Really tired again. It feels like I just can’t get enough good unbroken sleep. Cap woke us both up again last night, vomiting up some food.
I’m starting to feel really concerned for him now. He’s not eating or drinking enough and is all saggy skin and bones. It feels like this might be his final days but I hope I’m wrong.
Maybe I’m just being overly cautious after being less concerned with Kim Chi last year.
Today I’m grateful for:
The people who found Leo after he ran off this evening and Amy had to go and ride around to search for him. Without luck, she then just happened to check a local online message board where someone had posted that they’d found a lost dog. That crazy Leo!
The best thing about today was:
Watching more of the 3 Body Problem. I don’t have energy for much at the moment and am already in bed at 8 pm.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After a couple of coffees, I cancelled meeting up with Matt and figured to go to school and sign the documents to get paid before going home to catch up on sleep. Nancy sent a reminder to go to sign the documents so that was my trigger to leave.
It was already about 36 degrees and with the bad air and lack of sleep, I was super dizzy, especially after walking up to the fourth floor where waiting for me was absolutely no one.
I was about to pass out and couldn’t wait around and so left a message with Nancy saying there was no one there and I was sick and leaving.
When I got home there was another message from Nancy saying that if I didn’t sign today I would be paid late, without giving any indication of what late meant.
I flaked into bed but couldn’t get a good rest, sleeping for maybe only twenty minutes. I tried to get Kru Mai to go and sign for me. Why not! Why do we even need to go through this nonsense every month?
At three-forty, looking like there was no other way around it I decided to drive back just to sign their paper.
I took this picture because this tree at school is blossoming and looked great with the sun rising and the school building in contrast.
Super tired again. Yesterday I managed to resist an afternoon nap and I got to sleep OK, until Cap kept crying to go in and out of the bedroom and then to be fed. Happy to know that he has his appetite but I just want to sleep more!
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and her family deciding to go for a fish lunch out in the rice fields. It was good to do something different though it was funny that they decided on the restaurant that Bruno and I went and tried as we were riding by a year or two ago.
Also to Kru Karn who offered me her shelf space in the teacher’s room to keep my things. I’ll do that for now but may move it to somewhere more suitable later.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more about the British Empire in Africa. It was interesting to read that there were people who abhorred the colonial treatment of other human beings at the time. Interesting in that nothing much has changed, sadly.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I haven’t been able to do any more lesson planning as I haven’t been able to get more information from Kru Mai about my classes yet. It’s a little frustrating as it is what we are supposed to be doing this week and now it means I will have to do more in the actual holiday time.
When I went to school just before lunch I found lots of people cleaning out the office space for Kru Puu who will stay in there in future. Unfortunately, this means moving my stuff out from there and also not being able to use it for one-to-one speaking exercises anymore. A lot of student’s work that I was keeping to look at later was also missing, presumably thrown out. Oh well. Nothing stays the same.
Something I learned today?
I just got sent a video by Noey. It was of me riding the wrong way at the traffic lights (to save time) as I was out getting a tub of ice cream at the 7-11. She must have been on her bike at the traffic lights going in the other direction.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I messaged a few more students today and had little conversations of encouragement with them.
I took this picture because this was the view from our restaurant table at lunch time.
When judgement comes, what may you say In your defence? For every tiny part you play Comes at some expense With violence spent, you walked away All of it forgotten Whilst those you hurt were forced to stay Sour and turning rotten
When judgement comes, it will be Seen from your heart For better or worse, you set me free You played your part A part in miniature, a part of me Reborn stronger My part in this is plain to see And I will stay longer
Uncertain. I just looked in the mirror and felt old and worthless. Perhaps it’s because I’m not around the energy of the kids at the moment.
Last night Amy also cried that Thailand isn’t her place anymore and that she feels more at home in Australia. There’s a lot behind that but there is also a factor that I haven’t written about here because it’s a sensitive topic and the situation is ongoing. Needless to say, I understand her feeling, whilst not sharing it.
She also asked me if I would ever go back to England to live and I said no, which made me consider her position.
I seem to have really found myself here and just have no real idea what I would do with myself back in Australia.
