Take A Moment – 23rd September 2021

Dogs jumped excitedly chasing thrown ropes
Fireflies are buzzing about the grassy slopes
The full moon rises beyond the growing storm
Lighting spikes in 3D as the sky is torn

In silence, I take her arm with great care
We watch in wonder, breathing deep the air
This moment savoured we’ll never see again
We dash undercover to watch the coming rain

This beauty all around we mostly never see
So take a moment for yourself to truly be
Sleep well each night, grateful for your days
Close your eyes, settle now and give praise


Last night was a beautiful night with a perfect temperature and clear skies except at the horizons.

Amy went out to the shops as I was practising guitar in my room and when I’d finished, I relaxed inside, waiting for her to return. When she did, Tangmo had followed her in, so I knew it would be my job to get him back out, enticed with his favourite rope and as I stood trying to extract the rope from his jaws, a beautiful lightning display was taking place as a storm threatened. In the darkened sky, each flash of lightning suddenly highlighted the depth and beauty of the clouds, even in this odd monochrome. Sometimes the lightning was hidden in the distance, behind the emerging bouffant clouds along the lower storm line. Other times great spike shot out between the two frints and hung in the air for a second or two.

Closer to the earth, fireflies buzzed around the jungle growth and I took a moment to hold Amy’s arm and breathe in the joy of life. The impatient dog revised his attempts at pulling on the rope in my hand and we could only convince him to leave after substituting the rope for a fallen palm frond, which is like catnip for him for some weird reason. We quickly managed to close the gate and returned to some TV viewing before bed.

Finally, about a couple of hours later, the storm, which seemed to be coming and going, delivered some rain for about ten minutes and we contemplated sleeping without the aircon for the first time since the end of winter back in February. However, a couple of mosquitoes started attacking so we put the aircon on for a while to subdue them.

I was tired and slept almost immediately and deeply. I had a dream similar to a few nights ago, where I felt like I was about to be attacked, this time by someone at the window. I kicked out and screamed in my dream and also in my bed. Amy rolled over and asked if I was OK and I was kind of amused and really just wanted to go back to sleep. Eventually, I answered her and did, indeed, fall back into deep sleep.

I found out in the morning, however, that Amy was almost into her sleep when my scream woke her and she struggled to get back to sleep again. She was most annoyed but really, Amy is never a particularly good morning person. She can be far too clear and rational at that time of day, not soft and loving. But we laugh about it and I constantly feel a deep affection for her that I often don’t think I deserve.

Wash, Rinse – 12th September 2021

There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
Never making a decision


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find the rope for Tangmo to play with again. Hidden in the grass. I found it when I went to find Kim Chi who had jumped over the fence to play with the cow. The cow chased her back and she appeared on top of the hedge when I called her.

Walking Backwards – 4th September 2021

Where are you headed, young lady?
Doomed to repeat mistakes
You’re only paying attention
To ones your mother makes
Can’t see what’s in your future
Cos the present hurts so much
You’re endlessly running towards
The first thing you can touch
Holding on to another’s dreams
Thinking that’s where to go
Walking backwards into disasters
Comforting for you to know
Waking up in a hundred years
Realising what you’ve done
Close your eyes one last time
With a peace to be at one


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a good sleep last night and for our three visiting dogs today – Richie, Leo and Tangmo. A lot of noise and a lot of bad smells.

Circles – 31st July 2021

Wound tight and stomach knotted
Endless thoughts, head is reeling
Darker schemes are being plotted
No single road seems appealing

A roundabout, eyes are blurring
Sleep offers no more respite
Each waking moment reoccuring
A falling dream from a great height

A catch-22, a spinning top
Dante’s rings, ever decreasing
A perpetuum mobile, never stop
Piled on top and never ceasing

8th August 2021 – I stuck this poem into an AI story generator and it came back with this:

A cloud of gas, an oil well, and then one day, well no, I’m not going to say it again I can’
I can’t wait to share some music with you guys. I’m still working on it, – the best soundtrack I’ve ever heard. That’s it, folks, that’s the end of this sentence, no? Okay, here’s a short one: I think I might have died. Maybe. When I did, my body was on . … I guess that is a word. – no. Okay. You know what? That is it for this one; I’ll give you a minute. Sorry. How many minutes, anyway? I don’t know, maybe two. What was the last song that you listened to ?
… You might notice that in all this time no one has been to my room. No one’s been in my bed. So far, the only person I have had to talk to is you. Sorry, sorry, this is going a bit fast, okay?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Utopia is ok to give me credit until next week as I haven’t been paid yet. It’s a very slightly guilty coffee.


