Tag: students

Haunted By The Living – 27th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

She’s forever standing next to me
Begging me with bitter sad smiles
Everywhere I turn, the memory
Kept as treasure in my mind’s files

She’s out there still, ten thousand miles away
Taunting me with her continued silence
I only wish that there was something to say
To return her back to this lonely island

Some parade photos. Students and teachers had been at school all night preparing costumes and make-up. What a palaver, my mum would say.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and looking forward to the sports day event so that when I got to school I surveyed the parade for all my students, many of whom were difficult to spot as they were dressed up so fancily that I couldn’t recognise them at all! 

I slept badly because of my aching shoulder and woke many times laying on my back and when Amy didn’t stir after I exercised I shook her foot and she complained of lack of sleep too due to my snoring.  It’s possible the exercises I’m doing are aggravating my shoulder too much and it is not recovering from whatever stress or strain that I have given it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kwang, Premier and Program again.  I spotted them in the parade and they grabbed me and insisted I walk with them which I did for a little while.  As Premier and Program let go, Kwang still held on and out of the blue said quietly ‘I miss my dad.’ Sigh.

The best thing about today was:

The feeling of excitement and happiness in the whole school celebrating sports day.  In the past, I’ve usually left after an hour or so and gone home but this time, with an hour and a half break at House I stayed until around 2.15pm. 

I was on my way to leave at around midday but got sucked back into staying and ended up trying to find Funfai whilst other students dragged me around to watch all the team’s cheerleader routines, partly because I had an umbrella they could shelter under.

Something I learned today?

Listening to the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast today, they were interviewing Chris Shary who is an artist that works with The Descendents and All.  What was interesting was how he was a high schooler in Ipswich, UK and hung around with the Stupids, even singing with them near the end of their run.  Pretty much useless information but of a little interest to me in discovering more about how everything is interconnected in our little weird music world.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Congratulating everyone who had dressed up for the day.  Encouraging others to cheer and do their best in their competitions. Commiserating with the few who were bored or cold whilst waiting for things to get going.

What was the biggest risk I took this year?

Lending $1600 to Ad Interim so that they could get their album made.  I only knew Max through acquaintance but I liked the band’s music and made the deal for repayment within 12 months and he was good enough to get it paid off within three or four months.  I’m happy to work with people like this.  I can’t offer a lot when it comes to marketing and distribution but can at least support artists with funds for production.

Do you think that most people are doing the best they can?

I borrowed this question from The Red Hand Files where Nick Cave simply replied with the answer ‘No’ which surprised me a little and made me consider why he replied that way.

Even though it seems that there is only tragedy in the world and so many bad people acting in bad ways when I look around my own personal environment I believe most people are doing the best they can.

We can all do better, and all try harder, I guess (maybe that is why Nick Cave answered no to the question) but here, for many people, they are still struggling to get by.

Maybe it’s the difference between living in a first-world country and a third-world one.  Maybe in a first-world one, we expect more of each other and in the third-world folks are doing the best they can in the circumstances.

Bebe took this picture because she grabbed my phone and I just let her take as many pictures as she wanted. I like this one the best because Baibua has a big smile which she doesn’t usually show for me. Namfon, in the middle, has become a favourite student of mine because although we both know she may never be good at English she will now try her best and that is the main lesson to learn. Bebe is on a similar trajectory but still gets very distracted in class, though usually in a way that cracks me up. It’s hard to assert authority when you are laughing so much yourself.

The Feral – 26th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Raised in the manner of wolves
Howling at the moon
Running wild in the company of fools
Wide-eyed in chaotic tune

Tamed and reformed by riches
The devil still pulls at the heart
All are affected by witches
The feral rips itself apart

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good from exercise but still not particularly enthusiastic.  Perhaps due to this month’s struggle with money and its limit on what I’m able to do.

(Later) Things did improve as I spent time at House and then back at school wandering around talking to students everywhere.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Ning who seemed happy enough for me to help assist some of the students in her class – my grade 7 kids.  It’s sometimes fun to join another class without there being any pressure and just offer assistance.

