Tag: study

The Innocent – 27th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The whitest wild eyes of youth
Lips that have never kissed
Always running away from truth
Without fear of anything missed

The smoothest skin, muddied hands
Boys and girls with crazy dreams
And no one ever really understands
What the problem really means

Loving and losing without a touch
A game on the playground of thought
Wanting it all and not wanting much
Is all that’s ever been taught

Today I’m feeling:

Much better though somehow time ran out yesterday and I was so tired so I woke up with a complete surprise when my alarm went off. I could’ve slept for a few more hours. But as soon as I got to school I got my energy back again. Now I’m only coughing a little bit.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy for helping to fast-track my visa so that I can lodge it tomorrow and get my visa extended until it’s completed. It means driving to Mae Sai tomorrow so I’ll miss my first class in the morning but should be able to get back for the afternoon.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling good in general despite being on the go for most of the day from morning exercise, getting to work, photocopying for my first class, teaching, writing and reading during the only real downtime of the day today, back to class then finishing, shopping, post office, back to the city after Nancy’s call, back home, setting up for Loy Kratong, preparing to tomorrow, playing guitar, studying, cleaning up all the Loy Kratong candles, finally into bed.

Lots of good interactions with people even though not all of them were about positive things. Again, not one thing stands out as best.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

6 of my grade 8 students didn’t really bother doing work in my class today which was very disappointing. I didn’t really get upset about it, though I did deduct points from them in the SchoolBright system and tell their homeroom teacher(who is pretty useless). I’m not going to bother pushing these kids much as I only see them once a week. They understand what my requirements are and it’s pretty simple. If they can’t be bothered, well, it’s up to them.

Something I learned today?

According to Al Jazeera Israel has released 117 Palestinians in the last 3 days and in that same time they’ve detained 116 new Palestinian prisoners in areas across the occupied West Bank!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I messaged Earn about her not getting distracted by other students in my class today which she is sometimes prone to do. She said it was because she was in a good mood, so I told her to try and bring her good mood to every class.

I messaged Funfai who told me that she won 3rd place in her tennis competition which was for the whole of Thailand. I congratulated her on all her good work.

I took some selfies and gave Kru Fang a farewell hug as today is her last day at our school. I hope she is happy and has a good future.

I was Amy’s Loy Kratong photographer and assistant with setting up and lighting candles. I happily did as she requested despite her shortness with me at times.

What do I want to focus on this week?

My focus at the moment has come around to consistent Thai study with ThaiPod101. But I’m already in the habit with that so I don’t need to focus particularly.

Same for exercise and playing guitar.

I should focus on finishing sorting out the piles of things in my room as I never got to finishing it. I made it to a functional and clean 85% leaving 15% of things that I didn’t want to make a decision on yet.

I took this picture because the full November moon means it is Loy Kratong, a festival to celebrate the goddess of water and ironically ends up polluting most rivers with debris of one sort or another.

Terrible Kissers – 21st November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I’m saying goodbye to all the terrible kissers
Crazy roommates and sideways pissers
No more mental breakdowns for me
I’m handing the landlord back the key

Moving on from fast food dates
Working minimum wage cleaning plates
I’m tired of all the dreams I’ve dreamt
That I never had time to attempt

But finally, the time has come for me
To make the trip towards a different sea
The school of life has me graduating
Beyond the realms of just contemplating

The terrible kissers will be a reminder
To treat myself and others kinder
Four winters and summers now past
The time is right to move on at last

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
10th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Leaves

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but still coughing a little. When I got to school I found that one of my classes has 15 students off sick today! Amy is coughing and has a sore throat now too.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Lydia for expressing her appreciation for my class today which was about vowel sounds.

I was also grateful to Tulip, who I moved from the back of the class to the front, which she was extremely unhappy about but then excelled in her interactions and was full of smiles.

I messaged her later to see how she felt about it and she gave positive feedback. I hope it encourages her for the future.

The best thing about today was:

 A steady diet of happiness, many happy positive moments without one standing out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I turned up to an empty classroom for my first class of the day, only then finding out that they had to go off to some meeting for the morning.

It would be nice if the kids learned about planning and communication so that when they become adults they can plan and inform people like me that get frustrated about its lack!

Nevermind. Five hours before my next class. Let’s drink coffee!

Something I learned today?

I read it on the internet so cannot claim it is true but this text said that supermarket apples can be up to one year old. After picking they are covered in wax, hot air-dried and placed in cold storage.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent supportive messages to Tulip, Khawhom, BB and Namfon after our class today.

I encouraged my grade 10 students when they sulked after I gave them a more difficult option and then proceeded to do very well anyway, so I gave them positive feedback.

