“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Inspired by this imagined conversation between Descartes and Hume at Existential Comics
*I found this line somewhere but can’t remember who wrote it now!
Inspired by this post at Girl Online and also submitted for a refrain assignment at AllPoetry.com
The first two lines are paraphrased from Robert Greene.
Submitted to dVerse Quadrille #206 – bend
Submitted to The Sunday Whirl Wordle #665. ‘Let the tribe increase’, once again taken from The Mob’s album of the same name.
23rd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Living Poetry Prompt: Silhouette
Today I’m feeling:
OK, not up or down, not thrilled or dejected.
Last night I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with my brain running. This has happened for two nights in a row but last night it was much more difficult to get back to sleep.
A few days ago, I decided to cut the Tramadol tablet in half to try and cut down and maybe give myself a break from taking it for a while to see how I feel. And last night I thought that this was perhaps what had caused me to wake up because this waking up with my mind running hasn’t happened since I started taking Tramadol.
I will see how it is tonight and go from there. I’ve been incredibly calm and content since taking Tramadol but still curious if I can be that way without it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Boom, my grade 12 student. We were studying the IELTS Speaking exam about technology and a main question was about how your life would be different without your most precious item of tech.
To demonstrate I took Boom’s phone and put it in my back pocket and asked her how she felt. After she finished, I purposely didn’t give it back, which she accepted well.
I carried on talking with other students for about 20 minutes and she only once play-whined,’ Teacher – my phone…’ but I still held on to it.
Once I’d finished talking, I opened the camera app on her phone and walked around the classroom taking random photos. Everyone was laughing and Boom took it all in her stride.
In the evening, I asked her if she had any good pictures from today and she sent me this one:
The best thing about today was:
The whole class mentioned above was a pleasure to teach again. A fair few students were missing, which made it even easier to get more personal interactions.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The downside of those missing students is that they missed the prep for work required for next week. Well, nothing I can do about that.
Also, in my grade 8 class, I have them reading in groups of 4 and Ten has not been prepared to do anything to help himself, so I put pressure on his group that if I grade the group it will be to the lowest scorer amongst them.
I know this will have a negative effect in that it will make the group members think even less of Ten than they already do but I want to demonstrate to them that this is what happens in real life. The weakest person lets down the whole team.
Something I learned today?
I learned a whole lot about semi-fake mobile game ads, why they are made and how they are implemented. It was a head-shaking experience.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I talked a little with grade 8 student Film today, as he has cut himself off from Ten and No, as they are not really fulfilling his expectations of friendship. I’m just conscious that last year he came to me to discuss his mental health and I don’t want him to be so isolated and cut himself off from everyone. It’s a weird group of kids in that class for sure. I like them all, except for Ten.
Submitted to No Theme Thursday – the picture above, Moonwashed Musings – mystical and Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – magic
10th Oct 2024 – Shared with What’s Going On – magical
Today I’m feeling:
A little bit weary before coffee but fairly upbeat after. Will try to get out to my room before watching any TV today, make sure I do things that are pleasurable, though take some effort, rather than just sitting watching the box all day. Whilst content may be interesting, too much at one time gets boring.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at the hospital who gave me advice on when to come back to get my medicine.
The best thing about today was:
Playing guitar again for a couple of hours was fun and though my skill seems to have plateaued, I’m starting to understand it a little more deeply.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went up to the hospital, though only after talking with Hayden about health, which reminded me to see if the psych was there. Actually, I knew that he was only usually there on Monday mornings, so I wanted to find out if he would be there next Monday, but as today and next Monday are holidays, the department he is in is not open. It was a vague hope that they would be.
However, a nice member of staff, with reasonable English, told me that he would be there from 1pm tomorrow, so I figured I’d take tomorrow morning off and wait at home until then and go to my afternoon class at 2.30. I don’t want to have to go back and forth twice tomorrow as I’m short of cash and will need to refill the tank at some stage.
Something I learned today?
Biden steps down as the 2024 US presidential candidate, and civil war there feels like more and more of a possibility.
On a similar note: Jellyfish are not fish; they have no brain, heart, or bones.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I followed up with Baipad about her cat and also with Freya about herself.
Submitted to Wordle #663
Today I’m feeling:
Good, though I skipped exercise this morning as my alarm shocked me awake and my eyes were so heavy. I thought I’d get straight back to a deep sleep but didn’t as my brain slowly engaged. I did enjoy the rest though and I probably needed it.
