sometimes. 99% of the time it remains internal and I have also never hit anyone with that stick. It is actually my remote control for the projector on the ceiling.
Two weeks on the suffer bus Do we have to do this dance again? Always waiting for the cat bus Under umbrellas in the rain
First two lines inspired by reading Broken Summers by Henry Rollins, second two lines inspired by Miyazaki’s My Neighbour Totoro and the title inspired by the titular 70s UK sitcom.
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little stiff but better than yesterday. I managed to be conscious of my sleeping position during the night which helped a little. As today is a holiday I’m happy to be around home and do a little more exercise and stretching.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gym rings I bought this week and can now hang from them to stretch out my back. I only have strength enough to hold it for 15 seconds but hopefully, that will improve a little. I’m not so fussed about strength though, more for the stretch.
The best thing about today was:
Getting up early and not having to be anywhere. I know I just had six weeks or more of this but my feeling is different when it’s during the working weeks. The temperature outside is just about perfect at sunrise and sunset too. I should be outside more.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
So it was, after talking with Amy and doing a bit of Thai study with her, I decided to try and fix up one of our trees. It’s the weird one that doesn’t have leaves (so it’s probably not even a tree) and it breaks off easily and exudes a sticky white glue substance that is really hard to get off the skin and as usual, I was only wearing shorts. I climbed up the ladder to try and fix some branches in place and several pieces broke off covering me in the sticky juice on my head and arms. After I finished I jumped in the shower but the juice in my hair and on my head got into my eyes and stung like crazy, reminding me of the time I got conjunctivitis in my early years in Sydney. I ended up crying uncontrollably for about an hour and even now my eyes are still stinging. Damn, that goop is nasty. I hope it doesn’t cause any long-term problems.
Something I learned today?
I learned how to play a simple Iron Maiden riff on guitar today though it took me a long time to get it right.
What do I want to focus on this week?
I suppose I want to focus on getting my body out of this pain and that will help focus my mind. I need to get my stamina back up to speed so that I am not so exhausted by the end of the week. This is a long ongoing process after many years of bodily abuse. I always need to focus on improving my classes and management and I’m still trying to sort out some technical issues with Quizizz. It’s getting there.
I took this picture because this is my bookshelf at Utopia. I’m almost out of music biographies to read and having read all the above need to start bringing new books from home.
In the battle between one god And this supreme being’s two sets of believers Each arguing that they were doing good And that the others were purely deceivers
These good deeds involved massacring Those that believed the same thing Killing more of each other than those That hated what some good deeds might bring
More than the Romans ever threw to the lions Over the space of three hundred years In just one day thousands lay dead And the Pope rejoiced with glorious tears
The irony seems to be lost on some When their books said to live and let live Only humans could twist the words of their god And make it part of their dogma to forgive
Inspired by a section of Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari dealing with religion. 1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog
Today I’m feeling:
I’m zonked out today. I went to bed around one thirty last night and I knew I was dog tired but still felt like I was in a good mood and should be doing things. I knew it wasn’t the best idea though and fell asleep quickly in the end. I got up late this morning and felt pretty good but by about lunchtime, I was crashing. I just ran out of energy.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yes’s album Drama, which I listened through twice as I crashed out through the afternoon on the sofa. I drifted in and out of consciousness as did the music. At times it made me think of the 70s and 80s, the Old Grey Whistle Test and listening to John Peel late at night. I can’t recall any of the music, even just a couple of hours later but I know I enjoyed it. I’ll listen to it again soon.
