Taking Stock – 9th August 2024

Are you sick and tired of the same old thing
Or are you happy enough?
Tell me
When does so much become so little?
When does too little become too much?

It feels like you’ve been here before
These are familiar words you sing
Wheels spinning
Stuck on the rat race treadmill
Are you sick and tired of the same old thing?

A trophy wife and trophy life
Surrounded by all this glittering stuff
Are you empty?
Is that a constant nagging inside
Or are you happy enough?

I have so many questions
Are you certain of all that you see?
Never wrong?
I don’t believe everything that you
Tell me

The Joneses are growing bigger
Your ego inflexible and brittle
Tired of waiting
Believing it’s always your turn
When does so much become so little?

Your debt to yourself is catching up
Your life is empty (as such)
Left with no thing
Just sand slipping through your fingers
When does too little become too much?

A cascading poem based around the final verse of Nomeansno’s ‘Stocktaking’ from their album ‘Wrong’
21st Sep 2024 – Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Wrong
26th Jan 2026 – shared with Poetic Bloomings 578 – plenty or not enough


Today I’m feeling:

A little better today after all that sleep yesterday.  I ended up waking a little early this morning, took a while to get myself going but my first two classes were fun and easy.

I feel freaking hot though, my body seems to be working overtime to get rid of whatever is making me sick.  No fever though.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting through the day in reasonably good shape. I was tired but energised again after another bowl of Pla Tom from Chef Amy. I think I’ll sleep well tonight if I can keep this little cough under control.

The best thing about today was:

On my way to my last class, I found 4 of the students that I had penalised for not submitting work yesterday furiously writing it all out in the canteen. I stood over them for about a minute and they were so focused they didn’t realise I was there.

When they all looked up they gave me a half-upset and annoyed look, along with an ‘ok, I fucked up’ half-smile.

They were wonderfully behaved in my class today and we all had a good time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was all set to teach in my normal room with aircon this morning when another teacher came along and kicked the kids out.  We easily found another room but unfortunately, without aircon.

To be honest, the aircon doesn’t make that much difference when a room is full off sweaty teenagers (and a sweaty old man!).

In the past, I might have let this sudden change bother me but now I can deal with it easily.

Something I learned today?

I learned that the US Anti-Doping Agency, which monitors for performance-enhancing drugs in sports, let off offenders and allowed them to keep competing so long as they dobbed in other cheaters!

This same agency has now accused the Chinese swimmers of being drug cheats at the Olympics, even though they were tested 3 times more than any other country and passed every test. 

The anti-China rhetoric has jumped the shark.

I took this picture because earlier in the week, Baipad had alerted me to a Facebook auction with this Gloomy Bear plushie. I bid 220 baht and won and here he is sitting on the shelf next to my bed.  It gives me the opportunity to give back the plushie that Baicard gave me on Teacher’s Day 4 years ago and had been sitting there collecting dust ever since.

The Rides – 7th August 2024

Image created by Kevin at The Beginning at Last

A lizard onlooker shouts for both sides
The winners and losers, just along for the rides
The best place to hide is out in the open
There are no promises that cannot be broken

There is no yin and yang or balance
The race is run purely by marketing talents
They’re all donkeys dressed up as horses
Rides into the sunset as democracy endorses

Submitted to Bad Jonny’s competition at AllPoetry.com “Why have we only got 2 lunatics to choose from?” concerning the USA election this year.


Today I’m feeling:

Tired still and my sore throat, whilst not as painful, feels weird and is making me think that I have some form of Covid.

Last night I tried to sleep at around 9.30 but it took a while as I had a bad headache and eyeache.

I also had a weird dream about finding snakes under the bed in my old Forest Cottage bedroom and mum came in and just picked them up and threw them out of the window, no fear!

Today I’m grateful for:

It being my low-pressure day today, giving me chance to relax a bit and catch up on some reading and writing.

The best thing about today was:

The challenge of getting my poorly skilled grade 8 students motivated and awake this afternoon. A few of them are sick too. Somehow, I feel like I kind of managed it and everyone was reasonably happy.

Something I learned today?

Just by chance, I was in the teacher’s room with Kru Mai and I started talking about the Integrated Program for next year and that I thought that I could probably do it with the type of lessons that I have already.  Kru Mai was grateful for this information and then let slip that the school is not happy with George as he didn’t talk with them about not wanting to teach Integrated this year, instead, going to Nancy and having her ‘fix’ it for him.  He also said that students are not happy with seeing one teacher so much of the time (as George only teaches grades 11 and 12).

