Dog tired last night and still struggled to get to sleep but once I did I was gone!
I woke up before my alarm but couldn’t get up when the alarm went off and reset to give an extra 20 minutes of dozing.
Not feeling too bad with my first coffee but have two busy days ahead.
Today I’m grateful for:
The pharmacist being available at Big C when I got there today. Last week when I tried they told me that there would be no one there until 5pm.
The best thing about today was:
Bumping into my old grade 9 student Sheena as I was about to leave school. I asked if she was happy now that I was no longer teaching her class and she said that everyone was complaining that they were missing me.
That was nice to hear and for sure, I connected with all those students really well but they drove me crazy at the time. I hope that I have some good influence over them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Some of the classrooms that I’m teaching in test my patience with various bits and pieces of equipment missing but I just have to take it easy and not get ruffled by it. Everything can be overcome.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interesting interview with LA-based Chinese comedian Jiaoying Summers and it was great to see a strong woman taking control of her life and destiny against a lot of odds.
What part of my daily routine do I look forward to the most?
Most workdays I look forward to exercising in the morning.
With my drive to try and write a poem or day (or more), I also look forward to spending time reading, thinking and writing.
At the end of the day, I kinda look forward to writing this journal but some days are a struggle. With enough time I can usually answer all the questions but often I’m out of energy and need to go to bed.
I took this picture because I was kinda shocked to see a full moon tonight. I’ve been used to seeing the moon regularly when I go to close our gate and usually have some idea what stage it is at.
A cautious step on an icy ledge Let slip the dogs of war The days of diplomacy are over And goons are knocking at the door
Never hold the gaze for more than a second The men in black are tweaking The files are closed on past misdemeanours Until they’re ready for leaking
Good job Gloria, that’s how you do Surviving all these years of top Surveilling from behind the screen Until the penny is about to drop
Baby’s got a blankie to hold A security against the fear The blinds are drawn, doors are locked So it will not happen here
A boy in a bubble, breathing hope He wants to be just like you Who decides on a normal life When they will surely die too?
Today I’m feeling:
Ok so far though getting up was difficult.
In the middle of the night, I was dreaming of Forest Cottage again and knew I needed to pee but, still in the dream, it felt like it was so close I had to run to the bathroom and when I got there I saw in my pants that I couldn’t contain it all in time but I enjoyed the feeling of relief as I wondered when I would ever stop peeing.
Finally, the dream woke me up realizing I needed to pee and thankfully I had managed to contain it so far. I fumbled out of bed still not quite with it and stumbled around the edge and head first into the wardrobe. With a loud crack, I dropped back onto the bed waking Amy and suddenly wide awake myself. I have a nice forehead bruise for my troubles this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
My subconscious, telling me to wake up and go to the bathroom before wetting the bed. I hope these dreams don’t stop and I long have the ability to make it to the toilet in time.
The best thing about today was:
Hearing that our aircon component is here. However…. he’s here working on it right now and whilst it is working the air is not cold. One problem fixed and perhaps another created. Have to wait and see. It would be nice to be back in our familiar bedroom again although Amy is saying that my snoring is disturbing her sleep and wants to sleep in separate rooms!
About an hour later and we finally have it fixed again. Woohoo!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
For my second class today I planned on using Quizizz online but as I sat to start it everything had disappeared from my account which was a bit of a worry as there are weeks of work of mine there, but I figured it must be some site-wide issue that will get fixed in time. But what to do for my class that was already ten minutes through the one hour allocated?
In my earlier class, I had played categories with them which went well enough but took about 20 minutes to get set up. During my break, I had taken five minutes to put together the table in a document so the kids didn’t have to draw it (which one student had struggled with!). So I quickly ran and printed off the sheets and divided the kids into groups, taking most of the phones off them, and allowing just one per group to use for searching answers.
Thankfully this group of kids are pretty obedient and even if they are not sure what I’m saying they quickly learn from each other. We were able to quickly have fun playing the game with 95% of the class taking part before I allocated 4 students to clean and kicked the rest out to their next class. Job done!
Also, with the aircon repair taking an hour or two I’ve run out of time to play guitar today which is a little annoying but I know that in the future there will also be days with lots of free time and I will be too lazy to play. Also, sometimes taking a break from something reminds you how much better you’ve become when you pick it up again.
Something I learned today?
Wow, I just finished a long chat with another student suffering depressive symptoms. Although I didn’t see it before their behaviour makes sense in hindsight.
Who has made a difference in my life lately?
I guess this one is pretty obvious for me right now as Amy has been back for three weeks and is about to leave again already. When I’m by myself I can get into a very familiar routine that becomes comfortable and though the acceptance of that change wasn’t that difficult it was still something to work through. When she is back again permanently things will change again and a new routine will reveal itself.