The best thing about today was:
Getting into bed early and getting a message from my student Jet that she was having problems at home with her mum and stepdad. I tried to understand as best I could and gave her my support. Jet is a very funny, smart but lazy, tomboy that speaks her mind and has a lot of bravado but as with any kid around 12-15 has her own insecurities and hers is whether her parents love her. Her mum and dad split a couple of years ago after her dad cheated and no doubt her mum was shocked and sad, and now with a new man living in the house there must be all sorts of conflicting emotions at play for everyone. Sadly, a lot of kids are facing situations like this. I wonder if it is spurring on the popularity of lesbian relationships here. Girls are seeing how badly their mothers get treated and then forgive and remain subservient to men and they’re deciding that’s not what they want in their lives but they still want love. Anyway, the reason this was the best thing that happened today was Jet’s response of ‘Thanks for listening, you’re the best teacher and I love you! ‘ That warmed my heart though I did remind her that I am not perfect either!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My energy levels, handled by sleep! I think I just get so exhausted during the week at school and whilst still buzzing on the Friday, it all comes crashing down on the weekend. That’s not to say I didn’t get anything done or feel down. I’ll bounce back.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, there was a report out of Cambridge University Press that China is no longer communist but runs a free market, controlled capitalist system and that at the same time, the USA is becoming an increasingly authoritarian system. In my lifetime the world has turned upside down but I still know where to stand.
What are some simple pleasures that bring me happiness?
Coffee. Is coffee simple enough? Maybe not but right now it is simple. Reading a good book that stimulates thought and memory. The smell of night jasmine. A clean shave. The soft ache of a post-workout body. The struggle of conversation in a second language.
I took this picture because this is Thailand. Dirty, dusty, hot, random, wild, beautiful.
A spark flies on wandering wings Darting forth on invisible strings Before coming to rest on the orange soil Growing here a cluster of limes By the river flowing since ancient times And the field the poorest farmers toil
The leaves all fall and flow downstream Watched by those that wish to dream Of lands and opportunities far away What is here and there is just the same The seas and cities all wax and wane Only the princes are happy to stay
Keeping butterflies within their cages Whispered words on parchment pages Tell legends of a joyful union Setting fires ablaze, the whole world sings Another spark flies on wandering wings Ignites the story of our own communion
Today I’m feeling:
Good and happy. This morning I opted for a 7-minute chest workout because yesterday whilst students were talking to me one of them whispered ‘Teacher nom yai’ and I looked at her and grabbed my chest and gave a stern face and then a sad face, all the while we were all laughing. As my lower back was a bit sore this morning I decided to try and work off some boob fat!
Today I’m grateful for:
Goy and Bae for letting us share their Netflix until now. News is that they won’t be able to share anymore as Netflix is changing the options to only be able to share on the same wifi network. That’s ok for me. I enjoy watching things on there but I already have a whole host of other things I can spend time watching.
The best thing about today was:
Whilst sitting in House, watching a lecture on modern poetry and trying to find inspiration to write something myself, an attractive young couple came in and ordered coffees, and inspiration was found in the young ladies’ soft smooth tan skin, pretty feet and bare waist. So I wrote about temptation, how it can only lead to trouble and that it’s better just to enjoy the view.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had a plan to go to see Matt between my classes today and messaged him as he had asked before leaving school to drive there. I had contemplated cancelling as I’m pretty tired from the first full week of classes but figured it would help keep me going for the rest of the day rather than sitting around for the whole four-hour break between classes. Unfortunately, Matt replied that he was busy caring for his mother-in-law who had broken her ankle. Well, the change of plan was fine. I mean, I don’t need much convincing to sit around drinking coffee in a favourite cafe and doing bits and pieces of reading and writing.
Something I learned today?
Also at House, Gui offered me a new tea that he had in stock. He told me it was a famous Chiang Rai tea though I didn’t quite catch the name and when he presented it to me it was blue, made with butterfly pea flowers. It was sweet tasting without having any sugar added and refreshing with ice. He then offered more but this time with milk and a little syrup and that was delicious. Along with two coffees and two glasses of water, I was well slaked.
Where do I usually find inspiration?
Well, I guess thinking back on today’s poetic inspiration it would appear that pretty ladies are where I usually find it! In general though, I would say inspiration is found in beauty, wherever that may be seen. A river, a rainbow, a flower, a tree. Similarly, it can be found within the dark ugly shadows of desperation too.
I took this picture about ten days ago and posting it today as I haven’t had much time or inspiration to take pictures these last couple of days.
A bit more upbeat and lively today. I ended up having a reasonable sleep last night though woke up before my alarm. A quick workout and a cold shower got me going and I ended up at House preparing lessons for about three hours without feeling tired or bored.
