A little disheartened. I slept late again last night and couldn’t force myself up to exercise. Like I mentioned yesterday I tend to feel better and more energetic in the evenings when I’ve been sick or still recovering. When I woke this morning I could feel that I’m still not 100%.
My mood was ok but I could also feel that some of my students weren’t in such a great mood themselves this morning, though as can be expected there are still plenty who were. Perhaps those down ones infected me slightly though.
I also felt a little disconsolate as I came out of school to grab coffee and the reduced number of students being around already at this time of year reminded me that this will all be over again for another year.
Yesterday and last night was also the turning point for temperatures as I put the aircon on for a little while when I got home after work and then needed it on for four hours at the start of the night. With just the fan for the rest of the night, I woke up hot and tired. Time to start the cold showers I think.
Today I’m grateful for:
Casually chatting with Kru Karn about what to teach her class today (with so many students away), which was about to start, and through that coming up with the idea to get the kids to take a photo or video of someone in the school and then make a one-minute video presentation describing them (our topic is Describing People).
Initially, the kids were shocked when I told them all to leave the class and go and find someone to talk about. And then I was shocked to find all of them in the teacher’s room talking to Kru Karn because they wanted her to be the subject. When I found them I told them that everyone had to have a different person as the subject and they all left somewhat dejected, though it got their brains spinning.
Whilst they all went off, some actually doing the work, others just playing with the other half-class of students next door, I sat back a little, fielded questions, gave advice and started my grading files. Eventually, after the two hours were up, everyone had finished the task as best they could and I was happy and they were happy too.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 10s being late for class and me not caring! The work planned for them can be done at any time so we just started when they finally arrived and can do more next week.
It wasn’t their fault that they were late so we just enjoyed a relaxed lesson of writing and thinking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See below)
Something I learned today?
One of our Thai teachers told a student that they will never get a job because they are not smart enough. I was fuming when I heard this, it’s the antithesis of how a teacher should be.
It’s a struggle for a teacher to pick everyone up but you have to support the students in any way that you can. You have to give them something.
I asked the student who confided the information to me what grade they got from that teacher and it was grade 4! Top grade! Unbelievable! It makes me angry!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Another student came to me today asking for help with mental health issues. We talked for about an hour going over the problems they are having (including the issue mentioned above) and despite our struggles with language we blundered through with translation and managed to understand each other.
I’ve done a little bit of investigation and sent some information for support services in Thai and I will find some more information for them later too.
Bruno took this picture in Italy, in the mountains where his family is from. No pictures from me today.
Everyone has gotten access All the words ever written Pictures painted, songs sung Fifty bazillion millisecond process No bugs to be bug bitten The shutdown has begun
Standing in the matrix queue A beta-meta icon version Presses three after the tone There’s nothing left to do In this world’s perversion Except to feel more alone
Got up soon after my alarm, grabbed coffees and then spent a good few hours in my room, adding blog entries, reading and playing guitar.
I was glad to go out and do something different yesterday though I wasn’t particularly excited being at the balloon festival.
I’m not particularly excited by much these days to be honest but I am happy and that’s more important.
Today I’m grateful for:
Air quality being better than this time last year. It’s still not great but can only hope that it doesn’t get worse.
The next week will tell the tale as temperatures rise up to 37 degrees again.
The best thing about today was:
Not taking a nap and having a feeling of not wasting a weekend day. It was pretty relaxed but I got some stuff done so I’m pretty happy with everything.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not something that was out of my control but it was midday before I remembered that I hadn’t taken my medicine today. As I was in my room I figured I’d take it when I got back inside but forgot again.
By mid-afternoon, I felt a little dizzy when I got up from my chair but figured that I’d made it this far without the medicine that I’d just skip it for today.
Dizziness is the main side effect of not taking it and it’s not like I will drop into a funk just by missing one day.
Something I learned today?
Hayden is in New York. He and his girlfriend were driven down through snow from Canada for 6-7 hours to get there.
They are wrapped up and enjoying New York pizza.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a message to Baipad this morning offering to come and teach her today if she wanted. I didn’t get a reply but I would’ve been happy to if she would have liked.
I was reminded of Baipad later in the evening when reading some blog post about inspiring self-confidence in children helps make them happier adults. In these days of mobile devices as parent substitutes, I wonder what will inspire self-confidence?
I took this picture because this is Tangmo. The dog’s bollocks.
Very good. I pushed through exercise and felt good for it. At school, I comforted ****** as best I could and asked Jan to keep me updated. I feel a little hopeless about helping her and I can imagine she feels even more so.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nut’s Auntie and uncle who came and cleaned up lots of little details around our garden, in particular, pulling the weeds out from the driveway where our purple grass grows.
The best thing about today was:
Hearing from my grade 10 students that the reason that they wanted me to teach them next year is that they feel relaxed in my class and find it fun and more enjoyable than with Thai teachers. I have to wonder what some of their other classes are actually like.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
On arriving home Amy was cleaning Bruno’s high-pressure hose (and seemed to be in a bad mood) and told me he wanted it back.
I was doubtful about this as he had said to keep it as long as I needed and I still have a few places I’d like to clean up.
I was also informed that I would have to drive Nut’s Auntie and uncle back to Bruno’s after they had finished which would be soon.
