Tag: school

New Wombs – 17th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We’ll birth our babies from sacs
So our mothers feel no pain
Patting ourselves on our backs
With this technological gain

A matrix of unborn babies
Hanging up in store
We take away one suffering
Perhaps replaced by more

A matrix of millions
Spat from artificial wombs
Why not exploit them further
In this society that consumes

Mothers now free of pain
Have more time for shopping
Acceptance is hard to explain
When there’s no sign of stopping

Today I’m feeling:

A tinge of sadness but in general pretty happy. I was sad when I got to school and walked around but found no students. An empty school reminds me that at other times these are just useless buildings.

I miss my students already though I know I will be over it soon enough, maybe even already!

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff who fixed my iMac and called me at 11 am, just as I was about to head home. It was ready to pick up. Great timing.

I’m happy to have a working machine again and looking forward to getting it back into the shape that works for me.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a quick haircut was pretty satisfying as it’s getting too hot to have a thick head of thinning hair.

Sitting at Daytripper and putting together another lesson was fun too.

Also, whilst there, watching the highlights of the first game of the AFL season on my laptop and watching students come and go.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I struggled to find all the software I needed to reinstall on my refurbished iMac. I’ll probably have to fiddle around a fair bit more before it’s really back in the shape I want. But that’s all right, this kind of annoying challenge suits me.

Something I learned today?

I watched a little Al Jazeera segment on the state of Iraq since the Western allies’ illegal war there. It seems that the little hope Iraqis had at the removal of Saddam Hussein was very short-lived and one has to wonder how much is the fault of the allies and how much the Iraqis themselves.

Money, power and religion make for a terrible mix when it comes to governance.

What is something in my life that I feel “lucky” to have?

Trying to think how to answer this. In one way I feel lucky for everything I have. In another, I feel like it wasn’t luck at all. So I’m trying to think of something that was just luck.

So after five minutes, I’ve decided all the things I have were not due to luck. Except for one thing.

I’m reminded by my student who told me her story of her parent’s rejection and asking ‘if they didn’t want me then why did they have me?’ We didn’t ask to be born, yet here we are.

So the one thing in my life that I feel lucky to have is life itself.

I took this picture because I’m at the hairdresser again. To get a haircut, not to just take a picture of their cat.

The Diplomat’s Anthem – 16th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

My respected enemy, my hated friend
Our love to hate may never end
A battle of wits, a game of pretend
A hold on hope on which we depend

13th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Writer’s Workshop Prompts

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, content and later, tired.

The temperature is perfect at around 7 pm and I feel like going for a walk but there’s nowhere really to go. I could walk just for the sake of it but feel that my house is so comfortable it’s challenging to motivate myself by this time of day. I think about walking to Daytripper but I usually go there with my laptop to either work or write and I don’t want to carry a bag with me all that way.

First-world problems in a third-world country for this entitled white boy.

Today I’m grateful for:

My work situation that allows me so much free time that I sometimes struggle to fill it appropriately.

I got home before 10am and have been doing all sorts of little things from reading to cleaning to vacuuming and suddenly it is evening already and I wonder where the day has gone, and everything is ok.

If I wasn’t doing (what feels like) a whole load of nothing I’d have to be at school usually teaching or on days like these with no classes filling up time with useless activity.

I’m so lucky.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing lots of excited happy kids at school for the graduation ceremony. If they weren’t graduating they were preparing to present gifts to their friends and siblings.

It’s funny to see some of the ‘bad’ students celebrating in this kind of traditional ceremony and it reminded me that the kids have a cultural understanding of expectations which I will never have and which sometimes brings us to odds.

While pushing them with all sorts of possibilities for their futures they understand their realities which I can’t see.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not much really. A car freshener I ordered online got refunded as it was out of stock and the computer repair shop called me and advised they couldn’t access the data on the old drive which is a minor inconvenience as about 99% of my files are backed up. Nothing too wayward today.

Something I learned today?

Despite wanting to watch less YouTube I found an interesting new channel from China by journalist Miao Xiaojuan.

The AFL season starts today and there will be 4 umpires on the field now and the bench will have one sub plus 4 to interchange. Swans play on Saturday and I will watch on Sunday.

What am I looking forward to?

I’m looking forward to going to Australia in October. It’s been five years since I left and I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been. Australia is what made me though and I am very fond of it there. It will be good to catch up with Hayden and Jochen and to look around my old haunts to see how or if they have changed.

