Can I keep the bullet you gave me When you shot me through the heart? Perhaps one day it will save me To put back together what you ripped apart
Today I’m feeling:
Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times! By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!
Today I’m grateful for:
In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!
The best thing about today was:
I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!
Something I learned today?
I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.
How can I be kinder to myself?
I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.
I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.
There’s a big ball of metaphors With cherries, where I sit Sweet and juicy popping flesh Surrounds the poisonous pit Dancing with death But willing to lead The softest smash Reveals the seed The greatest thing ever seen A cigarette left unlit Cyanide on a sunbeam A perfectly mouthed spit
19th June 2023 – inspired by this post by Makenna Karas
Today I’m feeling:
No aircon last night again so I shoved the fan next to the open window but that stopped sometime during the night to perhaps to a power glitch which had happened a couple of times during the evening. So despite waking up hot at one point I finally got up with my alarm and felt pretty good, less achy than after the weekend, which seems to point to the fact I should exercise on the weekend too. Anyway, I’m sipping my first coffee and ready to go.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding another salad seller today at the market up at the university, which I don’t normally go up to. I was actually looking for the spicy fish seller but happy to find salad instead.
The best thing about today was:
Breezing through the day enjoying teaching, being around and talking and playing with students. I’m enjoying the challenge of keeping my students occupied and happily learning what little they can in each class. I must admit that I feel like I have little time for much else from Tuesday through to Friday.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Apart from running out of time to do more of the things I want, today was all smooth sailing. I am still waiting for Kru Jern to give me parents’ emails for one class but I hate to hassle her as I know everything admin-wise from the whole department gets dumped on her. The only way to deal with it is to wait.
Something I learned today?
I read an article about a lady that deliberately put up a ‘cat found’ poster in New York that had pictures of a possum on it and wanted to see what reaction they would get from people who called the number supplied. I learned that the New Yorkers that did respond were helpful and respectful with not even one saying anything bad about the kind of person that would mistake a possum for a cat. A tiny sliver of hope for humanity.
What is something that I find challenging but worth pursuing?
The thing I find most challenging right now is having the free time to fit in everything I want to do in a day. Exercise, learning Thai, playing guitar, communicating with students, reading books and comics, listening to music…. time runs out every day.
I took this picture because these three funny naughty students were trying to annoy me so I took their pictures and I told them I will send it to their homeroom teacher and they all screamed and sat down. For about five seconds.
I don’t want to leave here These familiar sounds and smells Every hour, stand up, sit down With the tolling of the bells
The time of laughter and joy Mixed with frustrations and tears I want to be a kid forever I don’t recognise these years
Freedom and future evaporate As responsibilities reveal their load I fail to understand how adults work I don’t want to know the code
19th June 2023 – At 55, as a teacher, I’m finally enjoying my school years!
Today I’m feeling:
Last night the aircon in the bedroom was working again which was a relief…until! The power went out sometime while I was sleeping. I woke up hot and sticky and checked if the ELCB had tripped which it hadn’t so there was nothing to do except to try and get back to sleep which I did eventually and when I woke again, which may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, the power was back but the aircon stopped working! So when my alarm went off I elected to snooze it though stirred myself before it re-triggered. I pushed through an ab workout and slowly my brain and body woke up properly. By the time I was in class, I was set and felt good for the whole day.
Today I’m grateful for:
Breaking a guitar string that I had a single replacement for without having to open a new pack. It’s simple but I’ll take what I can get.
The best thing about today was:
The feeling of flow in the classroom. Sometimes being a teacher feels like herding cats and whilst that can be frustrating today I had the energy to run around and keep everyone focused (from time to time at least).
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Before I left school I met a few grumpy students from my last class. They were grumpy because they had been blamed for someone else’s garbage outside and had been made to clean up around the whole playground. When I got home Kru Wow had sent me a picture and message about the rubbish my students left in her classroom. Possibly the same students who had been wrongly accused outside! I apologised to Kru Wow but those kids are a very messy bunch. It’s up to me to check before they leave though.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, the forecast for this rainy season is no rain until August. Fuuuuuu…..
What is a dream or aspiration that I have yet to pursue?
One of the main ideas of being located in Thailand was the easy access to the rest of Asia but due to covid, I’ve barely been anywhere. Still want to visit Vietnam, Korea, Cambodia, the Philippines and Indonesia as well as get back to Japan and China too.
