Made to be broken, a businessman’s dream Failure point unspoken, a money-making scheme Shiny new things, a feeling that is funny A bottom line sings when rolling in the money
Today I’m feeling:
Reasonable. I’d like to go for a bike ride but it’s so hot with high UV plus the air is still a little hazy so views from up the mountains aren’t so clear. I feel like these April holidays are kinda useless.
Today I’m grateful for:
The step ladder that I use around the garden. Today, to cut back the vine and fold back part of the roof that got messed up in the last storm. It seemed urgent as the skies darkened and distant rumbling approached but then just as quick the clouds disappeared and bright a scorching sun came out. Looks like I’ll have to water again this afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
The neighbour’s kids all came into the driveway to ride their bikes whilst I was watering the garden and they all laughed and played when I sprayed them with water. They’re all between 6 and 9 years old. Full of life and energy, full of hope.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Came back for morning coffee to find that Cap had thrown up on my old 1984 diary and songbook. Perhaps not too much damage, though a lot of the diary was written in tiny felt tip which is already hard enough to read so there may be even more illegible writing there to strain my eyes. What can I do? It’s one of the reasons I’m working to get all this digitised as quickly as I can.
Something I learned today?
The 2nd biggest bank in the US has gone under. I don’t really know what this means, like what happens next or why it happened in the first place but it seems to be occurring often right now.
What has keeping a journal taught me?
As a daily habit, it has helped me get thoughts out of my head, whether good or bad and into paper. When I review these over time they give me an idea of my long-term growth.
I took this picture because I think it reflects my disorganised appreciation and annoyance with living in Thailand. It’s messy and uncoordinated yet looks appealing and attractive. This little stream runs at the back of the shops and market on the university side of the highway. The other side to home.
Busy turning humans into robots Learning to love the monotony Building robots to resemble humans Forming a ridiculous dichotomy
It has always been hard for me to understand myself, to know why I work and love and live. Yet it is fortunate that such matters find a way of caring for themselves.
Rockwell Kent
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for all the workers that helped clear the streams a few years ago so that it is not so easy to flood the land around us during the rainy season. I wonder where they all are now.
14th January 1979 Going to see Close Encounters of the Third Kind
14th Oct 2021 – This would have been at the Tivoli in town (Wimborne Minster) and a very special event for an 11-year-old living out in the sticks. The movie really provoked my imagination – not so much about the alien visitors but how crazy the humans became. This and the War of the Worlds soundtrack really got me going, thinking about space and the universe though it wasn’t long until what was happening on earth overrode everything.
15th January 1979 Cleaning out the stream Forgot Don’t know
14th Oct 2021 – The woods opposite my house were a few children’s playground though for me it became a big part of my imagination and life. I familiarised myself with every corner, nook and cranny of the woods, sometimes even expanding over into overgrown backyards that backed onto it. It was divided up into several sections depending on clearings, paths, tracks and type of trees. There were three main entrances and a stream ran through the middle in a miniature valley (a ditch!).
When walking my grandparents’ dog – a job I mostly enjoyed – I would navigate through the grassy entrance to the woods, through the small paths amongst the bracken, to the main clearing where another path formed into a big circle you could walk, run or ride a bike around and beyond this down into the ditch where the stream was attempting to flow from right to left as I approached it. With the melting snow feeding it there was lots of water and so much debris would be picked up and block progress so that it flooded over the sides onto the banks and paths. I made it my mission to clear it, a little bit every day. I thought myself the owner of this stream and woe betide anyone who tried to reverse my hard work and block it again.
It took me many weeks to clear through halfway and later in the year, as seasons changed, there would be fresh challenges ahead. In my wellington boots, I kicked at the bottom of the stream to clear rocks away, pulled at entangled bushes on the bank, removed fallen branches until one day, about three-quarters of the way through I came to a small bend and beyond was the next objective to clear. The banks were steeper here and the tree cover dense so it was impossible to see the bottom. I bravely took a step forward feeling confident I would find the safety of the stream bed.
Alas, I was too careless and, as my foot plunged deeper, the icy water flowed over the top of my left boot and filled it full of water. Fuck! Stupid stream! I got out, emptied my boot and trudged home, cold and damp footed.
I went back of course but opted to start at the other end of the stream and work my way back to the cavernous depth that brought me despair. Having done this however, I found that the stream could only be accessed so far until it was blocked by a big hedge – and what was over that hedge made me extremely curious for further investigations.
16th January 1979 Same as yesterday Forgot Don’t know
14th Oct 2021 – I called my friend, Jason White, who lived on a farm down the end of the lane that ran alongside our house. You had to walk through his farm to get to the bottom of the field where Horton Tower was and where we used to climb up the crumbling brickwork inside to get to the windows from where you could also jump out. This was a teenage tradition for everyone locally and some kids even made it up to the second level but I was never brave enough to try.
Anyway, I called him…..actually, I probably didn’t even call him, I would’ve gone to his house and seen if he wanted to ‘come out to play’? I was proud of my stream cleaning success and wanted to show him. When we got there though he didn’t seem impressed at all which was disappointing. He was, however, curious about what was on the other side of that hedge.
Egging each other on, we climbed up a tree and along a branch that hung over into this forbidden territory. We dropped down onto a path that seemed to curve round in either direction. Whilst the path looked well enough used, the overgrowth on either side was so high it was difficult to predict what was around each corner. As I was thinking about this, Jason began to tell stories of the owner laying animal traps and walking around with a shotgun ready to shoot people who trespassed there. So it was in trepidation we snooped around as far as we could until we scared ourselves too much and jumped over/through another hedge and into an adjoining field.
Curiosity was well piqued by now and I ventured back a few more times, both alone or with a friend, until one day the owner walked right to us and asked what I was doing. I mumbled about just wondering and wandering what this area was and he told me to get out the way I came and not to come back. I don’t think I ever did.
There seemed to be nothing of interest in this enclosed wooded area, which, of course, made it even more tempting to investigate further but the threatening look of the owner was enough to keep me away.
I returned to the woods many years later and whilst some parts are the same, others have either changed or they no longer fit with memories. I’ll always be tempted to go back and look again (even though it’s on the other side of the world) but I’ve learned that memories are sometimes better left to themselves.
17th January 1979 Found out that ID and the Blockheads isn’t No. 1
14th Oct 2021 – Although I have no diary for 1978 I can see that music was taking on a more important role in my life throughout 1979. From football and cars at the beginning of the year to the charts and punk rock by the end. Critical times and enough to drive my mother mad.
18th January 1979 Painted WODs today Painted them white Interesting this article isn’t it!
14th Oct 2021 – Wall of Death? Wheels of Death? What’s the ‘s’ on the end? It seems I was also conscious of writing this diary for a reason, talking to a future self.
19th January 1979 Given new set book The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe BLURP
14th Oct 2021 – I struggled with reading books during these years, especially if they were school-assigned books. Who wants to read what they’re told!? I do believe I did complete reading this book though. Something about a lion, a witch and a wardrobe, I bet!
20th January 1979 Finished some homework Ipswich 3-1 Wolves HEYY!
14th Oct 2021 – Weird that I would comment on finishing homework. I guess I was proud of this achievement.
1994ever 