I told Kru Mai that both David and I are exhausted by the weekend, having to deal with the grade 7, 8 and 9s all the time too.

I asked if students had raised any issues about my classes and he said no, everything seemed to be fine, which was nice to hear.  He seemed to be happy with both me and David.

Also, I can’t remember if I wrote about it here before but last week there was a message from the head of our department that parents had made complaints about the quality of teaching in our classes, as their children had reported back that other students would be sleeping, playing on their phones or doing their make-up instead of paying attention.

Complaints were made in person to the director so our department was warned that we would be checked up on this week. I hadn’t noticed any real changes or effort on the part of the teachers but I also haven’t been around much either. 

With the exchange students being here, it has also made things a little more chaotic with teachers being pulled here and there at random times, too.

At the weekend, I showed Bruno and Amy the warning from the head and we talked about it a little bit. Today, Kru Mai mentioned it to me too, telling me that it was a grade 7 student who had complained and it was particularly about Kru Ren’s class.

I could’ve guessed as much but didn’t think much else about it until I got home and Amy said that it was actually her friend Goy’s sister-in-law who complained to the director and her daughter, who is a smart student and is attentive and wants to learn is being bullied by the other students for being a goodie-two-shoes and to give them her work so that they can all copy it!

Chiang Rai is so small that everyone is at about three degrees of separation rather than the stereotypical six.

Anyway, the kid seems smart and I want to meet her.

I took this picture because these colourful flowers stood out in the dull grey-green of the day as I made my way through the garden at House.

See Me Dead – 3rd August 2024

I want to see the grief expressed
Hear the kind words manifest
Let me celebrate the life I led
To become immortal now I’m dead

You don’t need to shed those tears
I got to enjoy so many years
But being gone is a long, long time
Don’t forget me and what was mine

What wishes made, to have been said
Or ones wished retracted instead
Look on my legacy for what it’s worth
You’ll too join me soon, returned to earth

You and me, will all be forgot
Ladies and gentlemen, that’s your lot!

Inspired by reading others’ poems about grief at dVerse this week and the idea of wanting to know how others feel about you once you are gone, much like my teenage student, who, after attempting suicide, said that she wanted to see her mother’s reaction once she was gone!
12th Feb 2026 – Shared with Reena’s Xploration #417


Today I’m feeling:

Tired and a little sick with a sore throat. I slept for almost twelve hours and crawled back in again at around 11 am, after a couple of coffees.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy told me that she was talking to a village auntie (the cowman’s wife) over the fence this morning and asked if I was teaching at CRPAO. Amy said yes and the auntie said that her son is in grade 8 and that even though I don’t teach him, she has heard that I’m a good and kind teacher.

That was nice to hear.

The best thing about today was:

Eating some nice food at Bruno and Nut’s place this evening. Even though I was feeling a little tired and sick, I enjoyed eating, talking and listening with them.

Something I learned today?

I watched an interesting video about a new DAW in development called Blockhead. Even though I don’t even use the DAWs that I have, I would still be interested in the idea of playing with them one day.

No Sense – 18th July 2024

Each word written down
– On this paper, correlates
A sense of meaning

Each breath without sound
– A soft paper push-around
Sensed in silent thought

Each heartbeat profound
– Brittle paper tissue ripped
No sense of nonsense

Submitted to Monday Poetry Prompt at Living Poetry
24th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – meaning


Posted elsewhere as a response to the prompt:

Do you have any writing rituals?

I have fallen into a habit of writing at a cafe near my school. It’s fairly quiet and with a bit of reading of other people’s writing, I am usually inspired to write a poem or two myself.

The downside to this is that I have found it more difficult to write at other times and so when it is the weekend or school holidays I have to force myself more to find the time and place to write.

I have a blog policy to only have one post a day and have been adding a poem a day for the last three years or so. Up until about six months ago, I was always a week behind with posts but since using many different prompt blogs I’ve managed to get a couple of months ahead, so posts will still keep coming even after I’m gone!

As a writer, I find it important to read as much as possible. Books-wise I pick ones that I am interested in but blog and poetry-wise I’m still refining what interests me, sometimes slogging through poems and prose that doesn’t engage me at all. That is still a lesson for myself though, helping me to define more what it is that I want to say.


