I Might Be Mistaken – 31st December 2025

Photograph © Tianhu Yuan, Another Self, 2019

I might be mistaken
but you were the very first

(at least as I remember),

the one who would awaken

the child, underrehearsed,

as a repeat customer.


The twelve turns swung around 

me for the third time;

the damage by my own accord.

With my eyes kept to the ground,

these dirty hands of mine 

would be a blemish on her otherwise 

pristine record.


Since then, the decline 

in the quality of dates was evident

on either side of the tracks.
A shiny attractor at one time

soon became as inelegant
as another zombie lurking 

in the depths of my phone contacts.


That ghoul revived;
dead friends with benefits
and decorated with unseasonal flowers;
the shiny patch on her nose survived

and the black dress she still tightly fits

gleamed in the light 

of the setting sun’s golden hours.


All neat lines, sharp angles, 

and overlapping layers;
sliding like the glass elevators
inside the chromium tangles;
her face halted her betrayers;

tinged red like the clouds

and their orchestrators.

A moment of sudden uncertainty,
pursuing fame and profit,
wasn’t completely meaningless either;
the lowest rung is always so dirty.

And unable to stop it,

in the arranged dating marketplace,
at the hands of my deceiver.

Existing together somewhere 

beyond the family, outside the home,
the lawn turned from green to black, 

then orange under the light’s care,
cycling back through time’s blown;

the abrasions of the rainy season 

had marked the surface of the stack;


Brand new, or a decaying shell 

on the point of collapse,
the red pylons of the distant Yangpu Bridge
mapped out all the city’s positions well;

like two sticks of incense, perhaps,

glowing at each tip
and releasing all their smoky courage.


Illuminating everything that could see them 

and everything that could not,
she could have been an actor, 

or a time traveller (from way back) then;
sparks were cast down, sparkling hot

glittering waves that tumbled forth

and entrapped her.



Amber street lights, black roads, mauve tights,
like a game restarting in something of a trance;
like two fish trapped in a weir;
stuck in the reddish neon nights,
she disappeared down one hole, by chance,

and from another she’d reappear.

The reflections gleamed ,

neither the air nor the water 

had changed with the years;
the two incense sticks seemed 

crimson, solemn, and brought her

indifferent to the blazing headlights
of a thousand volunteers.

The surface of the river was calm, 

and the sky was broad;
it felt like I had left my room behind 

and was standing with her arm-in-arm,

a simple reward,
together in the midnight street
I might be mistaken
and I may be so inclined.

This poem is an exercise of my own invention. I took a short story (Goodbye, Bridge of the East by Wang Zhanhei) that I wanted to read but hadn’t yet, and ran it through DeepSeek to extract whatever lines it found of a poetic nature, of which there were thirty-three. Without reading the story, I reworked all the lines, in order, into the poem you see here now.

I’m not sure how successful it is and I’m off to read the story now, wondering how similar it might be to what I came up with.

I’ll try this again but perhaps be a bit more selective with the extracted phrases, as this poem is way longer than anything I would normally write.


The following is a letter from December 31st, 2024, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

It’s December 31st 2024. Just another day as far as I feel. I’ve not invested much into important dates. So long as I remember Hayden’s birthday, Amy’s birthday and our wedding anniversary, that’s pretty much all I need for dates.

Of course, circumstances also dictate I must go to Thai immigration every 90 days and renew my visa every year. Boring but important duties.

Tomorrow I have to collect a stool sample and then on Jan 2nd, I go and do a health check at the hospital. In general, I’ve been feeling the best and healthiest that I have since I was a teenager (physically, at least). My problems all seem to be ‘old man’ related and I am a little bit concerned about my prostate, hence the need for a health check.

I’ve managed to keep posting a poem every day on my blog and feel that my writing has improved a little. I’ve also managed to keep an online diary every day that will get posted to the blog at some point. This is mostly interesting to me, to look back and reflect on how I’ve changed.

At this stage, I anticipate continuing with this writing as it keeps me grounded and also tests my abilities.

I’m still enjoying school and teaching – maybe too much! I guess I’m comfortable with everything and sometimes that reminds me that I may be taking things for granted.

It is also a little exhausting and doesn’t leave me with much energy and enthusiasm for other things. I am quite easily satisfied with my life but also have to remember that Amy is here and we could be doing things together. These days I let her take the lead as she is more aware of things happening around that we could go to together. I don’t really know about new restaurants or interesting events to check out. I’m just not looking around in those circles. I know that I’m a little wrapped up in myself and, as mentioned above, don’t want to take things for granted.

Tonight we will go to Mum and Dad’s for a NYE dinner, though I hope that we don’t end up staying until midnight. Amy’s brother has moved back from Bangkok now and Amy and I are both preparing our minds for the family dramas that this might bring.

I think that I will write another letter here after I get my health check results. Let’s see where life takes me.

To Wake Up Before The Long Sleep – 4th December 2024

Were you true to yourself? Did you honour your dreams?
Did the choices you made mean what it means?
Did your daily bread fulfil all your desires?
Do you have time left to enjoy what inspires?