I took this picture because this climbing plant has suddenly found its wheels and trying to overgrow everywhere, reaching out to find new attachments. The remnants of last year’s growth are still stuck up in the tree tops, dead and decaying yet still stuck. I have to fight it back this year.
Fatman report

This Is Your Fuel – 20th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Suck up all the art
Fill yourself with beauty
Become a state of being
Admit yourself this duty
We need you here
You’re needed now
Your inquisition
Inspires somehow

Within enrichment’s search
Potential will be realised
Corrosive forces negated
Leaves creatives satisfied
This is your art
Your appreciation
Forever fuelling
Fires of inspiration

Today I’m feeling:

Surprisingly ok despite a lack of sleep last night.

Today I’m grateful for:

The traditional Thai brooms that I used this afternoon to sweep leaves off our paths and terrace. I’ve grown to like them over time. I used the prefer a hard sweeping brush but that wouldn’t be so useful for these leaves.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing my first class with about 30 minutes spare so I let the kids go and some invited me to play volleyball with them.

Later some of my students from my second class seemed in a jovial mood and happy to come to my lesson when usually they have other things on their minds.

Both classes were quite raucous but I was able to eventually guide them through and maybe even one or two of them actually learned something.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’m still playing catch up on household chores and want to vacuum and mop the floors but I can’t get everything done. Or perhaps I’m just a little too lazy to knock it all off in one night.

Tomorrow afternoon I’ll have some extra time but I’m already thinking to go to Daytripper and chilling there!

When I’m thinking about things getting out of my control for this question I’m usually focused on emotional control and in general that has been quite stable recently.

Something I learned today?

I found out about a group of women called Codepink who have been protesting in the US against the war in Ukraine and against the sabre rattling and machinations of the war machine towards China. Good on them. Now they need to get the rest of the American people on board to convince their government against further escalations.

What am I thinking about right now?

The smell of cat pee! My students. Cat pee. Making the bed. Washing my hands. A snack? The smell. My own pee. My aching back. Today’s journal entries. A whole lot of thoughts about nothing in particular. My version of ignorance is bliss.

I took this picture because I’ve had to cover my mattress with Snake Brand Prickly Heat Cooling Powder in an attempt to cover up the smell of cat pee. I’m not sure how well it’s going to work or what side effects I might experience once laid down in bed.

The smell is overpowering. If there is a purgatory it is surely full of cat piss.
Sitting and making video presentations over the weekend was reasonably enjoyable as far as having to do extra school activities goes though the conditions to make them were less than favourable and it wasn’t exactly made clear that we had to do them and why we had to be doing them there and then.
In fact, it was my guess that it wasn’t necessary at all and by the end of the day nothing was said when neither David nor I had finished videos. I had already decided on what I wanted to do and that I would submit it later when conditions were more suitable.
What has all this got to do with cat piss? One of our bastard cats (otherwise lovely) pissed all over my bed and it sank into the mattress. No matter how much perfume I sprayed on it and had beautiful new clean sheets it meant that every time I rolled over and awoke slightly that terrible smell brought me around and I started thinking about perfecting this damn video! I’m not sure I’ll make it – I suppose I could be doing it now.
Well, that’s kinda my story for the weekend and despite only about five hours sleep I feel okay right now at 10 am. My first class was rowdy but okay. The kids were super happy to finish early and I went and played volleyball with them for a bit before their next class.
I’m trying to figure out if I’m imagining the smell of cat piss or if it is somehow on my skin or clothes or just particles of ammonia stuck in my nose. I’ll have to figure something out for the mattress before sleeping tonight – I’d like to put it in the sun but worried other cats will come along and add to the odour.

8th Nov 2023 – I never made any video in the end and typically, nothing was said. None of the foreign teachers have been doing it so far. Keep smiling.

Make Me Laugh Johnny – 17th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Pissing time away, money ain’t gonna save us
Betting on a 7-2 combo down in Vegas
A couple of lines will cut the time in half
Make me laugh Johnny, make me laugh

Stroking beards ain’t the thing to be doing
When the dancing girls are being flew in
Shiny lights ain’t enough in this big city
Make me laugh Johnny, I’m feeling shitty

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and lazy

Today I’m grateful for:

The free weed that Matt gave me. I don’t know when I’m likely to use it though as I don’t like smoking it and don’t often use it in tea. I also already have gummies which keep me happy enough and is easy to measure the dose.

The best thing about today was:

Waking up before my alarm with Kim Chi investigating a good spot to lie on me. She likes my hip but is disturbed every time I turn over. After I got up she quickly transferred herself under the doona on Amy’s bed and I had to get her out just so that she would eat. After eating she went straight back and was still there when I got home around 3 pm. She loves sleeping.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My classes were both pretty much out of control for the most part but I went with the flow and it really just meant taking longer to get things done. The kids are just excited at the moment with sports week coming up but I doubt if they will be settled after that either.

