Tag: students

Last Library Lost – 30th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

High on the dusty fumes
Amongst friends old and new
Above us, a high ceiling looms
And a door beckons us through

There are tiny beautiful things
Collected to devour
High above, a princess sings
With such emotional power

Such candies of peace and war
Looking for old times lost
Not knowing what to look for
Or worrying about the cost

Along creaky floorboards and stairs
The world can be travelled at home
There’s nothing else that compares
To reading in one’s own comfort alone

Cries for love in poetic rhyme
Tears for another’s book burning
Forever backwards travelling time
A whole world ready for learning

17th Jul 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge
25th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Poetic

Today I’m feeling:

Undecided. Still a little weary and the skies are dull and grey again though at least there is rain to make the pleasure of staying inside more appealing.

After lunch of Amy’s homemade lasagna, it’s difficult to stay awake and I thought I could play guitar but Amy has gone for a lay down so I’m struggling through. It seems to have gotten darker throughout the day somehow, the mountains drenched in dark most, as the farmer backs and forths through the watery paddy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wind, our fans and the humidity. Despite it raining today and as it was forecast for the whole week I decided to wash my bedsheets, hang them on the terrace and shove the fan on them. Tonight I’m back in the big bedroom with clean sheets and another fan. Amy is out with Nut tonight and if she comes back late and drunk she can possibly not disturb me if I’m already sleeping.

Amy invited Bee to go with them but never got any reply before she left. Bee had commented on a photo that Amy shared of us all out at dinner, ‘miss you so much’ etc. but we know that she won’t be allowed out by herself by George.

Who knows, maybe she did get out in the end. But I doubt it.

The best thing about today was:

Watching Sydney hang on against the Bombers in the AFL. We have a slim shot of making finals still this year though to be honest we probably don’t deserve it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I’ve been sitting here writing this Cap came in and pissed on Amy’s bed. A big one, FFS! Just as everything was starting to smell nice… 

I took the wet sheets and pillow and dumped them outside on the terrace then soaked up as much pee as I could before throwing a bottle of baby powder over the whole bed.

Something I learned today?

My OG student Momo messaged me today asking me what question to ask someone to find out what kind of person they are? Cute! She’s switched to the Japanese program this year but from what I understand her pertaining to, she is online chatting with an Italian guy using English. 

Quite amazing how far we’ve come from pen pals writing letters every couple of months to just being able to immediately connect with someone face-to-face on the phone.

Momo is a very intelligent and cute girl. She can snag a handsome Italian!

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

Oddly, it’s this one. I took four photos of these flowers which hang on big trees. None of the pictures were good but I zoomed in and cut the picture down to just this and it has something about it. The image has stuck with me.

I took this picture because these pretty dragon fruit flowers only look good for a day but they are big and cake-like fluffy. Still no fruit.

Under The Big Tree – 27th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

A revelation of the vastness
Of the universe
*In the scale of the world
Ego diminishes*

Sitting under this big night sky
Lonely but not alone
A life lived put into context
Must be made one’s own

Ten thousand years will pass
Turning all to dust
Footprints left waiting in the mud
Maybe seen by none
When gods decide on supernova
No one will wonder
About all the thinking
Under the big tree done

* quote from David Elikwu
Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #320

Today I’m feeling:

Sleepy, not helped by the fact that morning classes were cancelled so I had no flow going for that time. It’s super hot and humid and no one wants to study. I still have class this afternoon but luckily I talked with David who said that the class were behind in his work, whereas they are ahead in mine so instead of teaching them I can let them catch up for him. Happy happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The English Cheddar cheese chips at Makro that hopefully will stay available and not just be a short trial to see how well they sell. They remind me a little of old England and the regular chips flavours that I grew up with like cheese and onion, salt and vinegar or ready salted. The flavour combinations here in Thailand are wild to me though obviously understandable. I sometimes need familiarity.

