Is the door ajar? Is Debbie looking in? Her eyes drew me closer Mine, all set to spin
Held me tight in embrace Touched by your presence dear Kissed me under the swamp tree Woke up, sudden and clear
The door was not ajar
Submitted to dVerse prompts – jar and dreams and inspired by a dream I had after watching Blondie’s ‘Touched By Your Presence Dear’ on TV, where I swore that she was looking and talking to me, so powerful was the dream that the next day I went to the tree in the swampy woods and waited for her to appear again. Predictably, she did not.
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired and dizzy.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to watch the Swans just get over the line against Collingwood this morning. I gave up on them but they somehow pulled it off.
The best thing about today was:
Putting together the sleeves and vinyl for the High Voltage/SpeechOdd split and figuring out how to get rid of as many of these things as possible!
It gave me a little more motivation, though my energy soon ran out again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I came back from my room at about 4 pm and started watching videos and thought it would be a good idea to eat the last weed gummy in the fridge. A couple of hours later and my head was spinning badly and I felt nauseous. I went to pee but soon had to stop as I needed to throw up and out came the chewed-up gummy and a couple of Amy’s delicious cookies.
Thankfully, I felt much better after that but couldn’t do anything except watch another four hours of The Boys, finishing off Season 2.
I ended up forgetting to write here and catching up on Sunday morning.
Something I learned today?
I think that’s it for weed for me. I’m too old for that shit now!
Are you sick and tired of the same old thing Or are you happy enough? Tell me When does so much become so little? When does too little become too much?
It feels like you’ve been here before These are familiar words you sing Wheels spinning Stuck on the rat race treadmill Are you sick and tired of the same old thing?
A trophy wife and trophy life Surrounded by all this glittering stuff Are you empty? Is that a constant nagging inside Or are you happy enough?
I have so many questions Are you certain of all that you see? Never wrong? I don’t believe everything that you Tell me
The Joneses are growing bigger Your ego inflexible and brittle Tired of waiting Believing it’s always your turn When does so much become so little?
Your debt to yourself is catching up Your life is empty (as such) Left with no thing Just sand slipping through your fingers When does too little become too much?
A little better today after all that sleep yesterday. I ended up waking a little early this morning, took a while to get myself going but my first two classes were fun and easy.
I feel freaking hot though, my body seems to be working overtime to get rid of whatever is making me sick. No fever though.
Today I’m grateful for:
Getting through the day in reasonably good shape. I was tired but energised again after another bowl of Pla Tom from Chef Amy. I think I’ll sleep well tonight if I can keep this little cough under control.
The best thing about today was:
On my way to my last class, I found 4 of the students that I had penalised for not submitting work yesterday furiously writing it all out in the canteen. I stood over them for about a minute and they were so focused they didn’t realise I was there.
When they all looked up they gave me a half-upset and annoyed look, along with an ‘ok, I fucked up’ half-smile.
They were wonderfully behaved in my class today and we all had a good time.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was all set to teach in my normal room with aircon this morning when another teacher came along and kicked the kids out. We easily found another room but unfortunately, without aircon.
To be honest, the aircon doesn’t make that much difference when a room is full off sweaty teenagers (and a sweaty old man!).
In the past, I might have let this sudden change bother me but now I can deal with it easily.
Something I learned today?
I learned that the US Anti-Doping Agency, which monitors for performance-enhancing drugs in sports, let off offenders and allowed them to keep competing so long as they dobbed in other cheaters!
This same agency has now accused the Chinese swimmers of being drug cheats at the Olympics, even though they were tested 3 times more than any other country and passed every test.
The anti-China rhetoric has jumped the shark.
I took this picture because earlier in the week, Baipad had alerted me to a Facebook auction with this Gloomy Bear plushie. I bid 220 baht and won and here he is sitting on the shelf next to my bed. It gives me the opportunity to give back the plushie that Baicard gave me on Teacher’s Day 4 years ago and had been sitting there collecting dust ever since.
Stage left Enigmatically Entranced; entranced her audience “There she is!” The crowd’s breath held; rapturously Applauded and exited Stage right
Submitted to What’s Going On – A Cameo Appearance. Cameo is a seven-line syllable count, unrhymed poem invented by English poet Alice Spokes. It has 2-5-8-3-8-7-2 syllables per line, for a total of 35 syllables.
