Take a deep breath Still that thrashing heart Stop for a second Before you fall apart
Not the time to run Bouncing around Turn the TV on Until you’re settled down
Upon the fields of friendly strife are sown the seeds that, upon other fields, on other days will bear the fruits of vistory.
General MacArthur
Today I’m feeling: am: tired pm: lively Today I’m grateful for: The afternoon coffee that is keeping me up late right now. I’m glad I forced myself to get out this afternoon as I had a quick midday nap and could’ve just spent the rest of the day lazing around. The best thing about today was: Going to Daytripper as just described and finding that the girl working there is someone I often see at Utopia reading books but we’ve never spoken. As I paid to leave she asked how the coffee was and we chatted a little. Her name is Natalie and now we have a basis to talk in the future. There was also a group of the barista’s friends there playing a card game and just as I was getting energy back from the coffee I really wanted to ask them if I could join but by then I had to get home to feed the cats. A missed opportunity to make some new acquaintances but I’ll be sharper next time Daily thought Do you complain too much? Maybe. It is definitely not at a level I left the UK with and I think I still continue to improve on this but as with these things you generally don’t tend to notice yourself when you are doing it. So I’m saying maybe because I don’t think I do complain too much these days but I may be missing it. Do you ever see wild animals? Can I include my students? Snakes, lizards, birds and some mad insects. I don’t think there are any big cats in Thailand and any elephant I’ve seen is no longer wild.
I took this picture because the stupa on the hill is a landmark letting me know I’m near home. This shot was in the golden hour taken from Daytripper across the rice fields. I’m not tired of rice field shots but they never quite catch the experience. Maybe I should crack out the big camera and see how that performs.
Smashed windows and roof decayed A place where memories were once made Now hidden to the exploring eye Possibilities came here now gone by
One day the love in my own home Will be left to explorers unknown Pondered upon with little idea Of all the things that happened here
The tiles will crack and ceilings fall Jungle vines will creep up the wall The once-pretty garden overrun Plastic disintegrates in the sun
The roaming ghosts of our happy cats No longer worry the scurrying rats Body broken as the irons rust Will all be blown away as dust
I think perfection is ugly. Somewhere in the things humans make, I want to see scars, failure, disorcer, distortion.
Yohji Yamamoto
Today I’m feeling: Chill chill Today I’m grateful for: A long catch-up sleep with interesting but forgotten dreams. I also woke up with no pain in my neck but that didn’t last for too long. The best thing about today was: Its simplicity and feeling contented with a day of non-excitement. A little bit of this and that counters any possibility of boredom. I feel free! In what ways are you “just like your parents?” I am just like my mum now. It’s scary how much I look like her. Right now I live by myself (practically) and love to read books, much like she did. I don’t need to be around people often and happy in my own company, just as I saw her. I don’t think I can be much like my dad as I have no idea if he had any influence over me in my first 18 months before he died. I wonder though if there was a residual sadness that brushed on me in that short time…?
I took this picture because it just looked idyllic as I was speeding by and had to turn back to take a quick picture. This one is from yesterday. I didn’t really do anything today.
The old smelly goat can always be found In an honest conversation The bush is eaten, not beaten around Never requiring explanation And so the room is full of his stink At least in your imagination The truth doesn’t care about what you think Your position or situation
He who has endured most suffering, most privation, will awaken in the afterwards most keenly alive.
Lev Shestov
Today I’m feeling: Happy and satisfied. Today I’m grateful for: Watching the sunset from the middle of the valley, across rice fields and the big wide sky. I felt at one with the world. The best thing about today was: Discovering a whole new part of the valley to explore when I have more time. I didn’t want to go out in the afternoon as I’m already sunburnt so I decided to go at 5pm and I raced down to the airport only having a rough idea of where I wanted to go and so I found lots of nice villages and rice fields and good riding tracks and with lots of wide open space with tracks going off everywhere. Not much jungle here in the valley.
I took this picture because this sums up my days recently since it stopped raining. I spend time in the hammock reading and looking at the home around me.
Don’t despair, it’s not your role It’s not within your control Rejoice at what you can decide That’s all the gods deemed to provide
For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity.
Jean Dubuffet
Today I’m feeling: A little flat and lazy but still content. Today I’m grateful for: My poor motorbike which must hate me for taking it through wet dirt tracks and getting stuck in deep mud and slipping off into the prickly jungle brush. What a trooper of a machine. I hope you enjoyed your wash. The best thing about today was: Getting off my ass and going for a ride, getting stuck in mud and getting out again and then getting home thirsty and filthy. Sun, fresh air and accidental exercise. Another ride to remember.
I took this picture because it was at the end of a path around the base of a stone hill and despite not much else being around except a broken fallen down old shack, this little field shrine was well-kept and pretty.
Are you awake to the stirrings of the earth? A bright day is born every morning If you don’t give it the value that it is worth The kingdoms will start to issue forth their warning Save me now so you may save yourself Sun is shining somewhere no matter what you say The noose is getting tighter, not for anyone else But they all wish to see the same brand-new day
You become what you give your attention to…If you yourself don’t choose what thoughts and images you expose yourself to, someone else will.
Epictetus
Today I’m grateful for: Dasa Books having another sale. I picked up a couple that got delivered today. The best thing about today was: Riding around new villages and discovering new places and paths. There were also fresh smells to enjoy on the cold damp air.
I took this picture because, despite the dullness of the light, the green of the rice amongst the brown water against the mountains and cloudy sky stood out to me as a picture of a beautiful day.
