In the maze presented ahead each day Unable to navigate true It is possible to get completely lost But there is always someone who Will find you and take you by the hand And guide you back to your bed A breadcrumb trail in the form of a friend Keeping you one step ahead
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed. Enjoyed a lazy sleep-in listening to the light rain outside this morning.
After coffee, I did some work and catching up on emails and then in the afternoon got sucked into watching music reaction videos.
Today I’m grateful for:
Quiet (as such). No one else around, nothing specifically to do, nowhere to be.
The best thing about today was:
I picked up my book to start reading at midday but then started watching videos and did a little weeding and tidying up in the garden (maybe 20 minutes max!) and it was about 6pm when I actually got to read!
I finished the chapter about Africa up until about the start of the Second World War and the rise of the anti-colonialist movements there.
Something I learned today?
Nicha sent me a heart message this morning. I’m assuming that means she’s doing ok.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a follow-up message to Aida though don’t expect her to answer as she doesn’t usually respond on the weekends. I will try and talk some more with her next week though.
I also encouraged the students who did reading for me and that I listened to this morning. I love to see the kids improve their reading skills but it is definitely a chore to listen to the same text over and over!
Tired but kept running by knowing that it’s the end of the week. Six hours of hot and humid teaching even with brief respites in the aircon have been completely draining.
I’m home now and will make myself a salad soon.
I took three of the magic mushroom pills that I got from Matt and can feel a sense of pleasure rising in me and will watch some comedy to wind down the evening.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Den, (I’m not sure if that’s her name actually) who lent me her Bluetooth speaker for my second class. I gave her a frangipani flower in return. I’d gotten it from a student earlier, who had put it behind my ear.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some good feedback on some of my recent poems. I didn’t get a chance to write anything new today but whereas I used to be about a week behind in posting poetry I’m now a month ahead. I’m enjoying writing and learning different forms and playing with it a little more.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I snuck up on Nong Fah and stuck a wet finger in her ear as she was lying down looking at her phone in a classroom. She went off in a huff and Jet said that she had PMS and had been moody all day (although she was fine in the morning when I saw her).
Knowing that it is best not to do anything more I played a bit with some other students but saw Fah dabbing her eyes with a tissue and looking really upset. I watched her from a distance and wondered at the loss of emotional control that many females get once a month. I can never really understand what that must feel like.
I caught her eye before I left for my own class and tried to express my sympathy with her.
Almost instantly on arriving at my own class, I could see that KanomBang was grumpy with me and her friends tried to explain that she too had PMS. “That thing…..girls….once a month…” I love it when the kids realise that they successfully communicated something in their second language.
Anyway, KB soon picked herself up a little bit and was ok.
It’s so weird to see the bewilderment on these kids’ faces when they go through this. Like ‘Why the fuck am I feeling like this and can’t change it?’
After I got home I messaged a mini heart to Fah and said that I was sorry she was upset in the classroom. She too, had recovered herself a little by then and was happy to chat a little. I told her I was sorry I snuck a wet finger in her ear and she laughed and said she was sorry that she behaved the way she did, which I, of course, told her there was no need to apologise.
As an aside, interestingly my super smart grade 8 student Film questioned me in class why I treated boys and girls differently, something that he had picked up on perhaps when the ‘couple’ in the class were ‘fighting’ with each other. I say ‘fighting’ because it is really just puppy love quarrel-play – nothing serious.
The kids listening were very interested when I replied that I treat girls differently because of the way I can see they are treated in Thai society and that boys are seen as superior and are spoiled more. This got them talking a lot and whilst the girls agreed in general they said that their own families treated them like princesses.
It was an interesting idea to leave them with, to think and talk about.
Something I learned today?
I learned that Monday is a day off and on Wednesday students won’t come to school.
Apparently, there will be a sports event at the stadium for about 10 days which is going to make traffic even worse in the mornings.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Nicha a little pep talk when she was looking down this morning.