Anyway, this is not a new feeling or thought and is not able to be actioned upon just yet due to having our cats and our home here, which we would need to sell. Sometime in the future though, it looks a given that we will be back in Australia.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student, Nong Aoi, who called me this evening as she was happily cooking and eating with her boyfriend and friends. Despite giving me big headaches last year enough to make me worry that she was going off the rails, she has calmed down a little now and is quite sweet and affectionate. I think it’s nice that my students feel comfortable enough to call me. I’m doubtful that they call other any other teachers.
Yesterday I also messaged a little with Nong Nam, who was Aoi’s accomplice in giving me grief last year. She has also matured a little more now and said that she really appreciates that I contact her every six months or so to check in on her. Sometimes it’s the small actions that make all the difference.
The best thing about today was:
Quietly reading 2000AD and Judge Dread Megazine stories after getting home mid-afternoon. It was excellent and I was savouring the time spent.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a glimpse of my new classes from Kru Mai today and whilst he has taken heed of my reluctance to be involved with the Integrated classes for next semester he has spread me out into other high school classes which means figuring out new lessons to teach.
I would also not teach any grade 7 classes, for which I already have a hundred lessons accumulated over the last three years. Oh well, new challenges lay ahead.
Cappuccino is still not looking too good at the moment and doesn’t seem to be able to settle himself into a comfortable position, like there’s something not right in his hips or belly. Poking around doesn’t seem to cause him any discomfort but something is obviously not right.
Amy and I are both wary as it was at this time last year that Kim got sick and went to the vet a couple of times until that fateful day she didn’t come back alive.
Something I learned today?
In medieval Europe, mercury was used in medicine and manufacturing. Hatters were specifically exposed to mercuric nitrate, a form of inorganic mercury.
By 1837, “mad as a hatter” was a common saying.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent messages out to a few more students today to check in on how they are doing. I discovered that Anchan is having a tough time of things these days.
She has been living with her uncle as the rest of her family have been put in prison for an illegal online gambling website! She says her uncle is never around so she has to take care of the house and as she is not getting any money from her mum now she has to help her grandmum with selling things and gets barely enough to buy herself food.
And all that is taking away from her school work where, amazingly, she is still motivated to push herself and enrolling herself in extracurricular activities. She’s only 14 years old.
She asked for some help with information about exchange programs to Australia and I talked a little with Kru Champ about that as it is something he is working on in the future.
It’s frustrating to see smart, motivated kids trapped in situations like this. I hope she doesn’t give up and lose herself as so many teenagers can do.
I took this picture because Cap is not quite feeling well at the moment, unfortunately.
Pretty relaxed and happy. A little tired as Amy kept me up late when she got home last night, tired and emotional, overthinking about family things.
Today I’m grateful for:
The jelly candies that I bought in Mae Sai last month. I’ve been eating them myself because they are delicious but they are also a good candy to give to my students as treats. They mostly prefer them over the fruity Mentos.
The best thing about today was:
Having my students read one-on-one and two-on-one in my classes today. I was happily surprised by a couple of students’ improvement over the last twelve months. I like this time of year for the relaxed attitude towards study.
I’ve thought before that it would be good if it could be like this all the time but when I think deeper it is perhaps because of all the pushing and hard work during the year that they have gotten more comfortable with their study.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the morning Amy told me she wanted me to come home between classes to take Cap to the vet. I wasn’t into this idea because I wanted to chill at the cafe, catching up on reading and also because with the change of plans at the weekend it meant driving to the city and back twice instead of once. Her plan for today would’ve meant another two trips in one day.
I suggested it would be better to wait until we got the truck back and then she can take Cap at her leisure. Thankfully she agreed to this idea before I left for school.
Something I learned today?
I saw a headline about a Palestinian mother’s newborn twin babies who were killed in an Israeli airstrike. She had been waiting ten years to conceive.
Zionists sure know how to inspire hatred. This will not end well.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 24. Never Look Back Too Long. Reflecting on the past is only good for one thing: Learning.
I am taking a lot of time looking back these days as I go through putting information into this blog. I am sometimes nostalgic but as the life lesson says, I am using this information for learning.
I’ve almost fully given myself over to my students and Amy these days. I’m less inward-focused in my day-to-day life even though I do do a lot of thinking.