I didn’t say anything, I hadn’t even got the shopping inside yet. I just accepted my fate and took a quick shower by which time they were ready to go.
Of course, once we got there, Bruno was surprised to get his machine back already as he knew I hadn’t finished with it, and said to take it back. I hushed him and told him not to worry about it, as it already revealed Amy’s little white lie and I made no complaint. Amy seemed to be in a better mood by then, so all was good as we drove back home again.
Something I learned today?
It has only ever snowed two times in the Sahara. How’s that for some relatively useless information.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Once again offering support to my students struggling with mental health issues.
I took this picture on Sunday morning because this was the same mountain that we were at the top of the afternoon before, rising out of the cool morning mist.
It’s becoming obvious that I’m not going to be able to keep up with regularly posting updates here as time seems to slip on by. I’ll do my best to keep note of things and get to them when I can but not sure how I’m going to be able to keep them concurrent with events from 1994, of which there is still a mass of writing for that year in my diary.
If I just limit myself to a paragraph per note I’ve made this post is going to get quite long. I’ll try and be more concise.
So, our final morning in Dorset sees me going through some boxes of things my mother kept over the years. I’m interested in the photos more than documents such as birth and death certificates and old school reports. In particular are a couple of school photos I’m guessing from when I was 12 and 13. You can just see my hair starting to get more punked up, for which I got so much shit at school at the time, from teachers and older kids who nicknamed me Sid. I never got on with that nickname as I was more into Johnny Rotten but it was difficult to tell kids that as they were kicking and punching me for their random pleasure. The thing with these two photos is you can still see the light in my eyes, just starting to dull in the later one. These years were the start of what later would be diagnosed as mild depression. The transition from middle to high school was particularly traumatic as I had a whole new bunch of older kids to pick on me though I soon found some allies.
Before we know it we’re up the motorway again, back to other old haunts in Southampton. We’re staying with Amy’s cousin Ting, who has been in England so long she has the thickest English accent I’ve heard for a while – so much so that I barely recognise her on the phone sometimes.
Amy heads off with Ting to do some shopping as they are cooking together at a friend’s house that evening, whilst I head over to see my old pal, Chrissy.
Chrissy was the wife of Steve, whom, if you’ve been following so far, was the inspiration for writing the 1994 diary after his untimely death the previous year. I caught up with her briefly in Sydney a few years before as she was attending someone’s wedding there, just a suburb or two away from where I was living at the time. It was good to catch up again and talk shit like we did in the ‘good old’ days.
The afternoon is made more pleasant by the arrival of Steve and Chrissy’s daughter Rebecca, who was less than a year old the last time I saw her. I am shocked at the resemblance to Steve and can’t stop looking at her face. It’s like he’s right there again.
I also make quick friends with their dog who despite being somewhat shy took to me for some good pats, strokes and ear rubbing. But soon enough it’s time to leave.
I head back to drop the car at Ting’s and get out the maps app so as to walk to the pub where I will meet more old timers and down a couple of pints. The air is very cold but the exercise warms me and I look into people’s houses as I pass and wonder what their lives are holding for them today.
I stop off for some hot chips as I’ve not eaten much today and it would be preferable to line my stomach with something traditionally British and stodgy to soak up any alcohol intake.
There are some bands playing tonight, including some old friends but I’m not so interested in the music as I am in talking. Rich introduces me to his partner Geraldine and later Rob and his partner Emily turn up. A couple of other hopeful attendees find themselves busy elsewhere so they’ll just have to come and visit me in Thailand one day.
A jovial atmosphere and pleasant conversations quickly end this all to brief meet up but it’s much along the lines of that last night in Sydney, with certain friends you can just pick up on conversations with even years of interruption between.
The following morning we’re off to London. Amy wants to go shopping. I’m not particularly thrilled at that idea but I’ve set myself a task to track down a book I’m looking for. We’re also booked for a dinner in the evening at the Shard near London Bridge.
I’ve always enjoyed London as a place to visit but never, when living in England, felt the urge to live there. So, even rush hour tube trips have some sense of adventure to them. I’m constantly reminded of the Clash as we pass by certain stations and wonder at the motivations they had as they went from small house suburban London city to mega hotel New York city. Man, they wrote some tunes.
One thing I immediately notice is how much more multicultural London is than Sydney. Although not so used to hearing the English accent anymore it seems that in many places we visit and pass by that people aren’t speaking English at all. It’s a little unsettling and really cool at the same time.
This point is highlighted even more as we head for a pub lunch and I’m annoyed at myself for not understanding the bartender’s accent. I forget to apologise for my difficulty as her’s is a Lubjiana accent, so I ask her more about her country. She’s busy though but I think she wasn’t offended at my ignorance in the end.
We pop into Waterstone’s bookshop and finally I find the book I’m looking for, ‘Churchill’s Secret War’ and take this final chance to pick a couple of books about The Fall. I wasn’t going to buy these originally as I figured I could find them digitally but they were there, I was shopping, this was possibly the last day I’ll ever be in England and so they ended up in my luggage. Amy felt the same and bought a couple of massive cooking books which definitely means a rejig of our bags later tonight.