Little Nicha (front) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket while I was talking with JubJib (back). I was curious about what photos I would end up seeing and this is my favourite. Noah, JJ, Fah, me and Nicha. All good kids.
Entitled to an opinion? Constantly talking shite Does Everyman exist? And what of his plight? Doing the dishes again Through lace curtain windows Post-work pub crawl Where good gossip flows Ideas getting bashed out From a giant ball of clay Slowly returns to mud With every word they say Everyone a stereotype Every opinion counted Even in opposition A culture war is mounted
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but I can tell that I’m a little exhausted at the end of the week again. This day is weird. Teach first thing and then wait four hours to teach again. I can fill the time easily enough it’s just the up and down of the tension in my body.
Today I’m grateful for:
Mum’s soup again. I got home a bit late and I could see a storm coming. I wasn’t sure what I was going to eat and thought I could quickly dash to the market to find something. Just as I put my keys in my pocket after getting changed some rain came, not too much but it didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon. A quick double-check of the freezer and there waiting was Mum’s soup. Great. Adding salt, pepper, dried garlic, chilli in vinegar, crunchy dried gluten with dried chilli and kaffir lime leaves, defrosted and piping hot, it sure hit the spot.
The best thing about today was:
Being happy and contented at school so much that even after I finished my own class I joined another where I knew some students and helped them a little before bumping into other students all stopping for a chat or calling me over. There were some students from another school and I realised one was a girl (Gift) I met here a couple of years ago. I never taught her but she always wanted to talk with me when she saw me and slowly I got to know her and her friends. I didn’t know she’d moved schools and was now at the Technical College doing something related to cooking. Her English is still poor so I couldn’t get much more than that. She has a positive attitude though and should be able to do well for herself. It was good to catch up.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The rhythm of the day has seen me run out of energy again and although I feel happy I also seem a little grumpy (to myself). Like not quite right. The buzz of the classes at the ends of the working day have made it feel like a very stop-start affair, almost two days in one but with no sleep between them. Matt messaged me about a new restaurant near him and wondered if I might come over to check it out. My feeling is not to do anything this weekend, then I considered that I could go on Sunday but then pushed myself to go tomorrow instead. Sometimes I have to kick my own ass to get myself moving. Amy also called from the Star Casino bar where she was having a great time drinking and dancing by herself, though enjoying the acquaintance of others there. For me though I was feeling a little annoyed at being called many times but I also realise that she misses me being there with her (even though I wouldn’t have likely been at that bar with her). I appreciate her happiness and enjoyment of her life and know that my mild annoyance is irrational. I need a sleep and I’m already thinking about tomorrow morning’s coffee!
Something I learned today?
I was listening to an interesting podcast with Peter Hessler whose books about China I have read or to read here (as well as his wife’s book Factory Girls). They left China in 2007 but a few years later after having twins decided to live in Cairo, Egypt just at the time of the violent colour revolution there. Besides that, what was interesting there was his discovery of the Chinese diaspora there, how they ended up there, how they became leading plastic recyclers or women’s lingerie sellers and the differences and appreciation of each other’s cultures.
When do I feel most alive?
At age 55 it definitely isn’t on Friday nights anymore! I suppose it would be at school being with my students, not necessarily teaching them but just chatting and understanding. Back in Sydney, I remember talking with friends about my possible futures at the time and that I was thinking of becoming a barista (which I soon did) and perhaps an English teacher (which I eventually did). My friends said they thought that I would make a great teacher though I didn’t really know why they thought that. Maybe they could see something that I couldn’t. They didn’t imagine me as a barista though admittedly at the time barista was judged similarly to hipster. When I think back even further I remember the time in Gosford in 1995 when Bronwyn and I got stoned and ended up at her friend’s youth club that night much to my dismay and initial reluctance and then after getting over my paranoia (it’s not easy to get lost in thought surrounded by 100 teenagers in a room) having a memorable night of enjoyment that has stuck with me ever since.
I took this picture because this is the result of the plant/tree sap dripping on me the other day. It’s cleared up a bit now, after blistering a little in places but I expect it to stay red in places for maybe three or months and will get itchy in the next week or two. I should try and find out more information about what the plant actually is.
17th July 2023 – With my new iPhone I was able to use the Look Up function for the picture of the plant. It is Euphorbia tirucalli (known as Indian tree spurge, naked lady, pencil tree) and the latex sap is poisonous and can indeed cause temporary blindness!