I wasn’t looking forward to my first class, my lazy grade 11s on the relatively boring topic of presentations. I try to get them going as much as I can but I think that they have other things to think about. However, it did go well and I pulled back a little to talk with each group about their presentations and it was ok.
The second class, the grade 11 HAP and J-Biz kids, I prepped when they arrived that we would finish early and could complete the final task and bring to class next week. They were happy with this as they had mentioned that they were overloaded with work for another class.
During that class I talked with Jee about problems between the J-Biz and HAP students in both grade 11 and 10. She told me that the grade 11s were mostly fine but that in grade 10 they are not connecting well at all.
But she did talk to me about Freya causing all sorts of problems between everyone in the grade 11 class. I know that there had been some issues before but I thought that it had kind of settled down now. It seems not.
At the end of my class there was definitely some frank discussion going on between a few students and Freya. I discussed it with both sides separately a little later but with the language barrier it was a little difficult to get to the bottom of.
It seems like Freya might have a problem with running her mouth at times and not thinking about what she is saying. Maybe a gossip, playing both sides depending on who she is talking to. I’m guessing that she has low social skills and perhaps her background has played a part in this, though I know nothing about that. It’s just that I feel that she might be more old school Thai than some of the other kids who are more with the times and less provincial.
Also, she may be getting a skewed understanding of how relationships work by live streaming in class sometimes and getting positive feedback on her looks from ‘fans’.
This is all conjecture on my part and I feel sorry for her because she admits to knowing that she has done wrong and bad things in the past but feels like she is being given a further chance.
I told her to talk with Kru Pooky, who I’m not sure is the best person to go to for advice, though she is a little like Freya too. She seems to struggle with friends in the school and is always posting pictures of herself alone at cafes on Instagram, which feels a bit odd to me as she is (I’m guessing) approaching middle age, though not unattractive. I can see Freya easily becoming like her in the future. So, I’m not sure if that makes her a good or bad person to be talking with!
I also told Freya to talk with me later. I’ve messaged her this evening but not heard back. As she struggles with depression and being away from family I just hope she doesn’t do anything rash.
Thankfully my last class of grade 8s was a breeze after all that drama as they struggled with reading in front of class but they tried very hard and did very well. A quick quiz afterwards and we were all able to get away a little earlier.
Today I’m grateful for:
The friendly lady at the cookie shop in Ban Den. She was nice as Amy and I video called to figure out what to buy for her to take to Udon Thani.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling good listening to my grade 8s reading and having seen them improve over the week. A few of them still don’t understand what they’re saying but at least they are getting over their fear of talking.
It’s a good feeling to watch them evolving their skills over time.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I tried supporting Freya as mentioned above.
It was (grade 9) Earn’s birthday today and I delivered her a piece of chocolate cake from Le Paradis, for which she was appreciative, though I asked her to listen to Kru David in her class (for a change!)
I also let Spain, Praew and her friend through into the cafe so that they could sit in the aircon as the gate hadn’t been unlocked yet.
Submitted to the Weekly Prompts Challenge and inspired by When You’re Gone by Colleen Looseleaf
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired but was able to push through to do some exercise again – another AI-generated one that I ended up running through twice as it is quite short. My abs were burning but feel ok now.
It’s super humid this morning which is energy-sapping and my first class were difficult to keep engaged and under control but I didn’t let it bother me too much.
Nomsen was messaging her mum online and then burst into tears for some reason.
After she calmed down I told her that she shouldn’t be talking with anyone outside the class during the lesson and that if she does some study it will take her mind off things.
She complained of a headache and I know she finds English too difficult but I just tried to push her to not give up.
Phu was also sleepy in the class and he also struggles with English. The kids told me that he was up late working last night but that’s not my problem. I guide and encourage him as best as I can but expect very little from him.
Today I’m grateful for:
My 4-hour break between classes during the day. It gave me lots of time to catch up on some things that I wanted to read and some writing too. I won’t have much free time for the next two days so it’s just as well.
The best thing about today was:
Hmm…nothing stands out in particular but it was a pleasurable and consistent day that I enjoyed very much.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I haven’t managed to get to my room to play guitar for a couple of nights now and I really want to.