I helped supply a couple of forgetful students with pens this morning.

I helped Amy without complaint immediately after getting home. She had been sweeping up leaves and wanted me to finish off and throw them over the fence.

What deserves my energy and focus right now?

Now I’ve settled on Thaipod101 for my Thai studies and will stop with the other apps for now. I have a two-year subscription and must focus on pushing forward with it. I have the routine and habit in place and the belief that I can do it. So, this is not just ‘right now’ but it does start ‘right now’ and ‘right now’ every day!

I took this picture because I was thinking I should try to identify this dead snake that Amy found near our terrace. It was hard to say why it was dead. There were no obvious wounds except a little blood around its mouth. 

The Contradiction – 4th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

There are always days I disagree
With all the things that even I believe
The human condition
Is a contradiction
But I’m still blessed to receive

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up hot as the aircon conked out in the middle of the night and for some reason, my hips, back and shoulders were stiff and aching badly. It took me a while to get moving. It wasn’t until later in the morning that I felt more comfortable again. I also found some nice stretches that I hope will help too along with some advice on sleeping positions which may be the root of the problem. I also bought some gym rings earlier this week and today I hung them in the entertainment area so that I can hang from them and get a good whole-body stretch, my poor old wrists willing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Boss at Utopia advising me about an aircon repair shop just in the next building to there. I’m still not good at recognising the shops here. Pictures can be very misleading on buildings as they might just be being used for shade or advertising for another business somewhere else. A lot of shops don’t offer much information on the outside either. Rural Thailand also isn’t the sort of place where you can walk down the street and just check out stores either. Through translation tools and my broken Thai, I managed to arrange for someone to come and check out the aircon tomorrow though later got a message saying it may have to be on another day. I know all these repair people are busy fixing broken aircon everywhere at the moment.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling an improvement in my body from the stretching and hanging. Once my body felt better I felt compelled to be doing things such as a bit of cutting back the crazy vine and some watering in the garden as well as ironing my shirts. I did take an afternoon nap again though only for the duration of one play-through of Yes’s Drama today. I did feel good enough to play some guitar again too. I totally skipped it yesterday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Aside from taking a nap and my body aches as mentioned there’s nothing that really bothered me today.

Something I learned today?

In Sapiens I was reading about The Problem of Evil and why do bad things happen to good people. If we remove the judgement elements from the sentence and reduce it to ‘why do things happen to people’, the problem disappears.

How am I feeling right now?

I’m in bed now about to read and sleep and I can feel a little ache in my back again and I’m worried I’m going to feel stiff and achy again in the morning. I’ll try to keep the advice about sleep position in my subconscious during the night and hopefully that can help. Mentally I’m feeling pretty good. Did some reading, writing, guitar playing and Thai study to keep my brain moving.

I took this picture because Tigger cries to come into the living room just so he can sit on my shirts that are waiting to be ironed.

Hey Coach – 20th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Everyone’s a life coach these days
Selling dopamine for the bucks
Hiding behind their plastic smiles
Of a thousand nips and tucks

No one is living by their words
But knows the right things to say
Stuck forever in the idea of living
Instead of just living that way

Today I’m feeling:

A little weak and tired from lack of sleep but I got a little motivation after talking with Amy. Sometimes I just need a kick-along and be given a task or a deadline. She’s very good at giving me tasks. I’ve gotten very lazy since she’s been overseas.

Today I’m grateful for:

Inspiration found in different places. Sometimes I struggle to find things to write a poem about but if I’m noticing enough and paying attention to the small things then ideas can be transformed into words in my head and then to paper.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling satisfied with just instant noodles, a little chopped onion and an egg for lunch. Some days it’s enough.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy inspired me to take a look at the back door and try and make it usable again and I soon realized I’d need the electric drill to get out the screws her dad had put in. I found it again and was reminded of the fact that our drill is useless. It works for two seconds and then stops and will maybe start again with a jiggle of the battery or fully removing it and slamming back in again.
I remembered that this seemed to be the case even after charging the batteries up but I had no choice and will have to try again tomorrow in the hope the batteries are improved after an overnight charge.
It’s frustrating because I remember when we first moved here that Amy didn’t trust me to buy a drill and said her dad knew more about these things. I didn’t want a cordless drill figuring we have power outlets all over the place. The drill we ended up with is a pain in the ass and I was getting so frustrated with it this evening that I almost threw it in the field and wanted to drive to the store to get a decent drill instead.
Hopefully, I can have the door sorted tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

I learned a bit more Thai after downloading a new app DuoCards. I’ll try and keep some momentum going with studying again.

