Take A Moment – 23rd September 2021

Dogs jumped excitedly chasing thrown ropes
Fireflies are buzzing about the grassy slopes
The full moon rises beyond the growing storm
Lighting spikes in 3D as the sky is torn

In silence, I take her arm with great care
We watch in wonder, breathing deep the air
This moment savoured we’ll never see again
We dash undercover to watch the coming rain

This beauty all around we mostly never see
So take a moment for yourself to truly be
Sleep well each night, grateful for your days
Close your eyes, settle now and give praise


Last night was a beautiful night with a perfect temperature and clear skies except at the horizons.

Amy went out to the shops as I was practising guitar in my room and when I’d finished, I relaxed inside, waiting for her to return. When she did, Tangmo had followed her in, so I knew it would be my job to get him back out, enticed with his favourite rope and as I stood trying to extract the rope from his jaws, a beautiful lightning display was taking place as a storm threatened. In the darkened sky, each flash of lightning suddenly highlighted the depth and beauty of the clouds, even in this odd monochrome. Sometimes the lightning was hidden in the distance, behind the emerging bouffant clouds along the lower storm line. Other times great spike shot out between the two frints and hung in the air for a second or two.

Closer to the earth, fireflies buzzed around the jungle growth and I took a moment to hold Amy’s arm and breathe in the joy of life. The impatient dog revised his attempts at pulling on the rope in my hand and we could only convince him to leave after substituting the rope for a fallen palm frond, which is like catnip for him for some weird reason. We quickly managed to close the gate and returned to some TV viewing before bed.

Finally, about a couple of hours later, the storm, which seemed to be coming and going, delivered some rain for about ten minutes and we contemplated sleeping without the aircon for the first time since the end of winter back in February. However, a couple of mosquitoes started attacking so we put the aircon on for a while to subdue them.

I was tired and slept almost immediately and deeply. I had a dream similar to a few nights ago, where I felt like I was about to be attacked, this time by someone at the window. I kicked out and screamed in my dream and also in my bed. Amy rolled over and asked if I was OK and I was kind of amused and really just wanted to go back to sleep. Eventually, I answered her and did, indeed, fall back into deep sleep.

I found out in the morning, however, that Amy was almost into her sleep when my scream woke her and she struggled to get back to sleep again. She was most annoyed but really, Amy is never a particularly good morning person. She can be far too clear and rational at that time of day, not soft and loving. But we laugh about it and I constantly feel a deep affection for her that I often don’t think I deserve.

The Gift – 14th September 2021

Your head games and offensive words
Spewing out your hole like stinking turds
The two-faced smiles and stinking breath
Your finagling towards friendship death

Daggers raised at those honest necks
A passive-aggressive sweep of the decks
The bitter change of heart so swift
Beyond the tears, you gave me a gift


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a nice deep sleep totally missing the storm that blew everything around in the night. Feel good this morning!


I forgot to mention yesterday that I finally managed to play the first part of Scarborough Fair after what seems like months of trying! Changing from Dm to F was so difficult and it was getting so frustrating. I was so happy to finally do it on Sunday. Now I have to complete the next two sections and advance to Level 6. It’s all starting to get a little more difficult now but I’m still enjoying it. I will try and find more old punk songs that I know to play along to. I think that will keep up my motivation.

Today I can celebrate Matt selling me his stash of Kratom and also giving me the rest of his weed tincture. I never tried these before, so let’s see what they are like.

I’m happy today. Tuesday is my easy teaching day and giving the student work ahead of time makes the class go quicker, although it kinda spreads the work out for me, making it longer. Anyway, I’m enjoying it at the moment. I am still looking forward to a break though.

There’s a big sky out tonight and it’s never been this big before – 18th June 2020

The mountains at the back of our house run in valleys, sometimes into the distance or in parallel ridges. In this picture, a valley running off towards the west, and its surrounding mountains were bathed in sunshine, the bright greens bouncing into the sky.

Scanning to the left, the air turns thicker and a battle is brewing for territorial dominance. The clouds are too heavy to keep their water and it drops onto the leafy jungle, turning into wisps of mist. Dark rolls around the skies, dragging the clouds down from above, stirring a big soup with deep rumbles and sudden flashes.

This one will deliver.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be surrounded by caring people that can help need realise my potential.

Brain dump

Drain pipe fell out – who will fix? I can try but I think needs glue – we don’t have.