The best thing about today was:

Kwang (and Premier and Program) took my arms and led me around the school whilst chattering away with me, so I feel happy that Kwang is comfortable with me again after her episode last week.  I’d really like to talk more deeply with her and get to how she really feels about things.  She’s still covering things up with bravado at the moment, which is not unusual for kids at this age.

Something I learned today?

I watched Alexei Sayle’s Christmas message where, as a Jew, he supports the Palestinians and calls out the Zionists in Israel as absolute liars. Much of the world is in agreement with his sentiment.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My students were happy that I cancelled all my classes today.  It was possible that we could still have them but they would be distracted and unfocused with many not even bothering to show up.  I feel slightly guilty though!  Though not guilty enough not to be sitting in the cafe writing this right now!  I will go back to school soon though and play with my students and hang around for an hour or three.

What was the best new thing I tried this year?

Best new thing? I’m not sure I tried any new thing!

Maybe I started using the DuoCards app this year which has been pretty helpful with my language learning.

Fuck, that’s not very exciting, is it!

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

As I’m already past the age of 30 and I can remember what my body was like then perhaps having that body would not be for the best.  I was still skinny at thirty, the beer belly came on over the following ten years.  As to my mind at thirty, I was still on my way at that point.  I still had peaks and troughs that overly affected me.

If we could rephrase the question to be 60 instead of 30 then perhaps I would choose my body now, despite it being older and slower it feels like it has improved and is fitter than before.  My mind is also in a better place….  Damn, this is a difficult choice.  The two are inextricably linked – healthy body, healthy mind….  I think I will go with maintaining the body. 

I’m thinking this because of seeing Grandmum now whose body is almost given up and unable to speak but I can’t help thinking that inside her mind is still sharp and that must be so frustrating.

I took this picture because Nicha wanted a selfie. When I showed her later she said she looked like a pig. At least I hope she was talking about herself.

The Newness – 23rd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Removed from the mundane
The newness shines a light
It’s simple to explain
Why it burns so bright

Let the first kiss remain
The nowness such a delight
Unsure and unsteady aim
But dressed to win the night

Today I’m feeling:

Good in the morning after sleeping pretty well for almost 11 hours.  I woke up on and off in the early hours as Tigger was complaining that the sun was coming up and that meant eating time!  We stayed on for another couple of hours as he came and went with his chit chat.

After coffee, massage and spicy hot pot though I fell back into a doze whilst listening to Sorry’s albums, one of which I had to play again as I totally missed it in a deep sleep.  I couldn’t get going again after that.  My body is catching up with all the energy it has exerted with exercise this week.  But I also feel good.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady at the hot spring that gave me a massage this morning.  Nothing out of the ordinary but the time flashed by and it was a good way to start the day (after coffee, which is the essential way to start the day!)

The best thing about today was:

The cooler weather that let us enjoy our home, both inside and out.  I joked with Hayden that it’s t-shirt weather, in this case, meaning it’s cold enough to put on a t-shirt.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning Amy was talking about going to a jazz restaurant this evening, the thought of which didn’t excite me much.  It is nice to go and do things together but I love being at home in my free time doing all the things I enjoy.  I don’t have the urge to go out much anymore now I’ve found my contentment.

Something I learned today?

The German government stated that if Europe wants to complete its ‘energy transition’, it needs control of massive lithium reserves.  And those reserves are located in Donetsk-Luhansk (now technically part of Russia).

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Over the last two days I’ve been messaging my student Earn and encouraging her to think about all the things she likes about herself.  She finds it very easy to find five things to do with her looks, she’s a cute kid and knows it, so I pushed her in the direction of her personality and beliefs and she stumbles a bit here as she lacks some self-confidence. 
I was surprised she told me that she doesn’t think that she is a very nice person.  That’s some good self-awareness but a surprising thing to admit, especially if you think it is a negative trait.  I guess it goes hand in hand with low self-confidence.  I gave her more positive feedback which she appreciated.

