This was written in November regarding a specific incident involving a student. Something common among many of the students I teach is the lack of affection they have received in their short lifetimes, not knowing or understanding that they are missing it. Just a simple hug has made a big difference to many.
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
Ready And At Home
Put your head on when difficulties knock at your door Your visitor may not be who you were hoping for No one wishes for adversity to be standing there But your virtue makes it much easier to bear
her resistance to learning turns to crackle and hiss.
the problem is not with her ears.
Shared with Reena’s Xploration Challenge #413 and based on an interesting incident this week. The inappropriate title comes from a translation of the subject’s name. The form is the Wayra: This short syllabic verse has 5 lines with a syllable count of 5/7/7/6/8. It is unrhymed and incorporates onomatopoeia within the verse.
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
Wherever You Go, There Your Choice Is
One day, we’re flying high The next may be lying low Our choice always tells us why We found which way to go
Above the roaring chaos of the rooms The petty squabbles of emotional fools Moulding little munchkins while running on fumes Stuck in a system broken; made to be rules
Making peace amongst the many positions Knowing little more than the best use of tools Embracing the insistent inquisitions Every teacher’s a student that schools
I found a job that I truly love, where I can put my whole self into it. Shared with dVerse OLN #396 and this didn’t get many eyes and also conveniently meets the What’s Going On prompt this week too.
A little tired and slow. The first full week is catching up with me now. I still feel fairly positive, though, thanks to my happy, playful students this morning.
My body feels pretty good after getting it moving and hung. I was a bit stiff when I woke up but exercise seemed to have loosened things up.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Tony at Suspect Device for arranging to get me sent a copy of Running At The Edge of Their World, the book about Suspect Device fanzine, which arrived today. Double amazing as I haven’t even paid for it yet!
The best thing about today was:
It’s consistency. No one thing in particular, but just a general great feeling throughout the day. Though I’m starting to feel that familiar Friday wind-down of exhaustion again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was happily sitting in the cafe when I got a message from my student, Palm asking me where I was.
As November is ‘sports day'(!), classes are cut from one hour to fifty minutes so that at the end of the day, students can practice their sports.
I made the incorrect assumption that it would start on Monday but instead discovered it started today!
I got to class and I only had an easy task for them anyway, which was on a preprinted worksheet, so no harm done.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I nearly lost my temper with my student Pang today as she gave me a lot of attitude but luckily I was able to step back in time and sit down with her to try and find what the real problem was, because I was sure it wasn’t me.
I told her that I was on her side and if she would let me in, then I could try and help her. I have given her this message before but she didn’t really take to it. Maybe it will this time. Maybe it won’t.
This morning, the kids were making fun of my hair and then Nicha took this picture after grabbing my phone out of my pocket. I guess from this angle (around Nicha’s height) I can understand why it looks so crazy.
How can you ever let me down? We’re not made to be broken Just like fools, we left so much unspoken Now the future is a past that’s come back around We were made to be broken How could you ever let me down?
Not bad once I got going, it was a struggle to get up this morning and my right shoulder was a little achy from using the new silica scrubs I ordered from Temu in the shower last night. For some reason, I had a sudden urge to clean.
Amy came with me this morning as she had some things to do in the city and she’ll pick me up again at 2.30 for my only day of the week to be able to get home a little early.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
My old students, Ploy and Ozone, playfully begging me to teach them again. I’m not sure exactly what brought this on for them but it made me feel good.
I wish I could teach everyone who begs to be taught!
The best thing about today was:
Listening to my grade 8s attempting to read a reasonably difficult passage of text and doing way better than I expected.
They are no longer afraid to try and to fail or get things wrong. Though some still need to be pushed to work because they are not really interested, I can see that they do have the capabilities if they so desired. Unfortunately, they are too busy with distractions most of the time.
Something I learned today?
Today I learned something that has left me a little stunned.
When Amy picked me up, she told me that she had gone to Nut’s house to have lunch with her and Bee, as Bee was visiting the psych at MFU.
Bee then told the whole story about her and George and it is fucking amazing!
Firstly, Bee moved out of their house about 3 years ago and they have been separate ever since! All this time, we have been saying that George was holding her back and that she was stupid to stay and she had actually already left.
This got me thinking about why she never said anything before and it turns out that George is still trying to influence her and to keep things secret from other people.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We were all shocked to know that they were actually married! Neither of them had ever told any one of us so-called friends about this.
And why did she leave? She finally had enough of his vicious manipulation and control and had to get away from him. She said that he is totally self-absorbed and selfish. He has no friends and only cares about himself.
Well, those things I had figured out for myself and now I feel completely validated. He is indeed the dark empath, the smiling narcissist.
Bee said that he talks badly about everybody behind their backs. This is also a reminder for me to try and not to do the same thing but this one is going to be difficult, as I would love to put him in his place. I’d like to wipe that smirking smile off his face!
Interesting that Kru Mai said George no longer talks with him in the teachers’ room but that George has told others that it is Kru Mai who no longer talks to him!
