Tag: River Stour

I Can’t Feel My Wings – 20th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I lay down and try to breathe
Because I can’t feel my wings
Why did I wake up this way?
Am I paying for my sins?
What’s the cost to going mad?
I’m hollowed out inside
I want this curse lifted off me
I want my wings, I want to fly
It’s been a long time
Being, a long time

Inspired and words re-arranged from this post by Tomic Riter

Today I’m feeling:

Quite relaxed and happy.  I was excited to go for a little bike ride, my psyche somehow understanding that I needed to be out in nature, getting some Vitamin D and picking up the green light reflections of the fields and jungle.

Today I’m grateful for:

My old student Praewa.  A couple of weeks ago she posted a picture from outside her house and I recognised it as a place not that far from where I live.  As I had planned for a bike ride this morning I figured I would head out in that direction towards the river, east from home, and drop in and say hello on the way.

When I messaged her though she said she wasn’t home but to come and find her where she was.  She sent me a map and it wasn’t far away from where I was heading anyway so I figured why not.

I found out that they have a grocery shop at their house and there was some kind of fun sporting event for kids going on and Praewa’s mum had set up a stall to sell refreshments.

When I got there I finally found them and it seemed like the whole family was there – mum, brother, auntie, grandmum and great grandmum!  I declined the offer of a beer, it was still before noon, though that didn’t stop Praewa’s mum from starting already!

I had a look around and in another stall, two students yelled out my name.  I don’t teach them but I recognised them from saying hello around school.  Then I spotted another student I know who was partaking in the event on the track.  She is always friendly when I see her but usually not excited or showing too much emotion but today she was laughing a lot as the race they were doing was a team event where the first in line had to pull on a big pair of baggy knickers over their clothes, run up the track and back and then swap the knickers with the next in line.

Her team won and they were happy.  When I went to say hello she was very surprised to see me there.  I congratulated her team.

The next thing I knew, Momo was walking past with some snacks.  I caught up with her and met her mum.  I asked Momo why she wasn’t competing and she said she didn’t want to be there but her mum forced her to come.

Finally, Cream came and joined Praewa and they took off to the bouncy castle slide.  They are still 14 or 15 years old but I don’t think either of them is even 5ft tall so they can still get away with playing on such things.  I bid everyone farewell and thankfully my bike started ok and I rode off around the place feeling happy to see what some of my students get up to outside of school and grateful that Praewa invited me to come.

The best thing about today was:

Riding to newer parts of the valley with a deep blue sky directly overhead (not so much on the horizons) and waterlogged paddies reflecting that, dotted with bright young green rice stems.  I took a moment to savour it all.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I planned for a bike ride this morning after coffee but the bike isn’t starting. I’m sitting here in the sun for a minute hoping that it will warm up the bike and that it might magically start. Otherwise, it means wheeling it to the shop which is manageable but not what I’d planned for. Any costs to fix it are going to be painful too.

Thankfully, I finally managed to kickstart it and let it run for ten minutes before heading out.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I reminded myself to message Ploy to ask how she did on her test today.  She said she felt confident which I’m glad about.

I took this picture because this young corn was so green. I’ve enjoyed running through cornfields, back in England, during the summer there, alongside the river Stour. It felt like a strange freedom, hidden from view in a minor trespass. 

The greatest thing is a box (but how can I contain my love for fire?) – 21st July 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Last two days haven’t given us much time for reflection. We can’t see much further than 1st August at the moment, which is when we’re due to leave this house (hence the Rollins item not being here – I did find it but just ain’t had time).

Last night I got in touch with Marie, Jasper and Murray’s dad, to invite all these people to our party. All these names not even mentioned in this tome but integral in my upbringing and my past. Hope some of these guys can make it on the night.

Wrote all that by the river but had to leave to find some place to relieve myself. It is so hot today, even by the river the sun is burning down. Crazy Aussie weather and I’m still in England!

Broni and I were up late sorting out bits and pieces and emptying our room of furniture in preparation of packing. Though stressed out by all this we still have time for fun and laughing. I’m accused sometimes of being too serious but now is a serious time and it will be some relief to get this next couple of weeks out the way.

I’ll apologise now if these entries start to lack any colour and flair. How many ways can you describe packing a box? Rest assured – if there’s any excitement I’ll be in touch.

How do you hide from something you have found? – 14th June 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Ah, Sweet summer days are here upon us. And I have the summer madness.

Broni said she was reminded of Australia when she woke up this morning to bright beaming sunshine. She even managed to raise her slender elegance out of bed before I left for work. And by some conniving I’ve managed to get the driving job for the two weeks our driver is off – so this morning I loaded up quickly and by 9 o’clock (Now) I’m sat in the hotness of the morning by the tempting waters of the River Stour, hardly a soul around to disturb my pleasure.

The heat is rising off the land in this long wide valley and the sky melts from grey to blue the higher you go, and then to yellow the nearer the sun. Birds are chattering away their demented messages and butterflies flutter to and fro, a sundance.

Briefly, let me tell you the past few days. At last, a quietish weekend with a short night out to see some of Kerry’s friends at the Avon Causeway to celebrate someone’s birthday (This was Friday). I couldn’t cope with the smoke and incessant chatter – I could not hear a fucking thing anyone was saying. Soon bored (me anyway) we came home.

Saturday I can’t recall at this moment. Let me tell you, my quiet has been erased here by some farmer type teaching his dog to fetch. This he is doing by throwing a dead duck into the river and the dog eagerly jumping in and returning with it. Kinda yuck but strangely normal. Now they’re going, rippling waters the only sign left they’ve been here.

Ah! Saturday me and Broni walked through the park and watched big fish jump and crash in the murky waters. And fluffy cygnets eating bugs while mom and pop hissed at any passers-by. Mad youngsters jump off roofs into bushes, trampoline style their support (and a reminder of my youth – not long gone).

I went to the bone cruncher yesterday for the first time – an odd experience but hopefully worthwhile at the end of this treatment.

Now I must go – one last look around – life can’t get much better than this – once more in the pursuit of happiness. Bye bye.