Here’s the weekend again. Grabbed coffee, read about the Beatles, filled my bike tyres and got 20 baht of petrol because that’s all the cash I had. Came home and Amy had washed the car and asked me to wash the bike, which I did as Tangmo watched on.

After I had finished and come inside I heard Amy scream that Tangmo had got through the screen door and was walking around in Kim’s room. When I came out Kim didn’t seem much to care and I got Tangmo out and fixed the door.

After a shower, I went back in to see Kim and to make Tangmo watch that he has to accept Kim and that we can be with her without him barking and pushing at the door. Tangmo wasn’t ready for this lesson though and pushed the doors again and barked more. Kim got angry this time and scratched me and attacked him. Eventually, I had to kick Tangmo in the head to get him out. He was very upset and ran off sulking! Kim is the priority though. And making sure the door doesn’t get fully broken. Tangmo will probably sneak back in quietly later. I’ll give him a pat then.

Now listening to the Beatles CDs I have, which still don’t really interest me musically. Still trying to finish off all my DVD burns; will get there eventually.

For what has been a fairly quiet morning I’ve done quite a lot. Not much of interest though. These are what days are I suppose.

I’m a wimp – 11th May 2021

After writing all that yesterday, I went back in the house, and Amy was belligerently drunk, and talk soon gave way to raised voices and frustration. I really don’t enjoy talking with her when she is drunk like that, and my default mode is to cower away and avoid escalating further. I’m a wimp in that respect, I know.

Amy got very sad and unhappy, once again unable to see the good things in our life and only able to concentrate her thoughts around the negative things around – things which have very minimal impact on us. Amy used to be a happy drunk but now is ending up crying a lot more often and then drinking again because she feels sad.

Unfortunately, all this kept me awake at night, so I had very little sleep – whilst Amy had passed out by that time. In the morning, Amy was still very sad, remorseful and apologetic. We talked about things, and she realises that it is a problem that only she can fix and it’s in her head. She thought to stop drinking again for a while and to cut down on social media too.

It has become obvious to me that always looking at how terrible the world is, whilst something we would like to fix, just makes us feel more powerless and frustrated. This is why I stopped reading so much news many years ago, occasionally slipping back into that negative cycle but then catching myself and removing myself again.

4th Mar 2025 – As I add this entry to the blog, I decided to delete the two Telegram channels that I follow for news.

After all that, I struggled my way to work and actually had a productive and enjoyable day. When I got home, I was greeted by the neighbour’s dog, Tangmo, as often happens, and he brought more smiles to my face and cheered Amy a little too.

We got that attitude! – 15th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful for this book and pen – I can write down my thoughts, feelings and gratitude. Thank you to the shop I bought them from, the people who made them, the people who delivered them. I wonder how many miles they had to travel from start to finish and how many hands they touched around the world.


Weirdly happy today. Many things to do and I did them easily (maybe I’ve forgotten something) but everything just felt easy today. Is this what ‘normal’ feels like?

I did a few different random acts of kindness. I watched Infinitely Polar Bear yesterday and it was ok – interesting story – it made me think about my own mental health and how some days are good and others bad without any obvious reason.

Today was perhaps and up day but I want it to be a normal average day. Any difficulties that arose I could handle – I’m just confused about what it is I need to do to keep feeling good like this.

I finished my second run through Notes From Underground and really loved the last chapter of The Dream of a Ridiculous Man this time.

I think I forgot to mention yesterday reading an amazing chapter from The Infinite Jest – all about trying and failing to give up smoking pot. It seemed the author could tap into every single thought a person in this position might have. Paragraphs lasted whole pages – it looked intimidating but made perfect sense.

This morning started off with a smile as I tried and failed to shepherd the neighbour’s dog, Tangmo, out of our garden. That dog is so happy and playful.

I also managed to do a couple of sketches for my gratitude cards and whilst not perfect I’m pretty happy with them. All right – good!

To-do list

  • Carry on!