The best thing about today was:

Making some deeper connections with some of my quieter students in a more relaxed space than just in the classroom where their bored little faces stare right through me. It’s easy to connect with the studious ones and even with the ones who don’t understand anything but the quiet ones take a bit longer.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The whole school schedule is out of my control as I discover changes with very short notice and it has taken me some time to adapt myself to this. Now I’m more able to roll with the punches and today has certainly turned out in my favour.

Something I learned today?

Thaksin is due to come back to Thailand next month after 15 years in exile. I’m wondering if this could be a move to quiet any issues with the winners of the recent election not being part of the government? The machinations of politics in Thailand are difficult to follow but it all seems to come back to one word – corruption.

What would I like to accomplish soon?

This feels like a question for a younger person. Do I need to accomplish anything? Sometime soon, I need to clean my room and move my stuff back in there from the house. Hardly a big deal.

I don’t have any big goals or anything. I have plans but they are just things that will happen without much input.

I’d like to lose my belly fat but it also doesn’t really matter if I don’t because I can feel my health has improved in general. 

This feels like a tough question to answer for me right now.

Rista took this picture because she grabbed my phone to take photos of herself and Namkhing. This is my lizard eye. One that I never notice in my soft mirror at home. I must stop smiling.

Headstones – 25th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Staring away at the whispered words
The smile no longer inspires
Ghostly here amongst the sleeping
Letting go of what love requires

The end of the story, said goodbye
Seven minutes to break a heart
The one that promised themselves so much
Must find the joy of a new start

Today I’m feeling:

I slept in the air-conned bedroom with Amy last night but still didn’t sleep that well, waking up with aching hips or feeling too cold! Anyway, it was better than feeling hot and Tigger had also sprayed in our bedroom and it was still smelly in there. 

My first class went well and has put me in a good mood as I sit here drinking coffee preparing for my next class in four hours and by preparing I mean doing something else besides thinking about teaching!

Today I’m grateful for:

My new pants that I bought yesterday and felt good wearing today. I tried the other pair I bought but even though they are the same maker and have the same label for waist size are about two sizes too small for me. No refunds. It’s a shame but I should’ve tried them on rather than trusting that they would be the same. My mistake.

The best thing about today was:

Firstly, having my last class, the troublesome rebellious lot, going well again and being a lot of fun this time, I’m glad that I made the change of style of teaching with them and whilst I don’t feel like I’m teaching them much at least they are practising their reading, writing and speaking skills to some degree.

Then, after school, Nong Na and Amy were waiting for me and we went off to Big C to get pizza and ice cream. It was good to see Na again, she has just started at the university in the Aviation faculty and I can already hear her improved confidence in listening and speaking since I last met her when she was in high school.

She is a quiet girl, never travelled far but is a good student and somehow Amy lit a fire under her and she has shown a determination to improve her English by herself. We are quite proud that she has come so far. She had never been to the Pizza Company store or to the ice cream shop so it was quite a thrill for her and it was our treat.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s ten pm and I’m in bed, ran out of time to play guitar today which I kinda look forward to even though some days I sit down to play and get frustrated after five minutes of trying. Tomorrow evening I should have enough free time though as Amy will go out so I await that with anticipation. Thursday will not be free but Friday is the start of six days off so I’ll get some practice time in then.

Something I learned today?

I’m in the middle of a questionnaire to discover my style of kindness at work but my eyes are drooping and Amy is already asleep on my shoulder so I will have to learn that tomorrow. I learned other things today for sure but what were they….?

How do I cope with stress and adversity?

By not inviting it into my head so often. When it does it always upsets me that I let it get the better of me. 

I took this picture a couple of weeks ago because these two-tone clouds looked amazing on the horizon. Unfortunately, it didn’t translate as well into a picture on my phone but as I didn’t find the time or opportunity to take a picture today then this will have to do. Tomorrow – must try harder!