We’re starting to flag now and consider changing our plans for dinner tonight. It’s another beautiful sunny cold day, particularly bitter when the wind rushes through small side streets. We decide to head to the Shard early and see if we can just go up and take some pictures. We end up on the 34th floor at the small bar there and decide to splash out on a bottle of champagne and 6 oysters. These kinds of expenses usually bother me but I decided to relax again and enjoy this indulgence despite the fact the cost could probably build us a swimming pool in Thailand.
We reflect on our lives as we stare out across this old city and talk about how people think we are lucky to be able to do this and that. But we have worked hard, had a plan and always pointed our way towards it. I guess those comments are somewhat driven by the social media construct where friends generally only see you having fun, what appears to be, all the time. We know we have made the right choices along the way, the choices that have got us where we are now.
The following morning we are greeted with snow. What a nice surprise. The Mexicans we meet at the breakfast table in our guest house are equally thrilled and we watch them as they step out to take funny photos. We do the same a little later as we stuff our suddenly heavier re-jigged bags into the car and head to the drop off point. Unfortunately, our phone direction finder leads round in frustrating circles and we decided just to figure it out following the signposts instead.
Amy decides on one last shop at the airport, so I get in the mood and pick up another book about the rules of being English, something I mentioned to Amy when she smiled happily to the guy in the take away the previous night. I told her it was not usual for someone to smile at other people in England and the guy probably thought she fancied him. This is overplaying it a bit and is also the exact thing that attracted me to Amy in the first place. That was in Sydney though, where smiling is an everyday occurrence. I’m sure the English can often go a whole week without a smile.
The English confound me more on the plane to Bangkok. It’s another A380 but this time jammed with ‘bigger’ English people looking for thrills in the ‘land of smiles’. Despite leaving at midday, it’s an overnight flight as we fight against earth’s rotation and the English are up and at the crew galley all night long refilling on free booze. I did this once when the experience of flying was still new to me. Free booze must not be missed but I found it impossible to get drunk and to drink enough to be able to sleep. I would just end up with a frustrating headache at the end of the flight, so I never drink on planes now.
And then occurs the most English thing I can imagine. There are two meatheads sitting directly in front of Amy and I and they were constantly bouncing in their chairs at every toss, turn and minor readjustment. I glance the Sun in the lap of the one who is coughing consistently and roll my eyes. Midway through the flight, Amy needs to get out to go to the toilet so I get up and step into the aisle. Being half awake I was a little clumsy getting up and knocked the chair in front of me where the now angry boofhead looks around and proclaims, ‘Was that on purpose? I think it was, wasn’t it?’
I’m perplexed. My only reply is ‘Sorry?’ and I look behind me to consider if he’s actually talking to someone else because his words just don’t make any sense to me. Amy is bewildered too but trots off to the toilet as I stand and wait. The two meatheads decide that they’ll settle themselves down with more whiskey and the event passes. I still can’t imagine what leads to the guy’s question, if I knocked his chair on purpose, what was the reason? We’d had no previous interaction at all. It just seemed a typically antagonistic English response, a show of never back down, one-upmanship.
Those two guys ended up rushing off the plane to get to their destination of my more booze, sun and you can guess what else.
Our day has only taken 12 hours and we transfer at Bangkok for our flight home, finally my last flight for this period. There has been so much travel and rush over this month that it has been almost impossible to sit and relax and reflect. Probably for the best. Even mum’s funeral seems like something surreal and dreamlike that perhaps didn’t even happen.
This final flight is curiously filled with French and various Middle Easterners and I watch on as people struggle to find their seats. It’s a little strange really – it’s not that hard, is it? The numbers ascend and the letters go across. It seems to take an age for some people though. I wonder if their brains are wired differently, something that will soon be confirmed as I adjust to life in Thailand.
Back in Chiang Rai, we rush to sleep, eat, advise our builders, eat and sleep again. Another day disappeared into the mosquito-ridden night.
I think I must’ve sent these to you already but my Alzheimers has got the better of me – anyway here they are (again?)
Sweet Angel T** L**. Ahh, to hear your sweet voice in the morning is the perfect start to my day, how I am hopelessly lost in your goodness, kindness and grace. We talked about you meeting Sue and Chris for lunch and that Sue might say something that may put you in an awkward position and I feel like, fuck it, let’s just tell everyone that we love each other and that everything will be OK! Sounds easy I know. Ho hum, hope you can come see me – I want yr cuddles baby!
Patient Patient We are harmonious We are discordant We are waiting We are patient For the patient We are the patients Running out of patience
I think I have become a very patient person over the last few years. I never used to have patience with people, especially ‘stupid’ people (or ‘normal’ people maybe – not even sure what I mean here myself!) People who didn’t understand me I didn’t have much time for. I learn from people like yourself that sometimes it is worth the effort to get to know people better and I am making the effort a bit more these days – I’m actually enjoying working here at the moment – there was a certain atmosphere of a team spirit over Christmas which was enjoyable although one or two people seem to be in it for themselves, digging away at people and things that they don’t understand – I guess a sign of immaturity (much as I was immature in my behaviour before when I was younger).