Social Distortion on mental jukebox for no reason other than it matched my rhythm of lifting weights. What else can I get out of my head this morning? Noisy frogs – but none outside our entertainment area now – have snakes gone – maybe?

Sore butt sitting here yesterday for too long – back – a little ache lower left – arm feel well used.

Now! Now! Now! Not the before, not five minutes – breakfast, school, videos – but now?! Surrounded by things I love – even snakes and frogs. Beautiful grey sky! Rain rain rain – not like UK. Beeping from UPS – what happened – who knows? Okay – Thai and meditation because I don’t know what’s in my head at the moment really.

To-do list

  • Compliment – silent wishes – smile ½
  • Laugh and enjoy making videos again ✅
  • Squats/exercise/stretch ✅
  • Remind yourself about listening ½
  • Keep up with learning Thai ✅

A bit more activity at school today as we did the video in the morning and that was fun compared with the past week or so of just sitting around and reading.

George was, to my mind, quite overbearing this morning, when he said he thought I should exercise more and that he was only saying these things because he cares about me so much. He sounded sincere in his words but I felt a little negative about it. George feels like a father figure and he speaks with authority but sometimes it has the opposite effect – as he has experienced with Bee too – and it can make people just want to be stubborn and do the opposite – or just to think ‘Stop telling me what to do’.

But I recognised these thoughts and feelings and wondered why I was so negative towards them. Just thinking about this for a while actually took away the negativity. George can be right in what he is saying and it is still ok for me to not accept his advice about it.

I also think it wasn’t completely justified as I feel quite fit and healthy these days and don’t feel the need to be really pushing myself too hard with lifting weights and working out in such a determined manner as he does.

Anyway I was proud of myself to not let it effect the rest of my day at all and was curious about my feelings.

There’s kerosene around – 3rd February 2002

In 2001 I set myself on fire – now I’ll smoulder. I’ve got to learn to control it – direct my thoughts.

9th Jan 2022 – The calm after the storm. I knew what I had to do but it would be a long while before I actually could. Sometimes I’m a slow learner. More storms on the horizon.

Not my picture included but I have memories of seeing approaching storms at Bondi Beach, just like this.

Wet – 16th December 1998

Email to TLJ:

Well, it was bound to happen – I’d been sweating and waiting for a storm to come and it did. But at the wrong time! Just as I was walking from Wynyard to Pier 4. I got drenched! And I only got a couple of blocks. Pissed off and dejected I decided it would be a better idea to go home or back to work rather than turn up to this function completely soaked. However, due to the storm the trains stopped running for 45 minutes! So I was really shitty by now. I came back to work got my stuff and went to my car and drove home – only to be stuck in traffic cos the lights were out on Epping Road. By the time I got home at 6 the sun was out again! I wonder if this is indicative of how my Christmas will be!

I was thinking last night when I might get a card or mail or email from you. I really wish I knew what you were doing and we could chat everyday as usual and keep each other updated on all our news – I’m sure you’ll forget a lot of exciting things by the time you get back.

I hate Christmas shopping. I’ve been looking for something for Bronwyn and I just don’t know what to get her. The other thing that’s getting me shitty is I don’t have any cash til Thursday – so I’ll have to shop on Thursday, wrap on Friday and deliver on Saturday! Saturday pm we are having our Christmas with HJ. I hope I have enough money to get HJ some more bits and pieces too.

All right baby angel cakes. Hope you’re not missing me too much and are having a great time. See you in three weeks or so!

Spinning on that dizzy edge – 29th December 1994

Cathy and Libby bring little Reg and tall Gough up and they run around tearing the place apart much to Broni’s dismay so we take them to the beach where Reg’s two-year-old mind had difficulty coping with the prospect of water rushing around his feet and when the wave broke and rushed up the beach engulfing those tiny fleshy toes his eyes looked left at me and a curious look sat on his face – wow, what was that? I’m not sure if I like that or not….. it’s pretty scary…. “Mamee, Mamee!” – that kid will knock all the girls dead, just you wait and see.

They leave even-time and Broni rests exhausted with all the running around and she dreams up ways of making the house child-safe/childproof and of course, we can’t afford anything like that.

A huge thunderstorm breaks slowly, building over the mountains to the west and in the distance flashes radiate in the heavens. Soon strikes head for the ground and more and more frequently (we later discover something like 5000 strikes over about two hours, luckily we are away from it and have the pleasure of being able to watch it and it’s like a movie screen looking out through our window. A spectacular flash starts at one edge of the sky and heads out across the sky seemingly following a cobweb, lasts several seconds as it travels across the web to the other side of the sky, a maze of conductors in the clouds. Unreal!