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and sick again, though not too terrible, just lacking energy and motivation. My throat is getting more sore and I’m full of medicines.
Today I’m grateful for:
Not having to do anything today, and that is pretty much what I did.
The best thing about today was:
I watched another five episodes of The Boys to finish off the first season. It was good but the comics were more fun.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After coffee, I came home to watch the football and was hoping that the Swans could get their act together but they got trounced by Port and now look less likely to win anything else this year. Oh well.
Something I learned today?
I watched a video about dead hangs and how not to push them too much. I haven’t done it much recently and should get back to it.
I want to see the grief expressed Hear the kind words manifest Let me celebrate the life I led To become immortal now I’m dead
You don’t need to shed those tears I got to enjoy so many years But being gone is a long, long time Don’t forget me and what was mine
What wishes made, to have been said Or ones wished retracted instead Look on my legacy for what it’s worth You’ll too join me soon, returned to earth
You and me, will all be forgot Ladies and gentlemen, that’s your lot!
Inspired by reading others’ poems about grief at dVerse this week and the idea of wanting to know how others feel about you once you are gone, much like my teenage student, who, after attempting suicide, said that she wanted to see her mother’s reaction once she was gone!
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and a little sick with a sore throat. I slept for almost twelve hours and crawled back in again at around 11 am, after a couple of coffees.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy told me that she was talking to a village auntie (the cowman’s wife) over the fence this morning and asked if I was teaching at CRPAO. Amy said yes and the auntie said that her son is in grade 8 and that even though I don’t teach him, she has heard that I’m a good and kind teacher.
That was nice to hear.
The best thing about today was:
Eating some nice food at Bruno and Nut’s place this evening. Even though I was feeling a little tired and sick, I enjoyed eating, talking and listening with them.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interesting video about a new DAW in development called Blockhead. Even though I don’t even use the DAWs that I have, I would still be interested in the idea of playing with them one day.
Really tired again. It feels like I just can’t get enough good unbroken sleep. Cap woke us both up again last night, vomiting up some food.
I’m starting to feel really concerned for him now. He’s not eating or drinking enough and is all saggy skin and bones. It feels like this might be his final days but I hope I’m wrong.
Maybe I’m just being overly cautious after being less concerned with Kim Chi last year.
Today I’m grateful for:
The people who found Leo after he ran off this evening and Amy had to go and ride around to search for him. Without luck, she then just happened to check a local online message board where someone had posted that they’d found a lost dog. That crazy Leo!
The best thing about today was:
Watching more of the 3 Body Problem. I don’t have energy for much at the moment and am already in bed at 8 pm.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After a couple of coffees, I cancelled meeting up with Matt and figured to go to school and sign the documents to get paid before going home to catch up on sleep. Nancy sent a reminder to go to sign the documents so that was my trigger to leave.
It was already about 36 degrees and with the bad air and lack of sleep, I was super dizzy, especially after walking up to the fourth floor where waiting for me was absolutely no one.
I was about to pass out and couldn’t wait around and so left a message with Nancy saying there was no one there and I was sick and leaving.
When I got home there was another message from Nancy saying that if I didn’t sign today I would be paid late, without giving any indication of what late meant.
I flaked into bed but couldn’t get a good rest, sleeping for maybe only twenty minutes. I tried to get Kru Mai to go and sign for me. Why not! Why do we even need to go through this nonsense every month?
At three-forty, looking like there was no other way around it I decided to drive back just to sign their paper.
I took this picture because this tree at school is blossoming and looked great with the sun rising and the school building in contrast.
Time marches on, each golden dawn The love call in lingerie wears thin Beautiful eyes now weep forlorn As the devil burns at Narcissus‘ skin
With the white liontete-a-tete Thalia laughed in comedic grace Ice follies not quite melted yet Double smiles across Merlin’s face
A sovereign, a sentinel of silver smiles Once orange progress or pink pride February gold fades as June defiles The Dutch master‘s lemon beauty died
Submitted to dVerse’s Daffodil prompt. Naturally, my mind wanted to turn around the joys of spring and to already mourn its end before it even begins.
Today I’m feeling:
Grotty. Getting up at 4am for Oh and Aun’s wedding has knocked me sideways. In between things that I need to partake in I lay down and dizzily dozed. Each time getting up gingerly worried about fainting.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to grab a four-hour afternoon catch-up sleep. I could’ve gone through until tomorrow if I didn’t have to attend this evenings reception, where I’m sitting now wondering if I have vertigo.