Black Squares Walking across the tiled floor Multi-coloured tiles lay out my track I can choose three different routes But why do I always choose the black Black squares – under my feet Black squares – look so neat Black squares – lay out my track square square square black black black
This is about where I had my first job which had black and white check tiles much like our kitchen had before we had it recovered. Funny how something so trivial could spark a poem out of me in those days – now I write much more emotional style pomes.
Is Martin Sugared Is Martin sugared? Is Martin sweet? Is Martin oblivious to unbearable heat? Is Martin cold? Is Martin hot? Is Martin what You’re exactly not?
Martin was a guy I worked with – I wonder what happened to some of those people? The guy I worked with specifically in that first job was in a punk band called the Void (they never amounted to much more than a few legendary local gigs – where I sang with them one time too!). A few years later he became the town mayor – the other contender tried to put shit on him during the election because he was bisexual – his plan however backfired as it was seen as malicious slandering and irrelevant to whether he would be a good mayor or not. And while he was mayor he did all he could for the youth of the town etc (he was about 40 but still a kid in many ways. His name was Phil Webb but everyone called him Piwi – everyone!)
Pot Noodle Steve Pot noodle for dinner Pot noodle for tea Pot noodles believe In pot noodle Steve
Another guy I used to work with – loved his pot noodles.
Sow the Seed Here is life or here is dying Only sin is lack of trying If we don’t try we may die Food in need so sow the seed Next year better next year stronger Next years furrows that much longer Plough the field pick the yield Mouths to feed so sow the seed
Stole four of these lines from another poem (which I forget now).
Snow It snowed today Kids shout hurray Everybody’s out Hear them shout Hurray for the snow Let everybody know Why does snow get everyone together? Why only snow not any other weather I hope it snows some more I hope it covers the floor So long as it gets everyone out To be together to lark about Snow Don’t go
Remember vividly the day that inspired this poem. Kids who wouldn’t normally come out and play with our ‘gang’ came out and had snowball fights and all sorts of fun. We can’t have been that bad, can we? Something about the snow must have softened up the parents to let their kids out. Anyway, it was such a great feeling to have everyone together.
Brad’s Mental Institution It’s a funny little head It’s got a knob on the top It’s pointed slightly You only need tap it lightly And it sinks in He’s got a funny little head With a knob on top It’s pointed slightly You only need tap it lightly And it sinks in And folds up into an epileptic fit And sails away on a galactic trip To where spastic children hold the hammers That knock you on the head Strange you turned the tables on yourself Wake up – it’s time for bed’
Brad was a type of nail I think – that was the kind of stuff I was selling in my first job.
Fun to be Young Fun to be young again I still play hide and seek And I still cheat Fun to be young And play in the snow and sun Knocking on people’s doors And playing pretend wars Fun to be young And where it all goes on Playing football in the park And kiss chase after dark Fun to be young And forget where it’s all gone
Ain’t it so! I know you feel the same way – probably everyone does.
Acquiesced The motion on the first part For the aforementioned first party Agrees with the second party That the first part is wrong The first party and second party Are agreed that the motion on the second part Should be agreed by both parties And both parties agreed after not too long Acquiesced – I give in
Piwi was reading a book which had this word in so I wrote a poem about it.
Jabberhead Jabber Jabber Jabberhead Open your mouth Ten miles wide Vibrate your larynx All can see inside Laugh your mouth Ten miles high Waggle your tongue Words start to fly Jabber Jabber Jabberhead
Have a recording of this song – found that tape recently too – am contemplating bringing it in but fear you will laugh at me because it is just me dinking around with a crummy guitar and awful singing! I know this will only encourage you more to want to listen to it!
2 Litre Virgins Those two litre girls Fighting men of the real world Coax them back to bed And slap them in the head They’ll go all around the world Those two litre girls Boasting how loose they are Snogging in the back of the car Get back to your flat Where she’ll show you where she’s at ‘You’re not touching that’ Freeze Two litre virgins standing at the pump Telling you when to jump Boasting they’re as wide as a bucket You know what to do – if it moves Fuck it
I guess I must’ve got teased a lot in school! Didn’t like the way girls could lead you on and then drop you. I remember having a huge crush on a girl when I was about 12 or 13 and couldn’t believe it when she asked me out – only to find next day her and her friends laughing at me for believing it could’ve happened. Hmmm – deep emotional scars. I still love girls though, better than boys if you know what I mean – I got more shit from boys in the end.
Strange Some people think I’m strange But I don’t think I am Some people just treat me Like a stranger in a strange land Some people think I;m strange But I don’t think I am They say I cut myself off I don’t think they understand But I’m also looking and thinking They’re strange
Really clicked when you said your sisters thought you were strange. I think it is an endearing quality (I like to find strange people) and really we are not that strange at all.
Both Broni and I rushed past our days at work in excitement for our evening. A quick zip of the pans brought us nutrition and, once again, we hot-footed it up the mighty highway to our pals in Eastleigh.
Eastleigh’s Tory MP had been found dead on Monday wearing only stockings and a plastic bag on his head with a cord around his throat and this was the source of constant amusement throughout the evening. The media had been leading with this story every day and were going to town on the sex scandal – it didn’t seem so important that someone had died.
Rob drove us to the Joiners after Rich giving him much hassle for being on the phone so long. Not so patient, our Richard.