I’m happy where I’m at though not sure where I am going just now.
I took this picture of the flowering tree that I park my car under in the afternoons, in a vague attempt at keeping it cool. The flowers are pretty. I think I took a similar picture last year.
This space buzzed by mosquitoes A history was being carved out Dusty messes swept into the corners Where cockroaches nested, no doubt
Now an empty room remains A hunger within this home The incense lights the way So we don’t have to be alone
Ghosts are only seen by some A chilly feeling in prickly air Once a room full of new stories Is left in stasis with nothing there
Grandmum’s empty room
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little tired though I slept quite a lot. Not going to push my classes today and going to take it easy myself too.
Today I’m grateful for:
A surprise lunch date with the family at the seafood restaurant Amy and I tried last Sunday. At first I felt a little annoyed as I had wanted to stay at House to read and write after going to apply for the work permit after my first class. That quickly faded though as I’ve grown much more accustomed to sudden changes of plans. The food was also great, which certainly helped too!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting with groups of three students at a time and working on a grammar rule with them. I can usually get a good response out of small groups when there’s an opportunity to do so and we all could laugh and learn together.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went to get my work permit and in the process they asked if I want it for two years to which I thought ‘sure!’ It was only then I wondered how much it would cost and I found out it will be 6000 baht which is all the money I have left this month!
Something I learned today?
As we’ve been busy for this last week I haven’t really asked Amy about much of what the latest news is or about all the stuff at the temple. With a couple of wines under her belt she talked for a long while about different people that attended the funeral, all of the costs and stresses for the family and what little she knew about the Buddhist rituals and rules.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent supportive messages to three of my students who struggled with situations today.
Nicha took this picture because she snatched my phone out of my pocket whilst I was distracted with another student. I’m quite happy for some students to do this because I can look forward to a surprise batch of photos to check later. Obviously in this shot I had caught up with her to get my phone back.
Shacked up with a slacker Who said our gold was in the hills A guitar strapped to his back To sing of other people’s thrills
The words are spat with bitterness The war is raging in his head But anger without direction Is replaced by apathy instead
The party starts at home With our disaffected friends With the battle in our songs Forgotten when it ends
Stirred into one final action When the pipe of peace got broke Understanding that our pain Is only countered by the smoke
So it was, we came and went We conquered nothing at all We disappeared without a trace Into the bottom of the bowl
Nearer heaven we rested heads Too tired to take our chance Extinguished, all those little fires Where we no longer dance
inspired by ‘The Slacker’ in Zachary Mexico’s book China Underground
Today I’m feeling:
A little better again though still not quite right in the sinuses. Exercise got me going and I felt in a good mood for the whole day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vegetarian food from Oasis and dessert snacks from the snack shop. Hopefully, there are snack boxes left over again tonight.
The best thing about today was:
Teaching my grade 10 class again. It’s a good feeling to have more mature students who try and want to understand more.
It did get me feeling a little like asking to spread out the classes between the foreign teachers so that not all the juniors are dumped on me and David. I know asking this is going to upset George though as he refuses to teach the younger ones, but it feels a little unfair not to split them more evenly.
I would be less tired at the end of the week and David is always talking of quitting because of the stress of his junior classes. I love those kids but I also value my health.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Another day of going with the flow mostly.
Something I learned today?
As I teach my grade 10s about relationships I’m learning a little about each of them and their personalities. Toon told me she is a people pleaser whilst Milk doesn’t care if a boy is interested in her. They joked that between them they make a balanced human being.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave some leftover snacks from last night’s ceremony to some students this morning.
I drove Amy and me home and back to the city to pick up snack boxes and food for tonight’s ceremony.
I took this picture because Tokyo was pretty relaxed. I still have to be very careful with her though. She can bite really quickly and with no apparent provocation.
Very good. I pushed through exercise and felt good for it. At school, I comforted ****** as best I could and asked Jan to keep me updated. I feel a little hopeless about helping her and I can imagine she feels even more so.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nut’s Auntie and uncle who came and cleaned up lots of little details around our garden, in particular, pulling the weeds out from the driveway where our purple grass grows.
