You burned down our house But home is in our head We marvel at the pyres And warm ourselves instead
We are the free ones Wandering and wild Whilst you guard your toys The spoils of the child
For all the sermons High up on the mount You carry more burdens Than anyone can count
The title refers to the Dangerous Girls song ‘Step Out’ that repeats the phrase “demolition”. The first stanza refers to Edison watching his factory burn. ‘Wandering and wild’ refers to Wasted Youth’s album titled “Wild and Wandering”. The burden is a reference to what Israel will carry once they have completely destroyed Palestine. 8th May 2024 – Submitted to dVerse Poetics
Today I’m feeling:
I felt pretty good after getting back from coffee but whilst settling into some reading some felt sleepy and had another three hours rest waking up again at two pm
Today I’m grateful for:
The shop where we sneakily parked our car and decided to get out and walk the rest of the way to the festival.
The best thing about today was:
The atmosphere of fun and pleasure at the festival. Folks were having a good time.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Taking an hour and a half to get to Singha Park for the balloon festival, stuck in traffic for more than an hour and missing any sunset photo opportunities. At least I could listen to my music whilst in the car.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I remained patient whilst stuck in traffic (and hungry)
I took this picture because we had a nice spot by the lake to watch the balloons being inflated though it was a little windy for them to go up tonight.
What is to be done once at the mountaintop? Once having surveyed the delights to be seen Can you shout into the valleys till the echoes stop? Telling all who care to wonder where you’ve been
Counting the cost when the afternoon storm arrives There’s no magic lantern to wish you safe and sound Darwin showed us that the smartest one survives Keeping their heads down back home on the ground
Exhausted! But happily so. I had a disrupted sleep with having to deal with the results of the spicy seafood sauce from last night as it got stuck straight into my bowels!
But I got up easily and quickly at 6.30 and we set off biking again soon after. We took a very dodgy detour that took us so far into the unknown, wondering if we’d ever make it back.
In a tiny village tucked in between cornrow hills, an old Auntie and uncle, who seemed a little unaccustomed to Thai, and even more so to two dirty farangs emerging through their dog-infested dirt tracks, helped stave off some thirst and hunger with a grocery of delights hidden in a shack underneath reams of old corrugated iron but do be sure to take off your shoes! Nervous dogs sniffed nervously, on the constant scavenge.
It felt like we were making good time but a breakdown in here would’ve consumed the rest of the day and it wasn’t even 8am yet.
Already shaken from intermittent dodgy rocky roads, it dawned that there was another hour and a half of this ahead!
In most part beautiful but also at times frustratingly shaky, I prayed little Fino could hold itself together.
Today I’m grateful for:
Little Fino performing, as one would reasonably expect any modern piece of expensive motoring machinery, magnificently despite the abuse I brought forth on it over the last two days. I would not be surprised if he sounds a bit cranky in the morning.
The best thing about today was:
Getting to Chiang Rai and familiar surroundings was a welcome feeling. At least if something went wrong here I had some idea of where to head for help.
After our morning wilderness adventure, I told Bruno there was no need to wait for me and we made our way separately North from Lampang.
I took some minor detours and when back into recognisable territory I decided to follow the Mae Lao klong (which was sublime) up past Singha Park and then back off the highway after following cute girls on what must have been their boyfriend’s souped-up motorbikes, that popped so loudly as they flew past fuel tankers whilst desperately clasping their phones in one hand.
Past the prison and up into Mae Yao through the back of Bandu and the university and delivered, finally, to my first coffee of the day back at home in Utopia! That coffee was the best ever!
It was already 2 pm and my ears were still full of wind, my hands shaking from hours of gripping the handlebars, and my eyes and clothes full of smoke and dust. It felt so good to be back home!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Lots of things were out of my control today and I happily went along with everything. I’m pretty easy to please.
Something I learned today?
The ACTUAL axis of evil seems to be the USA, Zionists and…… well, an axis only needs two, doesn’t it?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Spending a few baht in a village shop to give the locals some income, though I think Bruno actually paid!