Hulk Think! – 24th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Our society is wealthy enough to meet our needs
Yet organised such that violence is needed to survive
Fight not crime but instead, fight those who create it
A real civil society dictates what it means to be alive

inspired and paraphrased from Existential Comics 507

Today I’m feeling:

Slept badly and though I know I’m tired I also know today is an easy day, at least beyond the fact that we are running around doing my visa which is a stress all by itself. 

I forced myself to exercise a little this morning even though my routine is disrupted by Amy being here and us running around doing things.

Sometimes I can see how old people get grumpy when routines are broken. I don’t want to get set in my ways but I do want to get back into an exercise routine again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The visa officer who was kind and helpful and despite us having a small issue with a bank statement he allowed my visa to be processed and I have to go back in September hopefully to receive another year’s grace. 

The process is always stressful and has Amy wound up and I try my hardest to not bite and stay calm. Having not slept well I managed until around 11 am and was starting to flag. Whether Amy sensed that or not I’m not sure but I perked up when she decided, out of the blue, to buy me some nice shirts. Later in the day I also found some nice cheap work pants too. 

The best thing about today was:

Having the free time to deal with all the visa bullshit without too much hassle and still get back to hanging out with the kids at lunchtime and for my single class. Then back to shopping at the mall.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my temper a little at the end of my class today as we were running out of time and a few girls were playing TikTok dancing on their phones. It passed quickly when I took the phone away and told them that they could get it back from their homeroom teacher at the end of the day. When the class finished one of the girls stayed behind and was suitably contrite, asking for the phone back. I was okay to do that this time with a reminder that next time it will definitely happen.

Something I learned today?

I found out that the visa officers at immigration get their lunchtime coffees at House. They came in as I was leaving today.

What are some activities or hobbies that bring me joy?

Joy? Sometimes when I’m riding my motorbike I get a feeling approaching joy. The smells, the air (when it’s clean), the cool of the shade, the freedom to discover. 

In the classroom, there are occasions when joy erupts, which is less easy when you’re on the teaching side of the equation.

Otherwise, there are times of happiness, satisfaction and fun but joy is not an emotion I particularly need to chase after. Small brief moments are preferable.

Takky took this picture because, for my visa application, we have to take photos in our bedroom, outside our front gate and, for this year, we turned the teaching room into our living room as Amy entertained there last night.

The Sad Birthdays Start – 20th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Not too young, not too old
Have a happy birthday today
Comfortable in this solid, good age
Time moves only one way
While all around are obsessed
With things that matter not
How can these golden years
Be the only gold we’ve got?

inspired by writing at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Similar to yesterday. Heavy eyes but body set to go. Waiting for my brain to catch up. Coffee and kids will do the trick. 

The kids will be disappointed this morning as the playground is closed as another one of the sails covering the roof has ripped and fallen down in the storm yesterday afternoon. I wonder when they will decide to give up on this design and put in something more practical instead.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to watch Seven Kings Must Die via a dodgy Thai gambling website on our big TV tonight. It took me a while to get back into the story from the TV series (The Last Kingdom) but I enjoyed it a lot. 

The best thing about today was:

Getting home, hungry as hell and Amy said ‘ok, I’ll cook now’ and the smells from the kitchen that I haven’t smelled for a long time. It’s the best! My microwave TV dinners are no comparison.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It took me about half an hour to watch a five-minute video this afternoon because Amy kept talking to me, asking questions that required attention. When I felt confident that she’d finished I jokingly asked her if it was possible that I might be able to finish watching this five-minute video that I started watching thirty minutes ago? Thankfully she was in a good mood!

Something I learned today?

The phrase ‘taking the mick’ came from cockney rhyming slang. Mick is Mickey Bliss hence ‘taking the piss’. But now I’m wondering who was Mickey Bliss and where did ‘taking the piss’ even come from?

I was actually conscious of learning this while reading it hence writing it here. I love language play.

What is a cause or issue that is important to me?

Increasingly it is education as this is my field of employment. 

