Tag: sleep

Clare’s Hoped For Sleep – 16th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

A knot to untie the time
Tightened by weight
A sinking ship
Submits to fate

Empty bottle on the sill
A chemical reaction
Soothed into slumber
A sought-after satisfaction

A razor to the wrist
A red river runs
Across the dim-lit dusk
Of no more suns

An inch of water deep
To all the sorrows drowned
A cold ceramic bed
A final furlough found

Cold steel at the temple
One last prayer said
No more cookies to crumble
All the lemons put to bed

Submitted to Moonwashed Musings – hope for, Writer’s Workshop – sleep and Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Sleep. Inspired by Australian fanzine writer Clare Lemon’s quest to commit suicide which she openly wrote about and eventually achieved her wish.

Fatman report

Today I’m feeling:

Good after yesterday though still tired. Woke up well before my alarm, with aching shoulders but spent a few minutes preparing my mind to do exercise, which I then went and did and also whilst in my room did some guitar strumming exercises. Let’s kick off the day well!

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Hagan offering to get Amy home from the city after I left them in a bar there to come home and finish up some work and write.

Predictably, Amy didn’t want to leave when they did as she wanted to go off dancing at Whiteline.  They called me to make sure I was ok with it and once I found out that Amy would probably go back to her Mum’s place, then that’s fine.  I wouldn’t anticipate her having any problem getting home to me but Mum’s is much closer.

The best thing about today was:

Hanging out with Mei and Hagan, chatting and catching up since we last met in October in Sydney.  We decided that instead of getting pizza at Singha Park we would try a Persian restaurant about ten minutes away and I’m glad we did.

The restaurant is just run by one guy so things were slow but as there was only us and one other table we all relaxed into the food and the afternoon.  After a while, we got talking to the guy, Woody, and learned all about his life and travels, and him only being 29 years old.  It was an interesting and pleasant few hours there.

Something I learned today?

After discussing China with another WordPress poet I worked out that the 37,000 Chinese that entered the USA across the Mexican border is 0.002% of the Chinese population.

Who Will Believe In Me? – 28th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Since the times of wild Gods
Searching across the cities
In need of a believer
Not influenced by pities

Acts of the ordinary
Songs of appreciation
Is your concern real
Or needing validation?

Each note truly matters
A genuine harmony
Watching for a moment
Or care for eternity

Submitted to Writer’s Workshop Prompts – genuine, NaPoMo and inspired by the Red Hand Files #279

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and a little dizzy. For some reason last night, I couldn’t get to sleep until about 5 am, not just usual tossing and turning but first with a headache and then a feeling of being wide awake. It was annoying and my thoughts were generally dull and nostalgic. I’m totally out of whack today but forced myself up at 9 though skipped exercise.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having a month off work and not having to spend much money on petrol meant that I had enough money left to be able to buy more cat food today.

The best thing about today was:

Getting into the garden at 6 pm and replanting the little tree that was in a pot but whose roots meant that it kept getting blown over.  I don’t know if it will make it where I’ve planted it but at least it standing upright again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Definitely my sleep. It’s pretty unusual for me to not be able to fall asleep easily these days and I also need to get back into my working-week sleep pattern again soon.

Something I learned today?

It’s near the end of the League Championship football season and Ipswich are in third place with two games to play.  Leicester are in first place, also with two games left and Leeds are second with only one game to play.

Any of these three could finish first but I just want Ipswich to get promoted to the Premier League.  I doubt that they will fair well there but if they can hang around for a few years that would be good.

I’m still surprised that Bournemouth is in the EPL and Southampton in the Championship.

Did you do something difficult or challenging today?

Not napping in the afternoon was a bit of a challenge but I managed it and fingers crossed I can sleep ok tonight.  As the day has gone on I have felt an improvement in my mood which is a good sign.

Little Art took this picture of Piti, which I’m spoiling.

