A bit more upbeat and lively today. I ended up having a reasonable sleep last night though woke up before my alarm. A quick workout and a cold shower got me going and I ended up at House preparing lessons for about three hours without feeling tired or bored.
Today I’m grateful for:
Eventually realising I could take the covers off the sofa cushions that have cat spray on them and I was able to wash them. Why didn’t I realise this before!?
The best thing about today was:
Getting in the zone whilst putting together lessons this morning at House. I ended up drinking three coffees whilst I was there. I’m starting to look forward to being back in the classroom.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t manage to finish writing this on Friday as I got distracted by reading comics instead. I’m handling it by updating here on Saturday morning. Some days are tough to write. Somehow the feeling is that nothing is important. Everything is just time wasted until it’s your turn to die. Yet still I strive. Because not all days feel like that. I sometimes envy happy people, funny people, warm inviting people. But it’s impossible for me to put on the act that would be required for me to be like that. I try to be sincere and true to myself. I want my brain to tell me I’m happy. Sometimes it works.
Something I learned today?
I saw a preliminary student list and thankfully most of the classes will have fewer students than last year and my M4 class (15/16-year-olds) only has 16 and 14 of them are girls. That class is looking like it will be a breeze.
7th June 2023 – I just finished a lesson with this class, which now only has 15 students as one boy left. It is indeed a breeze even though there are only two students with reasonable English. The rest are mature enough not to fuck it for everyone and they struggle through.
What was a small detail I noticed today?
I ate a tube of Pringles today and as neared the end I thought that I could use the tube to make a little birdhouse by cutting a hole in it. There are birds nesting everywhere around our house and there’s a spot between the panels and the roof I can put the tube and see if they go inside. They already have a bit of a messy nest up there and it would be fun to see if they adopt themselves into this new home.
7th June 2023 – They haven’t used it so far, preferring their mess of dried grass instead.
I took this picture because this is the school cat, Garfield. Almost the spitting image of little Kim and has a similar carefree attitude.
It would’ve been your birthday You would’ve got my call Wishing you more happiness No matter how small I guess it still is your birthday You’re just not here to see I miss you more each year And one day it will be me
Mum would’ve been 88 years old today.
Today I’m feeling:
Similar to yesterday, though a little tired due to not sleeping until about 2am but still trying to wake up early. I’m trying to get up at 8 am but didn’t make it until 9 this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Surprise messages from my students Nam and Anchan, Anchan asking me for advice on love. Unsure if I’m the best to be asking for advice I think I said it well.
She asked:”Do you think age affects love? For example, there is a kid in middle school. And the person he talks to or likes is in college. Do you think it’s possible?”
I took her meaning to be that it is her in middle school (she is 13) and is interested in someone older (maybe 18 or 19).
“Yes, I think age affects love.
As we get older and have more experiences we get a better understanding of it’s meaning. But only if we learn from our mistakes and don’t keep repeating them.
We learn what deep unconditional love means. We also learn the difference between love and sex.
At your age, you are curious about both, love and sex. I advise you to be cautious. Learn about the person you are interested in before committing your heart or your body to someone.
You are smart and more mature than others of your age. This makes you attractive to older boys. But without experience, it may also be easy for them to manipulate you into doing something you may regret. So, take it slow. You have lots of time, more than you realise.”
The best thing about today was:
A storm! Finally! After almost hitting 40 degrees again, the afternoon skies darkened though it still seemed likely this would be another apparition. Then came the wind and eventually peals of thunder rolled over the mountains bringing precious rain.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The storm picked up and the tall cactus fell over in its pot. The wind was now going sideways and the roof over the entertainment area rattled its objection until finally part of it ripped free clapping against itself as loud as the thunder. I ran to it and tried to hold it down when the wind switched around and blew it flat again but my weak fingers were no match for the power of the storm. As I was grabbing at it my fingers slammed against the metal frame and cold water poured down my arms in the channel my grip was making in the roof. After a couple of minutes of the roof ripping out of my hands, I found a breeze block and pushed it on the frame and part of the roof that was still secure. How was I going to get it on the roof to hold it down though? There was a tiny gap about my finger’s width, if I pulled the roof down again and then I could inch the block over slowly. This took a couple of attempts and it finally seemed to be working. The wind was also dissipating and I caught my breath investigating further damage. The papaya tree was uprooted again, this time in a different direction than last year’s uprooting. The garage gutter reminded me of its dodgy joins leaking over everything in the shed but that was not so unexpected. As the rain trailed off the thunder continued rattling the windows of the house and I came indoors shivering wet, pants completely soaked, covered in leaves and bleeding at the wrist. I did, however, feel invigorated, much like the visit to the waterfall. I took a shower and threw my wet clothes in the washing machine.