I took Amy to all the shops that she wanted to go to for ingredients this morning and carried the bags.

When summonsed I dug some holes for Amy to plant some cactuses around the garden.

Namkhing took this picture because Nicha wanted a selfie and I said she’d have to take it so then she roped in NK to do it and after taking the pictures she jokingly added this shot as she was handing back my phone. We were out on the football fields after school yesterday watching the girl’s teams play soccer. It was a lot of fun. No new pictures today.
Namkhing, Fah, Nicha and me, monkeying around.

Johnny Two Doors Down – 22nd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s the offer of a night to remember
Riding around with the hood down
A petrol romance in a warm September
Exploring every corner of the town

Further out into the smaller hours
The soundtrack radio begs the stirring song
“It’s just me, you and the night flowers
We’re right where we belong”

Johnny, he’s furnished with all the skills
But the pleasure here is a book
These are a different set of thrills
A reward for the patience took

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A bit stronger than yesterday.  My exercise was easier and it put me in a bright mood which I hope continues throughout the day.  I know I’m tired but I don’t have the feeling yet.  Perhaps because I’m ‘on-the-go’.  If I sat and relaxed somewhere it might be a different matter but the plan is for no relaxation today!

Today I’m grateful for:

My lip balm.  One time a year I need it, just when the air cools and gets drier.

The best thing about today was:

In my first class, Baibua was wearing a bootleg Iron Maiden sweatshirt.  Thailand has lots of knockoffs like this and people wearing them have no idea what they mean or represent.  Anyway, I asked her if she liked Iron Maiden to which she just looked at me blank-faced.  Namfon joined and she couldn’t understand either.  Eventually, I pointed to the shirt and even knowing what I was talking about neither of them knew what Iron Maiden was.  Well, let’s do some teaching.  I searched YouTube for The Number of the Beast video and blasted it through the room speaker to everyone’s laughter and my pleasure.  What a way to start the school day.

Also, watching some of my students playing football after classes finished and chatting, and playing with everyone around.  It was a good atmosphere, everyone happy and having fun.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There was a lot of plan-changing going on today, for things happening today and tomorrow.  I’ve gotten used to it now and don’t get annoyed at some plan that has been made that isn’t quite what I feel up for.  More than half the time the plan changes back to nothing or something I’m more interested in.  The rest of the time I just accept my fate.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I rubbed the hands of some students who were cold throughout the day.  Skinny Nicha in particular has no fat whatsoever to keep herself warm.  I told her to jump up and down which she did for a little while before hugging herself around my arm.

What are five positive characteristics about Amy?

Happiness.  I first noticed Amy at the cafe where I daily bought my double-shot cappuccino because she was always happy.  Many pretty girls were working there and I could have chosen to talk with any of them but I chose Amy.  One of the first things I said to her was ‘Why are you always so happy?’ Because it’s pretty much the opposite of my default mode at the time.  She just replied ‘I’m a happy girl.’ Well, this sounded like someone whose influence I could enjoy.

Outgoing.  Amy is somewhat extroverted but not in an obvious way.  She told me that when she was still in high school her friends couldn’t believe that she would just go up to foreigner strangers in bars and start talking with them.  She has no fear in this regard and can make friends easily.

Hardworking.  When she has a goal in mind she will work hard towards it.  From running her own business in Thailand to moving countries, studying, cooking and more lately housekeeping – she puts all she has into it.

Good with money.  Amy has always managed to budget well even in what seem like difficult circumstances. And she can still enjoy herself without fear of spending money when it makes her feel good. I’m happy for her to take care of our finances.

Loves cats (and good dogs!).  A first judgement can be made on many people by their love of animals.  A love of animals shows the ability for compassion.  Amy will do anything for our cats.

I took this picture because Hayden called me as I was talking with these students and they all shouted hello to him. I figured he might like to see his new fans, Sarah, Toey, Iphone, Pump and Ozone.