The slow creeping in of night time is accompanied by ominous bulging dark clouds, blotting out the sun, as they rise over the hill on our horizon. Seemingly engulfing the sky, black shadows billowing, dark eyes sinking low and roll, roll on the night.

The ever-present cicada cacophony crescendoes across the humid valley and suddenly it’s set alight by a blaze of lightning, the flashlights of the gods and we sit and wait and here it comes the rumble.

Just a slow mover tonight as we sit in the still night air, in anticipation, eyes ready and expectant.

The low clouds are near touchable if only we could climb. They fly past, like ghostly apparitions, out to sea, speeding to their fate.

Here on earth it is still though, as flashes become more frequent and rumbles come that quicker. And then, as at a switch is hit, the cool wind arrives from the south and you know, then you know it’s only a matter of time.

Sure enough, big globs of water slowly descend and bounce on the dry ground. And more, until a downpour which disappears as quick as it started and its traces a mere dampness and a smell fresher than mountain air.

The storm continues over – ever brighter and spectacular to its gazers.

Cobwebs of bolts, like battling swordsmen, steel and scrape the skies.

Once again we are wowed by nature and its many wonders. We are also humbled and consider our place in this world.

13th Apr 2021 – I really did marvel at the scale of storms in Australia. The whole sky just seemed bigger than in England and was a blue I’d rarely seen before. Why the sky seems bigger I’m not sure, perhaps the lack of hedgerows and maybe the knowledge that in Australia, over the hill in the distance are just more hills yet in England, over the hill is likely to be another town. Maybe the unfamiliarity with the stars. I remember having to relearn my understanding of direction as the sun now sat in a different part of the sky than I was used to. I got lost often whenever I was driving around at first. That’s fine though – I love being lost.


There’s a tremble, and a rumbling, inhale- 27th December 1994

Terrigal

Out this window, through the vertical blinds, the insect screen, through the sun reflector and beyond our verandah and garden, the houses descend into the small valley and up the other side pushing for position with all the green rainforest, palms, ferns, gums and bamboo.

The rooftops visible in the sway of wet green leaves, where the crickets hang out buzzing around, their insane chatter carrying through the air – thousands of singing messages – here comes rain, here comes sun.

Grey and black clouds dominate the horizon, the air dank and still in my windowed vision, all quiet and anticipatory.

But now it’s time to leave this paradisiacal view and head out over the hill that we live on and down past the beach to the bustling village, buzzing with it’s human insects going about their merry way.

Out of our door the humid air clings shirt to skin and push push push the legs up the hill, short but dramatic, to meet the dirt track through the forest between scattered dwellings.

The crickets see your approach and snap into sudden silence as you pass the tall broken barked trees they inhabit(shh, here he comes!). The air drips moisture from the leaves high above, the ones that touch the sky. Odd insects buzz around often looking for some cool fresh blood to suck on – be quick, flick of the wrists – the Australian wave.

As the hill flats out and you begin to descend the other side, through the trees and buildings, the roar of the ocean beckons you forward, waving all the time. At the end of the road, the bottom of the hill, the sea stands before you far and wide and at it’s edge the crashing glory of the white crested waves, dotted with wet-suited bodies waiting on the big one.

Skirt the beach along the main road where traffic piles up because in this town pedestrians get right of way and that upsets the hoon element in their flash cars, boom box stereos blasting. The crowds are bustling from beach to shop to cafe and not much else. Young bronzed blondes hang round in threes, hanging out, being cool, playing the games of teenagers on the lookout for love, and I’m sure the surfers aren’t interested because they’re thinking about a different sex wax entirely and so the girls get themselves more beautiful and scantily clad in effort to swoon some dude away from his board but they’re still only interested in catching waves and so it goes on, this place a hot bed of sexual frustration. Maybe?!

The pace is slow and what the hell, there’s no hurry, those waves keep coming. These tough old legs carry me back home where, on the telephone wire to our house I spot something odd hanging on and its kinda long and thin and has four thin long double jointed legs and it’s a praying mantis – as long as your forearm and thicker than a hotdog. I hope that sucker doesn’t spot the gap under our front door!