Did you suppress your thoughts to keep the peace?
Are you bitter withholding, without any release?
Is there anyone left now to hold your hand?
Were friendships gone what you had planned?

Now you’ve concluded happiness is a choice
But it’s too late now for your youth to rejoice
Your life had possibility, as good as it gets
Your heart is aching with these dying regrets

Version – 29th June 2023

Those things so important matter no more
The once-cool kids are married or dead
A grown-up version becoming a bore
And forgetting all those promises said

Innocence devoured by wolves of the wild
Dared to be taken for a future story told
A reminder of the life of a child
With all the possibilities to take and hold

Now the world is within easy reach
The starry eyes often filled with regret
A brutal truth was bound to teach
Another lesson to never forget

inspired and morphed from text at the Spinning Visions blog
2nd May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Regret


Today I’m feeling:

Because I slept in yesterday I was up late last night and ended up with less than six hours sleep but managed to get up and moving, knowing that today I would probably not have anything to do. I clocked in and went off for coffee and as there were no specific messages to come to school I came home around 11 am to start this extra-long weekend. I’m starting to flag a little now (3 pm) but will try to stay awake and sleep well tonight. Mentally I’m feeling good.
(I went for a nap about ten minutes after writing this!)

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding cheap new work pants outside Big C and the girl letting me go to the centre toilets to try them on. She measured me at 38cm but the 34cm fit fine around the waist. The only downside was that they seem designed for tiny Thai butts. I’ll see how well they perform next week.

The best thing about today was:

Not getting called back to school for any reason. It meant I could spend the day as I liked though right now I feel like I wasted it. I watched some videos and read a little. Oh, I did the vacuuming which was a plus as there was so much cat fur blowing around the floor. That’s a win. My fish seller was at the market today too so I bought that instead of the salad that I went for.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was Amy’s birthday and she had a good time with her workmates and flatmates. I was happy to see her so happy. But it also makes me a little fearful about when she returns in October. Can she settle back here and get something going that keeps her happy?

Something I learned today?

The kids who were arrested after a protest in Bangkok were acquitted today. They were part of a protest that the Thai police had approved and knew about when suddenly and deliberately a royal motorcade was driven through the area. Not even the police managing the protest were aware but when the protesters realised there were important people in these cars they made sure that the people inside knew. I don’t believe there was any threat or violence beyond perhaps some banging on the cars. As the royals are still seen to be above us mere mortals a few kids were arrested.  After two years or more of awaiting their fate which potentially could have seen them imprisoned for up to 15 years, they are free to carry on with their lives. As they should be.

What did I get done this past month?

Essentially, more of the same. I guess I finally got someone to come and investigate my aircon and hopefully, that will be working again before Amy gets back in a couple of weeks. I don’t really have a to-do list these days. I can keep most everything stored in the noggin and things will be done when they’re done.

I took this picture because the garden is turning green again with the few storms we’ve had dropping some good rain.

Carrying The Pain Of The World – 20th December 2021

The more you learn about life
And the wiser that you get
There’s more responsibility
In carrying the pain that is met

This is love, the sacrifice
The willingness to forgive and forget
If this lesson is never learned
A life is lived full of regret

Inspired and quoted by interviews with Christmas tree sellers in New York at the Cafe Anne newsletter


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this sneaky day off work and being able to read a stack of comics in my free time. My mind is taken to so many different places when I read.

Come on and give me my drugs – 21st July 2002

It’s getting worse.
I see my whole life mapped out in descent.
All my mistakes stay with me.
I make them again.
I kill me.

I’ve betrayed everyone. But I betrayed one too many. The one I loved most. It’s hard to get back up from this one and it has been over a year now.

Beer is here of course – my friend for too long.
I kill me.

How long before I betray Hayden? Can I be that selfish?

8th Mar 2022 – Still in my darkness. The fallout of a betrayal to someone I loved deeply and hurt badly. There were reasons for the betrayal, possibly justified and I did try to handle it softly but in the end, I had to tell the truth. Asked if I regretted what happened I said no. But I did regret having to tell the truth to make things clear. I didn’t want that truth to be painful for her, perhaps because I knew that in time, and as such times as this, the truth would turn around and become more painful for me.

I missed her so much, but only when I wasn’t distracted with directing my affections elsewhere. She had understood that about me very early on in our relationship. She was way smarter than me.

So after this betrayal, and the one that led to that relationship in the first place, I began to wonder when I would betray my own son. I felt like I hurt everyone I loved. There were reasons those things happened. I’m still stuck on the pain of the end of that relationship even now. I don’t think I regret it though. We all learned some things and grew from them, whether we wanted to or not.

No time – 21st August 1994

I’ve got no time for the cynical
They’re destined for sad lonely deaths
With only their neighbour attending their funerals
Out of politeness

I’ve got no time for the bitter
Resentment is a longer word for regret
When forgiveness is so far away
Things are sometimes better left unsaid

I’ve got no time for the close-minded
Their emotional fascism and the fact
That I could never be right
Or allowed to be wrong

I’ve got no time for the stubborn
I’m not joining them at their wall
My head already hurts enough now
But things are never that bad

I have time for all the rest
To fill my heart, to feed my soul
To conquer those set to divide us
From our goal.