Today I’m grateful for:
Eventually realising I could take the covers off the sofa cushions that have cat spray on them and I was able to wash them. Why didn’t I realise this before!?
The best thing about today was:
Getting in the zone whilst putting together lessons this morning at House. I ended up drinking three coffees whilst I was there. I’m starting to look forward to being back in the classroom.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t manage to finish writing this on Friday as I got distracted by reading comics instead. I’m handling it by updating here on Saturday morning. Some days are tough to write. Somehow the feeling is that nothing is important. Everything is just time wasted until it’s your turn to die. Yet still I strive. Because not all days feel like that. I sometimes envy happy people, funny people, warm inviting people. But it’s impossible for me to put on the act that would be required for me to be like that. I try to be sincere and true to myself. I want my brain to tell me I’m happy. Sometimes it works.
Something I learned today?
I saw a preliminary student list and thankfully most of the classes will have fewer students than last year and my M4 class (15/16-year-olds) only has 16 and 14 of them are girls. That class is looking like it will be a breeze.
7th June 2023 – I just finished a lesson with this class, which now only has 15 students as one boy left. It is indeed a breeze even though there are only two students with reasonable English. The rest are mature enough not to fuck it for everyone and they struggle through.
What was a small detail I noticed today?
I ate a tube of Pringles today and as neared the end I thought that I could use the tube to make a little birdhouse by cutting a hole in it. There are birds nesting everywhere around our house and there’s a spot between the panels and the roof I can put the tube and see if they go inside. They already have a bit of a messy nest up there and it would be fun to see if they adopt themselves into this new home.
7th June 2023 – They haven’t used it so far, preferring their mess of dried grass instead.
I took this picture because this is the school cat, Garfield. Almost the spitting image of little Kim and has a similar carefree attitude.
No movement, no promise Woke up tired again The sky has gone grey Dead and uninspired
Today I’m feeling:
In the morning I was feeling pretty happy. We had a Songkran ceremony blessing the director (or he was blessing us, I don’t know) and folks were having fun splashing water around. I got home around midday and, despite three coffees, I’m starting to feel sleepy as these early mornings are catching up with me already. I must resist the urge to sleep though.
Today I’m grateful for:
My former teenage self for reading books. For some reason, I never really thought of myself as a reader. When I was young it took me a long time to finish a book. On going through my diaries from 1983 and 1984 though I can see that I was reading a lot more than I thought. I can even remember the feeling of reading certain books though the story has long gone. I always saw my mum reading so I guess that influenced me more than I realised too. I surprise myself – when I think about it.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling pretty good at school with all the other teachers for the ceremony. I was able to do some online searching for lesson ideas on my phone whilst they did all the Thai speeches. The atmosphere was pretty positive despite the heat. My shirt was wet with sweat even just sitting still.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This was actually last night though the result was this morning. Last night was the roughest storm so far and it ripped up another sheet of our roof over the entertainment area. It rained so hard and heavily that the gutters overflowed and in the garage, the water was overflowing into the underside of the roofing though thankfully not into the rooms (from what I could tell anyway). There were even hailstones pounding against the windows. I found the damaged roof this morning and wondering how we can fix this. There’s nothing much that can be done about the weather except to know that it will happen again one day. Thankfully not much was damaged that hadn’t already been in last week’s storm.
Something I learned today?
I watched a video arguing that English shouldn’t be compulsory in Japanese schools because very few students succeed in learning enough of it. They were arguing that it wastes time for those students who are more interested in learning something else. It made me wonder about Thailand. My friend Fui, who I often see in House, always talks about education here. He has sent three of his four kids overseas to study knowing just how bad it is here. He agrees that students should be failed and be held back a year as other countries do rather than just passing everyone. Thailand must look good on paper but the only people it is fooling is themselves.
What is going well in my life right now?
In general, I can’t, or shouldn’t complain except right now I don’t feel particularly enthused about anything much. That will change I’m sure. So, really, everything is going well. I’m very lucky.
Pavlov’s fish. I took this picture because these fish are in the pond outside the cafe at school. Were they there before? I don’t remember. Their reaction to me leaning over to take a picture was to beg for food. Sorry fish.