Friday Antidote – 18th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Making Monday Friday
Smile through gritted teeth
The best day of the week
Comes down to belief

No day is hump day
Every one a joy
Waiting for the weekend
A folly to employ

So savour every minute
Life only starts when you begin it

Submitted to dVerse – Friday and FOWC with Fandango — Antidote
23rd Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – folly

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty inspired after a good sleep.

The crying cats woke me up to feed them at 8.30 so I got up and did that but knew I wanted more sleep.  Back in bed and I eventually got up at around 11.30.  Hooray for a good long sleep!

I think I ended up sleeping at around 2am last night as I was reading comics til 1am and then listening to the Henry and Heidi podcast about Rollins Band.

Today I’m grateful for:

A guy called Pran.  He is Baipad’s mum’s boyfriend and he got in touch with me today because he wants to understand more about Baipad because they may end up all living together.

Baipad put us in touch and was ok for me to tell him everything.  I kinda understand why she doesn’t want to tell him directly.  Baipad seems to like him so I hope he is a trustworthy and good guy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back to some guitar practice. This holiday has been on and off for me, not wanting to go out into the oven of my room in the afternoons.  But today I told myself to get back to it.  It was a struggle to play and I know that it just needs more practice and that the more I do, the better I will get.

I also told myself that I need to get back into exercise too.  I downloaded a new app to try out for motivation and will start tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing wildly out of control.  I accepted that I woke up late and was even happy about it as I got enough good rest.  

At various times throughout the day Amy would order me to do something and I was in the mood to acquiesce without complaint.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With Baipad’s approval I told Pran everything that I knew about Baipad’s experience and also gave my suggestions as to what might help her.  I also told him that I understood Baipad’s mum too.

Anchan said that she wanted to go to a friends house and bake.  I told her to stop thinking and get going.  Later on she told me that she had a good time.

Momo took this picture last week because I asked her to. With me is Baitong – a funny favourite of mine.

Where’s Your Courage? – 28th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

“The little things are the big things.”

Courage demands bravery in this very moment
Of heroic action.

And so happiness is possible,
Living an ordinary life
In an extraordinary way

Text is borrowed and arranged from this post at The Stoa Letter and the form (Cherita) is inspired by this post at the Skeptic’s Kaddish and the title is from the Minutemen.

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired again.  Yesterday I managed to resist an afternoon nap and I got to sleep OK, until Cap kept crying to go in and out of the bedroom and then to be fed.  Happy to know that he has his appetite but I just want to sleep more!

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy and her family deciding to go for a fish lunch out in the rice fields.  It was good to do something different though it was funny that they decided on the restaurant that Bruno and I went and tried as we were riding by a year or two ago.

Also to Kru Karn who offered me her shelf space in the teacher’s room to keep my things.  I’ll do that for now but may move it to somewhere more suitable later.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more about the British Empire in Africa.  It was interesting to read that there were people who abhorred the colonial treatment of other human beings at the time.  Interesting in that nothing much has changed, sadly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I haven’t been able to do any more lesson planning as I haven’t been able to get more information from Kru Mai about my classes yet.  It’s a little frustrating as it is what we are supposed to be doing this week and now it means I will have to do more in the actual holiday time.

When I went to school just before lunch I found lots of people cleaning out the office space for Kru Puu who will stay in there in future.  Unfortunately, this means moving my stuff out from there and also not being able to use it for one-to-one speaking exercises anymore.  A lot of student’s work that I was keeping to look at later was also missing, presumably thrown out. Oh well. Nothing stays the same.

Something I learned today?

I just got sent a video by Noey. It was of me riding the wrong way at the traffic lights (to save time) as I was out getting a tub of ice cream at the 7-11.  She must have been on her bike at the traffic lights going in the other direction.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I messaged a few more students today and had little conversations of encouragement with them.

I took this picture because this was the view from our restaurant table at lunch time.

Dead Daffodil – 16th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Time marches on, each golden dawn
The love call in lingerie wears thin
Beautiful eyes now weep forlorn
As the devil burns at Narcissus‘ skin

With the white lion tete-a-tete
Thalia laughed in comedic grace
Ice follies not quite melted yet
Double smiles across Merlin’s face

A sovereign, a sentinel of silver smiles
Once orange progress or pink pride
February gold fades as June defiles
The Dutch master‘s lemon beauty died

Submitted to dVerse’s Daffodil prompt. Naturally, my mind wanted to turn around the joys of spring and to already mourn its end before it even begins.

