Pretty flat and tired. Less dizzy than yesterday and my brain seems to be functioning reasonably well but I’m lacking energy and motivation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Two awesome coffees this morning where Nick was manning Utopia in Art and Noey’s absence.
The best thing about today was:
Watching the Swans beat Collingwood at the MCG (played on Friday) cheered me up, followed by watching the highlights of Ipswich beating Sheffield Wednesday 6-0.
As I was watching the AFL and thinking about how long I have followed certain sports teams and seeing how young they are, I was reminded of the time when I was the same age as the players and thinking I could’ve done that and that is 35 years ago now. Players have come and gone but the team maintains. How long will sports last into the future?
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m not feeling particularly hungry today so I only ate some snacks but did finish off the chocolate almonds.
Something I learned today?
In the UK, the Tories have let slip their true intentions for Gaza: they want Israel’s genocide to continue for as long as possible and they are worried about peace because the genocide is hurting Labour in the polls.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I did so little today and of no real consequence but I did accidentally trap Tigger’s tail in the door and he was understandably upset. I hope he’s ok. I saw him outside later but wasn’t able to check.
Shacked up with a slacker Who said our gold was in the hills A guitar strapped to his back To sing of other people’s thrills
The words are spat with bitterness The war is raging in his head But anger without direction Is replaced by apathy instead
The party starts at home With our disaffected friends With the battle in our songs Forgotten when it ends
Stirred into one final action When the pipe of peace got broke Understanding that our pain Is only countered by the smoke
So it was, we came and went We conquered nothing at all We disappeared without a trace Into the bottom of the bowl
Nearer heaven we rested heads Too tired to take our chance Extinguished, all those little fires Where we no longer dance
inspired by ‘The Slacker’ in Zachary Mexico’s book China Underground
Today I’m feeling:
A little better again though still not quite right in the sinuses. Exercise got me going and I felt in a good mood for the whole day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vegetarian food from Oasis and dessert snacks from the snack shop. Hopefully, there are snack boxes left over again tonight.
The best thing about today was:
Teaching my grade 10 class again. It’s a good feeling to have more mature students who try and want to understand more.
It did get me feeling a little like asking to spread out the classes between the foreign teachers so that not all the juniors are dumped on me and David. I know asking this is going to upset George though as he refuses to teach the younger ones, but it feels a little unfair not to split them more evenly.
I would be less tired at the end of the week and David is always talking of quitting because of the stress of his junior classes. I love those kids but I also value my health.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Another day of going with the flow mostly.
Something I learned today?
As I teach my grade 10s about relationships I’m learning a little about each of them and their personalities. Toon told me she is a people pleaser whilst Milk doesn’t care if a boy is interested in her. They joked that between them they make a balanced human being.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave some leftover snacks from last night’s ceremony to some students this morning.
I drove Amy and me home and back to the city to pick up snack boxes and food for tonight’s ceremony.
I took this picture because Tokyo was pretty relaxed. I still have to be very careful with her though. She can bite really quickly and with no apparent provocation.
The year went by again Once around the sun And everything remained the same With the exception of one
In this world of déjà vu Everything has all been done The only difference is you You’re the exception
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and lazy. I seem to have fallen right into the holiday mood. After coffee this morning, where Boss made an appearance and I was able to wish him well for his business adventure, I watched football until lunchtime and then after lunch played Fallout 4 until it was time to leave for New Year’s Eve dinner at Amy’s parents.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mini Big C at the Caltex on the way to dinner, where I ran in, in need of a snack due to dizziness and picked up a sushi triangle, a banana and a Snickers, all reduced in price so it only cost me 34 baht.
The best thing about today was:
Playing Fallout 4 without worrying about wasting time. It’s a very enjoyable distraction that I don’t usually treat myself to. I still have lots of old games from years ago that I haven’t tried to play yet. I figure there might be time…
Something I learned today?
‘Unconfirmed’ reports indicate that lots of weapons found in Gaza are Chinese. Well, how convenient! Twenty-twenty-four, or Twenty-twenty-war? Zoom.
I feel some consolation that fewer people are falling for Western propaganda these days.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Designated driver tonight.
I helped lay the table as others prepared food. Everyone understands my capabilities!
I took this picture because Cap came and sat on my T-shirt whilst I was playing Xbox. We looked everywhere for Tigger this afternoon and he had managed to sneak into the walk-in wardrobe and curl up in a box.
Great. Last day before five days off. Pushed through arm and chest exercises this morning that really tested my endurance. My muscles ache and feel good.
Happy to be at school amongst all the happy kids, though many have skipped today after all the excitement of sports day yesterday.
I left pretty quickly to sit and catch up with coffee. Enjoying being here but also want to get back to the party atmosphere. Everything is easy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady who served me in the 7/11 this morning. It’s a job, someone has to do it and she did her job. Thank you.
