Tag: self love

Jonny Bad – 12th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

‘Low-life’ Jonny is feeling low
Thinking nothing can be fixed
I’d really love to see him grow
And to get his message unmixed

Why does he hate himself so much?
Always putting others down too
Has he got a sensitive touch
That he’s hiding from me and you?

I don’t know why Jonny feels so bad
Maybe he didn’t get the news
That there’s no need to feel so sad
And it’s something he can choose

Written for a contest at AllPoetry.com about Bad Jonny himself.

Today I’m feeling:

A little rough in the stomach this morning but maybe all the chilli last night has blown away my headache and sore throat.

We didn’t get home until 1 am and I woke up at first at my regular wake-up time but slept a little more before forcing myself up.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

Cheese and the store-brand vintage cheddar from Makro, which is reasonably priced. I just have to remember that we have it in the fridge because generally, now I don’t have cheese with any meals.

The best thing about today was:

Packing up a bunch of vinyl to send to Nampan from SpeechOdd, hopefully tomorrow. I need to get these records into their hands where they can sell them at shows.

I felt productive at least.

I also managed to get some guitar playing in today, too and noticed a slight improvement.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Takky came over for lunch with Amy, which continued for 7 hours into dinnertime too. Amy said that he is much more himself again after all the stress of his PhD work.

I let them get on with it whilst I was doing my stuff and didn’t hassle Amy to make me food as I had the cheese and her soft, sweet bread rolls to keep me going.

Something I learned today?

I learned a new finger exercise on guitar that I should try and remember and practice often.  You know, along with everything else that I should do!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I donated a copy of the High Voltage/SpeechOdd LP to put on display at Utopia.

I put Anchan in touch with Nong Kratae at the English Place and Champ has also supplied some information that may be useful for her.

I took this picture because the canopy over our entertainment area is evolving into a flowery grotto.

Sold To The Highest Buddha – 26th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s money to be made
If you repack old Deepak
A rewrite of insight
A new cover displayed 
Brand is a brand
A mix of old tricks
A bird in the bush
Worth two in the hand
And so we gots
All the words of Watts
That always made great sense
A new guru on Hulu
Selling a finger of ginger
For the most ridiculous expense
This week’s wisdom to counter fail
Stacks up as unread mail
But Sadhguru has no care
His followers split 
And now do sit
In their very own golden chair

Today I’m feeling:

Full up after eating two baked potatoes and a whole tub of ice cream. I slept well and got up and got going. My finger still hurts a lot but I’m trying to ignore it and just continue as normal. 

Today I’m grateful for:

My umbrella that was next to useless in trying to keep me cool standing out in the middle of the football field. At least it kept the sun off my skin somewhat. Now I’m sitting in the shade but my shirt is soaked through with sweat already. Welcome to scout week.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling pretty laid back and enjoying my more recently found ability to go with the flow in situations such as today. David was railing against it just like I used to and I had to remind him to relax. He said he needs to know what’s going on and needs to structure. I told him that this is not the place for that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning I spent two hours hanging around at school just to hold my arms out for five seconds to line up the primary students. I was improperly trained for about twenty seconds in how to hold my arms out. I did a great job!
I forced myself to enjoy this colossal waste of time even knowing that I will have to do something similar for the next two days too,

Something I learned today?

I’ve been quite impressed with Yuval Noah Hariri’s book Sapiens so I went looking for videos of his and was quite shocked to find that supposed Christians resort to calling him the anti-Christ! His offence (in the video I saw) was just saying that AI has the ability to start its own religion and to write its own Bible. What seems like a straightforward suggestion to me seemed to trigger many dogmatic non-thinkers, those tied up in the narrative that there can only be one god and that he is mostly white and lives in America. I’m projecting a little with that last sentence but it smacks of ignorance that falls into a particular stereotype that appeals to me.

What are the most important relationships in my life?

Number one is my relationship with myself. If I keep that running smoothly all other relationships will take care of themselves.

I took this picture because sometimes I just find Tangmo outside the door patiently waiting for attention. I’m trying to give him less often but he keeps coming back until I shut the gate.

Confirmation Bias – 19th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stop looking at it
It’s all you’ll ever see
Your beliefs reinforced
Swinging from a tree

Stop picking at it
Or the wound will never heal
A rising of blood
Drowns out your appeal

Stop clicking on it
The addict and the fix
Knock your house down
It’s built on broken bricks

Today I’m feeling:

Quiet, low, not down but unenthusiastic and bored. Missing my little Amy at times like these.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little rain. It’s 8.30 pm and I just went to close the gate. Tigger was around and chatting with me. Light drops hit my skin every step or two and it felt like that would be it. I hung on the straps in the garage for a second enjoying the stretch in my arms, shoulders and back.

Then I came to sit outside our front door and write here. Slowly larger drops fell noisily on our assorted roofs and Tigger looked on bemused.

Then a flash and peal of thunder excited the air. A very slight breeze has made the temperature bearable again and I think even the mosquitoes are hiding. More rain, please.

The best thing about today was:

I think right now, listening to the rain. I knew today that I would watch the replay of the first Swans game of the season but the app didn’t work on the iPad so I checked the website on the laptop, which annoyingly doesn’t have the option to hide the scores. I obscured the screen as best I could but looking around to find the replay button, which wasn’t there yet, I accidentally saw the scores. We won but it still steals the pleasure of watching the game not knowing the outcome.

As I waited for the replay option to become available I played some more Xbox and started on a beer.

Today, I planned to have a beer or two whilst watching the game, as a kind of reminder of days past in Australia.

Amy video-called me as she was on a boat trip around the harbour. A beautiful hot day there, perfect to be on the water. Later she called again, a little drunk and happy but also teary because she wished I was there. And I wished I was too.

Finally, the replay was available to watch and we played well but I felt joyless. After a second beer, I decided not to have more as I was starting to nod off in the final quarter of the game. Enough so that after it finished I got into bed with the fan on me, waking up a couple of hours later in a 31-degree sweat. I felt a little better but still joyless and bored.

Now Tigger is sitting on me here in this chair, purring and observing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My mood is a little out of control again and I think I want to go back to my full tablet of sertraline again. I’m realising that the deep connection I feel with my students leaves a vacuum in the semester breaks. I need to give some love to myself but don’t feel quite capable.

Something I learned today?

I took a little detour when riding back from Utopia this morning, around the back of the village towards the hidden temple halfway up the mountain. Everything is changing so quickly out there. The temple is no longer hidden and new dirt roads are heading off deeper into the mountains. I’ll go check them out one day soon.

How can I continue to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone?

Although I fall into laziness quite easily I try to challenge myself into making my classes better for my students. That’s not particularly outside my comfort zone though. My comfort zone keeps me fairly content and I can mostly adjust to any boredom that arises from it. But I don’t want to get complacent either.

Somehow, usually in time, fresh challenges come forth and I’m ok just waiting for them to arrive. It feels like a balance that is usually maintained. It’s not often I need to find things to challenge myself.

I feel like I don’t know what I’m writing here. These thoughts feel very now. If asked this question on a different day I think my answers would be almost the opposite.

I took this picture because Cap wanted to watch the football too.