Today I’m feeling:

Grotty. Getting up at 4am for Oh and Aun’s wedding has knocked me sideways. In between things that I need to partake in I lay down and dizzily dozed. Each time getting up gingerly worried about fainting.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to grab a four-hour afternoon catch-up sleep. I could’ve gone through until tomorrow if I didn’t have to attend this evenings reception, where I’m sitting now wondering if I have vertigo.

The best thing about today was:

Sleep.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not enough sleep and too much sleep! I also didn’t manage to study any Thai today.

I took this picture because I liked the juxtaposition between the two sides. The facade all looking beautiful and behind the scenes the wood and nails holding it in place.
Fatman report

The Last Resort Technician – 8th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Like a loopy Ikea jigsaw puzzle
Needing all the king’s horses and men
Humpty Dumpty took sage advice
To R.T.F.M.

Submitted to The Sound of One Hand Typing

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed.  Now the real semester wind down is happening which saddens me somewhat, as less students bother coming to school, less youthful influence to inspire and the prospect of adult nonsense for the next couple of weeks of grading and lesson planning.  But I will make the best of that.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting home and then remembering that today is the first game of the season for the Sydney Swans.  The game was actually yesterday but I have to wait until I can watch the replay.  

Every year the site layout changes and I have to try and figure out how to watch the game replay without seeing the score.  I usually don’t manage this on the first game due to the changes and sure enough that’s what happened today.  

But that’s fine – because we won, beating the Melbourne Demons by 22 points.  Watching the game was still entertaining because we played well.  I hope we can keep it up.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting, playing, teaching my students today along with a 4 hour break at House where I did some reading and writing, trying some new forms of poetry and contemplating others.

Something I learned today?

What a ghazal is and forced myself to write one.  It took me about an hour just to figure out ten lines.  It was an interesting exercise though.

I also learned that my grade 7 student Pang never went home yesterday. The night before she and her mum had a fight and her mum told her not to come home again. So that’s exactly what she did!

When Kru Karn was trying to find information from her friends she discovered that Pang skipped school at midday yesterday and went off with her old friends and got so drunk that she couldn’t walk and posted the story on Instagram! If the director of the school ever sees that then that is instant expulsion. 

For me, getting drunk with her friends isn’t that big a deal, it’s what I did at that age too. Hopefully her friends are true friends and will take care of her.

It reminds me of a time when I was about 18 and there was a very drunk 13-year-old in town and my friends and I took care of her. We called her parents to tell them that we were all very sorry but that she wouldn’t be home that night but that we would take care of her. Of course, they were very upset but we did take care of her and found her a female friend to stay with that night. I don’t know what the fallout from that event was but I think we did the right thing taking care of her.

Our worry with Pang is that not only is she strong-willed and wild but that she is on medication for depression. So, along with a risk of being sexually taken advantage of (or willingly accidentally falling pregnant), she is also susceptible to doing something tragic.

I took these pictures because they represent the feeling of the day. My students, hard at work.

Where Is Goldie? – 2nd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Leapt up
To breathe hot air
A fish out of water
“Mommy, where has Goldie gone to?”
Came the sharp cry from the distraught daughter
Searching the scene, the empty bowl
From the sofa’s safety
Then mommy too
Leapt up

Submitted to dVerse
Form inspired by this poem at Poetry Matters
“Rictameter is a scheme similar to Cinquain. Starting your first line with a two-syllable word, you then consecutively increase the number of syllables per line by two. i.e. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 Then down again, 8, 6, 4, 2 Making the final line the same two-syllable word you began with.“

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good after a long sleep, cold shower and coffee. Even a sudden change to plans doesn’t phase me today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding that the car seat covers that I would like to buy will be discounted tomorrow for the Lazada 3.3 Sale.  