After I’d finished teaching I saw my old grade 9 students with Kru David and I checked in with a few of them who were struggling with his work. Earn was all happy with herself because she told me that she had finished and, being a little suspicious, I asked if she had copied someone she shushed me and immediately admitted that she had.
I asked her what program she might do next year and she said the Chef program. I said that’s great and encouraged her to at least get what she could out of being in the English program this year.
As I was leaving I saw Aida sitting by herself and also looking down. I actually didn’t recognise her at first as her head was tilted downwards with her hair covering her face. Her friends said that she was upset and tired today and when I met her at lunchtime she was resting her head on the table but with a quick chat she said that she would be ok to do my work in the afternoon.
I was intent on leaving quickly but seeing her again I stopped and sat with her and also gave her a little pep talk. She didn’t say much until I asked her if everything was ok at home and she opened up that she was having some problems with her mum. We didn’t get into it but I told her that she can talk to me at any time if she needs to.
A little tired but positive. Snoozed my alarm and skipped exercise this morning otherwise I feel like I will be totally exhausted by tomorrow night.
I’ll see how I feel tomorrow morning but hope to do some exercise again. I can feel my abs holding me together a little better!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the folks that grew the watermelon, picked, cut and packed it and sold it to me in the market this afternoon. Refreshing and cooling.
The best thing about today was:
After school, I did a quick walk around the lake again to see who was around and bumped into my quiet grade 8 students Earn and Nampan who I had also just finished teaching about 15 minutes earlier.
I asked them if they liked studying with me and they both grew big smiles and said yes and when I asked them why they said that the class was fun and that I am funny.
It was nice to hear that and made me feel good.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The afternoon grew super humid and dealing with a restless class of grade 8s was hard work and made me sweaty. Film came and stood next to me waving a fan saying that I was sweating too much.
When I bumped into some other students they said that I looked tired and I realised that I was feeling it and when I got home I went straight out to pick up some food at the walking street.
I had planned to go and eat with Baipad and her sister later on but couldn’t wait.
Something I learned today?
Teaching my grade 12 class about IELTS today I asked the students what they knew about it, what they wanted to know and at the end of the lesson, what they had learned.
During this lesson, we all learned that the test costs about 7,350 baht here in Thailand.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a message of support to Namsai who cried in class today because others made fun of her not knowing how to spell a word. I got really upset with the rest of the class about it at the time.
Whilst not particularly vile I did cut in traffic on the way to school and upset some ute-driving workers who sped up to force me out.
The last traffic lights before school are a pain in the ass and take too long because of the way they are set up (just one direction can enter the junction at a time). As the turning lane moves the slowest I usually drive down the freer lanes and cut in which is usually easy because the Thais are either so chill or so lacking in attention that they don’t move quickly and leave big gaps to cut into.
Driving to school is probably my least favourite part of the day.
I took this picture last night as our birdy was on her nest. I had to stand in our living room behind the blinds and then zoom in to get this shot without frightening her off.
A little tired but was able to push through to do some exercise again – another AI-generated one that I ended up running through twice as it is quite short. My abs were burning but feel ok now.
It’s super humid this morning which is energy-sapping and my first class were difficult to keep engaged and under control but I didn’t let it bother me too much.
Nomsen was messaging her mum online and then burst into tears for some reason.
After she calmed down I told her that she shouldn’t be talking with anyone outside the class during the lesson and that if she does some study it will take her mind off things.
She complained of a headache and I know she finds English too difficult but I just tried to push her to not give up.
Phu was also sleepy in the class and he also struggles with English. The kids told me that he was up late working last night but that’s not my problem. I guide and encourage him as best as I can but expect very little from him.
Today I’m grateful for:
My 4-hour break between classes during the day. It gave me lots of time to catch up on some things that I wanted to read and some writing too. I won’t have much free time for the next two days so it’s just as well.
The best thing about today was:
Hmm…nothing stands out in particular but it was a pleasurable and consistent day that I enjoyed very much.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I haven’t managed to get to my room to play guitar for a couple of nights now and I really want to.