In another village where Bruno stopped to stuff himself with som tum, the family there were so tickled to be serving a couple of ‘crackers’ and we happily obliged them with photos, which I hope they print out and put up one day to fade in the dust and sun of posterity.
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
The way I was raised was fine, even great. The circumstances could have been different though. However, because my father died before I even knew him I never knew what it was like to have and lose him. I wonder how much impact that has had on my personality and life in general?
My mum was very liberal with me and I got to make plenty of my own mistakes. I grew up slowly. Like most teenagers, I thought I knew everything and I could fake being mature. My mum generally left me to it.
I took this picture because this is what we spent three hours traversing the back end of beyond to come and see. An emerald lagoon in a sinkhole in the jungle mountains near Lampang. The fish in there are huge and we wondered how they got there. Signs for no swimming, fishing or feeding the fish. There’s nothing else here except for a couple of big trees and once you’ve looked up and then back down again, you’ve seen a big tree. For some reason, the car park seemed to be able to accommodate a fleet of tour buses yet it’s at the end of a dirt track that a tour bus wouldn’t be able to navigate. The shop was on the far side of the car park so when we arrived a lady jumped on her motorbike and came to a makeshift stall next to the lagoon entrance, we happily wandered by on both entry, and fifteen minutes later on exit, and she happily rode her bike back across the car park to the shop. It was only 10 am. Maybe busloads of Koreans swamp the place come the afternoons?
A family always on the edge Fighting to hold itself together Fear and doubt grows in the dark And the fantastic four will be no more
Make your own bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to see the beautiful sunset over the cloudy mountains at Singha Park yesterday. The view was lovely and filled with warmth.
As I’m getting to the bottom of the bottle of weed tincture that I got off Matt, the effects are getting stronger. Today, Amy is off with her friends to celebrate Christmas, leaving me this opportunity to be home alone and get a little high..
Singha Park yesterday seems like weeks ago right now. In the end, I ate too much despite not finishing a third can of Wild Rose, drank too much. My stomach just couldn’t take it. I realised it soon after that the beer was just too gassy. I burped and farted the drive home. I took a minute at the park and savoured a divine moment watching the sunset to the clouds on the mountains. As the clouds were moving, the sun would peak out again and it felt like a special surprise and a secret message meant just for me. I’ll hold it in my memory more than any photo I could’ve taken as a reminder.
This morning has been righteous, with two good coffees and a few more pages of the Slash biography read. It has been interesting to me to see how their band worked (as people, not as musicians), think about how my bands worked and wonder how everyone deals with it differently.
I updated more blog posts and listened to the ..? album to write a review and that was fun, and the start of reviewing my CD collection – an impossible task, I know, and already this morning I could think of at least ten different, other, things I could be doing. This is life and I’m loving it.
..? – …! – CD review
I had downloaded this album back when I was living in Sydney and as I did with a few different albums I enjoyed, I burned them to CD and printed a cover and pretended they were the real thing. So something must have struck me about this album at the time but in all honesty, I have probably never listened to it since. I would venture to say that this album is more than 10,000 other album downloads ago by now!
Searching for this band (…?) and album (…!) is not google-friendly, to say the least. Luckily some of the track titles enabled me to find a little information that this was actually a one-man recording project and the music is described as avant-metal. 16 songs in 26 minutes apparently. Appealing to my short attention span.
Let’s see how it sounds on this slow, tired Sunday morning.
Goodnight, Folks It’s a cartoon intro and vocals that recall Pentti Dassum from Deep Turtle. Ah yes, I can hear what pulled me into this. The first minute or so actually recalls a few Finnish bands such as Keukhot and Y.U.P. before a half-minute Darth Vegas/Mr Bungle bomp-a-long. Obviously, an ironically titled introduction that has me curious. I’m expecting the beginning of the next track to be bombastic.