Maybe It’s A Madness – 21st December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Staring at the TV static
Hearing the song of the dishwasher
Hidden messages reveal themselves
To those who listen closer

The stars whisper in the wind
Words that make the shapes
Colours taste of iron and gold
The myth perpetuates

Maybe it’s a madness
But someone must be chosen
As the alien messenger
The guide for the gods

Today I’m feeling:

Definitely tired again and not from lack of sleep.  Still waiting to get over the hump of exhaustion brought on by exercise.  Thankfully just the one class in the morning today and I spent til midday running around to get documents together for my work permit again before heading home and a catch up nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy again, as I asked if she could get the medical certificate I needed for me again, like she did last time.  Otherwise it means me either waiting around or going back to the city after 6pm and the last time I did that the clinic didn’t even open.  Happily, she agreed.

The best thing about today was:

A third coffee at 22 Grams, after a couple earlier at House. It tasted delicious and spurred me to action to make some easy Quizizz for my classes tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been trying to push my student Baipad to become more confident and independent but I can see now that she is not yet mature enough and is somewhat comfortable despite her frustrations.

I get it, at 14, we want independence AND everything handed to us on a plate. Sooner or later a rude shock awakens us.

It’s an interesting contrast that she knows girls a similar age as her back in her family village in the mountains and they are already having babies. We both agreed that that is not a good situation to be in but also highlights her somewhat comfortable life at home where a bed and a mobile phone are the main objects of her interest.

Something I learned today?

I still don’t have syphilis! I’m not sure why foreigners need to get tested for this to get a work permit.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I made sure to encourage the students who were putting some effort into their work today. Once they got rolling with it, it was great to see. Some days they make me proud. Tomorrow may be a different story of course, but I’ll take it for today.

I took this picture because this is as Christmassy as we get here in Chiang Rai. This year, despite being two months into winter already, we’re still using aircon for a couple of hours at night.

To The Beach We Enjoy – 20th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The pinnacle of freedom, sunning on the sand
It’s been worth it, all those working hours planned
How to make the day last longer than a minute?
How to enjoy the freedom when sunk deep within it?

A mind numb from routine, endless pointless tasks
Accumulating misery that the search for freedom masks
Another dollar, another day disappears again
It’s a low bar for freedom that dribbles down the drain

Today I’m feeling:

A little run down after these three days of double exercise.  I must push through though.  I can still feel the general improvement in my body and the tiredness is more through not enough sleep.  I wanted to get to bed earlier last night but was enjoying listening to Amy talking about this, that and the other.

Today I’m grateful for:

Leo being reasonably calm this morning when I took him for a walk so that I don’t need to wash my pants like I did last week.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing another writing book, this one for poems.  It’s always exciting because I look forward to a new book and it’s width will effect how I write in it.  However at the moment I have a couple of half used books that I want to fill up first rather than waste the paper.  Actually, if I think about it I have lots of half empty books that I could finish off too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was grumpy with me when I indicated that I wanted her to stop poking me whilst I was eating.  I know she was just having fun but I got a little annoyed.  I don’t like things happening while I’m eating.  I like to sit and watch TV without disturbance.  Anyway, Amy went off and I finished my food and tried to carry on as normal.

Something I learned today?

I saw an interview with RFK Jr where he said some pretty dumb things (in my mind) about the genocide in Palestine.  It them made me wonder (into conspiracy theory territory perhaps).  What if those who wish to be in control in the USA were getting worried that RFK Jr was looking likely to become president next year and, knowing that he would support Israel in any conflict with Palestine, gave the go ahead for Netanyahu to destroy Palestine with impunity so that when RFK Jr showed his support of Israel he would likely lose lots of votes from those who support his other policies.  I saw lots of comments online saying that those who once supported him would no longer.  USA politics is such a fucking shitshow that conspiracy is almost likely.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

In both my classes I encouraged and coached my students to guide them to the information they needed to complete my work so that almost no one was left behind.  The kids are in a relaxed mood due to sports events and Christmas.  I’m trying to relax with them but also pushing them along.