Now I just have to remember to order them sometime tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Sharing two plates of different Bingsu with Amy after lunch.  One was red syrup on milk ice, the other taro. A nice and refreshing sweet cool down.  This time of the year the world turns yellow and the green goes missing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The change of plans was out of my control but didn’t bother me at all.  I’ve come to expect changes at a moment’s notice now and accepted that things will not always go the way that I hope.  

As I still count myself very lucky to have a lot of time for myself it’s not a big loss to give some of it up for things that come up.

Something I learned today?

The Chiang Rai train station (if it ever happens) will be somewhere between the city and Wiang Chai.  

There are also plans to upgrade the airport starting next year.  Things are up and running again after the fuck around of the pandemic.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy changed our plans for the weekend after being invited to travel to Toeng on Sunday.  We will still go to the city in the morning for Grandmum’s 100 days since passing and then she’ll head off with her friends.  

This meant that instead of relaxing at home all day today we had to go to the city to take the truck to get fixed and find shirts for us to wear at Amy’s brother’s wedding in a couple of weeks.  It also meant an extra journey to the city and back this weekend and I was hoping to save on petrol.  This month will be tight for money again.  

Anyway, as usual, I just got on with it, listening to Amy complain about how hot it was and telling myself not to complain about the weather (despite it being complainable about!)

I took this picture because two days of hot weather signifying the instant change from winter to summer has seen buds breaking through in Amy’s mum’s garden.

Don’t Talk To Strangers – 11th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t talk to strangers
You don’t know what they’re thinking
Closely guard your drink
Someone will spike what you’re drinking

Don’t make eye contact
That’s the starting of a fight
An applecart upset
Will see the end of your night

Don’t accept candies
From men in fantastic cars
Never trust a girl
That spends her time in bars

Beware the bogie man
There’s darkness everywhere you look
Don’t talk to strangers
Until you’ve read every self-help book

Inspired and loosely based on part of this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

I’m feeling weird and fuzzy again. I think maybe I have some Covid variation again. I got up at a reasonable time which was a bit difficult as Amy was still up and singing along to her favourite songs well past 1 am. 

At 11 am though I slept again until 3 pm. Now I just feel like I have a stiff neck, blocked nose and little appetite despite knowing I’m hungry. I’m keen for more sleep and not excited about being back at work again tomorrow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Medicine, sleep and Sundays.

The best thing about today was:

Playing a little guitar and looking over old emails for information.  I’ve done very little today and my brain is on strike.  Despite this I was glad to do these little things.

Something I learned today?

Polluted air is mainly breathed indoors.  We spend between 80 and 90 percent of our time indoors. Outdoor air pollutants find their way indoors and become trapped when there is no proper ventilation.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I complimented Noey on her shirt today as it was cute.  She asked if I thought that she was cute and I said ‘No, just the shirt.’  She knows she’s cute, so she went off laughing.

I took this picture because P’ti was feeling very Sunday morning.

Children’s Crusade – 2nd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Those were times of imagination
We made a house of a broken boat
Cooking up sand in the kitchen
Wondering if this home could ever float

Enemies emerge from the dunes
Duck and cover at the stern
Quiet whispers as they pass
And a wish that they never return

Here we live until it is dark
Our jobs and tasks are all set
Sharing dreams of our little crusade
That we shall never forget

Shared with Crimson’s Creative Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy this morning.  A little bit of that Friday feeling despite being a little tired due to a crazy pee dream that was trying to wake me up.  I was so aware that in my dream I was even telling myself that this wasn’t just a pee dream but just that I was peeing in my dream.  I was trying to convince myself to keep dreaming. 

But eventually, it was too much as the bucket I was peeing into starting overflowing even after emptying it one time.  I groggily got up to go to the bathroom hoping against hope that there were still many more hours to sleep but getting back to sleep was difficult because I kept thinking about the dream. 

Predictably, it felt like as soon as I got back into a deep sleep my alarm went off.