Something I learned today?
The proposed 300 baht arrival tax in Thailand has been delayed because wants the money but has been trying to get the airlines to do the work. Rightly, they said it was impossible. Next, the idea was for the hotels to do it. Rightly, they told them to shove it!
What is something I am grateful to have learned recently?
I have been reminded of the tragic lesson of death. I don’t feel grateful for its tap on the shoulder right now but perhaps I will in the future.
I took this picture because P’ti was looking all relaxed and handsome here, as ever, by the door at Utopia. He is fascinated with what is through the window. At what is only briefly accessible. P’ti is about the same age as Kim Chi and we once brought Kim here on the way to the vet where they met each other for a moment. I hope P’ti lives a long life and brings more happiness to the world he inhabits.
A town all snowy white and middle-class The drunks tell stories often repeated Shufflers trapped in a cul-de-sac torture All plans for their children defeated
A week in the sun by the sea Swap cardigans for sunburned backs Strange behaviours set tongues wagging Is this the life that everyone lacks?
Enter no more the green and pleasant Ruined by the hardest-working poor Facing fists of fury on walking home All desperately banging on the door
The drizzle drenches the pavements grey Children too bored to stomp in puddles Tugged by the leashes of all that glitters Out of reach of all of these muddles
Excitements distract along the terrace Dogs fight cats, cat fights dog A word of wise from the blinders Submit oneself to pointless slog
A little more positive and upbeat. It’s not time that heals our grief, it’s the forgetting.
Today I’m grateful for:
Sight. My eyesight is suffering a little these days perhaps from the dodgy air, lack of sleep and constant looking at screens. But I can still see. If I had to choose between losing my sight or my hearing I would choose losing sight. I would miss reading but could still listen to audiobooks. I think I would really struggle emotionally if I couldn’t listen to music though.
It still feels like yesterday that, as children, we were all warned about listening to loud music would damage our ears so much that we would go deaf in our old age. And that watching too much TV would lead to early-onset blindness. I had to start wearing glasses when I was around 26 years old and my mum had to wear hearing aids from perhaps her 50s onwards. So I guess I’m doing all right so far.
The best thing about today was:
Brushing Cap and Tig whilst they purred in pleasure. They have been getting more attention from me now Kim is gone. They are still fussy about being touched or picked up but if they are in the right mood it does seem as if they are reciprocating my love.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Right now Netflix isn’t working for me. Just as I’d like to settle back and watch some more of the series Dark. It’s not like there is nothing else I can do so this is only a mild annoyance. I’m aware it’s also a very first-world problem too.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, there is a weird law here in Thailand that makes it illegal for politicians to sing and dance on stage during an election. This came to note because someone called out the current Thai PM for doing exactly this recently. The annoying thing about the article discussing this was the fact that there was no indication of why this was a law. Presumably, it made sense at the time it was implemented. It may even make sense now if it was explained. Like any law in Thailand, it is fairly flexible and depends on who broke it as to whether any action would be taken.
What are 3 things that bring me joy?
Nothing is really bringing me joy right now. My positive emotions are not that strong I guess. The emotions of grief and sadness are much easier for me to tap into. I’m bouncing back slowly but it does make me think why can’t I be prone to happiness and joy instead? They are all just emotions.
I took this picture because this is our infamous red sun as it sets behind our blooming frangipani. For most of these days, the smoke is so thick that if the sun can be seen at all it can be stared at directly without a problem. That’s something I’d prefer not to be able to do for the sake of a clear sky.
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