Got their about nine and got a beer and conversed with all our other friends. A band of locals took to the stage and pounded through some noisy songs. They had three young fans standing right in front of the stage, admiring their heroes and ritually mouthing the words to every song. I thought that was brilliant. I remember being like them (they helped the band take the equipment out too – dedication!). The band was called Ban Ylang or something similarly rhythmic.
I stood centrally to watch the second band while Bronwyn stood near the bar with ‘our’ crowd. During a break between songs I (and everyone else!) heard Selina shout out ‘It’s Bronwyn’s round’ to which the bass player said ‘Good on Bronwyn’. Fame for my baby comes in small doses. She is famous and fabulous in my eyes.
We’d been in the other bar playing bar billiards and getting smashed and bearing cheeky toothy grins. The second band, Skyscraper, had one good song that I heard and after that were fairly dull but alcohol made me too drunk to care.
We ate chips and the guys stuffed burgers with too much mustard relish. We eventually zipped our way across the midnight skies and were forced into slumber through stupor.
Rich woke us in the morning at 7.20 and after toast and coffee me and my baby and Rob hit the harder highway to hell to London. I drove while Bronwyn showed Rob our photos and then they played backgammon.
Broni, direction-finder general, took us straight to Islington where tonight’s gig was. I had a real quest for food but the guys wouldn’t let me cos we were in some kind of hurry! We had a lot to get through for sure. Broni stopped at every map and said ‘that’s where we are’ which didn’t tell us where we wanted to go!
First thing for us to do was go to Australia House in Aldwych. We caught the frenzy bus in the earth to some place near and hop skipped onto a double red decker missing what could have been the most amazing of food we were ever likely to find. On this bus, I started to love London and wanted to be closer to it. It brought to mind many Clash songs that would name drop London boroughs and famous places and reminded me why things are different in London. Australia House was a breeze. Broni filled in her forms and got them signed there and then.
After a food stop, not up to Broni’s requirements, we tippy-toed a few blocks to Covent Garden Market. Me and Broni reminisced as we walked past an American diner where we had nachos last time we came to Oz House. This time it was full of builders sawing wood and putting up walls for a refit.
We looked in every direction at the market not having any idea which way to go so we checked out some stalls of cheap crappy gothic jewellery and crummy clothes. Broni found a juggling stall and got a demonstration out of the guy there. He was pretty good and gave Broni some ideas for tricks. We had to pass on the clubs though, being out of our minimal price range.
After asking a couple more stall holders the way to Rough Trade we merrily sang up the street as the sun beat through the grimy atmosphere. Several stops and reverses later we found it – the doorstep up the alley occupied by the same person as last time I was there, smoking a fag and begging for money. I reckon he prays on the skaters who probably spend a fortune in Slam City Skates. Actually, I reckon he probably works there!
A quick glance through the Jap noise CD section, Broni denying me time to ponder purchase, we picked up three tickets for entry tonight. We checked out this great health food shop on the next corner too, spending another ten pounds on food and refreshments of exotic flavours.
We headed in any old direction for a tube – it seemed great that you could just about walk in any direction and you’d come across some form of transport that would help you on your way to where you may be headed. It made London seem a whole lot smaller.
Next quest was the British Natural History Museum. A tube or two later found us walking up a long subway, yellowy with paint and time, crammed with people, a girl I thought I recognised. I sometimes have the strange feeling of recognition. If I look at someone for a while then look away and return to them some minutes later I feel sure I’ve met them before. This happened at least twice today!
On this walk, Broni questioned our finances, running through where 75 pounds could have gone in just 24 hours. Another four pounds fifty each later saw us into the museum and here started four hours of exploration. First hour spent studying everything in detail, second spent eating some extortionately overpriced food and wandering around the room with a whale that made me say ‘fuck’ out loud. I also taped the noise of a dolphin saying ‘Hello shit for brains’ or something.
The third hour was spent looking for something more interesting to look at. The fourth spent whizzing around 60% of the rest of the museum with Broni moaning about her feet and how tired she was. We were all tired by now and I had information overload (head explode).
As darkness gradually crept into the outside world we took da tube frenzy rush hour time to Leicester Square in search of more sustenance, eventually settling on a ritzy kinda pizza place which was really a glamourous Pizza Hut. The waitress was kinda cute if she was a day over fifteen!
We left there disturbed at the cost of shoddy service and took the madness line again back to Islington for the evening’s soiree! (Must look that word up in the dictionary sometime). The tube stopped at Kings Cross and the guard poked his head in the door asking us very quietly to leave. We emptied reluctantly on the station wondering what exactly was going on. Next, we were told to go to the other end of the station. As we walked past the next carriage we saw a brown doctor’s bag, we guess, left unattended. Broni got very excited and upset at the same time, as the station was gradually emptied and section by section, shut off.
Up on the surface, a few thousand bemused underground goers searched out alternative arrangements. We hopped on a bus and got back on the trail of adventure and entertainment. After a little dilly and a dally, we exchanged our tickets for entrance into the club they call the Garage.
It was reasonably well packed early and a band was banging away enthusiastically onstage. Met my fellow Jap noise-loving friend Neil but talking was restricted due to the disturbing barrage the three guys on stage were making. They were called ‘Pig’ apparently, though Neil did suffix them with the word ‘shit’. They did lack something and the drummer had pre-recorded drums which he was playing along to, I’m sure.