Hot. It’s hot. This is Thailand. What did I expect? The aircon stopped working in the bedroom last night and the temperature never dropped below 28 degrees. I slept fine though. Tonight I may have to sleep with the window open and have the fan next to it, weakly sucking in cooler air from the night. In the meantime, I have to contact someone to come and fix the machine.
Today I’m grateful for:
My portable hard drives that allow me to save and move files around from one place to another. When my crusty cranky old MBP stopped recognizing one of the drives I was able to swap things around and get things running again with a freshly formatted drive. I think I may be at the point now where I just don’t need any more drives. I’ve slowed down my music consumption a lot recently and I have too many movies to ever have enough time to watch.
The best thing about today was:
A general feeling of well-being. Perhaps the only thing that really stood out was riding back from Utopia and going on a convoluted path home. The sun’s heat was like a blanket around my skin with the breeze being just enough to stop feeling crispy. I slowed down a little to savour the feeling. The mountains looked like a photograph from the 70s, all washed out due to the hazy air, enough blue sky shimmering through from above to highlight the depth.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was time to start a new book whilst sipping coffee at Utopia so I had a quick scan of the shelves at home. I use my Utopia time to read music biographies or music-related books. Yesterday I finished Dave Simpson’s The Fallen. Now it was a choice between SNFU or Rollins Broken Summers. I opted for the latter. As I start reading I get back into Henry’s groove quickly and easily. He’s a maniac. I respect his attitude a lot. I see parallels with myself in his words though I’m totally softcore in comparison. As I keep reading I realise I’ve read this before and not too long ago. I wonder whether to ditch it and swap it tomorrow. However, the strength of the writing keeps me intent to follow along as he prepares for another tour of duty. I feel compelled to bring his attitude back into my thinking as I prepare for my own lovely little war in the classroom over the next couple of weeks. I need to get back to some discipline. Cut the flabby excesses of lethargy.
Something I learned today?
I’ve seen a few videos of people telling jokes to make each other laugh and if they do they lose a point or take a drink or similar punishment. Sometimes they are fun to watch. One popped up and the thumbnail looked like a guy I vaguely knew back in Sydney so I watched it and sure enough, Rodney Todd in all his afro-hairy glory!
What is something I can’t live without?
There’s nothing beyond air, food and water. Without other things, life would certainly be uncomfortable. It’s like people who lose everything in house fires, they find that their lives still go on. I’m thinking about Kim Chi today and how sad I still feel about losing her. But here I am.
Where are you, Kim Chi? Why are you not here? I miss you so much.
There’s not a sound about No electricity on the hill I’m sitting still
A brain that has quieted With no thoughts to fill I’m sitting still
Contemplating how much longer With only time to kill I’m sitting still
As days speed up, I slow down Swallowing a bitter pill I’m sitting still
Time is the only master And I have to pay the bill I’m sitting still
Today I’m feeling:
Tired from staying up late and then getting up early as I slowly train myself for 6:15 am starts again next week.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady at the market stall who gave me an extra mango today. It’s mango season and they are juicy and delicious.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing the Brix Smith and Jack Dee biographies. Both were good easy reads as I visualised their lives unfolding. New books to start!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’d been checking out my flights to Australia on the Airasia website and was ready to book on Sunday night. I sent the itinerary to Amy to double check but she was drunk and replied ‘I’ve got no brain.’ No problem, I can just figure it out on Monday. And that’s what I went to do. The problem this time was that somehow I didn’t have enough credits left to cover the costs. I assumed it was something to do with cached data from going through the process the day before but investigating further I found that my credit had expired in the 12 hours since first looking! Damn it! Oh well, what can I do?
Something I learned today?
Our Sydney friend Runa will visit a relative in Chiang Rai for a couple of days. It seems typical of her that we only find out a day before she arrives. Never organised or good at planning or decision-making. I’m ok to pick her up from the airport if she needs.
What went well today?
Everything went as expected. There was nothing in particular that needed to go well and there was nothing that usually happens that didn’t go well. Not all days are like this.
Art took this picture because this has been my morning home at Utopia for the whole month of April.
1994ever 