Today I’m grateful for:

A few folks taking the time to comment on a couple of poems that I’ve written in connection to some prompts.  I’m at the stage of looking for prompts in other new places for inspiration – though I’m rarely ever short of ideas to be honest.  Just looking for a bit of variety and some more challenges.  By taking part in the prompt challenges it is bringing new people to come and look at this blog, which I appreciate.  I’m not particularly after clicks or likes.

The best thing about today was:

Four hours sitting, writing, thinking, drinking coffee.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Two students, Kwang and Pang, pushed me too far today.  I wasn’t angry and not outwardly upset but they have both shown me a lot of attitude recently. 

I like them both and I’ve tried to help them more than other students and I’m sad to feel disrespected by them after all the chances I’ve given them.  We’re near the end of this semester now and I’ll tell them not to bother coming to my classes because I don’t want them disturbing everyone else. 

I just told them to pack up their stuff and go.  The class was much better after that.

Something I learned today?

Pigs can’t look up into the sky due to the anatomy of their neck muscles and spine.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Nomsen came to class this afternoon looking a bit frazzled and her friends told me that she’d been crying and she quickly covered her face as more tears came.  Without making a fuss I left her to it with her friends.

I was asking students random questions about music and instruments and I came around to her when she had stopped crying but she was obviously thinking about something else.  I was guessing it was about a boy.  She soon asked to go to the bathroom with her friend and I didn’t question it like I might do at other times, thinking maybe she’ll feel better when she gets back. 

They were gone for about 30 minutes I’m guessing, and when they got back they caught up with their work as quickly as they could.  When Nomsen came to hand in her work she seemed better so I asked her what happened today. 

She was quiet at first so I asked if it was about a boy and she shook her head and offered… ‘it’s my uncle…’ Oh no, I thought, maybe he’s in hospital or died, so I said ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ and gave her a hug. 

On writing this I’m worried that she may have meant something else by her comment but I really hope not.  I just messaged her to see if she was feeling better and she said she’s ok.  I hope so.

I took this picture because two new pups were outside the gate this morning and were friendly. Tangmo came running over and lots of play fighting ensured and he got so happy he ran at full pace around the teaching room three times without stopping.

Glimmers – 14th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Every little while
Comes surreptitious smile
Whilst looking at a girl’s pretty toes
A leaf whirls from the sky
A bike goes whizzing by
Towards the city’s night time neon glows

The matrix may be woken
The nightmare briefly broken
When the moonlit water shimmers
A coffee cup of thoughts
Sees a pumpkin on the porch
And hopes to hold on to the glimmers

inspired by a couple of lines in this post at Spinning Visions
24th Jul 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Moonlit
7th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Glimmer

Today I’m feeling:

So tired. Only had about 5 or 6 hours sleep again but had to get up and go to meet Hayden and Bronwyn for breakfast and though I’m tired I still have energy reserves probably from all the food I’ve been eating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy from the AEC who helped us skip the hour-long queue because I told him we weren’t sure if we were registered. Neat trick. Got to the Yum Cha quicker for lunch.

The best thing about today was:

Walking around the park parts of Barangaroo and under the bridge, past the Rocks and to Circular Quay was pretty nice this morning. Even though the visage is familiar and I have many similar photos it’s pretty hard to resist taking new ones.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My sleep is still totally out of control. The funny thing is that when I woke up at 8 am Sydney time and sent a message to one of my students, where it was 4 am, they replied wondering why I was still awake. I asked them the same thing! I tried to nap at 4 pm but that was useless too. I’m just out of whack.

Something I learned today?

Our friends Mei and Haken were in a car crash last night though luckily neither were seriously hurt. Mei was supposed to be a bridesmaid at the wedding today but unfortunately was still a little sore and shaken up for those duties.

What is something I look forward to every day?

Coffee. I’ve gotten used to the coffee in Chiang Rai now though and these Aussie coffees are not so tastily satisfying for me anymore. I managed to stick with just two today though, which is good.

Bronwyn took this picture because she wanted another shot of Hayden and me together. We looked at each other laughing and shaking our heads at her. I like this picture a lot.