“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Shared with Reena’s Xploration Challenge #404 and the attached picture.
Submitted for an AllPoetry assignment on free verse.
Submitted to RDP – Plucky
Today I’m feeling:
Exhausted (at the end of the day). I got through the morning exercise easily, hurting my legs further after two 10,000-step days.
I kept running ok throughout the day but once home in the afternoon, I flaked pretty quickly.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Keng and Kru Bright, who provided me with a table to store my stuff in their room in the new building, where I will generally be teaching now.
The building is a little removed from the rest of the school but if I keep parking out by the cafe it means I will have to walk through the canteen and the main playground so I will be sure to still meet many of my students.
The best thing about today was:
Meeting the new teacher in Primary. He’s an Aussie ‘activist’, obviously a weed smoker and hinted at being a conspiracy theorist. He was quite interesting to talk to for a while as he had been in China around the same time I was there and knew some of the bands.
He mentioned how much he was looking forward to teaching here but I got the feeling from his personality that he won’t last long.
12th Dec 2024 – I found out later that he didn’t even make it a full week!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Back to school, back to disorganisation. There was a message about the Songkran blessing with the school directors and I was told it would start at nine, so I got back from coffee at that time but then the word was that it would be somewhere between 10 and 11.
I contemplated going back to the cafe but instead decided to check out where I could put my things in the new building and after moving my things, the teachers there told me it was just about to start.
No sign of George or David (though I had heard he was spotted there in the morning) so I was the only representative of the high school English teachers. Hopefully, someone has noted that somewhere that I have been a good boy!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
A customer at House left their charger in the wall and I alerted Ying, the latest new staff there, who ran out and gave it back.
I also dropped the word search book around to Baipad this afternoon.
After I closed the gate this evening, Amy ran out asking me to take her to the twenty-baht shop to buy a gift for Yaya, Nong Mai’s daughter, who we will meet tomorrow. A minor annoyance but at least the 200 metre ride to the shop was nice, cool and refreshing!
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Back in long pants and long sleeves, I was heating up quickly and easily today. I didn’t complain though and just got on with everything.
I should have been doing more lesson plans but ended up writing more poetry and updating the blog. I did scan over what I still need to update and tomorrow, I will work on the next couple of IELTS lessons and Thursday, more of the presentation lessons and then Friday figuring out what else I need to add. I just put the seed in my mind for today.
Submitted to Ovi Challenge – Hope
Today I’m feeling:
Much improved. Almost normal even! Is it a psychological trait of mine? A mental quirk? Does my brain make me feel ill when there are things that I’m supposed to do that I really can’t be fucked to do?
And now, Sunday – usually the day before going back to work (which I love when there are students at school and detest when there aren’t and we are there just because we are supposed to be) but tomorrow is the first day of the holiday. Has circumstance suddenly tricked me into feeling well?
It’s also weird to be annoyed at having five weeks holiday this year, a week more than last year, and this is because it is the worst time of year here for air pollution and five weeks in October would be so much more preferable. But like I say it’s weird to be bothered about having extra holiday time!
Today I’m grateful for:
Uncle Nit next door who is helping us sort out some extra work that we need to connect up our drainage to the new drains being added under the widened road.
Uncle also told us that he’s never seen anything come out of our drain so I’m not exactly sure where our wastewater even goes.
The best thing about today was:
Getting this message from one of my grade 10 students Miwkey:
I am impressed and enjoy learning in the teacher’s lesson. Since I studied with foreign teachers, I have never met a teacher like you. I’ve only encountered foreign teachers who use their emotions towards their students while not paying attention to the lessons they teach in the classroom.
I kind of understand what she means – I think there are many teachers who don’t and sometimes can’t actually assist with explaining some things and just tell the students that they are stupid and should figure it out for themselves. Sigh.
I do also ask them to figure things out for themselves but I’m going to guide them with effective methods that they can remember and reuse.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst at Utopia Amy called me to pick up some veggies at the market. When I got back she saw them and exclaimed ‘Noooo, not that one! Go back now!’
Luckily I was in a good mood and quickly went back and got the correct ones.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
More encouragement for students via LINE.
What word or phrase sums up this month?
