Tag: Spinning Visions

Microcosms – 26th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The real world is under my nails
And all tangled up in my hair
Pointing its finger at all my fails
And to the successes that I compare

Flocking to spaces our clan created
That manic sparkle in our eyes
All the struggle adequately compensated
With the restocking of new supplies

As the world spins us closer to dying
Start thinking highs instead of lows
The microcosms in which we’re trying
Are the real world that I chose

inspired and choice words borrowed from this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and positive. I’ve been waking up a little before my alarm more often recently almost as if my body is looking forward to the day. That’s a good feeling.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Tee, who helped fix other students’ access to use their camera and microphone on their phones so that they could complete the Quiz I asked them to do. Most of the kids’ phones are in Thai so it was difficult for me to help but once I saw he fixed it himself on his phone I recruited him to show others in the class too.

The best thing about today was:

I’m struggling to find a specific thing as the whole day was just pretty damn great!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The three annoying boys in my first class today were better than usual but their bravado upsets me. They think that they are great because they finish quickly but then get upset when I have to tell them they got something wrong and to try again. Today they complied fairly well and showed me a little more respect than normal but after the class was finished found all their empty water bottles scattered over the floor. As I was in a reasonably cheerful mood I cleaned up after them but not before taking a photo and sending it to their homeroom teacher.

A few minutes later I was talking to students in another classroom and the boys turned up trying to get my attention and then dramatically apologising. Though I wasn’t that bothered I felt like they lacked sincerity and pretended to be upset and ignored them and brushed them away. I don’t know if they will learn from this or not.

Something I learned today?

I learned today that it is difficult to teach my students to be specific when answering this very question. They confuse doing with learning, saying things like ‘I learned English ’and I had to tell them to be more specific. Even then when they said they studied modal verbs I asked them about that and they couldn’t really say what they learned. I also had to help them understand that they did not just learn things in school but they are learning from each other all the time. For a ‘thinking school’ sometimes it is difficult to get them to actually do that!

How did I put my words into action?

Last week I found out that Funfai plays tennis every day after school for two hours. She asked me if I would come and play with her. 

She’s not my student but we remember each other from four years ago in Primary. She was always friendly and curious and wanted to talk. Now when she sees me around school she comes and stands nearby until I see her. She’s too polite to come and interrupt me, especially if I’m talking to other students. 

I’m not sure why she likes me or wants me to play tennis with her.

Anyway, I told her I’d try and come and watch her after school one day, knowing that usually I can’t wait to get home and relax but committing to it made me feel like I shouldn’t let her down, even though she is so respectful that she wouldn’t be bothered. 

Going to school this morning with my mind set to do this today, I figured that my last class would finish a little early and I could go and get some food in the city for dinner first. 

A small delicious vegan plate at Oasis quelled my hunger and I got to the tennis courts on time and I chatted with Funfai for a few minutes before her coach arrived.

Incidentally one of the other coaches there recognised me from teaching at Anuban a few years ago though I didn’t remember him. He was a teacher there but quit to do coaching.

Funfai and I both felt happy that I had kept my word to come and watch her and she immediately asked me again to play. I had no sports clothes with me but thought about it a little and decided I could easily do it on Friday for 30 minutes before her training starts. 

I pinky-promised her though again she said that it was ok if I changed my mind. 

I want to prove to myself that I do put my words into action in this way.

How does my body feel right now?

Healthy and fitter. I still have a slight lower back ache, probably from too much lying down at the weekends and my left big toe doesn’t seem to be getting any better but is bearable. The various aching muscles from working out and all improving every day with faster recovery times. I’m keen to keep my exercise routine going as it also aids my mental health.

I took this picture because I wanted to send it to Funfai after watching her play. I was a little far away to get good shots but I liked this one.