My mind is blown by all these revelations and it makes me feel more confident in myself. All those times he tried to manipulate and control me, too and got upset when I refused to comply – it’s all making sense and falling into place.
I should never have doubted myself. I realise now that on quite a few occasions in my past, I have been a very good judge of character.
I learned a lot about myself today and that’s great!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I bought an inspirational poster online and put it up in one of my classrooms today. I will refer to it at different times during my lessons.
I took this picture because today is Halloween and crazy little Winter wore this to school. He is fucking hilarious!
*What does it profit a man that he gains The whole world but loses his own soul?* Holding on to the fantasy never explains What happens when he reaches the goal
To the manor born where his shit don’t stink He’s forever drunk on the power *The honey is not as sweet as people think And the milk’s gone fucking sour*
The empire imagined now rank and rotten The cancer manifests within Like everything ever, it’s all soon forgotten Until the next man chooses to begin
Inspired by the two quotes* from Terence Trent D’Arby that I read in Charles Shaar Murray’s Shots From The Hip. I hated D’Arby’s music but it seems he wasn’t a bad guy.
Today I’m feeling:
Fairly reasonable and relaxed. I didn’t drink too much in the end last night, so I don’t have any hangover but I’m also not exactly full of energy either!
Amy is finally up and hopefully we can get some hearty breakfast and decent coffee and prepare for the drive home.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
My own smelly bed again. I love travelling, and I love my home.
The best thing about today was:
Driving back from Chiang Mai, I ate a CBD gummy and while I didn’t really notice any effects, I did really enjoy listening to music on my old iPod while Amy slept a lot of the way.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After going to a few different bars last night, Nong May wanted to take Amy to a place called Warm Up. Amy was a little reticent as it was the place that she used to go to as a uni student more than 20 years ago, but Nong May said that it had changed a lot.
When we arrived, May’s friend Namfon met us and even though it was midnight on a Sunday, the place was heaving with people, both young and old.
I had had enough by now, though and didn’t feel like drinking anymore, so I left them to it and went back to the hotel. I knew it was going to be trouble when a full bottle of vodka appeared in front of us and Amy was already a few sheets to the wind.
I left the keycard with Amy and asked the hotel staff to give me another but then struggled a bit to get to sleep.
Sometime later, I woke with a start to two loud bangs at the door and there was Amy. Either the keycard didn’t work because there was already one in use in the room or she couldn’t find hers.
Amy stumbled around a bit, getting ready to get into bed but just as she was about to, she fell on the floor in the dark and I heard a thump on the bedside table. I jumped up, scared that she had hit her head on the corner of the table but thankfully, she hadn’t and I got her into bed and finally to sleep.
With all this drama, I was now awake again and checked to make sure Amy was still breathing. It took me a while to get back to sleep again at what must’ve now been about 4 am.
I woke up at 8.30 and when Amy stirred a little, she mumbled, ‘How did I get here?’ not remembering anything from a few hours earlier.
Something I learned today?
Last night, Amy met one of her students whom she taught twenty years ago and who is now a successful restaurateur. He was so happy to see her again and said that part of his success was because of her.
This kind of reaction is what I hope to inspire in my students and that in ten or fifteen years’ time they might say the same things to me.
It was especially poignant after yesterday’s birthday messages from my students, some of whom said I was the best teacher.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I took care of crazy, hungover Amy.
I took this picture in the lobby at the Mercure Hotel because it looked like an interesting design where I was sitting and its intricacies only revealed themselves when I got closer.
Last night I had to leave the temple early as I was very dizzy and a little out of it. Luckily, Amy could get home with Goy. I was early to bed and asleep by 10 pm and even in my dreams, I was feeling dizzy!
Thankfully, when I woke up, I was feeling ok and did some exercise and a dead hang. The dead hangs are really making a difference, I think.
So I felt good when I got to school and bumbled around with students and then did a little administration to help get myself prepared. I talked with Kru Mai about my assigned hours and he advised that six of the hours will be assigned by other teachers for the students to do online. But, he said, I have to be in the classroom! Which essentially means I’m still working those hours!
I couldn’t convince him to remove my one-hour classes, unfortunately. Things may still change, I guess, though.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Mai and Kru Tang for helping me today as we discussed my new timetable. I’m not sure what the outcome will be yet, but at least they know about it.
I’m also grateful to Art, who experimented by giving me a double shot coffee of a new blend that he is trying out and it was awesome! I’m just a little sad that I probably won’t have time to pick one up every morning once I start teaching again next week.
The best thing about today was:
The relaxed feeling around school again today. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood and it kept me chipper, too. I had fun with the kids as usual.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had to wait at school until the afternoon, as Amy was working out the best plan for us today, as we would attend the temple again today. It was fine for me as I can easily keep myself busy, whether being with the students or sitting in the cafe.
In the end, Amy decided that she would come with Goy to the city and come back with her tonight. I could just drop by the temple and give my best to Nong Oh and then come home and relax a little in the evening.