Some students were a little grumpy with me for penalising them for not doing my work yesterday but I soon managed to get them smiling again.  Mostly, anyway.

In the garden, I tied up a little of the pencil tree again as it is growing off in crazy directions and I watered the plants at the back whilst Tigger was sunning himself on the fresh-cut grass.

Which book did you read in college or school that was actually interesting enough that you still think or talk about it sometimes?

Going through my old diaries reminded me of some of the books that I read in my teenage years and surprised me that I was reading more than I ever remembered.  I always felt it was a struggle to read.  Some of the titles were familiar but not so much the stories.  I was proud of reading all 6 of the Thomas Covenant books and, again, whilst remembering little of the story now, the achievement still resonates with me and has removed the fear of reading long books.  War and Peace now sits waiting on my to-be-read shelf.

Tonaor took this picture because she likes to take selfies and so I gave her my phone because I can’t hold the phone in the professional manner that these kids can. So lots of face pulling and snaps later this is the one I like the best. Tonoar, myself, Namkhing.

Titanium – 19th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This missile will find its way
Into the hands of men as gods
This bomb, when come out to play
Accelerates the unlikely odds
Nowhere safe from your precious metals
In bunkers even, sat hiding
Under rocks, the earth unsettles
Monsters are patiently residing

Today I’m feeling:

Good again though I can feel tired from the morning exercise and last night I didn’t stay up much past nine pm.

Today I’m grateful for:

The immigration officer at Mae Sai who gave me my visa, which allows me another ninety days stay and then one year. And I can get that next one at Chiang Rai.

The best thing about today was:

Not being at work in the morning.  It’s always good not to be at work when you are supposed to be, even though I enjoy my work these days.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Every day I could fill this space with something about my classes or students.  Knowing that I wouldn’t be at school this morning I sent work to my students on Saturday to give them plenty of time to do it beforehand if they so wished.  I reminded them on Saturday night, on Sunday and yesterday too but still, there were 13 students that didn’t do any work or communicate with me about their not being able to do it. 

Some will use an excuse that they had to go for vaccination during class time but that’s not going to fly as they knew about the classwork three days previously.  It has got me thinking about how to make some kind of lessons about planning and preparing for things.

Something I learned today?

I read an interview with volunteer medical emergency people in New York where they discuss trying to treat gunshot victims sometimes even as firefights are happening between the police and the ‘criminals’. Just replaying those thoughts over made me realise that the USA is already a third-world country.

What kind of responsible country has gun fights on its streets? What kind of organised country requires volunteer emergency services? A third-world one. It feels like the USA is trying to drag everyone down to their level.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I drove myself and Amy to the city this morning and I took Leo for a walk before driving us both to Mae Sai and back home.

I took time to prep a class for work that they have to do tomorrow so they were a little surprised that they had no actual work to do. 

Hopefully, they are primed and thinking about what they need to do tomorrow.  I’m pretty sure they can articulate in Thai but they need to figure it out in English.

I had to hold three students back in class because they didn’t do the work that I asked of them during class time.  Once they had resigned themselves to this fact I tried to make it at least a little bit fun for them until they had finished. 

Unfortunately, one of them was overemotional and rushed their work so that it was illegible and I had to make them do it again.  By now, everyone else was gone and the sound of kids outside having fun was very obvious. She eventually broke down crying saying ‘I want to go home’ and though I felt sorry for her I realised that she is very selfish and very spoiled by others around her.  I gave her some sympathy but also reminded her that it was her own bad choices that put her in this situation. 

As we were leaving the class I tried to remember what it was like when I was being ‘taught a lesson’ and put myself in her shoes. 

I like to credit my kids with smarts, they know exactly how to manipulate adults to get what they want and I feel like their tears are more because they know they fucked up and were wishing they hadn’t.  I felt really sorry for her but had to stop myself from giving in and letting her off.

How have I prioritized my well-being this year?

This has been by slowly increasing the amount of exercise I get and I have learned that I feel better and more positive on the days that I exercise.