The best thing about today was:
Hearing from my grade 10 students that the reason that they wanted me to teach them next year is that they feel relaxed in my class and find it fun and more enjoyable than with Thai teachers. I have to wonder what some of their other classes are actually like.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
On arriving home Amy was cleaning Bruno’s high-pressure hose (and seemed to be in a bad mood) and told me he wanted it back.
I was doubtful about this as he had said to keep it as long as I needed and I still have a few places I’d like to clean up.
I was also informed that I would have to drive Nut’s Auntie and uncle back to Bruno’s after they had finished which would be soon.
I didn’t say anything, I hadn’t even got the shopping inside yet. I just accepted my fate and took a quick shower by which time they were ready to go.
Of course, once we got there, Bruno was surprised to get his machine back already as he knew I hadn’t finished with it, and said to take it back. I hushed him and told him not to worry about it, as it already revealed Amy’s little white lie and I made no complaint. Amy seemed to be in a better mood by then, so all was good as we drove back home again.
Something I learned today?
It has only ever snowed two times in the Sahara. How’s that for some relatively useless information.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Once again offering support to my students struggling with mental health issues.
I took this picture on Sunday morning because this was the same mountain that we were at the top of the afternoon before, rising out of the cool morning mist.
A bit more lively than yesterday and with a little bit of tension knowing that I have a few things to do. Amy will go out for lunch with Aun so there shouldn’t be any interruptions.
Today I’m grateful for:
Poowanut at Heaven and Hell record store for immediately paying for a couple of copies of the Jornada Del Muerto LPs which I immediately got packed and will send to him tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything done that I had planned. The day went way too quickly though. Even what feels like doing nothing in particular goes too fast and being bored is a thing long past!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This one happened to Amy but I got to hear all about it. As mentioned above Amy had planned to meet Aun for lunch but as it approached time to leave she called Aun just to double-check, who then said she was still in bed and hungover and could she cancel.
Amy was rightly annoyed and complained to me about this common occurrence amongst her friends in Thailand.
She blamed herself though, saying that she should’ve known better. As she continued I just kept listening and acknowledging her displeasure and she let it all go with a ‘better just to be by myself and not care about other people.’
Something I learned today?
My football team, Ipswich Town, making a bid to return to the top tier of English football lost their first game this season to West Bromwich Albion.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I smiled and acknowledged the old lady (she may not have been old) at Utopia in the morning. She gave me a nod and a smile as she left.
I committed to investing time and money in a new release for SpeechOdd and High Voltage.
A random guy had emailed me last week about wanting to buy a CD in my collection and though I really like it I figured I could track it down again and he seemed really desperate to get it so I decided to let it go today.
Another random guy had emailed me about making music together but he thought that I had made a song that was actually done by Trumans Water. I forwarded his message to the band and replied to the guy that I had done so.
What made me smile today?
Walking into Utopia after riding my pushbike from home, I smiled and greeted staff and customers with a smile because I was in a good expectant mood looking forward to that first sip of delicious coffee.
Seeing Cappuccino and Tigger curled up in the cat tree boxes.
Watching a funny video of a kitten running after a delivery guy whilst I was laying next to Amy in bed after having my morning shower.
I feel like I didn’t smile that much really even though I’m pretty happy today.
What puts me in a good mood?
Seeing my students. They can also have the opposite effect but in general, being around all the students at school makes me happy and picks me up.
Coffee helps too!
I took this picture because I managed to capture Cap’s blue eyes.
Shoving in doughnuts Pooping out rocks Here lies the slovenly Unable to put on socks
Ten gallons of soda Living life liver-free Stuck on the sofa In front of the TV
Making friends with strangers Fat thumbs on the phone Influencing the influencers Relatively unknown
Shopping in comfort From the living room Like a faulty product Due to expire soon
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but improved in general. I could’ve slept more but got going with exercise and breakfast. My morning class I decided to cancel as students are preparing for an Open House event over the coming two days. Not what I had planned but I’m much more accepting and able to adapt more easily these days. I quickly planned a separate lesson for my afternoon class that they could easily do in the canteen and it went well compared to yesterday and everyone seemed to enjoy it, perhaps because it mostly involved drawing rather than writing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to find the nozzle for the high-pressure hose that I borrowed from Bruno on Lazada. It arrived today and now the hose works incredibly well, even cutting through the concrete if set too fine!