The Band of Bald Mountain Well, only for a second, a big booming crescendo before wandering off and then careering through all sorts of genres, this definitely has me smiling behind my serious lips. I like this middle section that hangs around for a relatively long chunk of time, until the end in fact. I like that balance and transition, from the crazed to the more straightforward and especially like the fact it doesn’t go back into zaniness as may have been expected.
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Haha, this is a high-octane counting song that would be on my dream Sesame Street. The transition into single snare hits about three-quarters of the way through is very cute. The lyrics though… Well, I guess they are easy to remember. A favourite so far though.
3-2-3 More counting? It’s ominous, booming, and Emerson Lake and Palmer have arrived, then Slayer and it’s on. Fuck yeah. Yes, it’s that cartoon thrash that has been heard many times before, BUT, because it is cartoon thrash it’s never the same and I marvel at the musical dexterity of it all.
Moe and Mumbles Ah-ha. The gypsy thrash song! And…..there’s the Simpsons theme tune thrown in for a couple of bars for good measure. Impossible not to smile at but feels a little filler here.
Tear Out My Eyes What is this main riff, lifted from – it sounds familiar? I’m digging the pace of this one, a jaunty thing…oh – double speed and I’m turning the volume and pumping my imaginary double kick drums. And it’s over before I could even finish writing the first sentence. Dug.
Hello, Oh, Sweetheart Is this the interlude? A show tune of sorts. It’s brief and serves as an intro to the following tune.
Mitch, The Bastard Id Nice bass tone, nice guitar tone, this punks along before speeding off. Like a twisted cowboy song, the rhythm feels like horse riding. Weirdly, I think this is the first tune that has a repeated section before scattering itself all over the place. It’s good music, so why not?
Peeping Toms Make Good Spies Yes, spy movies are brought to mind here, at least at the beginning. I like music when I have no idea where it is going. Of course, I also like music that is more conventional but I think I like to work a little when listening. I like things that most people would find testing. I’m gonna listen to this one again, right now.
Damn Gypsies Gypsy? In a ska way. In a punk-ska way. Great chorus and again the pace is compelling. This is actually the most conventional song so far. I want to sing along and punch the air.
The Charmer – The Torture A slow down, another interlude tune. Good to give the ears a little break from the nonsense-circus-core. Haha….and then…..great. Perfect. Yes – kill me!
Subservient Girlfriend This intro reminds me of DI. A faster So-Cal classic punk bounce around which a swirling synth before a mad chorus that I wish I could hear the lyrics more clearly.
Siblings OK – well, lyrically this one is straightforward and clearly understood. Sibling love.
Fireworks Away A great speedy tune with uplifting tunes and some sweet percussion tingly away in the background. I’m liking that this one maintains a steady beat and not pounding off into double-time death metal mayhem. Another favourite.
X Fuck, this recording is very nice, probably lots of time poured over each sound. I like that the distorted guitars are cut so cleanly into each section. Not attracted to this middle-end section breakdown but as with music like this, it’s not usually long before a change comes along.
Mania Love Well, those recording cuts are even more overplayed at the beginning here. And I’m loving it. This farts around all over the place wildly and every moment is genius or thereabouts. And farts is the word as this crazy fun album blows off back onto the shelf for now.
That was a rad listen and I will check it again. I think the album has been looked over as it exists at spot #1 in my collection and so is not easily seen. Perhaps I should move to the D section (for dot).
Favourite track right now is ‘One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten’, I’m thinking purely because I have an idea how the lyrics go!
Sleeping alone out in my office man cave meant being able to listen to music quietly through the night and I sometimes approached consciousness and felt deep involvement in the sounds in the room. I have no idea of those sounds or songs once awake again and I also had to turn off the stereo when a long noise piece came up on the shuffle as the sun was rising outside.
The sofa in my room is plenty comfortable for a one-hour nap but not so great for a whole night and as the brightening day chased away the night I threw down a couple of glasses of water and headed out on the motorbike with the intention of heading into the mountains to see if I could get to the stupa that is visible from the fourth floor of our school.
I had a rough idea of where to go and figured it wouldn’t take too long and could get back home before the day got too hot. It was a little cloudy and the big rain the day before had cooled everything down by a couple of degrees too.