Something I learned today?

Thanks to Matt I learned where to buy kratom leaves and Nam Kratom. The bonus is that there are two beautiful lively friendly dogs there too.

I took this picture because yesterday Tamgmo played in the garden with his friend. No new pictures today.

I’ve been keeping my app updated more than writing here (on paper) and I thought this was the last journal book I have here so have been winding down. However, I found another book on the shelf so I’ll get back into this again.

I went to see Matt at lunchtime and he gave me a bunch of homegrown wee and sold me a couple more vials of acid. He may also have a lead on some more in Chiang Mai in a couple of weeks. We are the quiet fiends not bothering anybody!! Haha! He also clued me into a Kratom seller selling leaves and bottles of tea in Wiang Chai so I picked up a bottle on the way home.

We met at the cafe near Happy City golf course and were kinda surprised at all the Koreans in the cafe, coming from or going to the golf course. Somehow they looked very Korean, all wearing special skin patches on their cheekbones presumably to stop the sun from burning their skin and also reduce the glare in their eyes. They all looked perfect. It was strange to see them in this dishevelled old wooden shack of a cafe.

Classes today were rowdy but fun. It’s difficult to take things seriously at the moment as there are so many days off in the coming weeks and before you know it’ll be the end of the semester again.

Amy and I are missing each other. She’s been back in Oz for about 10 days now and we’re both still readjusting. Even this will be quick as a flash though and she’ll be back again just after her birthday.

Aing and Now will come again in a couple of weeks. I guess they have other friends around here graduating.

I’m trying to get back into a decent routine again but finding it hard. I’ve got my energy back. I think the longer-term effects of Covid have gone (as far as I can tell) so I’m trying to do a little more exercise in the morning.

I want to read more but find myself resorting to YouTube and just watching comedy. I guess I need to laugh.

Dead Frog – 13th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Quiet as a mouse
Softer than a lamb
Tighter than a clam
Dead as a….
(Lizard tail)
Roses are red
My blood turned blue
Shadow in tarmac
Ah! Fuck you!
Frog, dead frog
Dead frog
Dead

To the tune of Nomeansno’s Dead Bob and inspired by the titular dead frogs that litter our road, squashed to shadows of themselves.

Today I’m feeling:

Enthusiastic though a little tired. Skipped morning exercise for 20 minutes of extra dreaming this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yukari in Japan for sending me CDs last year and when they didn’t arrive she sent new ones. The original package arrived today!

The best thing about today was:

Sitting in my classroom before the kids arrived but sat in a different corner for a different perspective and supping a surprisingly delicious coffee. Savouring every second before the whirlwind commences.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As usual, my lazy classes turning up late with excuses and nonsense. I did what I could with what I had and lowered my expectations. The kids who were there stayed after class and we ended up having a better time than usual.

Something I learned today?

Guangdong province in China has turned around serious pollution problems from 20 years ago and is now winning awards for the transformation of its natural resources. Some of the videos look stunning. I’d love to go to China again sometime.

What would you do if you lost all your possessions?

I’d look forward to the gathering of many of them again. I love the search more than the ownership. I should do an online business to satisfy myself. Then I don’t need to keep the things I possess but just keep buying and selling.

I took this picture because I reminded myself that I need to take pictures (of something beautiful preferably) so when I was on my way back to school I took this picture. This reservoir is opposite the school grounds and it is an obvious attraction for students to feel thrilled and illicit.

Dead Fred – 9th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a baggy-eyed business
This thinking of words
Hoping just sleeping
On the line with the birds

A birthday party is humming
A familiar feeling of lack
It’s an obscene affair
But those words are coming back

based on Nick Cave’s Red Hand Files #217

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and happy

Today I’m grateful for:

The bathroom at House. I had to go into the city after drinking coffees and water at House and in the time from leaving to heading back school I was busting. I didn’t think I’d make it to school so quickly ducked back to use the bathroom at House – just in time!

The best thing about today was:

Eating the bread that Nut made and brought round yesterday along with the smoked salmon and cream cheese Amy left here. I’m so happy to have people around me to feed me!

Also talking with Amy on video call. Though she’s far away it feels like she’s right here. Conversation and communication hasn’t changed since she left, just the method.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I think it’s good that it’s getting harder to think of things that were out of my control. I don’t recognise those things so easily now as they don’t affect me, I’ve let go. Sure, there was lots that was out of my control today but it was all inconsequential. Can I say they were handled without even thinking?