Tired would pretty much be it. Is it that I’m tired after this busy school year? Because I invest so much of myself into it emotionally? It’s not really been that busy since Christmas.
Perhaps it’s a combination of that and missing the kids, the heat and air pollution and not really having any plans to go anywhere.
But I did feel better today at least.
Submitted for Reena’s Xploration Challenge #319.
*Inspired by Buffalo Tom’s The Bus
Today I’m feeling:
A little disheartened. I slept late again last night and couldn’t force myself up to exercise. Like I mentioned yesterday I tend to feel better and more energetic in the evenings when I’ve been sick or still recovering. When I woke this morning I could feel that I’m still not 100%.
My mood was ok but I could also feel that some of my students weren’t in such a great mood themselves this morning, though as can be expected there are still plenty who were. Perhaps those down ones infected me slightly though.
I also felt a little disconsolate as I came out of school to grab coffee and the reduced number of students being around already at this time of year reminded me that this will all be over again for another year.
Yesterday and last night was also the turning point for temperatures as I put the aircon on for a little while when I got home after work and then needed it on for four hours at the start of the night. With just the fan for the rest of the night, I woke up hot and tired. Time to start the cold showers I think.
Today I’m grateful for:
Casually chatting with Kru Karn about what to teach her class today (with so many students away), which was about to start, and through that coming up with the idea to get the kids to take a photo or video of someone in the school and then make a one-minute video presentation describing them (our topic is Describing People).
Initially, the kids were shocked when I told them all to leave the class and go and find someone to talk about. And then I was shocked to find all of them in the teacher’s room talking to Kru Karn because they wanted her to be the subject. When I found them I told them that everyone had to have a different person as the subject and they all left somewhat dejected, though it got their brains spinning.
Whilst they all went off, some actually doing the work, others just playing with the other half-class of students next door, I sat back a little, fielded questions, gave advice and started my grading files. Eventually, after the two hours were up, everyone had finished the task as best they could and I was happy and they were happy too.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 10s being late for class and me not caring! The work planned for them can be done at any time so we just started when they finally arrived and can do more next week.
It wasn’t their fault that they were late so we just enjoyed a relaxed lesson of writing and thinking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See below)
Something I learned today?
One of our Thai teachers told a student that they will never get a job because they are not smart enough. I was fuming when I heard this, it’s the antithesis of how a teacher should be.
It’s a struggle for a teacher to pick everyone up but you have to support the students in any way that you can. You have to give them something.
I asked the student who confided the information to me what grade they got from that teacher and it was grade 4! Top grade! Unbelievable! It makes me angry!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Another student came to me today asking for help with mental health issues. We talked for about an hour going over the problems they are having (including the issue mentioned above) and despite our struggles with language we blundered through with translation and managed to understand each other.
I’ve done a little bit of investigation and sent some information for support services in Thai and I will find some more information for them later too.
inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog
Today I’m feeling:
Tired from a long reasonable sleep. My body is aching from all the exercise this week so I’ll happily give it a little break. No plans in particular for today though I might watch the AFL replays as they should be good games. I’ll get some reading in today as I skipped it a lot this week, running out of time and energy. I need to pick up the guitar too. Suddenly I’m filling a relaxing day but at least there’s no real stress right now.
Today I’m grateful for:
A dreamy afternoon nap, spacing in and out of the jazz core podcast. Is that weird? I remember one time as a teenager Jez came around and he couldn’t believe I was sleeping and listening to Crass’s Yes Sir, I Will album cranked up and to be fair I wasn’t in a deep sleep but spacing in and out. I guess I’m well-practiced.
The best thing about today was:
Drinking late morning coffees and getting a super buzz off them. I contemplated a third but managed to restrain myself. I wish I could drink endless coffees without getting so jacked up on them.
What is it that makes you a weirdo in your space?
To answer this I might have to figure out what ‘my space’ means. In fact, I might be considered a weirdo in any space these days. But I’m projecting that onto other people. I don’t think of myself as weird at all.
My space as a teacher: not just as a teacher but as a teacher in Thailand. By being a foreigner, that immediately makes me an anomaly. We are treated differently by other teachers and students alike.
My style of interaction with the teachers is relatively normal but I am one of only two teachers I ever see engaging with kids outside of class. This could also contribute to how the students treat me differently too.
