It’s all about the effort, you gotta believe
That’s what success is, not what you achieve
To be in control is to be steady
To become the best, realise you were born ready
Tell yourself, repeat, don’t be lazy
If you put 100% you cannot be crazy
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
Success is defined by the action you choose
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the passionfruit I can see outside, on the ground, waiting for me to pick it up and scoop out its insides and drink its delicious juice.
Yesterday I ran out of energy. My last class was restless so we got through it double quick and the boys all left and the girls all cleaned the classroom, which made me sad and upset.
I ate lunch and read in the teachers’ room until George came in, making noise and encouraging everyone to eat more than they wanted, ordering Dylan and others around and wanting everyone to join in playing Kahoot. It’s sometimes difficult to see if everyone does it to humour him and not upset him or if they find him really inspiring and friendly. I find it all insincere and manipulative, as you can probably tell.
Anyway, it was obvious I had to get out of his way for them to play so I went out to the other room. During all this, I just flagged and though I’d planned to go meet Bruno, I cancelled and headed home and was in bed before 8 and asleep by 9.30!
I didn’t feel too bad in the morning today but couldn’t force myself to exercise and settled for coffee instead.
I’d missed a call from Ellen yesterday and she sent me a message this morning that she was thinking of killing herself! I called her and talked with her for half an hour. She’s having some tough times and I hoped I could give her some positive encouragement. I told her we should talk again each Saturday (just so I can check in with her).
She’s still looking for people to teach for her, which I’m too busy for now but I don’t really know anyone. Even foreign teachers at school, I wouldn’t want to recommend to her in case she gets fucked around by them. I hope she’ll be ok.
Today, I flagged again around 3pm. Amy and I had been running around preparing for next weekend’s party at her parents. We stopped in a cafe on the way back and as we drank our drinks, we both stopped talking and subconsciously realised it was time to head home and take a nap.
I got sucked in by the Khalil Gibran story I was reading, ‘Khalil The Heretic’ and then ended up reading comics until just before sunset. Better for a good sleep tonight anyway.
I’ll go feed the cats and feel like watching a movie, maybe a few sips of whiskey.
1994ever 