I won’t ever slack up, punk you better back up – 21st November 1994

Got the cuddles I sought and even though Friday night felt like Friday night those endomorphins were still shooting through my brains and little restless Shaun decided to open up all fourteen crates downstairs in the garage and bring up all the contents into the flat which was another two hours running around, and I was bouncing up and down the stairs two at a time with boxes of records and tapes and comics and clothes, so pleased to have them back in my possession again and yippee, we found the Deep Turtle tapes straight away but by the time I’d finished rushing about we weren’t in the mood to hear them, Broni unable to cope with my activity rate watched TV and relaxed herself for the evening which was fine with me. Dripping with sweat I jumped in the shower for the second time that evening and fell into bed dead dog tired.

Deep Turtle – I love my air guitar!

Stayed there for quite some time too despite the urge to get up at five in the morning again and when we finally did make it out of bed Broni headed into the city while I unpacked some boxes sorting out CDs and generally jumping up and down with my air guitar to Deep Turtle at full blast, this, of course, proved fatal to my over worked body, my brain not fully realising quite how exhausted I was and I found myself in bed when Broni came home knocking on the door.

Sometime later we headed up to Hurstville to go and see The Nightmare Before Christmas, an animated tale of the folk from Halloween town taking over Christmas and abducting old Santa, some corny bits didn’t help but it is Disney so what do you expect but it was the animation that really stole the show, brilliantly done with so much going on on screen at one time.

We couldn’t quite get it out of our heads some article on the radio Broni had heard earlier in the day that detailed the beginnings of Christmas and how it had evolved over the years and where the Santa figure came from, apparently in the early part of this century Santa had all but been forgotten when Coca Cola used him for an ad campaign and that’s where Santa’s current red and white colours originate from.

The film had put us in high spirits so we picked up a bottle of champagne and got drunk watching another movie in the comfort of our beautiful home, sat curled up together on the lounge. We made it in to bed and again slept the sleep of the dead.

Sunday morning was cold and quiet except for the paper boy blowing his whistle at eight in the morning, with thoughts going through my head about where best to shove his whistle, sometime later actually getting up when the sun decided to come out and stay out and fry our socks, up to thirty six degrees today, we’d arranged to meet P_ and the kids after their visit to the church in the city but arrived too late due to our error on the trains and Broni fell about in hysterics, the heat and the pressure getting too much for her, I tried to comfort as she flopped on the cold ground in Hyde Park saying she wanted to be a leaf, I stayed calm and kicked her butt into gear and got us on a train up the North Shore to Hornsby where we ended up about an hour later, the sun still ferocious not a cloud in sight.

At P_’s we kept the kids occupied, later taking Ben and Damien up into the town to the olympic size outdoor swimming pool where we all swam about playing diving games and me getting better every time I touch the water, this time managing to do handstands and sitting on the bottom, so pleased with myself I am about that.

The pool is on the edge of bush land and gum trees tower over the stands at the edge of the pool. The sky was darkening and the trees swaying and swishing in a medium wind, although warm in the pool the wind chilled the skin as you surfaced the water and slowly the clouds got darker and darker and the air became still and oppressive. The temperature taking a big increase as we walked back, the sky watching us, the clouds following closely behind.

Back at the house we sat on the verandah as thunder grumbled gently in the heavens and brief flashes lit up the dull leaves of the trees, a few drops of rain descended making little dusty balls of liquid in the dirt then as if someone had given a signal, rain cascaded in sheets and everyone made their way inside execpt for me and P_, sharing a love of the weather whatever it’s like, marvelling in it’s magnificence.

About ten seconds later, again it was impossible to believe because although the rain was heavy there was not a whiff of breeze, but bang, the wind was a rage, big trees were in danger of breaking in half and the rain blew into the verandah soaking us in an instant, we couldn’t see the trees on the opposite side of the street, white sheets of water obscuring our view, we headed inside to watch it out the back, thunder louder now and lightning more frequent, we watched the trees whipping the ground, watched the fence blow over bending the iron bars in the ground, waited to see if the guinea pig cage would survive, watched it all pass over and a minute later the sun started peeking out, brightening the storm’s destruction and soon after we fixed the fence and were back out playing basketball.

We hit the train again at about eight o clock and made it through the door a couple of hours later realising that it would take us two hours to travel between Poole and London, a hell of a lot further, and we promised to get ourselves a car as soon as we got some full-time work sorted out. And of course, we’d gone through the sleep barrier and into our second wind and stayed up into the early hours before long and beautiful sleep.

Searching for photos shows that a new Aquatic Centre was built in 2010 and these were the only pictures I could find that show a little of how it was in 1994.