Run away from the zeitgeist I don’t know what’s going on And again once it’s caught up It’s a lifetime on the run
Hiding under self-made shelter Cocooned in homegrown truth It’s no conspiracy theory Or trappings of religious youth
Bored by irrelevant gossip A talk show in every pub The drawbridge to my castle Bars entry into my club
Still sympathetic to the circles Of a society I’m sat outside Deliberately contrarian But sharing my space to hide
Full of personal contradictions To care and not to care I don’t know what I’m doing here Or what you’re doing there
I’m happy inside my castle, in my head, in my home. I welcome others in, especially in sympathy/empathy, but there will always be a time when I will usher them back out in order to be alone again.
In my orbit, looking down Twenty-six thousand kilometres per hour Is the earth spinning? Am I moving? It’s safe up here In the most dangerous place Nearly on earth Nearby goes Elon’s debris Who was he when he was alive? I have so many questions Like why won’t they let me return? Unable to experience the thrill of danger With feet back on the ground I remember the old pictures From encyclopedias tattered and worn The lights of humanity Turning on in darkness…
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired, it took a bit of effort to not snooze my alarm but I got going and did some chest exercises again along with a distracted meditation. A cold shower and breakfast and I got going, feeling good and upbeat.
Today I’m grateful for:
Paul (Fatty) for contacting me to advise he’ll put out a vinyl album of Atrox, the band I was thrilled to join back in 1984 or 1985. I didn’t do any studio recording with them but there are a couple of live tapes with me and maybe he will use some of those. I’m cool with the idea though joked about having two hundred copies left over under his bed. We also admitted that neither of us even owns record players anymore!
The best thing about today was:
At lunchtime, I came back to school a little early from House where I’d enjoyed coffees after my morning class. I went over to the new building where the little store is to buy some rice crackers and my new grade 10 students shouted to me from the third floor. With an hour to spare, I went up to meet them and they were in good spirits as their teacher hadn’t shown up for their class. They had lots of fun interrogating me about tattoos and piercings and they seemed happy and comfortable to be able to talk with me.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got frustrated at my last class of students as they were all spread out around the room shouting ‘teacher, teacher ‘ whilst I was trying to sort things out. I banged the table really hard and shouted at them to be quiet and if they had a problem they need to come and ask me not just shout from where they are. I asked them if they treated their parents like this at home shouting for help from their bedroom. They were stunned into silence. Though I was loud and a little angry at the behaviour, I wasn’t upset and smiled at them for being quiet. The rest of the class went ok after that and I think they get it now, more than last year. They have a little better understanding of the limits with me and more self-control. Whilst this was going on Noah and little Nicha were nagging me to go to the bathroom but I had asked them to wait whilst I checked their phones were set up correctly. I’d just sent them off when I had my meltdown. I came over to help Nicha after they got back and she looked very upset and Noah said she wasn’t feeling well. They were still around at the end of class and Nicha was adjusting her skirt with Noah’s help. Nicha picked up another skirt and said ‘teacher, look’ and there was blood on it. She had borrowed another skirt from a classmate. I told her not to worry, that it happens sometimes and it’s just a normal thing and Noah said the same to try and comfort her. As with many situations with kids she soon appeared to get over it and was laughing and playing about twenty minutes later in the playground. After all this excitement though I realised that I had hurt my vocal cords shouting so loudly and I’m pretty sure my throat will be sore in the morning and I just hope it doesn’t lead to a cold or flu.
Something I learned today?
When I got home and sat down to eat, a video recommendation on youtube came up about classroom management that was totally appropriate to my day. I’m not sure I need to implement the good ideas from it just yet but it also made me realise that I do have a great rapport with about 90% of the students in each of my classes and we can and will work out the classroom together.
What am I looking forward to this month?
I look forward to every day. I look forward to nothing in particular. When I look back I can see forward.
Amy’s friend took this picture as part of a video because she was impressed that Amy could sing Aussie karaoke in the pub so well. In the picture is another Amy that my little Amy met and they decided to do this duet which I think was a Fleetwood Mac song.
Under the waterline Is where dignity remains Invisible to others The pleasure and the pains
Behind the smile Is where the psyche trains Inside the mind Words to the self explains
Not all thunder Brings along the rains Under the waterline Are made the unseen gains
Today I’m feeling:
Slept well last night and feel ok today though not particularly motivated. I’m hoping that will return next week when the kids are back at school.
Today I’m grateful for:
7-11 food. Although I’m a little negative about 7-11 because there are way too many stores nearby I’m glad that they at least give me an alternative for a quick microwave meal that can stave off my hunger.
The best thing about today was:
Dropping by to see Bruno and Nut and being offered lunch. It was good to catch up with them though they were hungover from a long day of drinking yesterday. They were feeling a bit slow and I didn’t really have much to update them with so I didn’t stay for too long. It made me realise that I’m not used to communicating after five weeks being mostly at home by myself. I know my mood will lift once I see my students again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
On Telegram today I got a notification that my old colleague at the cafe in Woolworths, Joy had just joined so I sent a message saying hello. I got a reply but it seems like it’s not her and I got an angry message asking if I was a scammer. It got me thinking that we have years and years of old contact numbers kept in our phones and computers that many people will have gotten new numbers and then after a few years those old numbers get recycled. What feels like a strange world that we live in will just feel normal to the younger generations and then one day they will get to feel like this too.
Something I learned today
I started with the Thai app again mainly just to busy my brain. I also want to try and do a little more meditation again so registered again with Smiling Mind.
What is something I wish I had known when I was younger?
Everything, obviously. There’s no point wishing for something that can’t happen.
This is my cartoon face. Or more precisely, a younger me’s cartoon face. I’ll do a current one soon.
All it takes to get better at something is first a willingness to be bad.
Austin Kleon
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to all the people, technology and coordination that enables Amy to fly from here to Australia this weekend. It is not that long ago that this would be difficult to imagine.
You’re worth nothing cos no one wants you Is it your fault? Do you want to Change to be with the flowing crowd But you can be – keep yourself proud – Change for the crowd
Got no friends, nowhere to go You can’t go to the disco Cos you stick out like a sore thumb If anyone sees you, you’re gonna be done – The afterbirth of life
Do you want friends or to be alone? Life is more fun on your own “If no one trusts you, why trust them?” Twisted philosophy with one problem – Alone with yourself
Can you stand it? Do you want to? Who do you wanna be – me or you?
1994ever 