Tag: Takky

Hulk Think! – 24th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Our society is wealthy enough to meet our needs
Yet organised such that violence is needed to survive
Fight not crime but instead, fight those who create it
A real civil society dictates what it means to be alive

inspired and paraphrased from Existential Comics 507

Today I’m feeling:

Slept badly and though I know I’m tired I also know today is an easy day, at least beyond the fact that we are running around doing my visa which is a stress all by itself. 

I forced myself to exercise a little this morning even though my routine is disrupted by Amy being here and us running around doing things.

Sometimes I can see how old people get grumpy when routines are broken. I don’t want to get set in my ways but I do want to get back into an exercise routine again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The visa officer who was kind and helpful and despite us having a small issue with a bank statement he allowed my visa to be processed and I have to go back in September hopefully to receive another year’s grace. 

The process is always stressful and has Amy wound up and I try my hardest to not bite and stay calm. Having not slept well I managed until around 11 am and was starting to flag. Whether Amy sensed that or not I’m not sure but I perked up when she decided, out of the blue, to buy me some nice shirts. Later in the day I also found some nice cheap work pants too. 

The best thing about today was:

Having the free time to deal with all the visa bullshit without too much hassle and still get back to hanging out with the kids at lunchtime and for my single class. Then back to shopping at the mall.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my temper a little at the end of my class today as we were running out of time and a few girls were playing TikTok dancing on their phones. It passed quickly when I took the phone away and told them that they could get it back from their homeroom teacher at the end of the day. When the class finished one of the girls stayed behind and was suitably contrite, asking for the phone back. I was okay to do that this time with a reminder that next time it will definitely happen.

Something I learned today?

I found out that the visa officers at immigration get their lunchtime coffees at House. They came in as I was leaving today.

What are some activities or hobbies that bring me joy?

Joy? Sometimes when I’m riding my motorbike I get a feeling approaching joy. The smells, the air (when it’s clean), the cool of the shade, the freedom to discover. 

In the classroom, there are occasions when joy erupts, which is less easy when you’re on the teaching side of the equation.

Otherwise, there are times of happiness, satisfaction and fun but joy is not an emotion I particularly need to chase after. Small brief moments are preferable.

Takky took this picture because, for my visa application, we have to take photos in our bedroom, outside our front gate and, for this year, we turned the teaching room into our living room as Amy entertained there last night.

Next Life – 25th July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Always thinking about the next life
As if that will be the roses you expect
Forget the work, turn down the effort
It’s an internal rejection that you accept

There are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, or dragging out some false, shallow degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.

Oscar Wilde

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a nice early dinner of special food at Amy’s parents, joined by Takky, Nut and Bruno. It was a pleasant evening with lots of chat.

A Beautiful Life – 16th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Modern life is no poetic dream
Fancy words for reality unseen
Grey buildings, dull cars in commute
Dead faces in an old fading suit

Stray dogs barking at stray cats
Dead in the gutter, eaten by rats
Rice fields planted on broken backs
A pleasant vista for tourist snaps

Instagram cafes and beauty filters
Made by dollar-a-day immigrant builders
Sunsets on mountains, time to sleep
Poetic minds now sunken deep

The toiling hordes have no time to play
With words about their tortured day
No romance in their existence
The beautiful life kept at a distance

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have Amy here to take care of the house and cook for me. She is contemplating going to the USA with Takky for 3-4 months, so leaving me to take care of all these things. That will make me busy!

4 Million Poems – 1st July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

4 million poems later
And 40 years in time
Never run out of topics
Or words to find to rhyme
4 million poems later
I haven’t yet said and done
Everything that can be rhymed
So here’s 4 million and one

Weight: 77.6kg
Resting heart rate: 45

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Takky for telling us about a couple of students who are returning to China and have a dog to leave behind. They showed us the dog – of course, we can’t take it – but we helped them by putting ads on social media and sending pictures to Amy’s dad – who said he will take it! It’s a nice friendly French bulldog.

We got that attitude! – 22nd March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that Amy had such a good time at the weekend. She came back very happy and a little drunk. I am grateful to Takky for taking care of her and doing all the driving too.

Well, Dylan didn’t make it on Saturday as he went out the night before. I can recall times when things like that would’ve upset me – especially as I was up and waiting for him at the meeting point. But now, I just brush it off and get on with other things and I spent an enjoyable day around the house and even treated myself to my first beers of the year – for which I paid for on the Sunday – but it was OK to remember what alcohol is like! It was also damn hot during the day and through the night now too. One thing I did notice is that my neck didn’t hurt in the morning like it usually does. Just the rest of my body suffering.