Stepping into the river of joy I’m held high with its pleasure Even taken up to the heavens Where our gods now take their leisure
Dragged along in the river of grief The weight forever bearing down Can I push my toes against the mud Swirling dark yellow and brown?
Rowing around the river of need Searching for a friend and destination Sometimes smooth, sometimes wild Within an insatiable compellation
inspired by Red Hand Files #248 (I think)
Today I’m feeling:
Good all day. Nothing got in my way. No annoying students, no annoying adults. Not even the crappy coffee in the school cafe could get me down as I rose with the caffeine hit.
Today I’m grateful for:
One of my new M4 (grade 10) students asking me if I would still be teaching her class next year. I said I didn’t think so but didn’t know for sure. She said she wanted me to teach her next year too! I’ve been teaching her for three weeks! Sometimes I wonder exactly how these kids see me through all their different eyes. I’m grateful to all of them for all that they teach me.
The best thing about today was:
Amongst many things, the clouds and sun on the mountains as I was driving home this afternoon. Huge white sunlit clouds towered above lower-level rain clouds across the mountain tops and then some valleys were highlighted with sunshine reminding me of a Miyazaki anime, all topped with a fan of rays further into the blue skies up high. Just six or so weeks ago all this looked like a nuclear winter and now it is magical. What you see has a big effect on mental health.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been getting parents’ email addresses from my class’s homeroom teacher if they would like an email to see how their children are doing in my class. I got information quickly and easily from a couple of teachers but another tried to palm me off perhaps not quite understanding what I wanted. When I asked them again today they told me that most of their parents don’t have email addresses which is just a plain untruth and indicates to me that they just can’t be bothered or don’t want to help. Maybe they are concerned that parents will start asking them more about their own classes. I know the teachers here are given ridiculous tasks to do all the time so sometimes it doesn’t surprise me that their focus is on themselves and not the students. It’s also true that many parents of students at this school don’t care about their kid’s work or how they are doing. One annoying foreign teacher isn’t going to fix everything. But I’ll settle for anything.
Something I learned today?
I saw a review of the Apple Vision Pro headset which looks pretty interesting with some amazing technology. It’s not something that I would buy right now but perhaps after it got to a later generation and fitted in with what I would like a computer to do. Being able to read a comic or book just by moving your eyes would be cool. As it develops I’m sure more exciting uses will come to light for it.
What do I know for sure?
Honestly, the only thing I am sure of is that I’m going to die, everyone and every living thing I know too. Anything else is up for question.
What qualities do I want to embody in my daily life?
Honesty, caring, love, gratitude, understanding, empathy, kindness….all the words from all the self-help books.
I took this picture yesterday because, much like today, the clouds, sky and mountains were making me feel joyful.
Living happily as hunters Roaming around with a herd Someone planted a seed And no one said a word Toiling away ever harder For a minimal return There’s no going back now We will never unlearn Now our tribes grew bigger Each and everyone breaking backs And then foul weather ensures You’ll never again relax An arrogant virus we are Thinking to tame this land We made ourselves slaves Without it ever being planned
Today I’m feeling:
Good, all day. My annoying students were annoying but didn’t annoy me. Annoying adults didn’t annoy me and annoying technical problems didn’t annoy me. I feel satisfaction today.
Today I’m grateful for:
My eyesight and the fact that I didn’t go blind from the gunk that hurt my eyes last night.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing stands out above anything else really. These are the best kinds of days and I would like more of them!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I feel stuck for words today. Everything has gone well today and that doesn’t mean that everything went the way I wanted but that anything that didn’t I could mentally accept and not let it bother me. As my air con didn’t work last night I still slept ok but didn’t feel so refreshed when I woke up in the 29-degree bedroom. Abs exercise soon woke me up. I was so into what I was doing in class this morning that I forgot it was only for one hour, thinking that we had one more to go! Considering my skin felt like it was burning and was actually blistering by the time I got home I didn’t even really think about it throughout most of the day.
Something I learned today?
Good days sometimes creep up on you unawares.
What is the greatest life lesson I’ve learned?
Patience. When I was younger I was patient with some things and then wildly impatient with others. As I’ve gotten older I have managed to get almost everything I might have been impatient for before under control. It is hard to teach patience to children. They are not designed to comprehend it yet.
I took this picture because this is the tree/plant that has covered me with its sap that is now burning my skin everywhere. An uncomfortable night last night as the aircon stopped working again and the two fans I was using were next to useless in keeping me cool, even whilst sucking in cooler air from outside.