I have also gotten into the habit of reading things that reinforce what I already know and though they often fizz in and out of clear memory I can feel that reinforcement building slowly, protecting my emotional stability.

Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

If this was inside the house…I don’t think there’s anything that can’t be replaced so maybe I might just grab anything to hand….  Grabbing important documents would be handy but I’d have to shove Amy back inside to grab them as I would undoubtedly grab the wrong things, for which I would forever feel her wrath!

If it was in my room then it would probably be my old photos. I’m slowly trying to digitize them all and if that ever becomes the case, even though I would have them stored online somewhere I would probably grab my hard drives with all the pictures, music, books and comics that I’ve collected over the years.

I took this picture because I was surprised to see all this extra decoration on the window at Utopia over the weekend.

Bloodstains – 15th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

*What you don’t understand you can make mean anything
Bleeding the meaning dry, the overthought
Adjusting the angles, mentally scrolling through the rainbow
The world become more endless once the meaning caught

*Chuck Palahniuk from Diary

Today I’m feeling:

Good and positive again. Squeezed in a couple of workouts this morning and that has given me some energy boost. Looking forward to sitting and writing after my first class today.

(later) I caught up on poetry writing, easily inspired just by random phrases from things I was reading.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the students that asked me to watch them play their sports after classes and I stayed around for more than an hour walking from place to place, watching, cheering, chatting. Everyone was in a cheerful frame of mind.

The best thing about today was:

My old workmate Marie, from the Woolworths cafe in Sydney messaging me out of the blue after about five years. She had crossed my mind occasionally when I remember happier times working there. She is now living back in France, near Paris and is a single mum. A change from when she was in Sydney and dating girls.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After having just bought tubs of ice cream at Big C I got stuck in the car park as the police closed the roads for some Royal family member passing through. No point getting too bothered, if the ice cream melts, it melts. I won’t die because of that. I did beep the guy in the car two in front of me when he let every other car out of the car park for the next five minutes after it got moving again. But it wasn’t in too much frustration, more just a reminder that maybe we could get moving too.

Apparently, lots of locals complain when the roads are closed for royalty here and it did make me wonder how it’s done in other countries. I think in some they must travel incognito because it seems pretty obvious here that it would be easy to take out the vehicles if you so had that intention, it’s pretty obvious which vehicles would be carrying someone important. I wonder how the police would react too, as it would be so unexpected and they’d probably never have had to deal with a situation like that. I’m imagining a Keystone Cops movie!

Anyway, it’s sleepy Chiang Rai. People complain and then get back on with things.

Something I learned today?

I learned how to use Kahoot in team mode in class and the kids enjoyed it a lot. I can see the benefits from it too. I think I will try to incorporate it a little more often in my lessons.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I cheered on all my students in their various sports.

I checked in with ****** this morning but didn’t talk about her home situation and just let her get her mojo back with her friends.

I took it easy with both of my classes today. I had prepped them for it so that they happily obliged doing the work that I asked them to do.

What was a small detail I noticed today?

Looking at this this morning and wondering if there might be anything I notice. I need to pay attention.

I noticed the small Christmas trees Gui put up in House. I don’t think they were here yesterday….

When I stepped out into the dark garden to take tonight’s picture I made sure to step loudly just in case there were any snakes in the grass. Unlikely but possible. I didn’t really think too much about it. Yet, as I turned to come back inside I noticed something long thin and shiny on the ground which turned out to be a shed snake skin.

I know there were many other small details registered throughout the day but they were so inconsequential that they aren’t worth any mention.

I took this picture because my camera thinks it can see the dark side of the moon.

Titanic Struggle – 13th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

All adrift, clinging to a plank
An act of violence ruptured
The bottom of the boat that sank

All hopeless, no help in icy waters
The push-and-pull unstructured
The cruel winds of heaven tortures

All alone, no kindness heard
Can the heart be healed?
Returned by the comforting word

All afire, broken and impermanent
The future one day revealed
When feet planted on new firmament

dVerse challenge

1st Jun 2024 – Submitted to the Ragtag Daily Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Very good. I pushed through exercise and felt good for it. At school, I comforted ****** as best I could and asked Jan to keep me updated. I feel a little hopeless about helping her and I can imagine she feels even more so.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nut’s Auntie and uncle who came and cleaned up lots of little details around our garden, in particular, pulling the weeds out from the driveway where our purple grass grows.