Like A Good Indie Kid – 25th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I wonder what the nineties were like
Listening to Radiohead, Oasis and Blur
Before technologies stole all the time away
And endless scrolling would not occur

I wonder what the eighties were like
When heavy metal was at its height
Emo was still scribbles in teenage diaries
And grunge was preparing to take flight

I wonder what the seventies were like
With spiky hair fighting patchouli oils
A changing of the guard was in motion
And knives were out for the spoils

The turning of Kerouac, Tolstoy or Woolf
Found good indie kids expanding their minds
Without the shots of adrenaline
This type of adventure usually finds

So today, in all the libraries sat
Good indie kids write their poetry and prose
Listening to the music of their forebears
Searching for the truth and where it goes

Inspired by a phrase in this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Better than expected. Yesterday my energy kept increasing after the slow stumbling start and I didn’t feel like a nap and was expecting to be tired at bedtime but instead still felt awake and enjoyed watching TV and reading. Before midnight I turned out the light but struggled to slow my mind down before finally falling asleep for what must have been less than six hours rest, and even then waking up a little before my alarm went off. I talked myself into exercise, something which is becoming easier each day (each working day at least) and still appreciative and inspired by the slowly changing form I see in the mirror.

Today I’m grateful for:

Meeting Fah and Gafile who are my old students and in grade 10 now. They told me they were worried about an English exam that they had today. As I was doing my own Thai language study tonight I remembered about their exams and sent them a message to see how they did. They didn’t do so well so they know that they need to improve. I’m grateful that they are still always happy to see me and despite struggling in my classes too, they wish that I was still teaching them.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing Amy’s dad looking good after his operation. He was in pain but was fairly cheerful and already able to walk himself to the bathroom. His doctor is hoping that from what they saw during the operation that he won’t need any chemo. He should know by Friday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My one class today were in a playful mood and I let them loose a little, though still asking them to answer a few questions which made them think. I plan to ask them the same questions in each class this week and hope to see some improvement in their thinking during that time. But I’m also not taking it too seriously either.

Something I learned today?

Through asking my students what they learned today they told me that in their science class, they learned about India sending a spacecraft to the moon. Chandrayaan-3 was the first successful landing at the lunar south pole.

I like that students learned about this and maybe don’t know so much about previous achievements by the USA and USSR. It reminds me that the stories children are presented with deeply affect their thoughts about the world.

What is within my control right now?

Whether I should let Cap in the door or not. Whether I should turn the aircon down and go to the kitchen to get a soda water. When I eat and what time I go to bed. Whether I play guitar or watch TV or both. To decide if I have written enough here. Whether I’m tired and happy or tired and grumpy.

Many day-to-day minor events are within my control. Almost anything else is outside my control.

I took this picture because whilst visiting Amy’s dad in the hospital I took advantage of being in one of the tallest buildings in the city. Chiang Rai hasn’t gotten to the point of skyscrapers everywhere and I’m not sure it ever will. I was on the sixth (out of seven) floor and I seem to remember one of the hotels having ten floors but apart from those I don’t think there are any other buildings above four floors in the city.

My Witness – 24th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Who is my witness? Who is left alive?
Does anyone remember our struggling to strive?
With no one left to share
Is there anyone left to care?
All the wisdoms found
Buried back in the ground
Words are often repeated
Once the time’s completed
The same mistakes are made
For which the past already paid

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A bit fried. My head is not quite clear this morning. I’m not unhappy or bothered at the moment, just kinda wondering what’s next.

(Later) The weekend slumber has helped and I feel fighting fit again for a new week. Last week at school with the kids!

Today I’m grateful for:

The non-communicative (grumpy?) guy in the bottle shop next door to Lamp Cafe who said nothing except ‘30 baht’ when I was buying soda water. He never looked up at me or said thank you or goodbye, even though I did. I’m getting used to all sorts of people and grateful that I still feel like this is an enjoyable place for me to be.

The best thing about today was:

The slow get-go that eventually turned into enthusiasm and happiness. It’s hot again but I definitely prefer the less cloudy grey skies. Riding back from Utopia I was considering riding off and around about but perhaps have to wait until next weekend.

Something I learned today?

I watched a fascinating documentary about the collapse of the Bronze Age in the Mediterranean. It makes me interested to travel more. In my imagination, it feels like life hasn’t changed there much over the centuries.

What activities cause me to lose track of time?