In my orbit, looking down Twenty-six thousand kilometres per hour Is the earth spinning? Am I moving? It’s safe up here In the most dangerous place Nearly on earth Nearby goes Elon’s debris Who was he when he was alive? I have so many questions Like why won’t they let me return? Unable to experience the thrill of danger With feet back on the ground I remember the old pictures From encyclopedias tattered and worn The lights of humanity Turning on in darkness…
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired, it took a bit of effort to not snooze my alarm but I got going and did some chest exercises again along with a distracted meditation. A cold shower and breakfast and I got going, feeling good and upbeat.
Today I’m grateful for:
Paul (Fatty) for contacting me to advise he’ll put out a vinyl album of Atrox, the band I was thrilled to join back in 1984 or 1985. I didn’t do any studio recording with them but there are a couple of live tapes with me and maybe he will use some of those. I’m cool with the idea though joked about having two hundred copies left over under his bed. We also admitted that neither of us even owns record players anymore!
The best thing about today was:
At lunchtime, I came back to school a little early from House where I’d enjoyed coffees after my morning class. I went over to the new building where the little store is to buy some rice crackers and my new grade 10 students shouted to me from the third floor. With an hour to spare, I went up to meet them and they were in good spirits as their teacher hadn’t shown up for their class. They had lots of fun interrogating me about tattoos and piercings and they seemed happy and comfortable to be able to talk with me.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got frustrated at my last class of students as they were all spread out around the room shouting ‘teacher, teacher ‘ whilst I was trying to sort things out. I banged the table really hard and shouted at them to be quiet and if they had a problem they need to come and ask me not just shout from where they are. I asked them if they treated their parents like this at home shouting for help from their bedroom. They were stunned into silence. Though I was loud and a little angry at the behaviour, I wasn’t upset and smiled at them for being quiet. The rest of the class went ok after that and I think they get it now, more than last year. They have a little better understanding of the limits with me and more self-control. Whilst this was going on Noah and little Nicha were nagging me to go to the bathroom but I had asked them to wait whilst I checked their phones were set up correctly. I’d just sent them off when I had my meltdown. I came over to help Nicha after they got back and she looked very upset and Noah said she wasn’t feeling well. They were still around at the end of class and Nicha was adjusting her skirt with Noah’s help. Nicha picked up another skirt and said ‘teacher, look’ and there was blood on it. She had borrowed another skirt from a classmate. I told her not to worry, that it happens sometimes and it’s just a normal thing and Noah said the same to try and comfort her. As with many situations with kids she soon appeared to get over it and was laughing and playing about twenty minutes later in the playground. After all this excitement though I realised that I had hurt my vocal cords shouting so loudly and I’m pretty sure my throat will be sore in the morning and I just hope it doesn’t lead to a cold or flu.
Something I learned today?
When I got home and sat down to eat, a video recommendation on youtube came up about classroom management that was totally appropriate to my day. I’m not sure I need to implement the good ideas from it just yet but it also made me realise that I do have a great rapport with about 90% of the students in each of my classes and we can and will work out the classroom together.
What am I looking forward to this month?
I look forward to every day. I look forward to nothing in particular. When I look back I can see forward.
Amy’s friend took this picture as part of a video because she was impressed that Amy could sing Aussie karaoke in the pub so well. In the picture is another Amy that my little Amy met and they decided to do this duet which I think was a Fleetwood Mac song.
SO … ten seconds … pass UND … er the joker’s … glance BY … the power up … above TE …. ll him he’s … dreaming! GEN … tle into the … night ER … ror code … repeating AT … death’s end, soon … here I … wonder what … happened ON … those days gone … by
As I slept so early last night I woke up at around 5 am with the sunrise. That wasn’t enough to get me up though. However, I’d left the aircon on high and although I think it is only working as a fan it was sucking in cold air from outside and I was starting to shiver. I turned it off and tried getting back to sleep and just as the start of my dream felt like it was going to get interesting my alarm went off.
I got up, stiff and in some pain. I think the topple off the bike yesterday jarred something badly in my upper back and it’s pretty sore. Some exercise couldn’t loosen it up either. It’s the kind of sharp pain that stings with almost any movement and will be annoying all day. But I feel good, energised by seeing all the crazy kids and their stories this morning. Now I’m waiting at immigration for my 90-day report.