Anyway – the best thing that happened today was that I managed to get a lot of posts on to the blog as there is nothing much to do at school this week. Sadly, this morning George was really rude and abrupt with me, not even trying to be friendly with generic conversation, inviting others out for coffee to a different place than his usual DeLanna and not inviting me along or even looking at me. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that I have done to upset him but he seems to have some problem with me again.

It’s sad to be posting up blogs from 2019 and how George helped me a lot and now he doesn’t even want to talk to me. I have my suspicions that it is something to do with his relationship with Bee and her friendship with Amy. I haven’t been the friend he wants me to be and that seems a little sad, selfish and egotistical on his behalf.

George likes his little troupe of followers to go along with him and everything he says and if you step out of line you are not allowed back in. Even Bee says he has problems with friends which is so odd because he is friendly and outgoing on the surface. But all that’s superficial.

Anyway, now is a test to see how I handle things because the environment at work is very uncomfortable because of this.

I’ve been reading Zen Mind, Zen Beginner and some of that calms me – but I can’t quite work out how. Other bits of it seem close to nonsense in a realistic world setting. I can understand it without thinking it’s something I should do – like bowing 9 times or something like that.

Anyway, reading, thinking, growing. It’s the same as it ever was.

We got that attitude! – 21st May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for opportunities and choices. Last night Takky asked again if I would be interested in teaching with him and Alan at Tessaban 6. It’s good to have options.

To-do list

  • Enjoy the day again – not much for me ✅
  • Meditate and exercise – get up early ✅
  • Can you do morning pages? The quiet voice?
  • Drink more water ½

I got up early and did some weights and stretching, as well as a quick meditation. I felt pretty good but was a bit down and subdued when I got to work. I was still thinking about last night and my worry about Amy drinking too much sometimes.

I was a bit snappy with George too. He has been so helpful for me and Dylan and introducing us to the school. Today I got a bit annoyed at him telling us the best way to do something and felt like I wanted to assert myself a little so I can show a little independence. That was all well and good but I’m not as good a subtle craftsman with words and expression as he is and I worry that I upset him a little.

I still struggle to think carefully about how my words come out and how they might be received. I’m not yet quick enough to work out a better way of expressing my assertions.

I also think that my grumpiness is caused by the discussion last night about the possibility of working with Takky and Alan. They make a good option for doing meaningful work in their school but it would mean working a lot harder than I do right now and my preference is to work less and less! It is nice to receive praise from them but I also still doubt my own abilities.

Ellen has also been talking about teaching online through students she finds for me and she talked about how competitive it is now. She asked me what my main skills were and I really wasn’t sure what to say! I don’t really know what they are!

I often feel like I can’t really do anything until I’m actually doing it and even then when I get praise, it’s still not enough to give me confidence.

I met Kru Tang this morning and she mentioned that Kru Boe missed me a lot and Tang said Boe cried about what happened with me at the school last year. One thing that has come out of that is that things seem to have improved there quite a lot and it seems to be a result of my efforts and sacrifice there.

I did feel good about that but it’s not the kind of situation I want to find myself in again and the offer to work with Takky and Alan could prove to end up the same (or is that just my anxiety speaking?).

George says I like to play mind games, implying that I think too much about some things. I don’t know. I guess I’ll think about that too.

Tomorrow I’ll try to think how to be assertive in a more gentle manner – and listen first, in full, before deciding what action I want to take.

We got that attitude! – 20th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunity to work with George and Dylan at CRPAO this semester. I think we will have a lot of fun.

To-do list

  • Zoom with Ellen
  • Enjoy the role playing today ✅
  • Another article for Bruce
  • Some more Inner Engineering

The day at school actually went to plan and the evening at home didn’t at all! But that’s OK. These things happen and it’s nothing to get beat up over.

Amy and Takky and Amy’s dad were drunk by the time I got home and everyone was in a happy mood so I hung out and played with Ritchie (Takky’s dog).

I worry sometimes about Amy hurting herself when she’s drunk – she also gets a little maudlin and down. I like to drink too and have a good time but recently I just haven’t felt like it so much. We did on Friday and had a great time but it’s getting harder for me to do it on school nights.