Over the long term, it is animal welfare and food use. Slowly the world is changing and the abuse of animals for food consumption will hopefully keep decreasing and instead of wasting crops to feed animals, we can just remove that part of the chain and use those crops to feed other humans. 

Increasing production and consumption will bring down prices of vegetarian products and drive up meat prices so they become less affordable and desirable. There are still lots of things holding back this change but it feels to me to be the most virtuous way.

Whilst this issue is important to me, I’m not evangelical about it. I do what I can by myself. Other people’s choices are out of my control.

I took this picture because this is how I found my students when I came to the classroom. I woke them up with my phone alarm and greeted them good morning. I’m curious what schools are like in other countries now. South America, the Middle East, and other parts of Asia. 

Donation Pile – 19th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Tears of heartache spilt on her dress
The memory held must no longer impress
“This was me, but this was me then”
And she will never be that person again
She can’t carry all the ghosts of time
All the lives lived already left behind
She cannot hold on to the warm evening air
And this dress no longer takes her there

inspired by writing at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up feeling okay after a good sleep, shoving the fan against the open window again as the temperature actually rose during the evening. But as I was driving to work I suddenly felt a wave of tiredness come over my brain. My body still felt ok but my brain wanted to switch off. Unfortunately, that’s not an option but I wonder if this is my regular run out of energy that I will need a big sleep to catch up on?

(Later) I managed to pick up my energy throughout the day though I was looking forward to relaxing at home until Amy reminded me we have a plan to meet Nong Na.

It ended up raining so hard that when we got home everyone agreed to change plans to meet another day instead.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Pin, who didn’t complain when I tracked her down in the canteen at lunchtime and made her try to read the work she should have done yesterday. I know she struggles to read so I wanted her to see that I am there to help her and push her forward even if the progress is only marginal. She did her best and I was grateful that she tried.

The best thing about today was:

Whilst I was standing amongst a group of students talking with Jet and Noah, Nicha stood beside me and started massaging my wrist and forearm. 

I’m not sure why or what was in her thoughts but I appreciated the massage as my wrists were sore from doing some push-ups this morning. 

I don’t feel uncomfortable when teenage students (boys or girls) do odd things like that. I think maybe they are testing boundaries or testing themselves in a safe environment. 

I know other teachers’ own boundaries may be pushed in that situation but I would never let anything become inappropriate. 

I play with my students as if they were my own children and would never hurt them physically or emotionally. I want them to grow, unafraid of criticism and to develop their own self-esteem and confidence in their own actions and emotions.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy dropped me at school today so I had no car to zip out for coffee, not that I have much time on Wednesdays to do that. I embraced being in the school for the whole day and filled the time with helping, talking and playing with students and teachers alike.

Something I learned today?

The guy most of the country voted for in the recent election has been disallowed to be prime minister on a technical issue because that is what certain people in power want. When these people don’t get what they want through the systems in place, they can always find another way. The tide is turning but it’s too slow for many.

What am I feeling right now?

8 pm – Ready for bed but not quite out of energy in my limbs. 

My eyelids are heavy, my ankles are aching, my wrists are sore.

My mind is still humming though with the idea that I have to prepare some more lessons soon. I don’t think I have enough for some of my classes. I also know that I won’t have much free time in October to prepare for the second semester. This anxiety is sitting quietly in the back of my head.

I took this picture because this critter was sitting happily on the wall outside the classroom.

Different Worlds – 14th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When I walk by the river
Do you see what I can see?
Catfish jumping, catching cats
Elves flying from tree to tree
I see elephants tugging boats
The waters are dark and deep
Fireworks fired from the sun
Dreams of which my secrets keep
Do you see sparks flying?
Feel the love of the farmer’s daughter?
Here’s a dose of the real world
Found within this water

Perceptions, real or imagined, are all valid.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. No class this morning because of the Japan Day event in the morning so teachers are running around preparing things and students are running around playing cosplay or slinking off to find a quiet place to sleep. I think what they are doing doesn’t teach much but I try to forget that and get into the spirit of it. It’s hot, humid and everyone is sweaty already. My students already asked me to skip class this afternoon but I think we can do a little bit just for fun.