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying having fun with students all day long even as they were preparing things, studying, learning, chatting or playing. Everyone was in a good mood it seemed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The whole day at school was out of control as kids were busy everywhere doing things and making a mess. In classrooms, in hallways, in the canteen, library and playground. I went with it and had a great time. I met some of my grade 8 students in the canteen whilst I was taking care of the grade 7 class there in the afternoon and they told me that Teacher David was sad. I’m not quite sure what they meant but I can imagine that he is a bit frustrated with not being able to teach in the way that he’s used to.
Something I learned today?
Kru Fluke is leaving our team to go and take her turn working up in the mountains. It’s a shame as she is one of the teachers who actually makes an effort to engage despite having poor English herself.
How do I usually handle my emotions and feelings?
In some ways, I have managed to suppress strong emotions much of the time so that I am able to deal with events more reflectively. I am still afraid that I could overreact at some point. I don’t repress my emotions or feelings but let them play out with less stress and anxiety. In general, I have fewer cares and fewer worries. I guess I always had fewer cares and worries but exaggerated their importance before.
I took this picture because I walked around the corner to find my old class of students sitting here like this. They were waiting for a teacher to give them some items to help make decorations for tomorrow. They weren’t particularly enthused to do this but were excited not to be studying!
8th Feb 2024 – These kids are grade 9 – mostly 14-15 years old. Can I remember their names? I only taught them for one semester and that was last year now. ?, Piano, August (the dancing, singing…), Art (I taught him occasionally in Primary), Fill (whom I taught in Primary), Chompoo (likewise occasionally taught in Primary), Stang, Phoom, NongNong (formerly Sunwa), Pat, Gear, Levi, Beena, Proud, Mangkron (who wants to be a farmer), Nice (taught in Primary), Leo, (? – this kid rarely came to class), Pon, Chokun (taught in Primary), Baitoey, (? – I should know her name as I talk with her almost every morning) and Earn. Missing are Yok, Ice and another boy whom I can picture but can’t name!
When my boot is on your neck I’ll offer you charity for your aid Then once our positions are understood Your debt to me needs to be repaid
I’m sympathetic to all your woes But don’t finger-point at me Even though it’s no longer a secret About my foreign policy
The blame lies back with yourself And your own quest to rule The floods and famine of God’s will And you’ve been played the fool
You are the pirates, as I steal You are the dictator, as I dictate Look around for your own slaves And look to me to imitate
I rained down democratic bombs Gave you the freedom you need You’re exactly where you are wanted Precisely as I agreed
Today I’m feeling:
(2 am) Despite a long day, I’m still awake. Have a headache and tense legs. I want to sleep. I know I’m tired. But my body just won’t let me.
I’ve watched a star travel from the middle of the window until the edge, over these last three hours.
(11 am) I woke up again around 7 am with the sun shining through the window and was wide awake again for another hour. I managed to get up despite not wanting to, as I want to get coffee!
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to link my Aussie bank card to Apple Pay which makes it easy to pay for things here.
The best thing about today was:
The evening of jazz was nice and I enjoyed it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After looking forward to walking down King Street in Newtown I was disappointed in the shops that are there now and that despite it being late-night shopping, everywhere except for bars and restaurants were already closing before 6 pm. The city too seems a little over-gentrified with only a few old-school shops being able to hold on and it won’t be long for them either. This is not my city anymore.
Something I learned today?
Sydney is not what it used to be.
I got a message today that we go back to school on the 27th which gives me a couple of extra recovery days. However, for some reason they want us to work at the weekend too! I think for us we can probably just go and clock in though. I’m not sure what they expect us to be doing really.
What is one thing that I have always wanted to create?
Since enjoying music so much in my life I’ve also wanted to make it. Unfortunately, I have little talent or education and now I don’t make enough time to do it despite having the tools available. There’s still plenty of time left, right?
I took this picture because this is the first, and maybe last, time at Lazybones jazz club in Marrickville.
1994ever 