I took this picture last month because it was amazing to see so much fruit from this palm. No new picture today again! Maybe tomorrow I just give my phone to a random student and ask them to take pictures for me and see what they come up with!
Bandaged eyes for a holiday treat A walking cough on coal-black feet Animals and humans linger in shit The bray and the neigh, murmurs the pit
Air to breathe, relaxed underground There echoes the ever-tapping sound Fathers tell sons to break the chain Close the gates on working man’s shame
Time has turned the tide around A union broken and unknown freedom found Damocles laughs and makes some bank The pit ponies nostalgic for the sulphur stank
Today I’m feeling:
Not too bad today but not particularly inspired either. Enjoyed starting to read the Brix Smith book whilst at Utopia. I didn’t want to stop so ended up drinking 3 coffees instead of my usual two. Amy’s brother called to come here so I’m waiting for him now but I can’t drink more coffee!
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy getting home safely last night and then for her flatmate who consoled her today when she cried over our lovely Kim Chi. I still miss her terribly but I’m getting more used to her not being around. Amy told me she was excited to come back in July to see all our cats but now her trip is tinged with sadness too.
The best thing about today was:
I really enjoyed reading today with the Brix Smith book at Utopia and approaching the end of Death’s End at home. I will miss this sci-fi series but have many other cool books to get into next.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There are times I feel fatalistic about the future but I also know that making uncomfortable changes usually brings about a renewed sense of accomplishment. I have been happy with the way things had been going until the shock of Kim’s death rattled me. At this point, I don’t know what’s coming. Amy is pretty unhappy to be leaving Australia and has such a negative attitude to being in Thailand again that I’m not sure how long it will last. I know she wants us all to be together but prefers it not to be here. Going back to Australia together in the future feels really up in the air to me. I have no idea what I can do there for work. Amy is keen on the idea of opening a restaurant which I’m not quite in the right frame of mind to attempt. A lot of time, money and stress will be ahead of that. Can I submit to that to make Amy happy?
Something I learned today?
I watched a magic video that showed how to make small objects float using a very fine thread. It’s a neat trick that maybe I’ll practice one day and show my students.
What are the details of my daily routine?
Right now, in the holidays: get up around 8.30, feed the cats, shower, ride to Utopia, drink coffees and read, go home and read (different book), watch YouTube videos, eat (depending on how hungry I am), video call Amy when feeding the cats, water the garden, sometimes play guitar, watch more YouTube, read more, watch Netflix, shower, get in bed, read books and comics on iPad, sleep. I’m not spending much time listening to music since Kim died; I’m not quite in the mood for it yet.
I took this picture because the ceramic figure reminds me of Amy and this is one of her cactuses that I haven’t managed to kill yet. I had to force myself out to find something to take a picture of today.
Are good intentions always the best? The drunkards put it to the test What reactions would their honesty bring When told that they had said the wrong thing?
Camaraderie broken without moderation A bitten tongue is an undesired sensation But there’s a skill to an honest liar That the drunkards’ needs require
Words remain and legends born When from the heart they were torn Never accounted on the ledger’s expense A friend who chose to take offence
The Outsider…is the one man who knows he is sick in a civilisation that doesn’t know it is sick.
Colin Wilson
Today I’m feeling: Tired and a little down Today I’m grateful for: Amy’s quick recovery and not needing my help too much to prepare for her dinner party this evening. I was still exhausted and got back into bed at 11am after vacuuming and doing a few other chores to help Amy. I read for a while and slept, getting up again around 3.30 and feeling a bit better. The best thing about today was: Reading Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet. I look forward to reading it again in the future. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I pretty much relinquished control today and let myself be directed by Amy. My brain was barely functioning during the morning so I had little reason to push on with things that I wanted to do. Something I learned today? Utopia is closed tomorrow! My backup coffee place in Black Smooth but I’ll have to remember to take a book with me. Do you have a daily routine? A flexible one as I try to have lots of little tasks that I would like to do every day but also don’t beat myself up if I miss them. In the morning I do a very brief stretch and exercise, I used to meditate for 5 minutes too and may get back to that. I shower and feed the cats and feed myself before heading off to school and hopefully one or two coffees. Things are flexible after this. But in the evening I strive to play guitar, follow up on emails and write this journal, read a book for about 20 minutes, and then read comics before sleeping. I’m not a fan of doing the same thing every day so including some or all of these tasks is an aim and each starts anew.
Amy took this picture because this was her in the hospital (yesterday) getting her first rabies shot and her bite wounds dressed. She’s in less pain today but has a bit of swelling. I hope it fixes up quickly.