Something I learned today?

Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken was written as a jest to his friend but has been turned, rightfully I think, into a call for individualism and taking chances. I like Frost’s quip ‘I’m never more serious than when I’m joking.’ Truth is often told in jest.

Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

Physically I’m relatively uncluttered these days. As I’ve gotten older, the spaces I’ve lived in have gotten bigger whilst I’ve been buying less. So the stuff I do have is just more spread out. Digitally I’m trying to reduce the clutter of my photos and music library. This has involved me doing nothing so far but knowing that this is where I can reduce clutter in my life.

I took this picture on Saturday because it’s all about the edges. Where the water meets the land, dividing it, where stories are made and bridges built. The mountains and the sky, clear division.

First full school day with no Amy. Back to business as usual.

Running around a little today getting together things for my work permit. So much paper waste in Thailand. 7 copies of every stamped passport page! Once this paper is filed it will never be seen again.

Good classes today, kids happy enough, teacher happy enough. I’m starting to sit back a little and can see some self-motivation from some of the students now.

Mum and Dad’s plumbing guy came and fixed up my pipe and it looks ok except for the hole in the concrete. I’ll have to figure out how to take care of it at some point I guess. Maybe just fill it with sand. Anyway, only around 600 baht to sort out. Happy with that.

Tangmo rolled around the grass as I caught up on watering.

Talked to Amy about the coming year and how things might work out. I think the seed has been planted to do something here but there are another 6-12 months for new ideas to pop up.

To The Wolves – 9th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The wolves are gathering
Circling their prey
Armed with razor claws
Wet teeth on display
Surrounded by enemies
Fallen down ill
Fears turned to acceptance
Of the coming kill
Hot breath drinks blood
Flesh torn and ripped
Life flows away
Once so tightly gripped
Now the hunger sated
Left in the soft snow
The body reconciles
The way we all go

The future of the human race will likely depend on our ability to transcend this tribalism and to see our fate as interconnected with everyone else’s.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
The confusion caused with communication in our school as there was a meeting in the afternoon that meant we didn’t have classes. It was not clear if we were supposed to attend this meeting, along with all the students and there was enough confusing information that it meant I could sneak away, come home and have a nice afternoon nap! I can see my attitude to miscommunication is positive when the outcome works in my favour like this and luckily in this part of the school everything generally works out like this. This was not the case in our other schools.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to the Pitchblende album at high volume after Amy went out for the night and I ate a weed gummy. I always liked Pitchblende and their music is not easy to latch on to. Last night took it to the next level. If I hadn’t been getting sleepy I would’ve listened to the whole album again. As it was I hopped into bed and fell asleep listening to the jazzcore podcast which was also terrific.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I was driving dad’s van back from our Mae Chan dinner, all the u-turns were closed off by police, which happens when a member of the royal family comes to visit Doi Tung and they want the motorcade to be able to smoothly pass on through. This meant we couldn’t make our exit for the last 200 metres home and we were instructed to pull over to the left and turn our lights off and wait for it to pass. Amy was a little frustrated and said “fucking stupid” and her dad was annoyed at where I pulled over and wanted to move 5 metres forward but everyone told him it doesn’t matter though by this time he’d jumped out of the car indicating he was going to drive now. He got back in the passenger seat and I was just bemused by everything. Amy’s dad has some weird reactions sometimes and I don’t get it at all. I can’t see any connection between the way Thai kids react and the way he does. It’s like an alien mindset to me that I just can’t understand. It seems to be cultural but most reactions I can see some sense in but sometimes his are just bizarre. I’m curious about how his thinking works! Anyway, I agree with Amy that it’s fucking stupid to inconvenience so many people like this (hundreds and hundreds of police have to stand around for up to six hours preparing for this)but there doesn’t need to be a reaction to it. In the end, we only had to wait a few minutes and I calmly sat and waited until we could go again and we were home without too much delay.
Something I learned today?
I’m writing this on Saturday morning and recalling events of yesterday and I know there are many small things I learned in passing, by reading, talking and interacting but nothing is stepping forward to announce itself right now. It’s one of those days of learning whilst not knowing you’re learning. Accumulating knowledge, stored in the brain bank and used subconsciously. Today I will try to be more conscious.
In what ways are you good at your job?
I’m good at my job in that I can make the students feel like they are having fun whilst learning a little. I come up with ideas for classes and I try to gauge my student’s feelings and abilities and help them when I can. I’m flexible, patient and understanding. Really these are not specific skills for my job of being a teacher but more for life. Life is my real job. Am I good at that? I’m still a student in that regard and hope to always be.