They don’t show the same respect but they are more interactive at least. I don’t see myself as being on some kind of untouchable pedestal that this status could afford. I’d rather connect on a more friendly level. That means also having to deal with all their emotional ups and downs and behavioural issues as they are navigating their teenage growth.
What the Thai teachers think about my style of interaction with the students I have no idea or particular interest. I’m doing the best I can with the little skills I have and if it improves my student’s lives in any way then I consider what I’m doing to be positive.
My space as a music supporter: as demonstrated with tenzenmen I have a broad range of musical interests and whilst this makes for an unsuccessful business model I don’t wish to be defined within a limited genre because that’s just boring to me. Some people get it.
As a person that was in the middle of a ‘scene’ in Sydney, I was also, somewhat purposefully, separate from the other people involved. In many ways, I just didn’t want to deal with all the personal bullshit going on in their lives or share any of mine. Our interactions were intentionally just involving music and getting that out there. I felt that about 80% of the people were my friends whom I could trust if I ever needed but always managed to keep myself in a situation where that need would never arise. This didn’t make me close friends in their eyes but it did for me.
My space as Amy’s partner: Amy may consider me a weirdo in many ways but she understands my aesthetic and ideals whether she understands my interests or not.
For other people outside our relationship, I don’t really know what they might think about me as an individual but they are often confused about our relationship. For Amy and I, it is not confusing at all.
Many of her friends do not understand how we can trust each other and maintain our relationship when we are not together but that is hardly a statement on us and says more about them.
My space as a father to Hayden: I guess I’m not particularly weird in this space. I have never been much of a hands-on controlling kind of father and therefore have not been particularly stressed about his growing pains and even when it has been frustrating to watch him make mistakes I have always trusted that he will find his way in the end and slowly he seems to be doing that. I may be wrong but I feel many fathers deal with their sons in the same way.
There are other spaces I fill too but these feel like the main.
What would make today great?
Well, the day is almost done and it was a standard good day without anything particularly great occurring. It was great that the rain that threatened all day managed to hold off until I had brought the washing in. Small wins.
Today I’m feeling:
No headaches but still itchy eyes. Medicine kept me up last night, even watching TV for an hour or so but I don’t feel too tired this morning perhaps invigorated by going to work which meant going to the cafe pretty much, where I put together another lesson.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the teachers in our department that work so hard for little pay and cover the work that we foreigners should be doing but end up not doing because everything is in Thai. We just pretend to do a little work but at the end of the day, everyone understands the farce.
The best thing about today was:
George actually greeted me first this morning and then talked a little about what he has been doing these last two days when I asked. I was quite surprised and even surprised myself at not being sarcastic in return! Anyway, I don’t know what is going on in his life. Maybe he’s lonely or bored or anything so I happily carried on being pleasant and accommodating.
I was also happy to get all my flashcards cut up. I just need to sort them now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Little Kim threw up her food. I think it was from last night. It seemed like she only ate a little this morning and now she’s back in the walk-in resting. She drank a little but didn’t eat and her body is starting to feel warmer again. She’s looking skinny and sad.
I’ll take her to the vet again in the morning.
Something I learned today?
I learned 8 benefits of drinking lemon water every day. I always have lemon water when I’m at House since I heard or read about it before, maybe even from watching the same video and forgotten since. Let’s see if I can remember…
1. Lowers cholesterol
2. Reduces liver fat
3. Gives vitamin C for immunity
4. Reduces some cancer risk
5. Helps you like be longer (probably)
6. And three more things!
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and better than yesterday.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Thai teachers around me who were helpful and also amusing. Despite having to ‘work’ all weekend it was interesting enough and time passed by quickly thanks to the pleasant atmosphere.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out about some cool features of some of the tools we were learning today, enough to make me consider paying the small fee to access them. They would help enhance my classes a little.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not having enough time at home to get all the chores that should have been completed on time. How did I handle it? By doing them, but not on time. It’s not the biggest issue but it means leaving wet washing outside overnight.
Also, I wasn’t able to shampoo Tigger again and he really needs it. I hope to do that on Tuesday afternoon if nothing else comes up.