The best thing about today was:
Everything. It’s been a really nice day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Yesterday I appropriated Fah’s phone whilst she was in the stands and I wandered off taking multiple random photos just to fill up her phone. I gave it back after ten minutes or so and she shook her head at all the pictures now on her phone.
So today, to let her get me back I unlocked my phone and gave it to her whilst I was playing volleyball with her friends. I got it back about 15 minutes later and forgot about it until I got home.
I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes scrolling through 100s of photos, deleting half, considering the rest and wondering what to do with them all. There are some nice shots in there, though many were just of Fah, Jet and Mai messing around pulling faces and not many of me and the ones of me make me look old, which I am (but don’t want to be!).
Phone cameras are so good these days that it’s easy to zoom in and see every line, wrinkle or sag on the skin!
Something I learned today?
Australia is wider than the moon, with a diameter from east to west of almost 4000km! But this is only when considering diameter and not land area. If you flattened the moon out it would actually be wider.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I spent 100 baht (of my last 700 baht in the bank) on some wafer snacks for my students’ Christmas party today. I personally handed them out to everyone and wished them a Merry Christmas.
After getting home I let Amy take a nap and took myself off to my room so that she wasn’t disturbed.
As I was walking around the school I caught up with Baipad, Jan and Apple twice and Baipad was sleeping both times. The second time I dragged her up for a walk and sat down elsewhere to talk with her one-on-one.
She’s a sweet introverted kid who is resisting the responsibilities of growing up. I gave her words of encouragement and sent her back to her friends, and probably more sleep.
How did my relationships change this year?
My relationships this year have been 90% with my students and 10% with anyone else. My relationship with my students evolves over the course of the year.
The kids I taught at the beginning of the year I don’t teach so often now and we have all relaxed into a happy friendly environment in classes.
With the new students I got in May we have all gotten to know each other to varying degrees in that time. These are the relationships I value highly these days.
My relationship with Amy changed slightly again this year as she returned to Chiang Rai from Australia.
In most ways, we are back to what we were before she left. We and our relationship with each other is very familiar. It’s not boring but sometimes predictable. That is somewhat of a comfort for me at this stage in my life.
I think it is also for Amy but she still has the energy to consider going off and doing things and perhaps still looking to the future. It’s not contentious for either of us, just a matter of fact of the different stages of our lives.
A red light when there’s no one around What a dilemma for the righteous philosopher! “Go, go, go, go”, the passengers cried Out of nowhere, a truck obliterates them all
Pretty good. A little run down from a weirdly exhausting day and I’m not excited for the rest of the week. All my classes were simple but the last one of the day is always a little frustrsting as these impatient grade 8s want to leave as soon as they can. Me too!
Today I’m grateful for:
The plentiful snacks I have around that have carried me through my busy early evening with taking to the vet again for one more blood test. I’m grateful he’s all back to normal too.
The best thing about today was:
Having to take Tigger to the vet meant more time to listen to podcasts. The day has been good (apart from the news below) but nothing really stood out as being the best. Another day in a string of reasonable, positive happy days.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Talk is that for this coming holiday will only be ten days. I’ve already booked my flights to Australia and will be going anyway. It may mean losing some pay but no matter. David was quite disheartened by the news especially as last year we had four weeks holiday. I laughingly told him to fix his attitude and turn it around to ‘at least we have ten days holiday’ but I can understand his disappointment. It’s been a tough semester and he has the two terrible grade 8 classes that I had last year. It’s tiring for real.
After getting the good news that Tigger’s blood is back to normal I called Amy to give her the good news. In turn, she told me that along with Grandmum not eating, her dad was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer and will need to go for chemo. This will all put a lot of strain on her mum and also puts my travel to Australia in jeopardy. Bad timing but what can we do? I’m not so fussed about having to change plans or losing money on flight tickets but more dejected about the ever-increasing number of upcoming funerals that lay ahead.
What do I complain about the most?
As an English person I have no idea what I complain about because I am not conscious of ever doing it. Even I notice how much other English people complain!
I ‘think’ I don’t complain about much these days but now that I am writing about it I know the sad truth.
The thing I complain about most is my student’s behaviour. This I can accept as they are aged between 12 and 16 and I know what I was like at that age. It’s just behaviour, not the person. What I really would complain about is adults behaving in the same way. I don’t hang about many adults now pretty much for this reason. Other adult’s bullshit is tiring. They don’t have the excuse of being a teenager anymore.
And I know that the same criticism can be levelled at me too. Another reason not to hang around with adults. When I fuck up like that with my kids it’s all forgotten and forgiven in the same way I would do for them.
I’ve been really struggling with pictures recently as my focus has been more internally focused over the past month or so. Things within my vision are not catching my eye throughout these days of repetitive actions. I need to add some variety into my days to change that but I’m mostly happy doing what I’m doing. This has given me an idea though. Anyway, here’s another picture of the pup from a couple of days ago.