(Later) It was so hot and running around to the temple and the crematorium, back and forth to school all wore me out so I fell in line with the kids and told them the class was cancelled and I came home. As I was driving back a nice storm cleared the air, though I had to quickly get to the gutter to clear all the leaves I found blocking it yesterday. Nothing like an emergency to galvanise one into action. The storm is long gone now though and the sun returned to torture us more.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Hobby coffee shop which Gui recommended me to try as House is closed today as he goes to Bangkok for a coffee festival. The barista at Hobby used to live in Melbourne and his coffee is good but lacked the kick of taste I like. Maybe he has a dark roast I can try when I go back later.

(Later) I’m here now and forgot to ask! Another time. Off to Boom’s funeral.

The best thing about today was:

Amy is about to board her flight to Chiang Rai and in a couple of hours she’ll be back here complaining about how hot it is. It will be good to annoy each other in person again! And kiss, cuddle and comfort too.

(Later) And now I’m at the airport again waiting for her and it doesn’t seem quite real. Everything changes, everything is the same.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Some of my students from the class on Tuesday were grumpy with me because I complained to their homeroom teacher so much. When I ran into them today some couldn’t resist the urge to come and chat and play with me and likewise, I always feel happy to see them, especially outside the classroom. They are good kids just bad students. They’ll figure it out given time and hopefully not too late.

Something I learned today?

A US presidential candidate has called for an end to NATO arguing that it has continually broken its own charter and is making the world a more dangerous place. I did not think it would sell in America but the rest of the world seems to agree.

What are some of my favourite things?

Amy surprised me with a new iPhone so right now that is my favourite thing.  Tomorrow it won’t be though. It will just be a phone, a little better than the one I was using before. 

Maybe Amy is my favourite thing. Most days.

I took this picture because today is Boom’s funeral and all his biker friends came to the crematorium to see him off. After his body went into the flames they revived their engines and tooted their horns for a minute.

A Brief Interest, Fleeting – 13th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’ve learned not to fall in love
With each racing of my heart
Each small attention to detail
No longer makes me fall apart

With the little time we have
There’s all the time in the world
I’ll learn to love that first
Before the loving of boys and girls

Inspired, again, by the real-life story of other people via Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good in general. Amy flies tomorrow and we will see each other so long as she can make the connecting flight in time.

My day started off well, forcing myself up despite wanting to sleep more and once I got going things all fell into place making for a calm and relaxing day of classes for a change. Sometimes I know the attitude I bring has an effect on how the classes go. Likewise, all the students bring their attitudes too so we throw it all into the stew and sometimes it tastes good and other times not. Because it is Japan Day tomorrow I’ve just been teaching about Japan and the kids already have a lot of exposure and interest so they were mostly engaged with it. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The paper and scissors that were available to my classes that enabled the students to make origami hearts and other origami figures. Luckily many of the teachers were doing the same things so there were lots of items available. Sometimes it can be difficult to scratch around for certain resources.

The best thing about today was:

When the students were making origami hearts I asked them to write inside the name of who they wanted to give it to. I suggested boy/girlfriends and mums and dads but I was happy to find some to teacher Shaun. The 12/13 year-olds can be adorable when they are not being little shits!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Thailand tried to vote for a PM today but predictably the process has been derailed to try and exclude the one MP that the people of the country voted for. I don’t see it as that much of an issue so long as the government can still be managed more by the party that people voted for but the system here is still dominated by military-appointed members which makes any progress here extremely slow going.

However, I knew this was going to upset Amy and she would see it as another negative point to be upset about. When the subject came up we soon decided not to talk more about it at this time.  

Something I learned today?