I’m doing a bit more lesson planning in the evenings because I’m worried that I don’t have enough things prepared for all these new classes – and I’ve hamstrung myself a little by asking the students what they want to learn about rather than just giving them canned lessons.
Something I learned today?
I talked with S* again today about what she told me on Monday about sometimes showering with her stepdad when she’s tired. And she confirmed it and the way she described it does seem to be completely innocent and is not some kind of regular thing. Like a naturist family or something like that.
I warned her to be careful who she tells about this and she said she understood that and only mentions it to me because she trusts me.
Because of her exposure to Western culture, she considers herself only 10% Thai. Maybe as a Westerner, she was testing to see how normal this situation was. I told her it was pretty unusual.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
As Amy flew to Bangkok to visit Nong Mai and Yaya today and will be away until Sunday I have to find my own food. No problem, I thought, as the market would be on at the University.
As I knew that Baipad’s mum was still away, I asked if she and her sister wanted to come with me to get some food there and so I picked them up and we drove up to the Uni but because most of the students had gone home for the end of the semester the market was cancelled.
We drove around and eventually found a cheap Korean shop to eat at.
When was the last time I felt a sense of freedom?
The one time that I felt it really noticeably was on my trips to China.
On my first visits, I was surprised to see how free the environment was and I likened it to being at a large free music festival with folks just getting on with what they needed to do. It was a far cry from my corporate work environment and the nanny state society of Australia.
Of course, for me, I was a tourist and enjoyed the freedom of being on holiday but I sensed it amongst the people in general there. For them, it was probably just business as usual and normal.
I guess we tend to see more freedom outside of our own environments as we count every negative against us with more weight and take for granted a lot of other things. It’s a reason to consider that one culture cannot be better than another. Just different.
I feel this freedom living here in Thailand too but do understand that it is only in comparison with my experiences elsewhere before.
I’m really anti-stupidity laws such as jaywalking, which was enforced in Sydney CBD with a brutal crackdown and over-the-top fines. On my first trip to China, I remember watching as pedestrians grouped together and slowly forced the cars on the road to stop and let them cross.
I imagine it is much different there now, with probably fifty times the number of cars on the road since but it showed me that people don’t need a law to counter stupidity. If you are hit by a car whilst trying to cross the road you only have yourself to blame.
Same with holes in the sidewalk. If you are not looking where you are going it’s your fault if you fall in. Don’t blame the folks that made the hole.
Yes, things could be better and safer but not everything needs a law and its enforcement. I mention enforcement as in Thailand there are many laws but they are laxly enforced. Sometimes, this makes sense.
Which place from my childhood do I most fondly remember?
Without doubt that would be Forest Cottage – my home from aged 9 until about 20.
Most particularly my bedroom, where a lot of partying went on along with all the other ups and downs that teenagers have to struggle through. It was my space to invite others in or shut them out.
I took this picture last week because… well, it was a pretty evening as I rode home from No Name and the reflection in the lake attracted me enough to stop.
I get the feeling you are Always impatient to arrive As to why lips are burning shut My space dreams a guttering flame Burning the world After the rain
To learn its secrets, get its power Needs no spotlight, no orchestra The inklings of chaos are cleverly concealed But how do I explain The shriek and howl of party boys In a dark, secluded spot
Good. I was having a crazy dream when my alarm went off but I was so deep in it that I instantly couldn’t remember it. My first thought after turning the alarm off was ‘What was I just dreaming!?’
I forced myself out to my room where I discovered that the exercise app I use can now generate an AI routine targeted at your choice of muscle groups and it was good. It pushed me a little more than normal and I was glad of it.
Hopefully, it is a feature that I can continue using for free as I’ve only ever used the free routines in the app.
Today I’m grateful for:
The random students who told me that they missed me. I don’t even know who they were but I’m assuming that I have taught them recently and am just not familiar with them yet.
The best thing about today was:
My class of grade 10s this afternoon, which also had a whole bunch of new students added that I had to quickly familiarise myself with, who quickly picked up on the activities that I was teaching and got a little competitive with each other.