As I’m getting older I’m finding more and more that time slips away ever faster. I’m never troubled by boredom anymore and often wish I could be. I’d like time to slow down. Could I stand to give up my comfortable life and possessions for a more meaningful and meagre existence? Do I really want to feel bored again?

Pretty much all activities cause me to lose track of time these days.

Where can I broaden my perspective?

I think this can be anywhere and everywhere. Despite knowing I am opinionated on many things I don’t wish to ever become close-minded about things. I can only make judgements on the things I know and I must admit that I don’t know everything. My perspective is broadened every day with everything I see and do.

Noey took this picture because… I’m not sure why actually, but I think I look pretty good in it.

Whatnot – 30th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Whoever said it, wherever they were
Whatever it is that was soon forgot
Whenever there’s some wrath to incur
To each their own and whatnot

Again, inspired by a short sentence at Spinning Visions blog.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good by the end of the day. I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling when I got to school and the ‘art event’ that cancelled my morning classes didn’t seem to feature any art and felt like another money-grabbing exercise, from already fairly poor kids, with all the food stalls. I left pretty quickly and did some lesson preparations as one of the things I was teaching seemed to go over a few student’s heads yesterday. Time passed very swiftly along with my two coffees!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the students that I don’t even know that say hello and fist-bump me as they walk by. Rista laughed at me today when I couldn’t remember a student’s name but I have so many names to remember already. I’ve forgotten the names of some of my students that I taught two years ago. I sat with one today and knew he was one of two names but couldn’t remember which, later recalling it was Tan.

In the afternoon I was talking with Kru Ren and he said he wants to work here as long as possible which I found surprising for a fresh out of uni first-year teacher. But I understand his feeling. For me, I want to stay as long as possible too because of the pleasure of watching the students grow.

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Poppy at lunchtime. This follows on from the point above. Poppy has totally done a 180 since last year and she happily admitted it when I was talking with her. She said last year she was very immature and stubborn and she caused me a few problems in my classes. Even my trying to gain her confidence by teaching her card tricks didn’t seem to have any effect though perhaps she subconsciously realised I was reaching out to her after all her friends disowned her.  I never thought badly of her behaviour though and told her not to worry about anything from last year.
She’s become more aware of how her actions affect people around her and realised that she needed to make a change unless she wanted to continue being an outcast. I’m proud of her and enjoy talking to her now.

And then there’s Earn. She struggled in my class last year and was frustrating at times though she also had an ability to charm when it suited her motives. I could see that she was capable but fell back to laziness and distraction. One time her face absolutely lit up when she grasped a particular concept but it was difficult for her to maintain enthusiasm. I don’t teach her much this year but apparently, she is frustrating David in his class with her attitude, which I think stems from her lack of understanding and then laziness for clarification. I can see that she is changing friends to those who complement that process.
I found her quietly sitting this afternoon, bored, scrolling through her phone. Usually, she doesn’t let me talk to her for long but today I commented that she didn’t look happy and that she usually doesn’t look happy. She agreed and said that she was tired.  I told her that inside her head she is smart and capable. She said she felt like she was stupid. I told her that wasn’t true and that I believed in her. She thanked me sincerely and I felt she really appreciated it. 

And I could go on about conversations with Fah, Khet, Wipping, KanomBang etc etc today.

I’m lucky and grateful and so happy to play some small part in these kids’ lives. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At last week’s science event my grade 10 students didn’t check out anything and just went somewhere to sleep for a couple of hours so today I set them a task to take ten photos each at the event. But then, as there was no art on display for them to take pictures of, there was nothing for them to do. I reluctantly told them not to worry about it as I couldn’t think of any other task for them and I was already in the middle of my coffee and planning. Of course, they were super happy to not have anything to do anyway and I had at least made sure that they hadn’t snuck off anywhere to sleep.

Something I learned today?

Ok, one last student story. Wipping called me her second father, jokingly buttering me up before holding out her hand, and asking me for money. I said that her father at home has money but her father at school doesn’t to which she replied ‘What father at home? Who is my father? I don’t know!’ Oops! She soon turned it around though saying ‘It’s ok, I don’t need a father. Just me and mum is fine and I’m a strong woman who can look after herself!’ Wow! I was so happy to hear this.

