Tag: stretching

Are We Here Yet? – 30th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If this isn’t enough, then what is?
We have a reasonably long life of occasional bliss
The canvas is blank and beautiful, waiting
To be painted with all your colours, creating

Those times that can never be killed
An overflowing cup that can never be filled
Smell the roses, and don’t forget to smell the sweat
Sit in the back of the bus shouting ‘Are we there yet?’

Today I’m feeling:

I slept ok but the sunlight is waking me up in the mornings. Maybe I should get up earlier. 
Just set my alarm ten minutes earlier. See how it goes tomorrow.
Feeling reasonably good. My back is still sore but I got through an ab workout this morning. My first class was a bit tough with trying to get everybody into Quizizz. In that class, there are a couple of annoying kids identified so far but most of the others seem cool. I must try to remain calm. I must try to remain calm. I must….

Today I’m grateful for:

My old schoolmate Rupert, who has been much better at maintaining friendships with other schoolmates than myself. As I was writing out my 1984 diary I came across the name Ange but only had a very vague recollection about her. Rupert gave me her full name and reminded me how we both fantasised about her!

The best thing about today was:

Being reminded of so many things whilst writing out my 1984 diary over the last two days. That seemed like a crazy defining year in many ways. Despite hating school so much I did feel a sense of loss and overwhelming change when leaving. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I just had a huge long list of things I didn’t want to do.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s the old fallback of the out-of-control class today as my previously boisterous grade 7s are now boisterous grade 8s. However, I think I dealt with it ok, in the fact that I couldn’t control them but I could at least control myself! 

Something I learned today?

I stumbled across a video of a better neck-stretching exercise rather than just the regular pull-your-head to the left and then to the right. I’ll give it a go for a while, adding it to my never-ending list of stretches I should do as an older gentleman.

What are some memorable moments from this past month?

Going back to school and seeing the students again would be my number one. I know one day I will have to leave this all behind and that will be sad but also will mean moving on to the next thing.
There have been other minor memorable moments this month and that is as it should be. I would prefer consistency over highs and lows and to be honest, despite how good everything is really, when I walk to close the gate in the early evening and I look up I still feel like it is not complete anymore because that one little cat, that lovely little Kim, is gone.

I took this picture because these clouds looked promising but have amounted to nothing so far. Come on rain!

Bad Neck – 23rd August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can’t turn my head unless I move my body
Years of abuse made the muscles shoddy
I need a year of massage, it’s so sore
I shouldn’t read books laying down anymore

Tried stretching, exercise, even alt-med
Nothing stops the pain when I get out of bed
More than a hundred doctors to whom I’ve spoken
Won’t tell me the truth, my neck is broken

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the trials of my visa application. It vexes me every year and teaches me again about patience and understanding. It takes me a couple of days to get over the annoyance. That’s today.

Another Monday here again. I’m happy to get back to my classes after missing Friday and enjoy making my students think hard. I feel a little in limbo with 4 or 5 weeks left of term and then dealing with all the usual end of term paperwork nonsense.

Despite enjoying being stuck at home (or school) constantly, I’m starting to feel a little cabin fever. Sometimes going somewhere else makes you appreciate home so much more. I have to learn to have that appreciation all the time, regardless.

We watched an amazing moon rise last night – the halo visible before the moon appearing.

I sent a provocative question to Hayden this morning – ‘six months from now, what will you wish you had spent time on today?’ I answered that I’m thinking that I should help Amy more around the house. Just the simple things that we can do together. Now I am a little lazy about these things and just do them when I feel like it and so I need to make myself feel like it.

I’m guessing Hayden won’t answer this question though. He isn’t comfortable dealing with things in the present and looking to the future. Let’s see – sometimes he surprises me.

We got that attitude! – 5th October 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that I sat and stretched this morning. I feel much better and less stiff.

To-do list

  • Is there someone you can connect with? ½
  • How about a random act of kindness? ½
  • Listen to more of your own music
  • Keep practising that guitar! ✅
  • Workout and yoga too!

Now it’s the 29th and I’m on school holiday for about ten days. It’s nice not to have to go through the familiar routines of getting up and going to work. I’m curious how I can get back into my morning routines after missing them for so many weeks since it started getting dark in the mornings.

I have to motivate myself to do that because I know I definitely feel better when I do those things in the morning.

I have been good at practising guitar and really enjoying it. I am making slow and steady progress. I do notice more pain in my arms thought but I’m hoping that that will just be muscles strengthening slowly. I’m getting interested in the whole music theory and will pick up a MIDI keyboard soon.

I’ve also been learning Thai with a tutor and can see comparisons in this learning. Got to stick with it – through the difficult periods.

Right now I’m in Phuket for a few days with Amy (meeting up with Fern, who it is great to see again). We are staying in a 5-star hotel and seeing beautiful sights, eating amazing food and we are forever grateful for everything we have. I am generally happy and content with whatever I am doing.

Tonight I looked at the sky and contemplated what a twenty-year-old Shaun would think of the idea of where he is now. I’m glad I never gave up on life even in dark and directionless times too.