The best thing about today was:
Sleep.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not enough sleep and too much sleep! I also didn’t manage to study any Thai today.
I took this picture because I liked the juxtaposition between the two sides. The facade all looking beautiful and behind the scenes the wood and nails holding it in place.Fatman report
Sick. I already decided that I wouldn’t go to school last night and I slept for 11 hours and woke feeling no better. I grabbed some medicine which did help and when I finally ate that helped a lot too.
I have to go to the dentist tomorrow so I hope to be feeling better by then.
Today I’m grateful for:
Water. Over the last couple of years, I’ve watered the garden less and most things seem to survive from what they get during the rainy season.
Often now though our pump stops working and Amy believes it is because there is not enough ground water to pump up. I don’t think that can be the case though as there was so much rain last year.
Unfortunately, that means that there will likely be something else that is the problem that needs fixing.
At the moment we can just restart the pump and it’s ok again until the next time we want to water the garden.
The best thing about today was:
Watching the first episode of the Chinese adaptation of Three-Body Problem. It was pretty good and the second episode is free to watch online but I’m not sure if I’ll take the time to find and the rest to watch for free.
Something I learned today?
More Children Killed by Israel in Gaza War Than in Four Years of Worldwide Conflicts
More than 12,300 children have been killed in the Gaza Strip between Oct 2023 and the end Feb 2024.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I did some watering whilst Amy was busy with her family organising things for the wedding this weekend.
Tired and sleepy and little prepared for Amy’s planned day ahead, a trip to the waterfall and to the place where she left her charger and then an evening out at Casa Mio with Aing and Now. Ugh. I just want to rest.
Today I’m grateful for:
That we didn’t have to go out tonight in the end. I was phasing in and out of lucidity as I was eating at the river restaurant and everyone decided it would be best to stay and eat at home together instead.
I resisted sleeping and felt a little better after medicine but also felt as if I could slip into a long deep sleep easily.
The best thing about today was:
Difficult to pinpoint. I haven’t particularly enjoyed the day due to my feeling but then nothing bad happened either.
Oh, maybe the best thing was that Amy got her charger back from the hotel where she stayed and it was close to where we were going too, so all that worked out ok.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My feeling, unfortunately. I either felt sick and dizzy from my runny nose and headache or sick and dizzy from the medicine that countered my runny nose and headache.
Something I learned today?
Out at lunch, Aing asked if we knew the DJ at Rad Bar and showed a picture. I said he looked familiar but couldn’t place him.
Later, Aing said that he would come and join us for dinner and DJ. OK.
When he turned up it was Leo, the Ukrainian teacher in primary.
And the girl he came with said that she would finally meet the person who made the delicious cinnamon rolls.
Somehow or other everyone knows everyone and everything that goes on around this little city.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I complied with Amy’s wishes when she needed and in return, she didn’t push too much knowing how I was feeling.
I took this picture from our restaurant table in the river. My body still isn’t flexible enough to sit cross-legged for long periods of time and my ass and back were aching.
Searching my tiny little brain for inspiration for the prompt word ‘touch’, I suddenly remembered the lesson I taught my grade 10 students yesterday about sexual abuse.
On one of the slides I showed a cartoon boy and girl in underwear with the title ‘Don’t touch me there’ and we discussed where it was ok to touch another person without permission.
The final slide contains the text ‘Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes, no means no.’ I love hearing the kids say ‘no means no’, not just because of the meaning in this context but because NOMEANSNO is one of my favourite lyrical bands that has stayed with me throughout my life.
So this all came together quite quickly in the end and it was just a matter of squeezing everything down to 44 words for the challenge.
Today I’m feeling:
Not so great this morning. I didn’t sleep well as snot dripped out of my nose when I slept on my left and my shoulder ached on my right. Will have to get some medicine to fix me up as we have a housewarming to go to tonight.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being free to take a long sleep of recovery from about 11 am until 4pm. After taking some medicine and reading for a little bit I fell into wild and crazy dreams, stirring in and out of delirium each toss and turn.
The best thing about today was:
I haven’t felt like there was anything today that was best. I enjoyed reading some more of Thurston Moore’s Sonic Life. That’s about it for today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Being at this housewarming is out of my control. I feel sleepy and medicine dizzy. Not unhappy but not particularly sociable.