By the end, it seemed everyone enjoyed it despite some students struggling with English and not really being interested.
Something I learned today?
Kru Tang now works in the high school and has been tasked with putting together the new Integrated Program. She seemed just as frustrated as everyone else with this task.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I walked around the park after classes to see who was hanging where and with who. I found Baipad in her usual place with another girl I didn’t recognise but soon learned that it was Cookie, Butter’s younger sister.
I had meant to ask Baipad to introduce me to her one morning as I knew that she would be starting here this semester but then forgotten all about it.
I’ve met so many new students already this semester that I can’t even bring Cookie’s face to mind again right now.
I gave them both a candy and Baipad asked me why I always had candy. I laughingly said that it is because I am a good person and I jokingly complained to her about why she never gives me anything.
Amy took this picture because we have new housemates staying on our balcony. The plant that they have nested on is a little too close to curious cats so we raised it up on a chair where hopefully our cats decide that they are too lazy to investigate further.
All it takes is a word A few syllables could start it all Pick a pill to swallow Which side of the fence to fall?
All of the grasses green Yet muddied by the other Pick a path to follow Cling tight to your brother
All it takes is a word A few syllables to end everything They all rang so hollow With the violence they bring
All it takes is a word A few syllables to make peace To calm the stormy weather And hostilities to cease
Today I’m feeling:
A little slow still. I felt really tired when I went to bed but then found that I couldn’t get to sleep and then when I woke up it felt like it must still be the middle of the night but it was already getting light.
I had a very dry mouth and was finding it difficult to breathe. I skipped exercise hoping to get an extra few minutes of sleep but I just ended up tossing and turning.
I was thinking about school and how Amy said that it was unfair that I was given extra hours to teach while Princess George could just walk away from classes that he doesn’t want to teach.
I was also thinking that maybe I’m investing too much time in my students and need to balance things better. It does bring me great pleasure though and I felt happy to walk around this morning with many students, old and new, wanting to fist-bump and chat.
Today I’m grateful for:
That my first time with another new class of grade 12 students was pretty easy despite a poor standard of English for many students.
They were all excited when I asked them for ideas of something for me to teach them in English and chose things like ghosts, psychology, Naruto and NASA. It got me up and running with many ideas which I can reuse again later for other classes.
The best thing about today was:
Teaching. It was enjoyable and I feel like I’m pretty well on top of things though I know that I have a lot of planning ahead still.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy was still wound up by the builder who responded to a Facebook post that Amy made questioning his lack of professionalism. This was the only way that she has managed to get a response from him and he was trying to transfer his anger back to Amy.
He was somewhat successful with that but her mum and I calmed her down a little and we talked more about it when I got home so that we are both on the same page with the details.
I’m not sure if we will get any refund and I’m not banking on it but we’ll give it a try and see if he has any remorse for running away from his responsibility.
Something I learned today?
Something odd when talking with a grade 12 student called S*. She told me that her stepfather is from the Netherlands and he always speaks English with her and that is one reason that her English is reasonable and that she speaks straightforwardly and directly, which often upsets her Thai classmates.
But the odd thing was that she mentioned that her stepdad sometimes showers with her and dries her off. I wasn’t sure if I misheard what she said and she was so blasé about it that perhaps she did think it’s normal and there’s nothing untoward about it.
It was definitely weird to hear that for me though. I will try and get clarification from her some time though.
Oh, and Southampton beat Leeds to get promoted to the Premier League which is a little treat I enjoyed. I’m happy for my old friends in Southampton and because Leeds are the team that my old grumpy workmate Robert supported.
I took this picture because my old students are always happy to see me. I hope I can see some of them again in high school. Me, Tonaor, Namthip, Dena, Nicha, Mei, August, Namkhing and Fah.
Pretty good considering that I was dead to the world until my alarm went off this morning. Managed some exercise and a 5-minute (what could possibly be described as a) meditation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding that Sydney Swans played yesterday against the Bulldogs and so I watched the Mini Match and happy to report that we pulled through for another win. The Swans are currently well clear at the top but there’s still a ways to go.