I’m doing a bit more lesson planning in the evenings because I’m worried that I don’t have enough things prepared for all these new classes – and I’ve hamstrung myself a little by asking the students what they want to learn about rather than just giving them canned lessons.
Something I learned today?
I talked with S* again today about what she told me on Monday about sometimes showering with her stepdad when she’s tired. And she confirmed it and the way she described it does seem to be completely innocent and is not some kind of regular thing. Like a naturist family or something like that.
I warned her to be careful who she tells about this and she said she understood that and only mentions it to me because she trusts me.
Because of her exposure to Western culture, she considers herself only 10% Thai. Maybe as a Westerner, she was testing to see how normal this situation was. I told her it was pretty unusual.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
As Amy flew to Bangkok to visit Nong Mai and Yaya today and will be away until Sunday I have to find my own food. No problem, I thought, as the market would be on at the University.
As I knew that Baipad’s mum was still away, I asked if she and her sister wanted to come with me to get some food there and so I picked them up and we drove up to the Uni but because most of the students had gone home for the end of the semester the market was cancelled.
We drove around and eventually found a cheap Korean shop to eat at.
When was the last time I felt a sense of freedom?
The one time that I felt it really noticeably was on my trips to China.
On my first visits, I was surprised to see how free the environment was and I likened it to being at a large free music festival with folks just getting on with what they needed to do. It was a far cry from my corporate work environment and the nanny state society of Australia.
Of course, for me, I was a tourist and enjoyed the freedom of being on holiday but I sensed it amongst the people in general there. For them, it was probably just business as usual and normal.
I guess we tend to see more freedom outside of our own environments as we count every negative against us with more weight and take for granted a lot of other things. It’s a reason to consider that one culture cannot be better than another. Just different.
I feel this freedom living here in Thailand too but do understand that it is only in comparison with my experiences elsewhere before.
I’m really anti-stupidity laws such as jaywalking, which was enforced in Sydney CBD with a brutal crackdown and over-the-top fines. On my first trip to China, I remember watching as pedestrians grouped together and slowly forced the cars on the road to stop and let them cross.
I imagine it is much different there now, with probably fifty times the number of cars on the road since but it showed me that people don’t need a law to counter stupidity. If you are hit by a car whilst trying to cross the road you only have yourself to blame.
Same with holes in the sidewalk. If you are not looking where you are going it’s your fault if you fall in. Don’t blame the folks that made the hole.
Yes, things could be better and safer but not everything needs a law and its enforcement. I mention enforcement as in Thailand there are many laws but they are laxly enforced. Sometimes, this makes sense.
Which place from my childhood do I most fondly remember?
Without doubt that would be Forest Cottage – my home from aged 9 until about 20.
Most particularly my bedroom, where a lot of partying went on along with all the other ups and downs that teenagers have to struggle through. It was my space to invite others in or shut them out.
Submitted to dVerse – dance
Today I’m feeling:
A little vague and blurry but positive. I feel like I could easily sleep if given the opportunity.
Despite being tired and hungry when I got home last night and then only a little to satisfy myself I found that I was still reading comics at 11.30 and then it took me a fair while to actually go to sleep.
The morning alarm was a bit of a shock and for a brief moment, I contemplated snoozing it but made it up instead.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finally being able to crack the last part of the song that I was struggling to complete on guitar.
The best thing about today was:
My small grade 10 class again today who were a pleasure to teach and just talk with in general as the topic was about relationships. My lesson was more focused on romantic relationships but many of the points cross over to any kind of relationship.
As the English level of most of the class is quite poor I depended on the two good speakers to help translate some points and I could see that they were all able to understand to one degree or another.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a message today from Nancy about not signing out when leaving school, which I haven’t done for about 2 years now. She said ‘they’ would reduce my wages. If they reduce my wages anymore I’ll have to start paying them to work! She asked me to message Kru Tang, which I did and she asked me to sign out and I said that I would. She didn’t mention anything about reducing wages though. Let’s see what happens next month.
Something I learned today?
Last year the USA beat all previous records for sales of weapons to the rest of the world. When is the rest of the world going to wake up to the fact that the USA wants more war to make more money?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I was pleased to see a couple of my usually lazy students pushing themselves a little more today so I made sure to praise them with personal messages this evening.
1994ever 