I’ll never say that I miss you, the bird that left few feathers for my pillow, an ache I will never confess, but whoever runs their fingers along my bones will feel your name etched on each one with a cornerstone of soiled sentiments.
This poem is really a collaboration, with only a little input on my part. Lines 1, 4, 5 and 6 were written by EC at the erroneous choices blog, in a short piece titled ‘lies we live under’. It stood out to me as a brilliant, poetic little paragraph that I thought I could use the idea, along with the last two words, as an alliterative full stop. EC was gracious enough to allow me to use it in full and so here it is, with my two added lines, shared for the dVerse quadrille prompt – bird.
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
One Day It Will All Make Sense
It seemed like a disaster But became a lucky break We are a terrible forecaster But reason makes no mistake
Seduction – theatre in real life The meeting of illusion and reality Lost in a hall of mirrors Reflections prove difficult to see
Kept busy with ritual The chase, chocolate and flowers The world is just a stage Filled with clockwork amateurs
A geometric jerky quickstep A dance without a guarantee All those things worried about And that never came to be
The first two lines are paraphrased from Robert Greene.
Today I’m feeling:
Ok but a bit tired as I woke up well before dawn and my brain’s jukebox got active as I started thinking about school.
We’ve had trouble with starting the car recently and it took me a while to get it going this morning, so I decided to drive to Nissan before school, but they don’t open until 8. I thought that I could go to school and clock in and then come back, but unfortunately, I couldn’t start the car at all, so I waited until they opened. Hopefully its just the electronic key that is the problem.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
The folks at Nissan who helped me this morning. Despite our communication difficulties (even with Google translating), everything was sorted, with me 400 baht worse off and only 30 minutes late for work, where it seemed many other teachers were arriving late too.
The best thing about today was:
Getting stuck into a lesson plan about pyramid schemes. It was fun to figure out a way to approach that hopefully engages the students and tests all their skills. I think I can use it for at least two lessons, maybe even three if I choose to go a little more slowly with it.
Something I learned today?
My testing testy student Kwang will move schools this semester.
It’s a shame. She’s smart but has something holding her back, distracting her.
I forget her story now but I think her dad left or passed away and her mum is working in Pattaya, which may or may not involve the bar scene, but either way, it means Kwang is left here with her grandmother or some other relative and is probably losing out on a good emotional familial connection.
In the eighteen months I’ve known her, I’ve made her laugh and made her cry. I’ve helped her, argued and fought with her. I like her a lot, like all my difficult kids and I’ll miss her being around despite how much of a pain in my ass she could be.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
A couple of days ago, I prompted Anchan to post an update on social media so that her friends could see that she is still around. She said that she didn’t have any photos and didn’t feel like posting, which I totally understood.
This morning, I was pleased to see that she had posted on Instagram, eating at a cafe somewhere in Chiang Mai. Lots of her friends commented and I hope that it makes her feel good.
I took this picture because, as often happens, suddenly there is a new plant flowering in our garden that we were unaware of. I do remember seeing something growing here earlier this year but pretty sure it was only one stem and only knee height. After the rainy season, here comes the surprise.
Quite good after falling dead asleep again last night before 10.30. I woke up sometime earlier this morning, though with Fleetwood Mac stuck in my head for some reason. It could be worse, I guess.
Did a little exercise again, noticing that the little that I did yesterday already had me aching in the legs. It will be good to get back to that good ache, though.
By the afternoon, I could barely walk up stairs! I had run out of energy and motivation and left my last class mostly to their own devices, which they were happy enough with too.
I stopped taking any Tramadol a couple of weeks ago, not for any particular reason, I just figured I’d have kratom and give the T’s a miss and see how I felt and as I didn’t have any withdrawal dizziness as I usually experience (I guess I did still have dizziness though it seemed different somehow) I just ended up not taking it.
That could be part of the reason that I’m not quite so focused in my thoughts and a little more scattered than usual. It could also be part of the low energy and motivation situation, too.
Anyway, as I’m feeling reasonably mentally stable, I’ll keep going for a while longer and see if things balance out.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
The sudden message to go and sign our financial documents means that we should get paid early next week. I’ve just about managed to make it through this month without having to ask for credit. This is the first time since November last year, after messing up my visa and having to pay a bunch of extra fees to fix it again.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some presentation lessons prepared during my first class, who were busy catching up with work for other classes (or sleeping) and I wasn’t particularly interested in teaching either.
The lessons are not especially exciting but they give the students more information to improve what they will present next semester. I plan for them to present often, so I don’t really have anything more to offer to teach them. Just get them practising.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I technically had classes for most of the day, I figured that I would spend a bit of time at the school when I had a chance but when I went there at around 11.30, they told me that they had no milk for my coffee!
Well, decision made – back to 22 Grams. I can’t make it my regular spot as it’s a little too far from school and I am really missing House. I hope Gui gets it together to clean up and open again for next semester!
Something I learned today?
Yesterday, when I was talking with Noah and Poppy, Stang also came up to listen in and he asked me if any of the teachers were my friends.
Er…yes, I said…though thinking to myself, well, not really. I mean, I’m fine with everyone but I wouldn’t call any of the teachers my friends.
Stang then asked why I don’t hang out with the teachers and as I was thinking about it, he added, ‘you like kids?’ to which the girls were shocked and laughed too.
I was thinking how to answer them and agreed that I actually prefer hanging out with the students because, for me, we are on the same level. I told them that I didn’t like the Thai style of the teacher being above and the student below and that they must defer all the time. They agreed and hate it too. They know it’s not right.
Also, as an aside to this, I know Stang had an ulterior motive in asking about this, as he pushes the boundaries to see how close he can get to me physically. I’ve felt this since I first met him in grade 7, and he is obviously trying to figure himself out and how to approach boys that he likes.