A couple of minutes later her male classmate Spain came over and shyly gave her twenty baht. I’m not sure if he had been listening to the conversation or not but I guess he likes her. She accepted his money and they went off and talked for a bit though I don’t know about what. When she came back she said she didn’t know why he gave her the money. Wipping, though, is always talking about a girl she likes in another class and after what she said about her father I can understand why she might prefer relationships with girls instead of boys. Never mind, Spain!

Today feels like I’m in the middle of a teenage gossip column!

I took this picture, damn, two weeks ago already, because this was the sourdough Nong Fon sent me. My mouth is watering just to look at it. Talking with Amy tonight she asked me what food I want to eat when I’m in Sydney and the first thing I thought of was sourdough toast with Vegemite. No pictures taken today.

The Mouth Breather – 29th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A familiar pain satisfies
Almost spurning contempt
Each feeling classifies
Contradicting its attempt
Mouth breathing still
Forms subconscious thrill

Inspired by a sentence or two at Spinning Visions. Sometimes, the familiarity of something is comfortable even though it is something we dislike. We, as humans, really don’t enjoy change.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My body is a little achy from exercise but I can feel my bones getting more support from my muscles. My head is feeling positive and I’m happy to be where I am in the world.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy who makes the Post-Avant Jazzcore Happy Hour podcast that has given me many hours of interesting listening either at home or in the car. 

I mention it today because I was listening today and the music was a little minor-chordy, moody and dark and ultimately I didn’t find it quite as exciting as other times though I could feel the musicians were pretty damn awesome.

The only downside to the podcast is that I have to change the playback speed to normal as I’m usually listening to talking podcasts at one and a half speed.

The best thing about today was:

The chaos of my last class of the day! It is one of the classes that I moved to work in the canteen because I was embarrassed by them in our language building as they were extremely difficult to control. 

Moving them and giving them standard tasks that they repeat each time but with a different text has allowed them to get an understanding of what is required and they can plan ahead so that they don’t have to sit around until the end of the class. 

One of the advantages of being in the canteen is that the kids can spread out and go off as they please when I’m happy that they completed the work. 

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that some of the poorer students have improved their skills a lot, perhaps with maturity as well as learning. 

What I like the best is that they no longer fear work when they see it. Gradually over time, they’ve realised that they have to try and that is all that I’ve been asking of them. I guess you could say they’ve made me proud!

They are still a chaotic bunch as any group of 36 13-14-year-olds are prone to be but they are generally fun to be around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of my classes, one of the better ones, was a bit of a handful today and tested my patience. Thankfully it was only a one-hour lesson and a fair percentage of the students understood what was required. Some days you just don’t know what you are going to get but I’ve gotten better at rolling with the punches.

Something I learned today?

Some American politicians are considering leaving the United Nations. To be honest they should as they never follow or implement the consensus opinion unless it suits them. That is not what a UN should be about. BRICS is becoming a superior allegiance of countries that does follow international law and UN resolutions and they have put forward a 10-point charter that states so. Outside of the brainwashed Western kaleidoscope of nightmares, it seems obvious where the better path forward lies.

I took this picture because Kim’s grave is finally looking the way I want. I’ll be happy if it continues like this without any grass growing through. I miss that little kitty too much.

Fleeting – 24th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Watching the world wake up
Waiting for the rain
It’s just another day
Same – but not the same

Weary-eyed, sleep-walkers
Coffee got them going
It’s business as usual
Yesterday’s news a-flowing

Not for me, not today
It’s time to break the mould
To sit and try to understand
All the stories I’ve been told

If we could live on words
There’s plenty here for eating
Why the morning feels more real
As each day passes, fleeting

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little vague with heavy eyelids. Exercise got me going but driving to work I was distracted and forgetting how I’d even got to where I was. I know it’s the extra exercise making me tired but I’ve gotta try and keep it going. My body is benefitting and I need to get over the hump and get used to it, become a habit.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yet another half day with no classes affording me time to catch up on more reading and writing with my coffees. 