The smiling reaper taps his fingers Returning the smile is all you can do Rise from your slumber shouting ‘Not today!’ Send down death, back to the blue Bounce out of bed, your time is short Thousands today will be sent away Take the chances offered to you You’ve got the gift of another day
It is extremely dangerous, very possibly even disastrous, to assume that because people are in positions of responsibility, they are therefore behaving responsibly.
David McCullough, from The Jonestown Flood
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be back at school and to get back into a new routine.
I am so happy and grateful to be able to message my old friend Echo in L.A. It was good to catch up with her briefly and find out a little more about her life. I messaged her because I remembered her original online photo and wondered if she still had it.
13th June 2023 – She didn’t, unfortunately. In the photo, she was in an Asian squat, outdoors somewhere with her chin resting on the palm of her open hand and her elbow on her knee. We met originally through a website called Asia Friend Finder, where I made many contacts that helped me travel in China in 2001.
OK, back to school – and with nothing really to do, I did some research and preparation for teaching Maeve her IELTS class this evening. It felt good to be back into this routine, even though nothing exciting happened.
Even though I have less free time, I will value what I do have more. Why is it so difficult to do that when I have whole days and weeks free!?
I am so happy and grateful that I got another two days off school. Only found out in the morning, before leaving. Felt good.
My brain and body are fried. 3 or 4 weeks of constant weed brownies and binging on TV series. It was getting me down.
When I found out a couple of days ago that school starts again today, I got over the initial shock and started to prep myself mentally. Last night, I became very anxious and restless just thinking about it – especially as we would probably be at school for a whole month before any students return – meaning we would likely end up sitting around doing nothing the whole time. My negative brain was kicking in.
So it was with some delight that a message came through this morning that our return was delayed a couple more days until Friday. Now, I’m trying to straighten my brain out a little more and psyche myself up for things.
I remind myself that I was getting lots done when I was in a routine and even if I didn’t enjoy the actual routine of working, I did enjoy all the benefits of some regularity. I’m coming back together.
I am so happy and grateful for the long month off work. I have been enjoyably lazy and caught up on some TV watching. It has made me realise that I enjoy having a routine of going to work and that I build other habits around it. It has also made me curious about us being able to start our own business here – I think it would be enjoyable to do a restaurant/diner on our land.
In a never ending search for music that I haven’t yet heard and might like (that is making me slightly mad) I came across some great blogs that I, surprisingly, hadn’t come across before. First is One Chord Is Enough, with one or two obscure 70s and 80s tunes to listen to. Punk, post-punk and things from when it was exciting to read what was new in the “Independent Chart” run downs in the music rags.
I found the One Chord blog after a search for Rhythm Plague who I was inspired to seek out due to this post about the Rotary Totem label. I think I only found one song by the band of this name but stumbled upon a treasure chest of music from that magical period of 70s and 80s. I downloaded all 160+ mixes and will stick them on the phone to listen to at some point.
I’m kinda excited as my search for music is still on the ear-out for a tune I heard on John Peel back in 1979. All I remember of the song is it was kinda punky a-la The Users and there was a stop in the music for a shouted vocal of “Who are these people?”. I heard a song from the One Chord Is Enough site that maybe the song but only if I’m misremembering it. I can’t even remember what this song was now – it’s in a pile of 1000s of files to check out. Everything is in the queue. I love this shit!
Another search lead me to the Stewart Lee alter ego of Baconface and his show “Global Globules”. The premise is odd (in a typical Stewart Lee fashion) and the music is freaking killer. Lots of freak scene acid folk psychedelic obscurities from around the world. From the first seven two hour shows there’s perhaps only one band I’ve come across before and that’s Brainticket. If you are familiar with them but not much else then definitely check this show out for more.
Another blog that I’m slowly plowing through is Music for Maniacs. I forget how I came across this one – perhaps connected with an episode of the excellent You Don’t Know Mojack podcast, that has lead me in search of many interesting SST related releases. Anyway, Music for Maniacs is as described – it’s out there, avant and just plain weird recordings and stories about them. I quickly found a series of compilations and downloaded them. They are in the queue for listening.
Music related reading, again from the Mojack podcast, is the New Vulgate – Joe Carducci’s old blog. I skip through some of the non music content and I’m not a huge fan of Joe’s writing but that’s not important. The information is important (to old music nerds like me and Rich Levine). Rabbit holes are here.
I finished reading Henry Rollins first volume of Fanatic! Here’s my tongue in cheek review.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be back at school and have a routine again. I need routine to keep me focused.
1994ever 