Something I learned today?
Aing and Now, who arrived here last night for Now’s friend’s graduation had to travel by bus from Bangkok this time, with a day in Chiang Mai on the way. Money is tight for them these days and I know they appreciate our free accommodation.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
After my long sleep, I thought that I would be ok for the housewarming and drove us there through, familiar to me, beautiful green rice paddies which Amy enjoyed, especially as the sun was moving into the golden hour.
At the party though, I wasn’t feeling good and the thumping over-extended PA was giving me a headache as all-comers were slowly slipping into a typical village drunken mania.
I anticipate a couple of cars ending up stuck in the paddies later. I made my retreat telling Amy to call and I would come and pick her up later.
I took this picture because this is the view from the open kitchen at the housewarming we are at. The other three sides are rice fields too. Nice. Perhaps the wooden shack in view is the original house. There seem to be about ten or more people sitting in there, cooking, eating and drinking.
I recently received a letter from PastMe which I had written one year previously. In that letter, it was scout week and Aing and Now were here for Aing’s graduation. And so it is this time, scout week and Aing and Now are visiting again for their friend’s graduation.
Yesterday we went on a walk up to Khun Korn waterfall where I couldn’t help myself and stripped down and jumped into the freezing waters and felt the breath pushed out of my body by the water dropping the ten metres or so onto my head. It felt amazing. I feel revitalised but also tired today.
It was a funny coincidence that for scout week the M3 students were also at Khun Korn so I dropped by and saw them all getting cold, wet and dirty. They looked like they were having begrudging fun.
The future is not clear so I’ll just keep going until I receive this letter and can reflect back on what happened. Amy and I have discussed possibilities such as my going to Australia for a little break and then coming back together. This would be around the end of the year. She is also considering going to work with Mai for a while if she gets pregnant again. She is definitely going to Athens and Santorini in July before coming back to help me with my visa again. We also discussed her return here to maybe teach a little again and think about opening a small cafe/restaurant here. I still hope she decides to do that because that was one of our original plans when moving here. I wonder what the situation will be by the time of reading this!?
The world is open to many possibilities for us, which is a good place to be.
Will I remember the struggle this year of dealing with my troublesome classes? Will it have been any better with my new classes? I hope I have found some strategies for better dealing with it.
I’m also busy being lazy. Reading, watching TV, listening to music. But also spending a lot of time updating 1994ever.com. Not that it will ever be finished but I hope I’m closer to having all the pre-2000s information completed by now. There’s still a lot of stuff to go through.
I’m enjoying life though not quite as much as last year. Right now, I feel a little stuck in an anticipatory wait. Maybe I need to make something happen next. Or maybe it’s just a feeling and not my reality. How am I feeling now?
These letters to myself are not as easy to write as they are to other people! So with that I’ll be off for now!
Today I’m feeling:
Sick with a cold. My sore throat was hurting through the night and I woke up with a head full of snot. I think I’ll not hang out for too long this morning before heading home and finding some medicine, rest and sleep.
Today I’m grateful for:
The pharmacy that was open in the village where I bought medicine for fever, sore throat and itchy nose. KhaoTang’s mum’s shop was closed today as were a few other places, possibly due to the Chinese New Year.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling very relaxed despite my sickness. I had nowhere to be and nothing to do beyond whatever I wanted. I wrote to Rob and caught him up on some of my news. I’ll try to keep that communication going again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Despite being hungry, eating was a bit of a struggle. I didn’t really have an appetite and even though I knew the food was tasty my receptors weren’t getting the message. I forced myself to eat it all though.
Something I learned today?
China made a microchip that uses light rather than electrons. It is said to be three thousand times faster than its electron equivalent and uses so little energy in comparison that it could last for 500 years before needing a recharge.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 15. Rest Before You Are Tired. Even if you love your job, and every day seems like a holiday, you need to take time to rest. You’re a human and not an android, never forget that.
I love rest but I also hate it. I lay down too much and spend many hours reading in that position. I love reading. It feels like resting. I like to get things done. I always like to be lazy. I push myself too much and my body forces me to stop. I’m still working on getting the balance right. Another decade or two and I should be good to go!
I took this picture because I thought these tiny little flowers were cute when I walked around Mum’s garden last week. My mind has been focused on words rather than pictures this week.
1994ever 