Today I’m grateful for:
Right now (whilst I’m at school) I’m grateful for the light rain and the anticipation of seeing how well (or more accurately, how badly) the tape on the gutter is working out. I hope it can at least hold some of the water back. (Later – seems it didn’t rain at home!) I’m also grateful to the neighbours who swept up the grass that I had cut in the road. I was too stuffed to do it at the time and I was surprised this morning to see it all gone!
The best thing about today was:
Feeling happy and wanted at school. I feel that students appreciate that I am close with and care about them and that whilst breaking down the student-teacher barrier they still have respect for me. I think some teachers don’t like my style in this way but it is something that helps me to enjoy the time that I am in school and I feel more closely connected with the kids than with other teachers. I mentioned this to Bruno yesterday, that I can’t connect with many other adults here because I find them and their lives boring and that the pleasure I get from being around the kids derives from their unpredictable energy and ideas. Sure, I miss being in that youthful state (minus the depression of course) so what better way to relive it than through the lives of my students?
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Recently whilst learning guitar, I’ve been playing along in the Yousician app for up to 30 minutes and then loading some of my favourite songs in Capo and playing the chords along with them so some days I might end up playing for 90 minutes or more. Today I was getting frustrated with Yousician and not being able to play something until getting it right. Sometimes I feel like my fingers are working without me thinking and when I realise that I start thinking about it and then screw up! Today I just couldn’t push through and wanted to stop. But after a minute or two I loaded some songs into Capo and after playing along to about five I started feeling more positive again. Like anything I guess, some days it’s pleasure and other days it’s pain.
Something I learned today?
I got a message from my old student Boss (the boy I took to the psychiatrist last semester). He messages me about once a week since he started at a new school but today surprised me by saying that he’s come back. I’m not sure why yet but I can guess maybe it was more stressful there. Our school is super relaxed in comparison with others and I think it doesn’t help prepare students for the tougher realities of life once they leave, even just to other local schools. It’s good for me in that I don’t need to be so rigid either. Anyway, I’ll get his story soon enough no doubt.
What would I like to accomplish this week?
This week I hope to figure out the best way forward with using Quizizz in my classes, without having to change what I’ve already done. I think a clearer way forward will appear over time so that I tighten up my lessons overall. I could set some targets for this or that but I think I’m doing well with all the little tasks I submit myself to every day without having to add too much more. I guess I’d like to get this tightness out of my upper back by the end of the week though by tomorrow would be preferable. Maybe I could get down to under 80kg before bedtime this week. I’ve been slowly moving in that direction for the last week or two.
I took this picture because it makes no sense to me. Tattoo and bakery? And all I’ve ever seen there is a small of street food kra pao dishes! Maybe it doubles as a nifty trendy bread and tattoo shop in the evenings!?
Did the time come to be wasted? Why do tomorrow what can be done today? Failure comes along quickly tasted Do it now and get it out of the way
Don’t waste time wishing when the end comes Do you really think you’ll live forever Wondering why you cannot square the sums No one’s time is ever made to measure
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty happy and a little tired. Having trouble with new technology (new for me) has made me stressed at times but I think I’m getting a better understanding of it.
Today I’m grateful for:
There being food in the freezer (that I bought yesterday) so I could easily eat when I got home without having to go back out again. Not much left for tomorrow now though I can probably figure out how to fill my stomach if I’m tired again.
The best thing about today was:
Meeting my M4 class of students who are a little older and a little more responsible and prepared to learn. A breath of fresh air compared with what I’m used to. I can see already some of my younger students in a couple of other classes are going to test my patience especially one who filled in an online question with ‘fuck you’! I had to laugh. It wasn’t serious, he was just trying to be clever. These new classes feel like a better mix than last year but I might be proved wrong about that too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I guess this goes back to the technology that I mentioned above. I needed to get everyone logged into Quizizz and it was a big pain especially as most of the student’s phones are set to Thai. I think I worked out that because I sent a link in LINE it opens a window in the app instead of in the phone’s browser. This seemed to cause inconsistencies with the student names. I guess I’ll figure it out over the next few days but I hope it doesn’t become such a big problem that I have to give up using the app.
I took this picture because I put Tigger outside as often as I am so that he at least has to get his body moving just to get back inside. As I was leaving home he came out onto the long grass to chew some. I think he has an upset tummy at the moment and maybe a little temperature.
Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that. I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.
The best thing about today was:
Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.
Something I learned today?
Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at. I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!
How can I make today amazing?
I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe. Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.
I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.
My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week. Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit. I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there. One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them. It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want. Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.
1994ever 