I went upstairs to see who was in the classroom of what was usually my first class of the day. There were six students and when I asked where the rest were they told me that they’d gone to one of their dorm rooms. Amusingly they confirmed that they went there to sleep more. The idea though was that they go to the Science Day event rather than study with me. Sleep was not what they should miss my class for!

Never mind, I was taking advantage of the event too.

Whilst I was talking to those students I was feeling a little tired and slurring my words a little. One of them offhandedly remarked that I looked stoned. That reminded me that perhaps the effects of yesterday evening’s cannabis oil hadn’t quite worn off.

The best thing about today was:

At 6.30 pm sitting on the terrace in the cool air, writing here and hearing the drip drops of rain approaching from across the fields which became a steady fall, the windblown droplets cooling my skin even further. The rain is damn cold but I’m also thoroughly enjoying the feeling, sitting under cover and watching the water drip from the roof. Cap is sitting at the door looking out in comfort behind the screen.  I think it will be an early night for me tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been sleeping very well this week partly because of increasing my morning exercise routines but also aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter. One downside of that though was last night feeling sure that I had done my daily language learning only to discover this morning that I hadn’t done any at all! I also haven’t been able to read as many comics as usual, just feeling that I can’t keep my eyes open.

Something I learned today?

I’ve followed bits and pieces about Russia and the war in Ukraine and I understand very little about the involvement of the Wagner group. It felt like Western media was making a big deal over an alleged coup by the Wagner group and the words of its leader Prigozhin who ended up in Belarus. The Wagner group was then mentioned to be involved in Africa trying to counter armed interference from Western allies. Today, a small aircraft Prigozhin was on, crashed, killing everyone on board. There is sure to be more to that story.

I guess in some ways I’ve learned again that I know nothing.

What is the best gift I have ever given?

I’m struggling to even think about any gifts I have given!

There was the iPhone I bought for Amy when I came to Thailand but that was spoiled by the immigration officials who wanted the tax paid on it when I arrived. An iPhone is not really special either – it was more the surprise that I wanted Amy to get.

There were all the drawings of Amy and her friends that I did for our anniversary. That was a bit more special and personal.

Ok, here’s one. Back in 2013, I planned to go to Yogyakarta. Kimi and Sikin were disappointed that they couldn’t afford to meet me there so I bought them tickets. In the lead-up to that visit, I was suddenly retrenched and worried about spending too much money so I ended up cancelling my trip whilst Kimi and Sikin were still able to go! I shouldn’t have cancelled that trip but the future was feeling a bit uncertain at the time.

I took this picture because I was surprised to find Tigger in here, although as you can see he doesn’t all fit. All our cats constantly swap their favourite places and it feels like they wish that they could occupy them all at the same time to stop each other from stealing their spots. There’s something to be said for only owning one cat. But if we ever get more cats in the future I’d really like to get two or three brother and sister kittens. That would be great to watch them grow together and hopefully love each other more than our current cats do.

Respun Visions – 18th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Today I experimented a little using AI. I took the five paragraphs individually in this post at Spinning Visions and asked AI to summarise each with a four-line poem:

A balcony that's hidden from the view
A door that's sealed with plaster and with lies
A neighbor who has seen what lies behind
A mind that's overgrown with ivy vines

They say our brains must prune the past
To make some room for what is new
But I don't want to lose the things
That made me who I am with you

I've closed so many doors inside
And left them in the dark
I've cut off ties that once were mine
And hid the broken parts

I saw him through the window pane
The one who broke my heart
I thought of all the words unsaid
And how we grew apart

I've left behind so many things
That once were part of me
But now they're hidden by the green
Of ivy's memory

I then asked AI to make these results more philosophical and ended up with this:

What is a balcony but a space
Between the inside and the out
A door that's closed can never face
The truth that lies beyond the doubt

What is a brain but a device
That stores and shapes our history
But when it prunes it pays a price
And loses parts of mystery

What is a heart but a vessel
That fills and spills with love and pain
A tie that binds or a trestle
That bridges gaps or breaks in twain

What is a memory but a shade
That fades and grows with time and light
A green that covers or a blade
That cuts and heals or stirs the night

Of course, I can’t really claim any credit for this beyond the fact that I took the time and effort to do it. I like Makenna’s writing at Spinning Visions and have found it quite inspiring to take her ideas and thoughts and consider them in my own contexts. This time I was just curious how AI would find summarising short texts into four-line poems.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive, a little sleepy when I stop and sit. Need to keep moving. I pushed through two workouts again and feel good for that. After my first class is a four-hour break that I will hope to stay awake through. I don’t want to get caught sleeping at the cafe!