I’m still annoyed that I can’t watch the full matches, especially this year, as we’re doing so well!
The best thing about today was:
In my final class of the day with my grade 8s I have what you might call another ‘rogue’ student. She, Sugus, is a friend of Aida’s and has been coming to my class occasionally since last year but now she seems to come all the time.
She’s a quiet kid and doesn’t cause any problems for me but I told her that if she wants to stay then she has to do some work, to which she agreed.
Today’s class is an easy reading class and I asked Sugus to come and read for me and she did very well, better than some of my actual students!
So I talked with her some more about why she doesn’t go to her own class and if the teacher isn’t concerned about her. She couldn’t quite describe why she doesn’t go except that she feels bad when she does.
I’m a bit suspicious that something untoward might have happened but I didn’t push it.
Anyway, I told her that she was welcome to stay in my class and she thanked me and said that my class is fun for her. I was quite pleased about that.
It’s weird really. There’s no pressure on her to perform and there’s no pressure on me to teach her. With us both relaxed about it I think she will learn a lot!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
For my second class today, with the Hospitality grade 11s I suddenly found 12 extra students! Without telling me, and without anyone telling them why they have put two different programs together so I’m now teaching students in the Japanese program too. So much for my plans for this semester! I guess I’ll jag everything in somehow.
Something I learned today?
Chatting with David he told me that George complained to Nancy that he doesn’t want to teach the new Integrated Program to the grade 10s and so, magically, he no longer is. Now he only teaches grade 11 and 12. What a princess!
Last year he refused to teach grade 9 and now refuses grade 10. Maybe time is running out for him.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
This evening I’m still helping my grade 11 students with their presentation homework and replying to their messages.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
As I think about it, much of the day was challenging (as described above) but somehow I seemed to take it in my stride.
Tonaor took this picture because as she likes to do sometimes when she sees me she says ‘selfie!’ and so I hand her my phone.
Dog tired last night and still struggled to get to sleep but once I did I was gone!
I woke up before my alarm but couldn’t get up when the alarm went off and reset to give an extra 20 minutes of dozing.
Not feeling too bad with my first coffee but have two busy days ahead.
Today I’m grateful for:
The pharmacist being available at Big C when I got there today. Last week when I tried they told me that there would be no one there until 5pm.
The best thing about today was:
Bumping into my old grade 9 student Sheena as I was about to leave school. I asked if she was happy now that I was no longer teaching her class and she said that everyone was complaining that they were missing me.
That was nice to hear and for sure, I connected with all those students really well but they drove me crazy at the time. I hope that I have some good influence over them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Some of the classrooms that I’m teaching in test my patience with various bits and pieces of equipment missing but I just have to take it easy and not get ruffled by it. Everything can be overcome.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interesting interview with LA-based Chinese comedian Jiaoying Summers and it was great to see a strong woman taking control of her life and destiny against a lot of odds.
What part of my daily routine do I look forward to the most?
Most workdays I look forward to exercising in the morning.
With my drive to try and write a poem or day (or more), I also look forward to spending time reading, thinking and writing.
At the end of the day, I kinda look forward to writing this journal but some days are a struggle. With enough time I can usually answer all the questions but often I’m out of energy and need to go to bed.
I took this picture because I was kinda shocked to see a full moon tonight. I’ve been used to seeing the moon regularly when I go to close our gate and usually have some idea what stage it is at.
Romans once bathed here Wiping blood from their beat brows Spa after sparring Solsbury Hill looks Down River Avon Valley Somerset steam rose Conscious hearts beating We ran through these stone warrens Love in ancient times Praying at the monastery A different sacking was done
Good though a little nervous in the stomach. I think I have my head around how I’m going to do things in my classes.
I can feel less enthusiasm in the air with everyone this morning as the reality of classes starts to hit.
I have a three-flight climb to my first class too and it was already an English summer 27 degrees at 7 am this morning.