In a laughable irony, the UK has passed a more draconian national security law than Hong Kong has. Hong Kong, a place the UK and US have criticised for its strict national security law. The US security law also allows for targeted killings of US citizens in other countries! It is ironic that the paid protesters in Hong Kong have been allowed safe haven in the UK and US where they are now subject to stricter security laws than the ones they were protesting.

What do I like most about myself?

I don’t know how to answer this. The most? The fact that I’m alive? That’s quite enjoyable! 

Maybe that I can connect with kids easily. I don’t consider myself to be a particularly good teacher but feel like I’m a good human for the kids I meet. For most of them that is enough.

Maybe another thing is that I have gained wisdom as I’ve gotten older and I like the current version of me more than the younger version.

I took this picture because my student Tulip enjoyed looking ridiculous, covered in talcum powder and posing for a picture. Playing with powder and water seems to be a thing and it is a little annoying in class but at least it smells nice!

Secret Stairwell Reader – 12th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A library for escape
Away from toxic adolescence
Give me a book, a cure
Ten-minute convalescence
A silent conversation
With Kurt, Leo or Tim
Sudden shock discovery
Stirs something within
Where I fell in love
Every day, every page turned
Caught like a naughty child
A secret found, unearned
This secret isn’t yours to share
Find your own stairs to sit
Fall in your own love
And be satisfied with it

inspired by the story here on the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Tired from lack of sleep. Slept well but just not long enough. Hopefully coffee gets me going.

I was having a very nice dream this morning but it was suddenly interrupted by what seemed to be a handsome TV presenter with a gleaming smile. He looked at me sideways and then gave me a wink and a knowing smirk. And my alarm went off!

Did I almost cross over into the Matrix? A glimpse behind the curtain? I actually laughed as I turned my alarm off. It felt like some sort of comfort.

Today I’m grateful for:

Teaching the grade 10 kids first this morning. Even though their English isn’t good, their maturity at least makes them more manageable to teach. They still have concentration issues when it comes to phone management issues. I can’t help but feel that letting them have their phones in class is going to affect them badly in the future unless our societies turn into 5-second functions where they might be ahead of the game. 

I think these kids will be in for a rude awakening or have already accepted their fates.

The best thing about today was:

A big beautiful rainstorm from low black clouds as I was driving home. Our poor rusted guttering couldn’t cope with the deluge and I may need to make another venture up onto the roof to see if there is anything blocking it. If there’s not it just means there’s too much rain too quickly to even take care of.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As a follow-on from yesterday’s annoying class, I spent much of the day chasing up lazy kids, offering them help several times and making myself available, all to little avail. Less than half the students bothered to do anything. When the online quiz deadline passed I advised their homeroom teacher again asking what she could do about it and she just said she’d tell them again. She doesn’t get it either. The work for my class is no longer the issue. My two-hour lesson shouldn’t end up as a twenty-four-hour helpline. I asked again what she is going to do to stop them from wasting everyone’s time. I’m not expecting any answer.

Something I learned today?

Chatting with David, he is also frustrated with his classes and the student’s lack of understanding. I do take it as a challenge for me to find better ways to engage the kids but it is exhausting when they are just not interested in developing themselves at all. I think David will quit soon.

When was the last time I felt at ease?

I feel at ease most of the time if I consider it carefully. Sure I can let my classes wind me up but I’m mostly wound down again the following day even if I’m still thinking about it. By that point, I’m thinking up solutions and not getting emotionally caught up in it anymore. I’m not letting things overwhelm me like might have happened in the past.
It is still a rollercoaster of being totally on during the semester and then totally off during the holiday. That transition does feel weird.

My student, Wipping, took this picture because she asked me to smile but I pretended to be upset that she wasn’t working. This picture captures my internal feelings in class sometimes. 99% of the time it remains internal and I have also never hit anyone with that stick. It is actually my remote control for the projector on the ceiling.