The place started to pack a bit more and I got the feeling most people were here just to see one band. Next band was Jacob’s Mouse who were very loud and not very interesting – may sound OK on record but not here. As they finished I persuaded pretty Broni nearer the front. She wanted to stop about eight back but I took her to the second row and we waited patiently. None of us really knew what to expect from this freaky ensemble called Boredoms but we had several shapes of madness involved in our daydreamscapes.
On walked six small Japanese folk, picking up instruments on their way. A girl in the band stood on the rail that stops the crowd surging forward, she waited for a second til all the band were ready and proceeded to scream at the top of her voice. She jumped off the barricade as the rest of the band launched into a delirious song-orama! From here on it was total madness and chaos. Eye (singer one) sung several songs with a woolly hat pulled right over his face. The girl ran to the second drum kit, playing that and screaming, when she wasn’t playing trumpet. The guitarist was totally amazing keeping his plectrum in his third finger when picking notes with the other digits.
Both singers were going mad jumping about and during one song jumped against each other in rhythm with the song. A review in Flipside said they were the beginning and end of Rock ‘n’ Roll!
Everyone smiled and loved the band. Both drummers had huge grins most of the time. Eye went crowd surfing and also into a hypnotic chant. This is probably the most amazing band I’ve ever seen and ever likely to see. I wonder what they are like on home turf with all stage props etc.
We left the club with excited faces and excited words. ‘We are Boredom. Come from Japan. Hope you like.’ Yes indeedy.
Me and my baby navigated the way to Waterloo to drop young Rob off to catch the train to Southampton and I was feeling emotionally exhausted. The big bright lights of the city looked fantastic at midnight and I would’ve enjoyed just bumming around but for all the excitement my tiny brain had to endure I was in need of rest. Broni was too and we had several tiny arguments which culminated in me throwing a tantrum outside David and Louise’s.
After making up we woke up David, such a gentle giant, who let us in, made us coffee, we talked for a few minutes and then retired into a most beautiful slumber for the night. Our arrangement to be up at nine was broken by all of us!
We stirred out of our wrapped up slumber around ten and woke ourselves up with cold showers – not through choice I might add! Breakfast was made and we talked and ate as the most glorious sunshine poured into the kitchen and into our souls. Eventually, talk got around to our wedding and Broni’s mum and dad’s thought on the matter. I was very quiet through this as I did not want to upset anyone with my thoughts on religion. Louse and David gave us a few ideas for compromise.
We checked out photos for an hour before deciding to hit the road again. The raging red yellow ball of fire in the sky was still there yet I did not feel completely whole. As we exited London me and my baby talked about the wedding and could not come to an agreement. We both felt stuck. Her wanting to please her parents as well as me and me wanting not to upset anyone but not sacrifice my principles.
After some thought and more discussion, I told Bronwyn I’d marry her with a priest but not with any religious overtones. This seemed like a good possibility to put to her mum and dad.
Despite the sun, our disagreement clouded most of the rest of the journey, though we picked up considerably as we approached Bath.
It’s a strange time warp feeling entering Bath. As you descend the hill side from the north looking into the valley, time seems to go backwards and the light dims.
We drove round the Circle, Royal Crescent and Landsdown Crescent where we first held hands. Aah – how romantic. We found the old B+B we stayed in but alas, no vacancies. It seemed the same story everywhere else too.
After about an hour of traipsing around in car and on foot (and being rudely told to go away by one landlady), I ran into a pub bedecked with old wooden beams and wood fires. The landlord rang up a pal of his who had vacancies, so we took the car round the other side of town to this old bastard pub and got ourselves a huge sparse ugly room to crash for the night.
We crashed, washed, prepared and had a short run back into town, passed a zillion people queueing to go into some hall for something we couldn’t quite work out what. It could’ve explained why there was a lot of people in Bath and everywhere booked up.
We had a drink in the pub that I’d dashed into earlier, after walking upstream the raging murky river. There’s a wealth of hidden walkways in Bath and cafes stuck in the strangest of places, many below street level.
We paid tribute to India again at the Jamuna restaurant. Then, after a drunken search in the bottle shop for Australian port, we hijacked a possed off taxi driver, upset that we could’ve walked such a short distance, who sped off for the fastest taxi drive I’ve ever been on, all for one pound fifty. We opened up the port in our room and fell asleep with the TV on, watching the Winter Olympics.
It took us a great deal of time to get out of bed this morning as firstly the room’s inadequacies did not tempt us and each other’s bodies did. About an ecstasy hour later we went down and got some coffee and omelette that fortified us for the morning.
Back on the road again we navigated our way across beautiful moorland and down, once again, through the crag and crevice of Cheddar Gorge. Beauty is in nature and not very often handmade. Here we ran up and down the road, through the bitter wind taking photos as the sunshine hit the cliffs higher up.
We gave the caves a miss in favour of Wooky Hole just ten miles away. Last time I was here I wasn’t overly impressed but this time I reckon I must have more soul and fire in my heart as I found the caves absolutely thrilling and fascinating. You can’t get much closer to nature than this.