But first, to Utopia to throw down a couple of coffees to get fully charged. They perfectly hit the spot and I hit the road in earnest.
I had a rough idea of the direction to head towards, which involved going over a road I travelled down with Amy a few weeks previously. I took the highway down to the other university in the area, this being the first time I have actually gone that far on this road. It’s usually a little hectic on this road with lots of crazy aunties just pulling out from side-roads and houses on their dilapidated old motorcycles, so I was glad to get down there and off towards the university as soon as possible.
Around to the side is a huge pond of water lilies with flowers yet open looking like massive cabbages on stalks.
A little further and a fishing lake with views towards the mountains at the back of my house.
Onwards towards the hot spring and then across to the Big Buddha, which isn’t a Buddha at all, but the Chinese goddess, Kwanyin.
Big Buddha is easier to say and absolutely everyone knows where you mean. This monument is a good landmark as you head into the mountains too.
To get there you have to pass a landfill which is tucked between a couple of hills and only announces itself as you turn a corner and the stench hits the back of your throat. Here the road crumbles down to a dirt track but having been here fairly recently I remembered the way through. The old wooden houses here are dirty and rotten and mangy old dogs stare at you if they can even be bothered to lift their heads from their slumber.
Then it’s onto the bypass – another scary proposition but at least there are not many side roads here for motorcycles to sudden pull out from, it’s just the speeding trucks to be aware of. Fortunately this newish road is still not used that much and it’s an enjoyable ride along. At the bridge I can see the stupa in the distance that is my planned destination (the little white dot on the mid-left in the picture above). The hill in the foreground grabs my attention though as there is a house up there as well as another Buddhist monument. How the hell do you get up there – the view must be amazing. One day in the future I will find out.
The opposite view takes in the river, which flows towards the city. It looks fairly sedate but from my one experience of falling in I can confirm it flows quite fast! The ground is dry yet the jungle manages to maintain well enough. We’re approaching the rainy season and there was a big rain a few days prior but not enough to waterlog anything yet.
Here’s the side on view of the same hill, it looks like the monks accommodation is in the white building but there’s no obvious temple here. Apparently there are caves in here somewhere too. Investigate later.
The red trees are flowering everywhere though the photos don’t really show up how bright they are. I love these rigid lines of plants growing, they counter the randomness of everything else here in Thailand.
I don’t know what the plants are. Anyone know?
Further on, I’m struck by this modern looking building on the hill – what a great place to live. A couple of hundred metres down the road and there is a sign indicating that there is a coffee shop up there, so what the hell, let’s go have another coffee and see what the view is like. The toilet is a tiny cute shack but I couldn’t find a light so had to guess with the small amount of light penetrating the gaps and cracks in the wooden frame. I think I got some in the bowl.
And the view was indeed fabulous. Yet another Instagram cafe here in Chiang Rai. Everyone seems to have one. The owners house, back and above the cafe looked magnificent, with two big dogs lazily guarding the gate. And the coffee was great, along with the refreshing tea that comes with it.
Just around the corner I noticed a big dragon staircase being built and a road up the hill next to it, so I nosily went to have a look. The top opened out into this area with this beautiful tree which I wanted to take home and use for shade in our garden. Behind the tree is a small stupa and I’m wondering now if this was the one I could see before. I thought it was a bit further along than here but I actually didn’t end up going to where I had planned to see what was there. Again, plenty of time to go back and investigate again.
I’m a sucker for these red flowering trees.
And in the distance here, again, not accurately significant in this picture, a huge pink flowering tree that I hoped to see more of so I could get a picture close up.
I was due to turn away from the river so stopped a few times to take more pictures. Here, two locals were walking along the banks, possibly looking for fishing spots. They saw me and shouted ‘Hello’ as I replied ‘Sawatdee khap’ in return. People are generally happy and friendly everywhere I go. They are curious about what you are doing and give them something to gossip about when the community gathers in the evenings.