Sanctioned – 11th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No bombs dropped 
No drones deployed
Bloodletting stopped
Society destroyed
A silent terror
Stalks night and day
Without error
Slowly eating away
Bloodless coups
To change regimes
No power to choose
Economic dreams
For years to suffer
To wither and die
Each breath tougher
A silent cry
A subjugated state
Media silence
Returns tenfold hate
Brewing violence
Order dies alone
Then the lies reveal
The war comes home 
Melting beams of steel
All the machinations
The manipulators
Warred with nations
Hate generators

Today I’m feeling:

The morning went fine as I had no class and the kids in the playground were all chatty and playful so I felt pretty good hanging out at House drinking coffee. I went back early to get some paper ready for my first class to make origami hearts and that went well and everyone had a good time. For my last class, I prepared a nice little Quizizz lesson about Japan in preparation for Friday’s Japan theme. Sadly things didn’t go well. Twenty minutes into the class and about 12 students hadn’t arrived so I marked them absent. I sent a message to their homeroom teacher who said that six students were helping her. Well, thanks for letting me know. When other students finally arrived I told them that they were marked absent and could leave if they wanted. Some did. Fuck them.

From here the students that were there were already rowdy and got more so as the lesson went on. They were mostly spread out all over the floor, rolling around and playing. I kept my cool as long as I could and we got to the final question of the quiz where the students had to write two things that they learned. When they just started writing nonsense I blew it. They had already been crying to leave early so I made them wait until the actual end time and told them they would have to do the whole quiz again within the next 24 hours and answer the question properly.

I left school bewildered and pissed off. Even the younger kids are more together than this class. And why do I let it bother me? Like I said above  ‘fuck them’ but really I can’t help myself. I want to try to make it better. So I have to find a different way. I’ll think about it more this week.

Today I’m grateful for:

The one or two students in that class who were paying attention and trying their best. I’m glad to see that some of them have some awareness about what is going on around them though they feel just as helpless as me.

The best thing about today was:

My first class making origami hearts was a lot of fun. I told them that they could write inside who they wanted to give their heart to and that caused a lot of frivolity. As they finished making them I handed back ever smaller pieces of paper to see how small they could go. They all accepted the challenge eagerly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

While I was drinking my morning coffees Amy messaged me that her cousin (?) Boom had died. He had gotten sick after exposing himself somehow to some strong insecticide which started eating away at his legs. He was given medicine to help but apparently decided taking multiple doses would cure him quicker but sadly it fucked up his internal organs until they gave out. I’m not sure this is the full story but the sad thing is that it is possible he could have survived if he had money to pay for ICU for longer. Unfortunately, he had a bad habit of being spoiled by his family and had frittered away everything that they ever had. I don’t think people deserve this fate but some people certainly don’t do anything to help themselves.

In the back of my mind this afternoon, whilst struggling with my class, was having to go to the temple, possibly this evening but thankfully I don’t. I’m still feeling tense and annoyed. It looks like I will be able to go on Friday late morning as it is nearby. That’s better than having to go after the work day.

Something I learned today?

I read and learned a lot this morning but now my mind is full of saltiness. I look forward to waking up more positive tomorrow.

What does it mean to be wise?

This morning I heard a great line from Gino Jevdevic from Kultur Shock. It went along the lines of, to be old and wise you must be first young and stupid. I guess that’s no guarantee but perhaps feels like a requirement. So people seem to be wise already in their youth. Something innate for a special few though no doubt they themselves may not see it that way.

To be wise? To understand oneself, to understand the world as best as you can and for that understanding to bring contentment.

When was the last time I showed perseverance?

I think I show this quite often. For example, I will persevere with this annoying class of mine even when my thoughts are of just giving up on them. I will try to find a way to make it work for them and for me. 

I’m persevering with guitar playing despite very slow progress, same with learning Thai. I have kept going with tenzenmen for 20 years already through various ups and downs. 

I’ve persevered with writing here on this app too, almost a year now, so this sentence is an example of the last time I showed perseverance,

I took this picture because the sun was playing crazy with the tops of the clouds and this storm that threatened blew away somewhere else.