We took photos in the 100ft high chambers as we traversed the steely iron walkways some 30ft above the grey blue chilly waters below. After hearing all the stories about the caves we checked out the paper making in the mill – then through some fairground antiques and into the most amazing maze I’ve ever seen. It was maze of mirrors. You could literally take two steps forward and not be sure where you’d come from. Images of yourself would be reflected on six different mirrors and you could walk up to your own back or see yourself from the side. We were so fascinated we went in twice.
Outside, in reality, we high-tailed it to Glastonbury to check out the scrummy Blue Note Cafe. Glastonbury is a strange place – it’s very nice and relaxed but the hippy attitude seems kind of fake. The shops sell hippy culture junk and million books of all descriptions on how to find yourself. We did buy a CD of just percussion which seemed jolly interesting.
By this time we’d worn ourselves out and set off for home where relaxation was beckoning. After a quick, yet uneventful ride home through dusky paths of tarmac we sat down with coffees and enjoyed our new musical soundtrack of rhythms. I’d guess we fell asleep after that.
The next few days were spent working and writing all this. Monday brought the promise of snow and by late evening an inch had already fallen. The once grim terraced rows now transformed, as light reflected from every inch of crispy white. We took a slippery drive down to the park and took photos and threw a ball or two.
Next morning found us under five inches and Broni rightly took the bus to Upton to work. I arrived at my work some two and a half hours late and my day just whizzed by. I noticed with some irony the council workers clearing footpaths of snow that would’ve melted away in a few hours anyway!
Wednesday found me giving Broni a long slow massage which developed into squelchier things and we fell asleep in each other’s arms after a port or two. We woke in the morning and in love.
“Always I was running, always was running, running to throw switches, running in my sleep and running now – happy.” – Kerouac
Dream? Or was it? It climbed into the closet Shooting unearthly discharges The nightmare enlarges Open up the door It’s there for sure But something is wrong The creature has gone A mirage or a dream Things aren’t what they seem The whiskey, somehow Is empty now
The Week That Was
Record of the week: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Who’ll Build a Box for Black Paul?, Wasted Youth – Paris, France, Inca Babies – The Judge
14th January 1985 M: Got shit from Dave Gilby for not going to college. Feeling really tired. Did the usual things. A: Piwi won’t be at work tomorrow so fuck knows what’s going to happen with just me and Martin there. E: Went to Muz’s who’s being a shit again. Went to H’s. Dandy is one of my erogenous zones. 6
15th January 1985 M: Gilby reckons he’ll dock a day’s pay for not going to college. Having trouble with fucking hundreds of shortages. A: Not much to do this afternoon. Wrote a good poem called ‘The Day The Apples Turned to Poison.’ Haven’t quite stopped smoking. E: Had a bath. Missed the Old Grey Whistle Test. Pretty tired, 9.00. 5
16th January 1985 M: Got school bus. Had a laugh on there. Got bus to Poole. Got to plumbing an hour late. Pretty boring. A: Had English (?!). Finished at 12.35. Had carpentry at 1.30. Managed to get out in time for the bus. Wayne wasn’t on. Caught bus from school. Dandy reckoned I could go swimming one day. E: Pissed around singing. Went down Youth Club. Lost darts. Fuckin’ lost pool – played shit. Came back 6
17th January 1985 M: Fucked off with everything this morning. Dunno why. Seems like everyone’s getting on at me. A: Things getting better this afternoon. Wrote some more poems at lunchtime. Fuckin’ cold on way home. E: Gonna have bath. Had one. Night Court was on. 5
18th January 1985 M: Woke up 6.30. Snowing like fuck. Rung up work – said I wasn’t going. Went down Gaunts – came back when everyone got in a mood. A: Went to Wimborne with mum. Pretty dangerous on the road. Got loads of sweets in town and some underarm spray. E: Went out. Doddy and Scott came down my place. Did some pretty funny taping. Night Court was great. 5
19th January 1985 M:Got up 10. Went down Gaunts. Went down Sandpits with everyone. Fuckin’ good laugh going along the snow. A: Came back at 1.30. Chain came off and got stuck. Pushed it back. Didn’t get in til 3. Had lots of food. Nearly fell asleep. Really tired. E: Went to see The Void. Not very good. Ian got sick and cut his hand. Need a new chain for bike. 7
20th January 1985 M: Missed the morning. Got up at 12. A: Had dinner. Went out. Went down Sandpit Hill. Fuckin’s till good down there. Met Dandy on the way. Managed to get a kiss from her. E: Could hardly fuckin’ sleep. Couldn’t sleep thinking of Dandy. What can we do? 9
What’s your problem? You say it’s me You’re the only problem I can see What’s wrong with you And what can I do?