How did this past week go?

This week has been pleasant. I could go to school and hang out with my students again and come home and chill for most of each day. My new timetable only has me teaching for one hour on Mondays so it’s almost like a three-day weekend

Last night Amy took this picture because she is staying at her boss’s house to take care of this ball of fur. He’s like a massive dog version of Cap! Amy is still a little wary of dogs after Tokyo bit her and this pooch is bigger than her but he seems quite gentle and soft.

Moving Forward – 17th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Now living in a generation of hope
This is a world in which to move up
One where all the collected spoils
Can be shared from the same cup

The test of the promises made
Will be seen when faced with the burden
Where the whisper will turn to cries
Yet claimed that none ever heard them

Today I’m feeling:

Reasonably upbeat and positive after doing half an ab workout this morning and then coming home early to enjoy the rest of the day. Tigger spent about three hours sleeping next to me on the sofa where Cap usually sleeps. 

Today I’m grateful for:

My old students Porpieng and Baitong telling me about their new school, Tessaban 6. I was pleased to know that they are not allowed phones during the day and also have to do homework. I think they will both benefit from a bit of a tougher atmosphere in school though they are not particularly thrilled about the change right now.  I have high hopes for these two students as they stood out to me in my classes.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired enough to check out some more Thai learning apps and sitting and doing some study and revision. I’ll get back into the habit again so I can try and communicate more.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning I got up as usual and did everything as normal. As I was driving to school I noticed that another school I drive past was closed today. That was weird. Then I noticed that traffic was much better today too. And as I got closer to my school it became obvious that it was a holiday today but no one had told me. There was also nothing in my online calendar about any public holiday either. Well I just tuned right around and drove back straight to Utopia and enjoyed a couple of coffees there. Never mind the wasted petrol, here we are already with a day off after only two days back at school. Take what you can get.

Something I learned today?

I guess I learned (a little too late) that today is the Royal Ploughing Ceremony holiday and that the schools shut because of this.

What impact do I hope to make in the world?

Bereft of youthful idealism I hope that I can encourage some of my students to push themselves to make better futures for themselves. Perhaps this is elderly idealism. At least I still cling to an ideal.

I took this picture because Tig enjoys my book in a different way than me! He came for cuddles and rubs and ended up staying.

Animal Pure – 14th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These relations are an approximation
Things are more beautiful when you are on the outside 
Trusting the seasons more than people
Loving the cities, loving the animals
I know. I know. I know. Don’t get too close
I’m not letting anyone in.

inspired and paraphrased from Broken Summers by Henry Rollins

Today I’m feeling:

(morning)Expectant, anticipating. Winding up with stress. Envisioning feelings and actions of tomorrow.
(bedtime)At the moment I’m feeling a bit despondent if I’m honest. I don’t have a clear direction or purpose right now. 

Today I’m grateful for:

Receiving a new T-shirt in the mail that I wore for the first time today. It has a new t-shirt smell and feel for the first and only time. After the first wash that will be gone.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting a lovely little kitten when I was picking up lunch. Reminded me a lot of when we first got Kim Chi. I felt an excitement from the unconditional affection it gave me. I thought about what it would be like if I took this kitten home right now and it made me a little sad because I don’t want to lose and replace my memories of Kim. I know I will lose them one day and maybe that will be a better time to think about new additions to the family.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy made another quip about my not knowing enough Thai when I told her about the aircon people. She said ‘How am I going to survive in Thailand if I don’t communicate more?’ though I’ve been here by myself for most of 18 months and during most of that time she’s talked about us staying in Australia which doesn’t inspire me so much to want to struggle more with learning the language. I felt frustrated and a little disconsolate. Maybe I should go and find some intensive course to study next April, somewhere in the south where I can avoid the air pollution for a while.

Something I learned today?

I saw some Google AI updates for Gmail that looked useful though it would’ve been more useful to me about 20 years ago. I don’t use email so much these days.

What is the weather like right now?

Cooler and cloudy. Low clouds making the mountains pretty. There’s sun over there somewhere as it’s hitting sections of the mountain lighting them up in a peculiar fashion as the cooler cloud sits above.

I took this picture because I made a new friend at lunchtime.

The Sacrificed Citizens – 29th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Once there were rules to the war games
A gentleman’s game of death and glory
Now our principles attend more barbaric aims
And the winners may rewrite the story

No matter what you’ve done up to this point, you better still be a student. If you’re not still learning, you’re already dying.

from Farnam Street blog

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the weird tree/plant that was growing next to our garage. It blew down in the storm last night. It should regrow but will take a couple of years to get as big again.