Although these things are not really in my control I don’t consider them to be that important that they are giving me too much stress. There was a time when I would’ve let these things bother me more.
Something I learned today?
From reading an online post I found out that perhaps Hanoi is comparable to Chiang Mai and HCMC to Bangkok. Armed with that information I think I would prefer northern Vietnam to the south. Not that I wouldn’t want to check it all out for myself.
The writer described Hanoi as more of a collection of villages that have become joined and it is still quick and easy to get out into the mountains and jungles.
How do my thoughts and emotions impact my daily life?
My thoughts need to counter my emotions so I can stay in control. I get better at this though that may be due to avoiding people rather than actual improvement in control!
15th Jan 2025 – Shared with dVerse – Diving into Margins
Direction > Speed. Doesn’t matter if you are moving slow or fast, if you are moving in the wrong direction, you are fucked.
Aditi
Goodreads.com review of Last Gang in Town: The Story and Myth of the Clash by Marcus Gray
Excellent book for me. I like the Clash a lot but didn’t know much about their history before now. After reading this book I can feel that I perhaps bought into the Clash ‘myth’ more than I’d expected. After reading a slew of rock biographies, mostly about people that were interesting but not necessarily whom I had any respect for, I guess I should have been prepared to find out that these mythological punks were all too human.
Whatever! It’s all done and dusted and I remember the sight, sound, and feel of the pedestal I had them up on!
I found the post-Clash chapters interesting too, as most of the band seemed to struggle with finding their identities after the breakup, and everyone, including themselves, wondered about what could have been.
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and tired because of cocktails and pizza indigestion keeping me up throughout the night and then a 5.30 wake up to catch our flight.
Today I’m grateful for:
The two homeroom teachers who (probably) helped push my students to do the work I left for them as I wasn’t at school today. I think about 80% of them did it which was a pleasant surprise.
The best thing about today was:
Getting decent coffee again back in Chiang Rai (at Utopia) and finishing the Clash book and starting an Iggy Pop book. The last of the unread books there for me before I have to start bringing my own again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Late afternoon and Amy gets Kim Chi up from her current sleeping spot in the walk-in. Kim is still limping on her back right leg and we agreed she needed to go to the vet but with only one car again it was going to be difficult to arrange whilst I’m at school so despite being tired and chilled at home I suggested we go right away otherwise it would have to be on the weekend when we already have a long day trip to Lampang planned on Sunday. In spite of it being school let-out time, I enjoyed the drive to Dr Arnon and back and he doesn’t think there is anything seriously wrong with Kim’s leg and just gave her some painkillers. I was also able to buy some snacks to take for Tokyo at House so that worked out ok.
Something I learned today?
Following on from yesterday, according to another survey, Chiang Rai is the lowest-paid province in Thailand. It made me wonder if the two facts about Chiang Rai are connected. Does drinking decrease as a place prospers? If Chiang Rai folks were paid more would they drink more?
When are you most spontaneous?
I’m not spontaneous much at all these days I don’t think so I would say this would be in my classes when I might add in some things around the lessons I’m teaching. I do miss the days of spontaneity but am also happy with the way I am now too. I’m well-organised and my brain suits that better than being spontaneous as I’m not always good at predicting possible outcomes.
I have probably said it many times already but the time has come again to be so happy and grateful for the aircon in our house. It seemed to have come on late but suddenly this year. It gets so comfortable in an airconned room that there is a dread to leave, even if only to drink some water or go to the bathroom.
Today is First and JJ’s last day at school – although JJ may come back as a full-time teacher next year. I gave them, and Am and Tee, the cards that I had made for them as going away presents. I hope they got something out of them.
I completed a drawing for Mei at House which I think came out well and started another of Amy and Grace that should come out ok.
When I got home, after it cooled down a bit, I moved all the rocks that Amy wanted for her cactus garden at the front of the cafe/teaching room. We then both weeded the stalks of grass growing through the remaining rocks. It felt good to do this together.
I’m super tired now – mostly because I woke up in the middle of last night thinking too much about the way George has been treating me. I spend too much time, wasting too much time thinking about that stupid guy – why? I know that I cant control the way he acts so why do I let it bother me? Again, proximity plays a role as we have to sit next to each other every day for five days a week. I’ll get over it.
1994ever 