The Week That Was
Record of the week: Manitou 7″, Unsafe At Any Speed 7″, Wasted Youth – The Beginning of the End LP, Toxic Reasons LP, We Don’t Want Your Fucking War LP
7th January 1985 M: Counted Carsons(?) paint. Gorden Finney was taken in by the police for diddling the company. As was Captain Bill Kirk. A: Did lots of things. Pretty bored, only got an hour’s sleep last night. Dealt with yellows. Booking in. Tying up advice notes etc E: Martin came up. Went down Gaunts. Muz won’t come out. Went to H’s, no one answered so I fucked off. 7
8th January 1985 M: Started snowing as I left. Fuckin’ bad in the eyes. Counted screws. Didn’t do a lot but was somehow occupied. A: Piwi had dinner at work. Did the (?) shit. Good film last night called Southern Comfort. Roads home were fuckin’ terrible cos of the snow. E: Had a fuckin’ great snowfight around the top of the hills. 8
9th January 1985 M: Didn’t go to college. Went to Houldey’s. Beki and Jamie were home. Beki wasn’t awake. Went down track, it would’ve frozen over if they’d left it. A: Came home. Took dog for a walk. The pond had frozen over. Jamie and Bennett’s brother had been fucking around on it E: Went down Youth Club. Pissed around at darts. Got through pool competition. 7
10th January 1985 M: Woke up at 6.30. Told mum I wasn’t going to work. Went back to bed. Tidied room a bit. A: Woke up at 1.30. Mum went out. Sat around doing this and that – nothing in particular. Don’t feel too good. E: Watched telly and cleared up the corner where I sit. 4
11th January 1985 M: Decided not to go to work and to miss Ringo Chubb and Manitou tonight. Got up at 11.30. A: Farted around. Tidied up another corner of my room. Chucked a few things out. Even hoovered up again. E: Went down Youth Club. Free games of pool and didn’t pay to get in. 6
12th January 1985 M: Got up 8.30. Went to town.Managed to get bus down to Poole. Bought loads of records. Got Nick Cave LP for only 3 quid. A: Came back – listened to some records. Went out. Chucked till rolls about. Went to Crabby’s and played on his computer. E: Pissed around down Muz’s. Lisa Burt and Sharon someone were about so we got on their nerves and they got on ours. 7
13th January 1985 M: Crabby and Muz woke me up at 11. Pissed around chasing Sharon and Slim Burt. A: Fucked around with bangers. Went into Murray’s. Played cards most of the time. Got loads of sweets. E: Went down. Got the girls again. Went to Burty’s – had a game of cards. 7
It snowed today Kids shout hurray Everybody’s out Hear them shout Hurray for the snow Let everybody know Why does snow get everyone together? Why only snow, not any other weather? I hope it snows some more I hope it covers the floor So long as it gets everyone out To be together to lark about Snow Don’t go
21st Jan 1998 – Remember vividly the day that inspired this poem. Kids who wouldn’t normally come out and play with our ‘gang’ came out and had snowball fights and all sorts of fun. We can’t have been that bad, can we? Something about the snow must have softened up the parents to let their kids out. Anyway, it was such a great feeling to have everyone together.
11th July 2023 – Despite developing an attitude of hating everybody and feeling disappointed with the human race I still held on to tiny slivers of hope.
12th Oct 2021 – Each page of this diary had a small write-up on some important or legendary footballer and re-reading a lot of these names was a trip. Just seeing the name would remind me of the teams I was familiar with them playing for. Players were brutal and ugly in those days, playing on muddy and messy pitches. The sport was highly revered but was without the crazy amount of money that sponsorships and advertising brought once the Premier League began – which is also around the time I lost interest – though there are other reasons involved for that too.
7th January 1979 Granny beat me at Happy Days But I beat her in Trumps
12th Oct 2021 – Trumps or Top Trumps was really popular around this time, a card-collecting game where you chose your best stat hoping to beat your opponents. Topics may be types of car or military vehicles. Unsurprisingly there is a website for Top Trumps, so possibly it is even popular now for any child who doesn’t have a phone. And come to think of it, many mobile phone games employ similar systems of scoring as TT too.
For Happy Days I had to go search and finding this picture I’m guessing this is what I was playing with my Granny. She was always Granny, never Gran or Grandma. I can’t imagine it but I hope playing this (and winning) gave her some affection for her grandson. The board doesn’t trigger any memories but the jukebox counting design feels familiar. Look at all the American words I was already subjecting myself to. Nerd, cruising, drag. After exposure to Grease last year I was getting to be all about the leather jacket.
8th January 1979 I am able to watch Danger UXB because there’s no school tomorrow HEEYYYY!
12th Oct 2021 – Again, a quick image search triggers memories of this show. Otherwise, I’m lost. I was particularly anxious at times during this show as the soldiers would race against time to disarm bombs. Hard to imagine how they got so much mileage out this premise. 13 episodes and that was it – something I always liked about many UK TV shows. Concise and well written.
9th January 1979 Return to school postponed WO!
12th Oct 2021 – Still improving my American language skills, I hadn’t yet learned how to spell Woah!
10th January 1979 Ipswich 3-2 Carlisle HEYY!
12th Oct 2021 – WOAH and HEY are my attempts at being the coolest cat in deepest Dorset. There was no one to impress except my own maturing ego.
11th January 1979 Still no school and I ain’t going tomorrow cause it’ll be stupid
12th January 1979 A boring day Nothing to say It rhymes It rhymes
12th Oct 2021 – Here I am, already on my poetic journey. I must’ve been bored with the snow already.
13th January 1979 Previous scores 5-2, 6-1 Ipswich P-P Villa Blurp!
12th Oct 2021 – At this point, football and Ipswich were my primary concern. Something that would change somewhat during the course of this year.