We got that attitude! – 11th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hayden in hospital – far away can’t see. Drama in his life. Girls – damn, was that always my problem too? Glad I found a couple of good ones in my time. What to do – what to say? Talk to him later I guess.

Head not too clear – last night say goodbye to Nu as he heads home. Couple of beers – no drunk feeling but slight blurry feeling this morning. Head with thoughts but not clear.

Cracking creaking neck. Stretch it better. Bleugh, alcohol. Fat belly breathing up and down. Try to clear.

Teach tonight. Talk more. Am I good at talking– good at listening?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that my son was smart enough to seek help when he really needed it. I hope he can work through his problems and lead a happy life.

To-do list

  • Mini-zine for Nu – check his Facebook ½
  • Positive – smile- compliment – wish ½
  • Prepare for meeting Mike tomorrow ✅
  • More Thai practice – this is a great opportunity ✅
  • Try to talk with Hayden more ½

As Hayden had had his phone taken off him it was hard to talk with him today but he called me at lunchtime and he sounded much better today. He thinks he’ll be there for a few more days and I hope they can get him on the right path. I think he knows about this but is finding it difficult to get away from what he is familiar with. He has also struggled with the idea of change but could give himself more credit for how well he has actually dealt with it in the past.

I was a little quiet today but actually quite happy, just wanted to listen more than speaking today.

I tried to do the mini-zine in the morning and I put all the ideas together but the execution was awful. I’ll work on a proper version and send it to him. It was fun to put together though and I’d like to do it for more people.

I vacillate a lot or maybe not so much – 10th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Alice Donut on brain jukebox today. Workers here already dig, dig, digging. Young fat Chinese-looking guy or maybe sumo.

Thai was tough this morning brain not ready. Stretch stretch stretch – feels good – my muscles are for a smaller body – muscles – 5 foot 10 my body 5 foot 11.

Making bed, so happy and grateful – imagine that I live in this house – wait! I do! We own it but in the end, we are just renting – we are not going to live forever. How lucky we are to be here. I have my room, my books, my CDs – everything. I love it. I have my health (just about!). Can I live to be 300? I feel like it might be possible! There’s things to do.

Wow, many thoughts seem clearer each morning now – maybe I’m not awake yet, need that coffee. Dream… Oh, wait I was dreaming about school I remember but now not sure. The more I try to remember the further away it gets. Time to meditate I bet when I do my mind will fill with ridiculous thoughts. Trying to remember that dream. Oh well, let’s practice.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for everything around me in my life. I’ve been so happy with our wonderful home and with my time together with Amy.

To-do list

  • Find smoking video for Bruce ✅
  • Positive-smile-compliment-wish ½
  • Listen – respond with understanding ½
  • More Thai practice ✅
  • Actually draw mini-zine

Another simple, easy day with no real problems at school. George is still talking about conspiratorial faked moon landings and I can’t work out if he is really believing in these things or just trying to be provocative. I think it’s a bit manipulative to try and generate some discussion but it seems somewhat at odds to me with his usual calm and clear-headed thinking.

In the afternoon we met Kevin, Ben and Mike (three French teachers – teaching English) and I felt a little bit in conflict – particularly with Mike who I can’t help but be competitive with. He says things that make it seem like he knows things about me that he thinks are secret or don’t want him to know but actually, I don’t really have that feeling until he mentions them. I need to stop feeling like that at all and not play into that game – difficult as it is for me. I can realise my shortcomings, but can I act to improve on them.

In the morning Hayden contacted me and said he was in the psych hospital after having a panic attack and meltdown. He sounded very upset and it was a little difficult to try and find the right words to say to him. I can empathise with having negative thoughts and self-talk but personally never got to the point of panic.

He talked a little about what the causes of it were, though they are all external and are obviously upsetting for him to deal with but I don’t have a clear view of the whole picture.

I blame myself somewhat for not being a good enough role model and being absent in his life. I do think that I had given him my perspective on these things based on my own life experience but it can be hard for someone to comprehend until they go through it themselves. He shows many of the same traits I had at that age – self-doubt, low self-esteem etc. These are things I struggle with even now.

After talking with his mum to get more background it seems the stem of the current problem relates to his girlfriend who does not seem to be a person who brings him up but puts him down. There’s obviously some conflicting emotions going on for him and he’s struggling to deal with that.

Amy gives me her pointed advice and shows some frustration with me in not giving him a better foundation on which to build and when she asks me what I can do to help him I really don’t know what to say and then, what to actually do. Tough love is probably not the best option right now. His mum may wrap him up in cotton wool again and he still won’t learn how to deal with things for himself.

I hope he can accept that he might need medicinal and therapeutic help and arrive at the right conclusions for himself. I feel a little helpless and useless. I couldn’t be a good dad – just a person with the name, dad.

Nu and Aing came for dinner as Nu will leave on Friday. One by one our friends are leaving. I have just tomorrow to make some small gift so I really must make a mini-zine for him tomorrow and give it to him.