This picture was taken at a covered area with a few plastic chairs scattered around – probably the community gathering spot. Like everything, it’s dirty and dusty and looks unused and anywhere can a meeting place anyway. Who knows what happens here at night?
This monument presumably brings luck and abundance to the surrounding land. I haven’t seem any other places similar to this.
I started deviating from the plan I had in my mind (actually I forgot to turn off at the right point) and ended up in this strange village with just a few buildings and didn’t look like many people were around. Maybe it’s just one big extended family living here. Their mango tree is doing better than ours.
And so I started heading up…
…and the views got more spectacular.
Finally a waterfall. However, the road ahead was begging me to keep going, so I did. I don’t know how to measure inclines but this picture doesn’t really show just how steep it was. And beyond here an Akha village where everyone was gathering for the Sunday church service. Beautiful hymnal singing came out of the building, in what sounded like the local language, making it all the more intriguing to me. There were many locals standing around, staring at the dumb lost foreigner and I felt like I was invading their space somewhat, so chose to head on. That was a mistake, as the hill got ever steeper and thinner until the road ran out at a house at the very top. As I tried to manoveur around on the slope, with out rolling backwards and over the edge, the owner came out to see what the noise was and told me, in English, I had to go back and turn at the bottom of the hill. I didn’t realise yet but I’d totally missed the turn off I should have taken and ended up here.
I went back down the hill and tried to ride up to the waterfall. I only got about 15 metres before the path was blocked and not knowing just how far the waterfall was (I have walked to other waterfalls for several hours without ever finding them!) I just took this quick snap and turned back. Friends tell me later that it isn’t much further along, so, again, one for another time.
I head back down hill looking for this turn off I should have taken. Google Maps shows it as a major throughway so I’m looking for some solid concrete road. The local kids are bemused to see me riding up and down looking for it.
And it turns out this is the main road – actually the only road – through the mountains going south. Here it is a little wider, the actually entry from the road I was on is little more than an overgrown foot track. And once again I’m heading up but this time through some slippery, sloppy muddy parts.
First part navigated and things dry out a bit. But I’m still going up and I’m starting to hear and smell the engine working hard over this tough irregular road. It’s a struggle and at some points I ponder turning back. But the thought that there might be something special just around the corner spurs me on.
I’m also spurred on my the fact that there are relatively fresh bike tracks along here which means that it is still getting used often enough that I can be rescued if the need be! In fact I start to worry about hitting a rock and falling off and breaking bones. But not enough to stop me. Around here I could also start to hear the buzzing of chainsaws so I figured these bikes tracks may have been made today. It was only a few minutes later I realised it was the buzz and rattle of cicadas (or whatever other bugs make noise in here).
Up and up and just a small gap in the bamboo jungle. Now I have to hope that Google Maps is keeping me on track.
This one is still one the way up. About another 15 minutes later I reached a peak and took some video (which I can’t upload here). It’s a panaroma around both sides of the ridge and it is absolutely silent except the buzzing of insects. No industry, no people, no machines. Just nature. If you can zoom in to this picture you’ll find Kwanyin as a tiny white dot in the distance.
And so, to the other side. Now, getting down was a scarier prospect than going up. Just over the edge here turned into thick mud and brakes became less functional. I could hear the roar of engines in the distance and presently four teenagers rounded the corner on their trail bikes and we smiled and nodded at each other and I’m sure they had a good laugh at the silly foreigner trying to navigate these roads with his little step through motorbike. Whatever, I made it down safely.
Going down hill didn’t last for long as I finally arrived at this village which was only 4 kms away from the main road but had taken me about an hour to get here. At each village the road returns to concrete until you get to the other side. At each concrete road I had thought I had arrived back on regular routes, only to discover more mud just around the corner, or, once again, up the hill. It was also threatening to rain up here but only managed a spit.
If you’re going to live in a wooden shack, make sure it’s the best spot in the village. Up some more again.
Zooming in on this shows the ridges of the mountains repeating off into the distance. It was around here I started to feel a natural ecstasy. A oneness, a wholeness. Goddamn, I want to hold on to that feeling.