Kept myself going by getting right into some more lesson planning so ran out of time to even do much blog updating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little plastic toe spacer that I hope will improve my sore big toe joint over time. I’ve tried a few different spacers but I find that they can get uncomfortable after an hour or so, even waking me from sleep. This one is smaller and simpler and just helps you keep the big toe straight in comparison with the second toe. It would be great if I could actually fix this painful foot that has bothered me on and off for most of my life. I’d also like to fix my hips which are out of balance and also contribute to the pain in my foot and other places such as knees, back and the hips themselves.

I can imagine a complete relief, like being pumped full of a relaxant but I think that will only come just before I die. A slow relief that completely overwhelms, until only your body is all that is left and you cease to exist.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to Nicha and Namkhing improve their reading skills, as I had been personally encouraging them last year with one-on-one lessons and whereas then, they struggled with even just two-letter words now they are able to make attempts at four-, five- and six-letter words. They still often fail but the fact that they are trying fills with happiness. I made sure they knew how happy I was too.

Something I learned today?

I rediscovered a website with some English lesson plans, quizzes and games and it inspired me to put together new lessons. Once I get into it I can imagine the work unfolding in the classroom, who will struggle and who will do well, deciding whether to push harder or pull back. Not every time is a hit and some days that happens can be frustrating for the students who then make it frustrating for me. I think I mixed things up well this week and kept my students occupied, learning (if they wanted to) and happy.

Where am I headed?

I’m just heading along. I feel like I’ve spent my life headed to here, where I am. I don’t have any other place I particularly need to be.

This could change in the future as I’m guessing at some point we will head back to Australia again. I don’t need to be thinking about that right now though.

What worries me the most currently?

I don’t tend to worry much about anything. Even things that might cause worry such as Amy being able to settle back here again, doesn’t really worry me that much. Whatever path life goes down I’m still on the path.

I took this picture because finally, something stood out to me that begged a photo to be taken. The sky was a little brighter today which seemed to open my eyes more to what is around.

Old Gems – 11th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When I read those things
I didn’t understand why
They made sense to me
But unable to apply
Not yet ready for wisdom
To be practised so
One day I’ll realise
The things I already know

inspired by a post at Spinning Visions that reminded me of myself and my own looking back and finding old gems in diaries where I realise that I knew what was ‘good’ and ‘right’ but was not mature enough to actually be ‘good’ and ‘right’.

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up many times last night feeling either hot or cold. Combined with my tiredness I may have a fever but came to school anyway though decided to just give work to my final class and have them submit it online so I can go home again. Annoying to be getting sick with another long weekend. Nevermind.

Today I’m grateful for:

Bandcamp and their new option for listening parties which I just tried out today with the release of the Flesh Narc compilation. A couple of people tuned in but I can see now that it will be better planned a little more in advance and promoted a bit more. 

The best thing about today was:

Picking up my guitar again after five days off. I got really into it even though I knew I was playing badly. Sometimes I just turn up the songs so loud that it’s hard to even hear what I’m playing. 

I’m lost in a, not even air guitar but air emotion as if I’m in front of a thousand people and feel like I really mean it! Look at me, wasn’t I great? Ah, it was nothing. 

I still feel like I’m twelve years old and can’t help myself sometimes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ordered some canna butter that came in a small bottle with a pipette. I figured it would be best kept in the fridge thinking that it was like a thick oil. 

Tonight I thought I’d give it a try and twisted the lid which then snapped the pipette in half. No worries I thought, there’s a little bit sticking out that I can pull out with my teeth. It was then, with a sudden crunch, that I discovered that the pipette was made of glass and I had a mouthful of tiny shards of glass. 