I lied to myself for a long time I always understood the truth Under the twisted thoughts of mine Born of the immaturity of youth
It’s always a struggle, always a fight To keep the evil demons at bay Complacency can be found in the light And the beasts come out to play
Finally, I sought to reject these lies Because I was slowly killing myself I broke the bonds of the feeblest ties And my mind rediscovered its health
Today I’m feeling:
Good and fairly positive. I woke up with a start as my alarm went off implying that I didn’t get enough sleep. I pushed through exercise knowing I was burning up some fat stores as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday, not feeling that hungry, and weighing in under 80kg again today. Throughout the day I was surprised at how well I was feeling and I put it down to the exercise I’ve been doing which inspired me to keep it up.
Today I’m grateful for:
The packet of Tong Garden jumbo raisin medley that I mix with a small packet of party snack mix to add some texture and flavour for a pre-dinner treat.
The best thing about today was:
Being greeted by so many different students, many of whom I didn’t even know, some talking to me about other students in my classes. Everywhere I walk around school students want to talk or at least communicate with me though they can sometimes get cheekily upset when I forget their name, though I might not have spoken to them for three months. I’m slowly starting to find where each little ‘gang’ hangs out at lunchtime so if I’m in the mood and have time I will happily wander around for an hour stopping for chats, play, and sometimes even learning.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the morning I realised what I’d planned for my class today they had already done, so I quickly threw together a spelling test, 20 words open book and 20 words closed, along with a word search game for each. I started the class with the word search but it soon became apparent that it was really difficult and was going to take longer than expected. As I wanted to do both word searches and tests in one hour I quickly jumped online and remade the second word search easier. Even with that though we didn’t manage to get everything done. There are some poor students in the class who really struggle with spelling and a couple that didn’t write anything at all on the second one. I told them that it didn’t matter if they got everything wrong but they must at least try. One student did indeed get every word wrong but I could tell from what she’d written that she was at least listening and trying. That’s what I prefer, especially as opposed to some others who just copied from their friends.
Something I learned today?
I learned that two of my favourite students had a falling out a few weeks ago and I was a little surprised by it at first but on reflection it’s pretty normal for kids this age. I heard both their stories but couldn’t really get to the bottom of it and either way, I still love them both for who they are with me.
In the morning I had been updating blog entries from 1984 and was disparaging towards Rupert with whom I had been friends with just a week or two before and unfriendly a month or two before that. At that time I was a couple of years older than these two students today, which goes to show how immature I was at then despite hearing how mature I seemed from other people.
What do I hope to experience some day?
Sometimes I miss that feeling of excitement and discovery of new love but it’s been so long and I guess I’m somewhat jaded, just by my age, that if the situation ever arises again I doubt the feeling will be the same. Really, I prefer the feeling I have now anyway, of ongoing love, trust and satisfaction.
I’m avoiding the question.
Have I had all my experiences already? I’m barely shocked or surprised at anything these days. I’m appreciative of being appreciated or rewarded with kind words or even awards but they don’t emotionally charge me at all. I feel like I’m just doing what I do.
I guess I could do some thrill-seeking or travelling. But ultimately everything boils down to the same thing. Being in one place is much like being in another.
Okay, I hope to experience continuing happiness with my little Amy wherever we are in the world. I hope I can take my current feeling of contentment with me in whatever is next in my life.
I took this picture because this shy little cat often sleeps in the shade of my car whilst I’m drinking coffee at House. It’s too nervous for petting though.
I shall vomit back onto my contemporaries the disgust they inspire in me…
Gustav Flaubert
Today I’m feeling: Pretty good though my students were very raucous today. Today I’m grateful for: The guy at the food stall who gave me a sesame-covered glutinous rice ball to try as I went out after class with the kids to get snacks. The best thing about today was: Getting the ironing done before Amy is back. I don’t want her to feel that she has to iron my shirts. Time went quick enough as I watched videos whilst doing them. Daily thought An example of good coming from a bad experience. When going through the bad experience you feel as if nothing good could ever come out of that sick feeling. It is only on reflection that growth is recognised. Bad experiences include getting dumped and cheated on, being treated with contempt by bosses, and being made a scapegoat. To think about recent times would be how my first two teaching experiences dealing with the administrative system totally sucked but out of that I ended up where I am now where I am much happier. Do you have a life partner? Oh yes indeed. My lovely little Amy.
I took this picture because this is what happens when the kids take my phone to take pictures with. Bless them.
We broke down the fence It couldn’t hold us back Stomped around the cornfield As if under some attack Stamping our feet in furrows Over the husks, we run We knew we’d later be in trouble But it was so much damn fun We screamed for each other As the leaves flapped our faces Circling in wide loops Running made-up races Finally, we were exhausted And we settled down to rest Summer with my friends In a cornfield is the best
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.
Mark Twain
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Nong Fern to bring me lots of snacks from Hat Yai.
1994ever 