I joked with myself that I was getting sick of seeing beautiful things over and over again. It just didn’t stop. When I showed Amy these pictures later she was very blazé about them. ‘It’s my country, it’s what I’ve seen all my life.’ I was intoxicated, however.
Here, the local soccer pitch looks like it could use some loving. Just to the right is a Chinese gravesite, looking over the valley which runs long and wide. ‘Bury Me High’ indeed.
Yet, it seems I can still go further up. A couple of spots of farmers burning crops thankfully weren’t enough to smog up everywhere.
Scenes like these make we want to travel more. This one reminds me of places in Sichuan province in China and I also love the mountains in Switzerland.
I guess I’m a mountain person but I think I equally enjoy the beach. 22 years in Sydney probably took care of my beach pleasures though there are times here in Chiang Rai when I wish it was possible to just go rush into the cold waters of the ocean again.
Finally I made it to the other side, about 4 hours after leaving on what I thought would perhaps only take 2 hours in total. I still had to get back yet. This view is to the south of Chiang Rai – all the others had been looking north or west.
I didn’t take any more pictures as I was going down again as I was hanging on for dear life, most of the way, followed by trucks and other motorbikes and sometimes negotiating tractors and other farming vehicles.
And finally a rest stop, with 4g connection and I tell Amy I’m fine and not to worry. I call my friend to meet for lunch in about an hour at a cafe back near the river. I basically completed a large circle on my journey and would finally end up back on the bypass.
But, I still had an hour before needing to be at the cafe and going directly there by road would only take about 20 minutes. So I rode around Singha Park, enjoying it’s manicured grounds, and ended up coming out the other side back near the mountains again. Another hill tribe village and a check of Google and there looked like roads to make it through, so let’s go and see.
Quickly, the farm land was taken over by rows and rows of pineapple and these dirt roads petered out into walking tracks. Still, Google showed that there was a way through so after crossing a couple of streams I finally found a way out.
Here the vista opened up to these papaya trees and a happy dog was lounging in the shade of the rubber trees on the right.
All around this hill sat various Buddha images which I lost count of as I rode on past. After meeting my friends for lunch I headed home as directly as possible as my skin was already turning crab coloured from sunburn. I made it back at 4pm. Once this sunburn was healed I hope I can go out again. I might also have to wait for the rainy season to finish too. There’s been a couple of big rains since this adventure which may have made much of this journey impossible now.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I can remember that 24 hours can change everything. One day you can feel so bad but the next day things become good.
Brain dump
Better, better, better today, glad to be feeling this way. Are you reading this, future me? Future anyone? Can you read this drivel scribble?
Naked Reagan Vanilla Blue – but I’m okay. Talking with Hayden on the first floor (sunshine girl in hotpants buying drinks) we make an agreement to tell each other more about our lives. He has gone through the wringer and I can tell he is grateful for our support. He tries to make me feel better and I really appreciate that.
Memory goes in and out – trying to recall things in my past – maybe removing things from now. Doesn’t matter too much but Amy gets mad. What a life! I’ve been and done little compared with some but done so much compared with others. Rise, fall, rise.
So many books. Loving reading – take me to a different world. Thankful. Time to meditate.
To-do list
Silent good wishes – compliment – smile ✅
Enjoy the dentist – as always ½
Take pictures for visa
Do some more for Nu’s zine
Find things to print for Aing too ✅
Quiet day today – feeling fine – except the dentist was not so much fun today – a little painful but I tried to breathe through it. Now the numbness has worn off, the pain is coming through again and giving me a big headache.
Tomorrow will likely be another quiet day so, a good opportunity to try and repeat some better habits. With only a couple of more weeks of free time left, I should take advantage of this.
Are you living in line with what you value?
Yes, and this is causing some difficulty for me as I cannot accept the cultural difference here in Thailand. I value fairness and justice and finding elements of corruption permeate society here, gossip can rule the day here. It’s a difficult adjustment and not one I’m sure I can endure.