After spitting them out I looked at the bottle more and could see that inside the bottle, which is presumably liquid at room temperature, the substance had hardened like real butter and the rest of the glass pipette tube was stuck solid in it.

I’ll try to figure out how to not swallow any glass whilst trying the, hopefully, liquid once it gets back to room temperature.

Something I learned today?

I suppose I could say I learned how the Bandcamp listening parties work, as I talked about it above. That was probably the main thing for me today though I surely took in lots of other little bits of information.

I took this picture because I let Tigger out for a little while as the sun was shining. I found him here in one of his favourite spots, in the garage under the cover of the big leaves. A perfect view of incoming opportunity or danger.

No Knowing – 9th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*I only blinked my eye
Suddenly then I knew
I would sooner die
Than doing all I wanted to do

Still practising my growing
With every single breath
Now there’s no knowing
The time to face my death

What I want to say to you
Has many times been said
Do everything you want to do
Before you end up dead

*appropriated from this blog post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

So tired this morning as I didn’t sleep well. Being back together in the cool aircon of our bedroom proper was nice and saw us off to sleep nicely with Cap joining us but, Cap being Cap, he wanted to go in and out a couple of times during the night which meant me opening and closing the door for him. The last time it was almost light so I left the door ajar for him but Tigger also came in and Amy woke up to find him peeing on her bed. First day back and already these cats treat our fresh-smelling beds as their toilets. 

Of course, I got into trouble (with Amy) for leaving the door open. I delayed my alarm to allow an extra 15 minutes of tossing and turning and I would dearly love to be back in bed sleeping more right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cafe next door to school changed its policy for every tenth coffee free, getting rid of it completely. I cried that I only had two more to go and then said, how about today for free? To which they agreed and I went away happy. As usual, the taste of their coffee is awful but it has a hell of a caffeine hit.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that there is some event tomorrow morning and it’s optional whether to teach or not. I will definitely not teach the first class and not sure about the second one yet. I’ll see how I and they feel tomorrow morning.

I ended up chatting to one of the students who said they thought that they would have to do some tasks which will take all morning so, what the hell? I doubt if it will take that long but I know they would prefer whatever it is they will be doing over sitting in a classroom anyway.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Many things out of my control today but I’m getting better at just going with it and not getting stressed about things. I can definitely feel that this has changed for me over the last couple of years.

Something I learned today?

I did 5 minutes research into overcoming sensitivity after being bullied and read that CBT is a suggested therapy to help. I will offer some advice and information to the student whom I talked with yesterday evening.

I took no pictures because my brain couldn’t expand enough into the spaces to find something interesting to take a picture of despite interesting things occurring around me. Now is the struggle to find interest in the minutiae, in the minor, in the greys and browns.

Desserts – 5th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Making pain beautiful
A fetish the mirror reflects
Aestheticised agony
The image that projects

Decorated with poetry
And kept like a secret
It’s cool and mysterious
And you get to keep it

Please fall in love and fix
Worthy of attention
Look at the beautiful mess
Deserving of affection

inspired by musings at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Although I wanted to enjoy sleeping longer I got up and out for coffee. Amy had called during the night, though I couldn’t quite get what was happening. She was at the nightclub and I knew she could take care of herself. She hadn’t made it home but ended up calling and was staying at Aor’s house after some mini escapades. All was well though. Still feeling positive after yesterday.

Today I’m grateful for:

Sichuan hotspot. A new Chinese hotspot shop opened in Bandu so we gave it a go and filled our bellies with delicious burning chilli and peppers. I may be less grateful if I suddenly have to rush to the bathroom during the night. My stomach feels like that may be a possibility.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more of the SNFU book whilst drinking my coffees at Utopia. I’m really enjoying it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Tiredness caught up with me for an afternoon nap that I was really reluctant to get up from. I felt like I could just keep sleeping until tomorrow. I will go back to bed soon too, for a stretch of comic book reading first but I will look forward to my sleep and my dreams.

Something I learned today?

Mega Home doesn’t stop fabric spray like Febreeze or the better heavy-duty version I found at Home Pro before.

I took this picture because there was nothing particularly exciting today except for our early spicy dinner.