One of the boy students was already smelling off by 9am! And later in the day I saw David in his class of new grade 7s and the whole room stank of rank teenage sweat, like a changing room after five hours of football.
Today I’m grateful for:
Sometimes speaking up and sometimes keeping quiet. I told the school that I didn’t want to teach the new Integrated Program until it was settled in and that I also didn’t want to teach the grade 9s this year and so it came to be.
So when I got new classes scattered around the school and more hours than the other teachers, I didn’t say anything and just accepted it.
My first class today was in a new (to me) building and on arrival I discovered that the internet cable and wifi don’t work which is a bit of a problem for the method that I teach, everything being stored on Google Drive.
I sent a message to Kru Mai that this was going to be a problem for the five classes I have in the building and he quickly scouted out other classrooms that I could use back in our usual building and voila – four out of five of the classes solved!
When I told Kru David about this he mentioned that sometimes it’s good to speak up and ask for some things and not just expect it. He also mentioned that George was not happy that he has to teach the Integrated Program now. He’s had it good for a long time but as soon as something is not to his taste he’s getting antsy.
The best thing about today was:
After my first two classes I managed to get back to House for a coffee refill and sat down to do some writing.
I noticed a pretty young lady studiously working on her iPad in the corner in amongst a lot of people coming and going – probably the busiest I’ve ever seen the cafe. Some days I might be the only customer all the time I’m in there!
Later the lady got up and as she came to the counter, caught my eye and I thought I recognised her so gave a little smile and then when she smiled back I realised that it was Pear, who used to work there. She has changed her style a lot but I could easily recognise her smile.
She was studying hard to pass a university entrance exam as she has taken a five-year gap year! I could sense that she wanted to talk and indeed, she sat down and said that when it comes to English she could read and write easily but doesn’t have much opportunity for speaking.
Actually her listening and understanding is good too and when speaking she can find the words in her head most of the time but it is interrupting her flow. I could feel that she is driving herself to improve so I stopped what I was doing and we chatted until it was time for me to go.
Something I learned today?
I learned bits and pieces about my new class of 41 grade 12 students.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
After I finished my classes I sent Pear a piece of text to practice reading for me so I could help her more with her speaking. She replied quickly and I sent a couple more and I will help her when I have free time.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Motivating tired sweaty students at the end of the day was a challenge and I have three days where classes end at 4.30 pm but it’s looking more likely that I will have to end them all at 4 pm most of the time, which is fine by me!
When was the last time I felt misunderstood?
I can clearly remember thinking that I was being misunderstood by Amy about something that we were quarrelling about but I seem to put quarrels out of my mind (whilst subconsciously learning the lesson of the argument!) so that now I’ve forgotten what it was even about!
Tired after all the running around yesterday. Woke up to mountain-less white skies as the smoke descends.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s student turning up for her online class today at 1 pm forcing me out into my room where I played guitar for the first time this week. It’s been so hot that I just haven’t bothered going out there even though the air con cools things down fairly quickly.
I caught up on a few other things while I was out there too, so it’s been a reasonably productive day.
The best thing about today was:
Writing an excellent poem for the first contest that I ever chose to enter on the AllPoetry site only to find that in between the time that I started writing and finishing half an hour later, the contest had closed! I laughed at my bad luck but smiled at the quality of my work.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See above)
Something I learned today?
An undercover reporter has an alleged CIA agent admitting that they withheld information from President Trump that China shared all its data about the Covid outbreak in Wuhan. So whilst Trump was busy blaming China for withholding that info it was, in fact, his own government.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I do this every day at Utopia or House, and sometimes at other cafes and restaurants, but I always take back my finished cups to the counter to save the staff a few seconds having to clean up after me.
Who do I want to spend more time with this month?
This one is easy.
My students! I miss them a lot, their energy, excitement, drama, learning gives me inspiration.
I took this picture because these two little flowers had suddenly appeared on our cactus. They had closed up again by evening time.
1994ever 