Two Hermits – 6th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When evil enters the heart
The mind speaks not plainly
But would force charity out of others
When desire was a brotherly fight
The bowl was never divided
And their love remained intact

Another Khalil Gibran parable.

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

Lu Xun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Gratae who helped me learn a little more Thai and can also help Amy get clients in Australia.

Breakout – 26th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The steeples point to heaven
Yet my feet are here on earth
The cities yield to the dirt
Whilst the woods exercise their mirth

Solace amongst the battlements
Whilst treading familiar paths
Breath deep the cool pine air
The sun sets upon our gentle hearts

United in our spiritual mores
This ghostly presence felt
Brings gladness to my heart
For these present tidings dealt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Bruno to be able to help me plant a tree from a branch we pulled off from the side of the road. It’s only the size of a flower at the moment but I will plant it one day and watch it grow.

Be thankful for life’s difficulties. Grateful for those who show you disrespect. Thanks to those who judge and criticise without knowing more.

Thank you, Champ. I’m grateful that you let me rant at you and you showed some understanding. I calmed down later and I realised that that is because of you.

Thanks, George, for being consistently rude to me despite my being polite to you. Your behaviour feels like a challenge I can rise above and I’m sure you have your own motives and difficulties to deal with that I don’t understand. I can’t control the way you act so it won’t make me angry. I can control the way I act and respond – that is the test for me. So, thanks!

Thanks to the parents who complain about me as a teacher. I cannot control their actions and they have judged me on the words of their children without any interaction with me, so who am I to assume to know what they are complaining about?

Thanks to this virus that has challenged me to come up with new ways and means to teach and to spend my days.

Thanks to my aching back and sore butt from sitting on wooden chairs all day. Reminds me to move.

Thanks to the difficult students, the lazy ones, the pretenders, they are a constant challenge for me to improve myself.

Yesterday, when I went back to the teacher’s room, I had a long talk with Kru Karn and she couldn’t stop talking! Her English pronunciation is very Thai and she has a limited vocabulary but we had a good chat about all sorts of things and I enjoyed it very much.

I’ll try to have more connective conversations with some of the other teachers too. It’s often difficult to do when there are many teachers in the room but if I can find them alone, I will try. I’m not interested in becoming friends with any of them. In fact, what I think is that I just want to improve their English abilities! My students have better English than some of them!

I’m sitting in Game’s new cafe that just opened today. Another place for good coffee in Chiang Rai. I’m pretty spoiled for choice here.

Weirdly, this has made me think that I want to get another tattoo. I have some ideas for tattoos but haven’t gotten around to following up on them. No hurry, I suppose. We’ve got forever.

I’m doing a free online course about Coleridge that is influencing my writing a little. I don’t like to read poetry much but I do like it when it is explained. Much like the couple of Shakespeare books I picked up. I’m curious about language and its use. Maybe if I study enough I’ll be able to enjoy it without explanation.

Or I can keep on listening to music and enjoy screaming along to the words. I’ve printed out some lyrics that I want to analyse and keep thinking of more, and I also have this stupid plan to review all my CDs, one by one, which will actually force me to listen to them. I estimate that doing one a day may still take me 4 or 5 years to complete. Never mind all the digital music I have!

I still haven’t sat down to listen to the Leopold CD again. Oh well – I have forever, right?

School Of Life – 4th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Even as a teacher, I am still a student of life
My own students teach me many things
Don’t take any learning for granted
Enjoy the satisfaction new knowledge brings

7th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 38

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the money I receive for my work. It helps us enjoy nice things when we would like.

Just looking back to this time last year I can see how happy I was with teaching at this school. Of course, it’s nothing to do with the school but to do with the students. They make it all worthwhile.

I saw that I was grateful to George for helping me get this job and it is only since then that I am aware of the differences between us. I rarely see him at school at the moment and haven’t talked to him for weeks, beyond hello and goodbye. I’m thinking I should at least make an effort to thank him again. It will be awkward but doable. It would make me feel good and perhaps do the same for him (not actually sure about that).

I had a really great experience with 2/9 this morning – the same kids I mentioned this time last year. We have been studying the story of the Eagle and the chickens, about the eagle who grows up with chickens and never gets to really achieve his potential, content just to be a chicken.

Many of the students answered the question about the moral of the story being that it is best to accept things and fit in. This took me a little by surprise and I had to explain about the different cultural thoughts around these things. As a teacher, I am still a student. I love that.

I would like to be able to explain to them more clearly about what I feel is the meaning of this story and encourage them to break free and fly higher. Awesome.