Something I learned today?
My grade 11 students let slip that some Thai teachers don’t like me because I talk with the students. I’m not sure exactly what they meant but it made me curious and interested.
After some follow-up to try and get some clarity, it seems that they don’t approve of my style and ability to communicate with the students. I think it’s a cultural difference, as the old school Thai teacher just gives information and expects the students to mimic it, to do as they are told and that the teacher is the absolute authority on everything. I’m not like that at all!
I took this picture because our orchids keep coming out at various times throughout the year. I’m happy that they have managed to do well since shoving them in the tree.
Good again, though I woke up during the night and can start to feel the rising anxiety (good anxiety) of returning to work and being in the classroom again. What with all the disruption from the flooding at the end of last semester, it seems like such a long time since shepherding my students towards enlightenment!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the free time that I have had to read, write and think. Particularly to work hard and focus on writing poetry.
I know that this free time is coming to an end and I will have to concentrate on getting things straight with all my lessons for the next few weeks.
I feel confident that I can do it again, just as I have done before.
The best thing about today was:
Stretching out my shoulders with a little bit of dead hanging. Today wasn’t filled with anything particularly exciting otherwise.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I succumbed to an afternoon nap again but felt pretty good as Amy put Tigger next to me and he settled down there, chatting away when I turned over.
I’m also feeling a little dizzy from the reduction in sertraline and also not taking Tramadol for two or three days. I don’t feel particularly bothered by it yet but will try and push through it.
I took this picture because the old boy was looking a little tired, unable to open his eyes in the sunlight this morning.
Quite good after falling dead asleep again last night before 10.30. I woke up sometime earlier this morning, though with Fleetwood Mac stuck in my head for some reason. It could be worse, I guess.
Did a little exercise again, noticing that the little that I did yesterday already had me aching in the legs. It will be good to get back to that good ache, though.
By the afternoon, I could barely walk up stairs! I had run out of energy and motivation and left my last class mostly to their own devices, which they were happy enough with too.
I stopped taking any Tramadol a couple of weeks ago, not for any particular reason, I just figured I’d have kratom and give the T’s a miss and see how I felt and as I didn’t have any withdrawal dizziness as I usually experience (I guess I did still have dizziness though it seemed different somehow) I just ended up not taking it.
That could be part of the reason that I’m not quite so focused in my thoughts and a little more scattered than usual. It could also be part of the low energy and motivation situation, too.
Anyway, as I’m feeling reasonably mentally stable, I’ll keep going for a while longer and see if things balance out.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
The sudden message to go and sign our financial documents means that we should get paid early next week. I’ve just about managed to make it through this month without having to ask for credit. This is the first time since November last year, after messing up my visa and having to pay a bunch of extra fees to fix it again.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some presentation lessons prepared during my first class, who were busy catching up with work for other classes (or sleeping) and I wasn’t particularly interested in teaching either.
The lessons are not especially exciting but they give the students more information to improve what they will present next semester. I plan for them to present often, so I don’t really have anything more to offer to teach them. Just get them practising.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I technically had classes for most of the day, I figured that I would spend a bit of time at the school when I had a chance but when I went there at around 11.30, they told me that they had no milk for my coffee!
Well, decision made – back to 22 Grams. I can’t make it my regular spot as it’s a little too far from school and I am really missing House. I hope Gui gets it together to clean up and open again for next semester!
Something I learned today?
Yesterday, when I was talking with Noah and Poppy, Stang also came up to listen in and he asked me if any of the teachers were my friends.
Er…yes, I said…though thinking to myself, well, not really. I mean, I’m fine with everyone but I wouldn’t call any of the teachers my friends.
Stang then asked why I don’t hang out with the teachers and as I was thinking about it, he added, ‘you like kids?’ to which the girls were shocked and laughed too.
I was thinking how to answer them and agreed that I actually prefer hanging out with the students because, for me, we are on the same level. I told them that I didn’t like the Thai style of the teacher being above and the student below and that they must defer all the time. They agreed and hate it too. They know it’s not right.
Also, as an aside to this, I know Stang had an ulterior motive in asking about this, as he pushes the boundaries to see how close he can get to me physically. I’ve felt this since I first met him in grade 7, and he is obviously trying to figure himself out and how to approach boys that he likes.
I’m happy that he feels comfortable trying that with me and it hasn’t gone too far. I’m not sure how he fits in with his classmates. He’s openly expressed his homosexuality but never heard any of his classmates discuss it in particular. He is a big kid too; not fat but tall and chunky.
As ever, it is fascinating to watch all these kids grow and mature.
In his class in the afternoon, I happened to wander in and Namkhing was sitting in a corner and I was struck by how suddenly her face had changed to be that of a young woman, whereas only seemingly last week she still looked like a cherubic schoolgirl.
Amy (on the left) took this picture because we were all waiting around to go into classrooms and she stole my camera from my pocket and started snapping away. Amy, me, Chompoo, Stang.
1994ever 