I’m happy that he feels comfortable trying that with me and it hasn’t gone too far. I’m not sure how he fits in with his classmates. He’s openly expressed his homosexuality but never heard any of his classmates discuss it in particular. He is a big kid too; not fat but tall and chunky.
As ever, it is fascinating to watch all these kids grow and mature.
In his class in the afternoon, I happened to wander in and Namkhing was sitting in a corner and I was struck by how suddenly her face had changed to be that of a young woman, whereas only seemingly last week she still looked like a cherubic schoolgirl.
Amy (on the left) took this picture because we were all waiting around to go into classrooms and she stole my camera from my pocket and started snapping away. Amy, me, Chompoo, Stang.
Pretty good after sleeping well. A little bit of exercise again, where my body felt good immediately afterwards, though it was also telling me that it would be great to go back to sleep again. That will have to wait, though.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Karn encouraging her grade 8 students to commit to the assignment that I set and do so in their free time.
Most of them complied, and it was actually a fun, though slightly chaotic, afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
Starting some little Instagram videos of a little stupid idea I had. I got three done at random times today and have sent them to Jet to see if she can fancy them up a little before posting them online.
Also, the grade 8 classes that I talk about elsewhere here were fun too.
Something I learned today?
Two of my grade 8 students came to me during my afternoon class, claiming that they couldn’t do my assignment, of a three-minute conversation with another (unfamiliar) student, because they were introverted and too shy. Both their English is reasonable too.
I encouraged them to just try and do it and that afterwards, they would feel much better. Sure enough, they seemed quite pleased with themselves when they had finished.
There were others too, putting up some opposition to this task and I explained to everyone that now is a time to put their learning to use, instead of just filling in gap-fill forms or doing grammar quizzes.
It’s making me rethink what I want to do with these classes next. I learned a lot from it.
I took this picture from a video that I was trying to do with this student, Best. I don’t teach her, but she must know me through her friends, as she always wants to talk with me when she sees me. Today though, she couldn’t stop laughing when trying to make the video.
Last night I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with my brain running. This has happened for two nights in a row but last night it was much more difficult to get back to sleep.
A few days ago, I decided to cut the Tramadol tablet in half to try and cut down and maybe give myself a break from taking it for a while to see how I feel. And last night I thought that this was perhaps what had caused me to wake up because this waking up with my mind running hasn’t happened since I started taking Tramadol.
I will see how it is tonight and go from there. I’ve been incredibly calm and content since taking Tramadol but still curious if I can be that way without it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Boom, my grade 12 student. We were studying the IELTS Speaking exam about technology and a main question was about how your life would be different without your most precious item of tech.
To demonstrate I took Boom’s phone and put it in my back pocket and asked her how she felt. After she finished, I purposely didn’t give it back, which she accepted well.
I carried on talking with other students for about 20 minutes and she only once play-whined,’ Teacher – my phone…’ but I still held on to it.
Once I’d finished talking, I opened the camera app on her phone and walked around the classroom taking random photos. Everyone was laughing and Boom took it all in her stride.
In the evening, I asked her if she had any good pictures from today and she sent me this one:
The best thing about today was:
The whole class mentioned above was a pleasure to teach again. A fair few students were missing, which made it even easier to get more personal interactions.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The downside of those missing students is that they missed the prep for work required for next week. Well, nothing I can do about that.
Also, in my grade 8 class, I have them reading in groups of 4 and Ten has not been prepared to do anything to help himself, so I put pressure on his group that if I grade the group it will be to the lowest scorer amongst them.
I know this will have a negative effect in that it will make the group members think even less of Ten than they already do but I want to demonstrate to them that this is what happens in real life. The weakest person lets down the whole team.
Something I learned today?
I learned a whole lot about semi-fake mobile game ads, why they are made and how they are implemented. It was a head-shaking experience.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I talked a little with grade 8 student Film today, as he has cut himself off from Ten and No, as they are not really fulfilling his expectations of friendship. I’m just conscious that last year he came to me to discuss his mental health and I don’t want him to be so isolated and cut himself off from everyone. It’s a weird group of kids in that class for sure. I like them all, except for Ten.
Was it a fantasy? A fair fumble in the past – Mystical ticks as the clock rewinds That magical ache in the chest again, at last – A blood-pumping petition reminds
Gave up reality for frolics in the dark – Gardenias by day, jasmine by night Naked in starlight, reignited the spark – Gladdens the mind from a dark requite
A little bit weary before coffee but fairly upbeat after. Will try to get out to my room before watching any TV today, make sure I do things that are pleasurable, though take some effort, rather than just sitting watching the box all day. Whilst content may be interesting, too much at one time gets boring.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at the hospital who gave me advice on when to come back to get my medicine.
The best thing about today was:
Playing guitar again for a couple of hours was fun and though my skill seems to have plateaued, I’m starting to understand it a little more deeply.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went up to the hospital, though only after talking with Hayden about health, which reminded me to see if the psych was there. Actually, I knew that he was only usually there on Monday mornings, so I wanted to find out if he would be there next Monday, but as today and next Monday are holidays, the department he is in is not open. It was a vague hope that they would be.
However, a nice member of staff, with reasonable English, told me that he would be there from 1pm tomorrow, so I figured I’d take tomorrow morning off and wait at home until then and go to my afternoon class at 2.30. I don’t want to have to go back and forth twice tomorrow as I’m short of cash and will need to refill the tank at some stage.
Something I learned today?
Biden steps down as the 2024 US presidential candidate, and civil war there feels like more and more of a possibility.
On a similar note: Jellyfish are not fish; they have no brain, heart, or bones.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I followed up with Baipad about her cat and also with Freya about herself.
I took this picture because finally, our ground is waterlogged again.
1994ever 