Flights of fancy, a child always spoiled Political wrangling, in scandals, embroiled A name in history, now forever soiled
A handy harem, each night to select Behaviour fitting one of total disrespect A country mourning its own death from neglect
Ignorance is the most practised of skills Run away to a mansion in the hills Escaping judgement on who pays the bills
An era ending not soon enough for some Time to reflect on what has become Lower the flags, put flowers in the gun
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to open the curtain this morning to thick fog, almost hiding the rice fields right outside our fence. It’s nice to wake up to cold air sometimes.
I lost it a little bit yesterday as I was saying goodbye to everyone in the teachers’ room and George refused to even acknowledge me. Dylan came outside and I asked him what was going on and he just said that George says I don’t talk to him anymore, so he’s not going to bother talking to me, even just to be polite.
I got pretty defensive at this but let it drop quickly and tried to forget about it. I just hope Dylan can see and understand George’s reactions for what they are but I feel that George will be able to persuade him whichever way he wants. It just feels so childish.
Even if I don’t like people I can still be polite. As I discussed with Bruno last week I’m not here to make friends and have a good time with everyone. I’m here to do a job and I want to do a good job – and I can have a good time doing that.
The opportunity arose to say hello to George today, so I gave him a cheerful ‘good morning’ and got a begrudging ‘hello’ in response. I just smiled under my mask and reminded myself of something I learned from George when he would say ‘I generate the atmosphere I wish to be in.’ Indeed.
I’m chilling in the cafe whilst preparing more work for the coming weeks. I hope these ‘off’ weeks can continue as it gives me lots of time to prepare.
Oh, last night I finished watching a short JTV series called The Queen’s Classroom in which a super tough teacher improves the students in similar ways to myself, though I am not as strict as she is. At the end of the story, the students agree that they will remember their teacher forever – in a good way. I hope that I can have the same influence on my students.
The work they are doing with me this semester will push them hard but I already get a feeling that they are very capable. I never want to underestimate their abilities and possibilities.
Reading the story of Aladdin. I’m only vaguely familiar with this story and I can see it not ending well for Aladdin. So, if I had a jinnee and unlimited wishes, from a lamp or ring, what would I do?
Music from The Misunderstood, Angelic Upstarts, Passage, Surveillance, 13th Floor Elevators, Lozenge, Vaz, Hard-Ons, The Damned, Queen, Captain Beefheart, Melt Banana, Crass, Hitler SS, Meat Puppets, I Am Above and on the Left, Thee Headcoats, Party Diktator, Supertramp.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be living in this part of the world. There are many times in a week when I marvel at the views of the rice fields and the mountains. Their depth changes depending on the weather conditions and time of day. There are good and bad points about every place to live but I certainly feel grateful for my time living here.
Back with the ants. Life seems to be involving them in one way or another as each day passes. I guess we gotta share this place.
Another visitor we will be sharing time with.
One dinner time, as Amy was preparing some fabulous dish that I forget now as it’s not really relevant to this story, she told me to serve myself and heat up some rice from the fridge. I grabbed the container and a plate and went to the table, plied the lid off and saw little black dots on the rice which looked like it may have been mould. I decided to wait. In Amy’s parent’s house, copious amounts of rice are made daily, whether it’s used or not, some kept out, some in the fridge and a fresh lot in the rice cooker.
I called out to Amy and said there was ‘black stuff’ in the rice. She asked if it was mould, and I said maybe or maybe ant eggs. She came to have a look and declared it was just tiny ants. That’s ok then. I picked around the black bits as best I could. Amy estimates she would have probably eaten well over 10,000 ants by accident in her lifetime.
The following night Amy’s dad offered me a dish of red ant eggs with veggies to which I declined. I also spied the tub of rice from the fridge and noticed that one of the tiny ants in there was still moving. I bet those things can live all the way through your body.
The ants are everywhere in Amy’s parent’s house, anywhere where some form of food can be found, though not sure what’s in the bathroom that entices them, maybe flecks of toothpaste and dead skin. I’m wondering how we can keep them out of our house.
Which leads me to the second ant story. As I was watering the garden I’ve been pulling out weeds, loosening the ground with water so I can pull up as much of the roots as possible. I find this strangely satisfying. I’ve been careful to look out for snakes and other little beasties and then I came across an ant’s nest, less than ten feet from our kitchen.
The ants were possibly disturbed by my watering but were running around in a bit of a tizzy, some of the carrying stuff that I couldn’t quite make out. I went and told Amy about the nest and she didn’t think much of it at the time saying if we need to we can get rid of them with ‘chemicals’.
So I went back to watering and weeding, noticing that the ant action had died down mostly, with just a few scattered wanderers scurrying about. That was when I felt an almighty sting on my finger as I was pulling up a weed. I let go of the weed and pulled up my hand to find one of these little bastards attached to my finger. I quickly brushed it off as the pain intensified and I wondered if I needed to go to the hospital or something serious like that.
I pissed and moaned for a bit and carried on watering and after a while, the pain subsided. It did make me think though that if a bunch of these ants had decided to climb up inside my shirt or shoes, that would be something a little more worrying and potentially dangerous.
Later, Amy saw a picture I took of the ants and proclaimed ‘Oh those ones are nasty – we need to get rid of them’. We’re looking for ‘chemicals’ now.
PS – the feature picture isn’t connected to this post. It was taken when I managed to duck out from Amy’s parent’s house on my pushbike. I enjoy just riding around the small sois (streets) nearby and getting lost before finding my way again.
12th Mar 2023 – How cautious I was at the time, still not knowing what was dangerous or not. Now, ants and lizards, in and around the house, are just normal. We never did get any chemicals.
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