The best thing about today was:

Hearing from my grade 10 students that the reason that they wanted me to teach them next year is that they feel relaxed in my class and find it fun and more enjoyable than with Thai teachers. I have to wonder what some of their other classes are actually like.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On arriving home Amy was cleaning Bruno’s high-pressure hose (and seemed to be in a bad mood) and told me he wanted it back. 

I was doubtful about this as he had said to keep it as long as I needed and I still have a few places I’d like to clean up. 

I was also informed that I would have to drive Nut’s Auntie and uncle back to Bruno’s after they had finished which would be soon. 

I didn’t say anything, I hadn’t even got the shopping inside yet. I just accepted my fate and took a quick shower by which time they were ready to go. 

Of course, once we got there, Bruno was surprised to get his machine back already as he knew I hadn’t finished with it, and said to take it back. I hushed him and told him not to worry about it, as it already revealed Amy’s little white lie and I made no complaint. Amy seemed to be in a better mood by then, so all was good as we drove back home again.

Something I learned today?

It has only ever snowed two times in the Sahara. How’s that for some relatively useless information.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Once again offering support to my students struggling with mental health issues.

I took this picture on Sunday morning because this was the same mountain that we were at the top of the afternoon before, rising out of the cool morning mist.

Burn – 12th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Forgive the fire the pain
The hand pulls away
You’ve broken down again
Beautiful, in a way

Who you were is worthy
Of the love in your heart
Your mind made up too early
You pulled it all apart

Once the scar has healed
The tears have all dried
The love deserved revealed
Comes from deep inside

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Struggled through exercise this morning as I’m still tired despite a long sleep and my first class was a little difficult to settle down but we all got there in the end.

Today I’m grateful for:

There not being the bad traffic I was expecting when driving home. There are some events going on around the city and surrounds during this month as well as royal visits that close off roads from time to time. But not today! Hooray!

The best thing about today was:

Doing some investigation, planning and discussion with Nampan from SpeechOdd for an upcoming vinyl release. I’m hoping that this will help me get more involved with the scene here in Thailand.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my first and last classes were difficult and annoying today but I persevered, having to keep the second class late due to constant interruptions. It doesn’t help that my lessons are designed for two full hours and now we only have 100 minutes.

Something I learned today?

Just as I’m writing here this evening I got a message from Jan wanting me to talk with ****** because tonight she wants to kill herself! Sigh… it’s easy to see how despondent kids can get in the home environments here sometimes.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Talking with Jan and ******, getting information from one and consoling the other.

Offering a helping hand to Freya who is also suffering from depression as well as some physical ailments.

Sharing in the happiness of Mee, who also tried to kill herself last year, but today ran up to me to give me a big hug and smiles, pronouncing that her mum is home from abroad after a long period of absence. Hopefully, this will be enough to turn her life around.

Offering to help out to teach some extra classes since two of our teachers have left recently.

How does my body feel today?

It’s pretty good today actually. I did arm exercises this morning but didn’t feel any after-effects from that during the day, even feeling compelled to do 10 push-ups in the evening. Yes, it’s not much but this weakling old man has to start somewhere and started I have.

After my exercise in the morning, I noticed a sharp pain in my foot like I was standing on a sharp stone. I then just thought that perhaps an ant had bitten me. It wasn’t until I got home after school I found that it was a thin deep cut. I didn’t feel anything whilst wearing shoes at school but in bare feet again it’s painful as hell as every time I put weight on it the cut opens up.

Apart from still aching shoulders after the weekend ride everything else is feeling just about at the normal level of ache for a 56-year-old boy.

I took this panorama picture on Saturday because the whole view was just magnificent. A picture doesn’t do it justice really. No pictures today.