Ruins – 19th July 2024

Pearls left at the altar
No more reveries for your name
Perfection starts to falter
Then vanish with a lover’s claim

Built to be broken
The air inside, a secret mist
Embraced by all the ghosts
The tragic altruist

Submitted to Wordle #663


Today I’m feeling:

Good, though I skipped exercise this morning as my alarm shocked me awake and my eyes were so heavy.  I thought I’d get straight back to a deep sleep but didn’t as my brain slowly engaged.  I did enjoy the rest though and I probably needed it.

I wasn’t looking forward to my first class, my lazy grade 11s on the relatively boring topic of presentations.  I try to get them going as much as I can but I think that they have other things to think about.  However, it did go well and I pulled back a little to talk with each group about their presentations and it was ok.

The second class, the grade 11 HAP and J-Biz kids, I prepped when they arrived that we would finish early and could complete the final task and bring to class next week.  They were happy with this as they had mentioned that they were overloaded with work for another class.

During that class I talked with Jee about problems between the J-Biz and HAP students in both grade 11 and 10.  She told me that the grade 11s were mostly fine but that in grade 10 they are not connecting well at all.

But she did talk to me about Freya causing all sorts of problems between everyone in the grade 11 class.  I know that there had been some issues before but I thought that it had kind of settled down now.  It seems not.

At the end of my class there was definitely some frank discussion going on between a few students and Freya.  I discussed it with both sides separately a little later but with the language barrier it was a little difficult to get to the bottom of.

It seems like Freya might have a problem with running her mouth at times and not thinking about what she is saying.  Maybe a gossip, playing both sides depending on who she is talking to. I’m guessing that she has low social skills and perhaps her background has played a part in this, though I know nothing about that.  It’s just that I feel that she might be more old school Thai than some of the other kids who are more with the times and less provincial.

Also, she may be getting a skewed understanding of how relationships work by live streaming in class sometimes and getting positive feedback on her looks from ‘fans’.

This is all conjecture on my part and I feel sorry for her because she admits to knowing that she has done wrong and bad things in the past but feels like she is being given a further chance.

I told her to talk with Kru Pooky, who I’m not sure is the best person to go to for advice, though she is a little like Freya too.  She seems to struggle with friends in the school and is always posting pictures of herself alone at cafes on Instagram, which feels a bit odd to me as she is (I’m guessing) approaching middle age, though not unattractive.  I can see Freya easily becoming like her in the future.  So, I’m not sure if that makes her a good or bad person to be talking with!

I also told Freya to talk with me later.  I’ve messaged her this evening but not heard back.  As she struggles with depression and being away from family I just hope she doesn’t do anything rash.

Thankfully my last class of grade 8s was a breeze after all that drama as they struggled with reading in front of class but they tried very hard and did very well.  A quick quiz afterwards and we were all able to get away a little earlier.

Today I’m grateful for:

The friendly lady at the cookie shop in Ban Den.  She was nice as Amy and I video called to figure out what to buy for her to take to Udon Thani.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling good listening to my grade 8s reading and having seen them improve over the week.  A few of them still don’t understand what they’re saying but at least they are getting over their fear of talking.  

It’s a good feeling to watch them evolving their skills over time.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I tried supporting Freya as mentioned above.

It was (grade 9) Earn’s birthday today and I delivered her a piece of chocolate cake from Le Paradis, for which she was appreciative, though I asked her to listen to Kru David in her class (for a change!)

I also let Spain, Praew and her friend through into the cafe so that they could sit in the aircon as the gate hadn’t been unlocked yet.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #50 – 7th August 2020

Music from The All Seeing Hand, Rolling Stones, Bongwater, Blurt, Shield Your Eyes, Cat Power, Josiane Rey, Rhino 39, The Fall, Cause for Effect, XTC, Moody Blues, Racebannon, Heavy Vegetable, Sir Millard Mulch, Big Block 454, Steve Harley and the Cockney Rebel, Ruins, Scrid and Christmas.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have been teaching all morning. I think the students are enjoying my lessons and I am really happy with them.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #21 – 18th January 2020

Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!

To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.

Joseph Epstein

To-do list

  • Upload TCRAH ✅
  • Finish writing to Chrissie
  • Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
  • Go to the gym
  • Sort out more in the office ✅

I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.

Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.

In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.

I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.

I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.

It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!

Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.

Well, what will tomorrow bring?

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #06 – 5th October 2019

Music from Faun Fables, Ruins, Unrest, Minibeast, The Deviants, Deerhoof, The Clarendonians, The Mekons, Radio Thailand, The Solid State, NoHayBandaTrio, Joe Strummer, The Jesus Lizard, Martin Cure and the Peeps and Iowa Beef Experience.


Woke up with the sun and again I’m already mentally preparing for my classes next semester. It’s good but could probably turn it down a bit!

It’s only 7am and I already achieved a small thing for today. I went for an early morning walk around the village. A lot of aunties around already selling their veggies and meats. They were all happily curious, as was I. I should try some conversation next time.

Today I will try to remember that life is brief and can be taken away at any time.

I love watching my cats around the house and garden. How lucky we are to be here together.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to watch the sunrise as I walked around the village this morning. Smiling monks, curious aunties, playful dogs, foggy fields.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #05 – 28th September 2019

Music from All Right The Captain, Plastic Blues Band, Phleg Camp, Replacements, Tanjaret Daghet, Sweetheart, Mike Watt, Flin Flon, Drive Like Jehu/BlackPink, Keukhot, Birdsongs of the Mesozoic, Ruins, Free Salamander Exhibit, The Halo Benders, The Red Krayola, Eat Avery’s Bones, Idiot Flesh, Thinking Fellers Union Local 282.

Gratitude Journal

Thank you to me for always growing and learning. I know it has been hard but it got my where I am today.

I’m grateful for our friend Baew who always shows us kindness and caring. I’m thankful she is in our lives.

Lovely Noise – 4th January 1993

From where did that noise emanate
I want to hear the scratch and scrape
Smashing, hissing, piercing screech
Screaming out to breach the peace
That lovely lovely noisy sound
A brand new love I’ve found

7th Sep 2024 – I had become immersed in noise recordings after checking out Boredoms and Ruins and delving deeper into the Japanese Noise scene. This led me to some interesting places and also my very own limited edition release noise LP and the introduction of the name tenzenmen.