I took this picture because Cap was super chilled and sunk into the sofa, lost in his fur. No new pictures today so this is a default fallback cat pic!

Rose-Tinted Tears – 21st November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Not understanding consequences
The future impossibly vast
Fire the only guide
With no lesson from the past
Naivety is nature
For kitten and the pup
A world set in wonder
To drink from this cup
Bitter-tasting tears
Wiped from cheeks so red
Whispered-coated rumours
Of words perhaps not said
Blind lead blind in battles
Swords laid to the heart
Voices deepen in anguish
As the youth set to depart
Wisdom-thickened skin
Hardened by the aches
Practised and repeated
Then learned from those mistakes
Where did they go
Those sadder lonely days?
Reminders of a time
Enjoyed in so many ways.

The truth I believe is that silence – like darkness – is a little unnerving but unlike darkness, the apprehension comes not from the fact that it conceals but in that it reveals.

Thomas J Bevan

Today I’m feeling:
Exhausted, a little happy but a little down.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy being back in the kitchen and cooking up a storm. Before we got home we went shopping and found some vegan pork belly cubes and Amy cooked them and they were delicious.
The best thing about today was:
Chilling at House after a reasonable first-thing morning class. The kids were fairly well-behaved and most got their work done. I got a few things done whilst drinking coffee and enjoyed relaxing.
What book are you reading right now?
Quite a few different ones but the main one is 100 Selected Stories by Anton Chekov. Only just started yesterday but the first two stories were great.

I took this picture because everyone loves a chilled dopey dog. Tokyo can get pretty bitey but I’ve learned to keep her happy and she’s often found like this.

Squash – 18th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some days feel so full of lack
And nothing goes right at all
Remember that you’ll be bouncing back
Just like a small black rubber ball

It is only when you meet someone of a different culture from yourself that you begin to realise what your own beliefs really are.

George Orwell, The Road To Wigan Pier

Today I’m feeling:
Good but a little frustrated.
Today I’m grateful for:
The couple of orders I received for tenzenmen products after a quick promo post a couple of days ago. I don’t sell much these days but I appreciate everyone who shows interest.
The best thing about today was:
Playing with Tangmo with the rope as I went off to the post office and market and him proudly running off and presenting the rope to the aunties back home. When I came back I rode up and collected it from auntie Sue and we both chuckled. Tangmo had gone off in search of other adventures by that time.
Daily thought
How are you going to remember to keep fighting when the storm is around you? Running away is the easy option and sometimes serves a purpose but how are you to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment and carry on?
What is your “grit” word?
A ‘grit’ word? Is this a thing now? A word to remind yourself to keep going? I could have done with that today. After leaving my class early because I was annoyed by the attitude of some students, I talked with Saipan later (she is one of the smarter, motivated ones) and told her I wasn’t happy with the classes behaviour today and she just looked at me and said ‘keep fighting ‘ like she was a wise old auntie. Keep fighting or ‘su-su’ in Thai is what everyone says to a complaint and in my mind, there’s an underlying implication of ‘shut up and get on with it.’ Maybe this is my grit word.

Someone took this picture because they need a friendly foreign face for the school promotional material and it was my turn. I seem to be looking off to the side but at least my eyes are open! The girl is JubJib, a smart one in my class who I can’t really teach as her skills far surpass many of the other students whose level I have to teach to.

Tattooed – 28th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*What is the purpose of my body
If not as an expression of my pain?*
I can feel the relief of new violence
As I plan to get tattooed again

*quoting Tarzan Kay

As soon as want and illusion come to a standstill, the utter barreness and emptiness of existence becomes apparent.

paraphrase Schopenhauer

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
A practice run of going back to school. I didn’t think we’d have much to do today so wasn’t surprised when I found there was no one around. I could’ve just gone straight home but went to House for coffee and then Oasis for food and got back around eleven. Next week though and it will all become too real again!
The best thing about today was:
Finishing Titus Alone so I can prepare to pack the trilogy up and post back to Sharon, who incidentally wrote me a happy birthday email today too.
How curious are you?
Generally, I’m pretty curious about things though I’m conscious that may be decreasing as I get older and my mind atrophies or that I already know it all. Having been endlessly curious in the early 2000s perhaps my experiences since then make me feel like I know enough. More general knowledge can be applied across many topics and I can be less curious about the details.

I took this picture because this highly symbolic picture is me eating my own head. It was the best part of the cake.