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good after a slow start. I wasn’t sure which way things were going to go as I could easily have slept until 10 am given the chance.

However, I was up at 6 am and did a little testing workout and now all Amy’s cookies are gone, I’m slowly losing some weight again!

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai organising another two hours for me to teach on Monday morning after having that time freed up with the grade 12 HAP students off for three months training.

Initially, when I approached him about it he said that I could have free time and he was a little surprised when I told him that I didn’t want free time but wanted to teach.

The best thing about today was:

Writing and posting a decent poem that got some nice feedback. I’m starting to feel reasonably competent with my writing and getting feedback certainly helps with that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’m still being lazy when I get home from school and just sit watching TV.  I want to push myself more but also understand my body may not be so willing these days.

Something I learned today?

I was reminded that today is my old primary student PunPun’s birthday. I haven’t seen her for four years now and I asked her if she kept in touch with her old classmates and I was surprised to hear that she didn’t contact them at all!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Baipad messaged me talking about flying foxes so I regaled her with information about them in the Royal Botanical Gardens in Sydney. 

She also talked about making art from animal bones and it reminded me of The Black House and I offered to take her and her friends there if they wished.

I took these pictures to send to Jan and told her that we all miss her. As you can see, Apple and Baipad are both suitably unimpressed at having their pictures taken in the morning.

The Albatross – 13th July 2024

The crab said to the albatross
“Can you take me from here?”
“Where do you wish to go?”
Asked the albatross
“Anywhere away from these sad rocks,
To the skies!”
The albatross said “Hop in”
And opened wide his mouth
Enjoying a difficult meal

Submitted to dVerse Quadrille #203 – crab


Today I’m feeling:

A little better with my hip, though it kept me tossing and turning all night last night and so when it was light this morning, I just got up.  It was only 7am but I felt better for moving.

I had to deal with an army of ants biting my feet in the kitchen as they were retreating inside from the rain overnight.  Sadly for them, they are all dead now!

I started doing some weeding before heading off for coffee.  I don’t know why.  I just saw one and then kept going.

As I was about to get on the bike, the neighbour told me that they will concrete our drives today and so I can park over the road at Auntie’s, where there is lots of space.  Everything should be finished soon, making our road much easier to traverse.

As our gardeners were due this morning, I asked Amy to cancel them but they insisted on coming.  I guess they need money and know that we are reliable to pay them.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gardeners again.  I’m glad that they came in the end as our grass is cut nice and short again making it less likely for snakes to travel through.  From my quick inspection it seems that they didn’t manage to destroy any cactuses this time too.

The best thing about today was:

Tangmo coming to visit us a couple of times. After coffee in the morning and grabbing some Swenson’s ice cream, picking up Amy and coming home I’ve done a lot of TV watching and hip resting.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The pain in my hip is out of my control and there’s not much I can do about it. I’m hoping a bit more recovery tonight, otherwise I’ll have to go and waste some time at the hospital.

Something I learned today?

The Swans won this week, smashing the Kangaroos by 79 points. Not a difficult opponent but good to get another win after the small loses over the last two weeks.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I met Nong Kratae at Utopia this morning and she asked me if I would come and help her once a month, as her high school-aged students need more information about IELTS study.  

I told her that I could come along one time and see what it is that I might be able to offer.

I took this picture because Piti was doing his best sexy pose this morning.

The Wild World – 8th July 2024

We live alone
Our relationships symbolic
Resources for production
Or a backdrop for healing

A miracle of blindness
Debasing all else
To second-order existence
We live alone

A massive fiction of things
The wild at the margins
An intellectual sleight of hand
Of us versus them

Ignorant of our nature
Domination the goal
Trading in certainties
At a bloodied altar

Denying our relationship
We live alone
We are the pandemic
In a wolf head mask

It’s business as usual
Caught in the weave
Dualistic blindness
We chose to live alone

Possessing the wisdom
The germ of a solution
Future archaeologists found
We died alone

Inspired and borrowed from Dan Ray at Philosophy Now’s review of Ways of Being Alive by Baptiste Morizot


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good, though I feel like I’m overheating.  Not sure if something is going on in my body or it’s just leftover from pushing myself with exercise this morning.

Today should be a relatively easy day at school and hopefully I still feel motivated when I get home and play some guitar.  I totally lazed away the weekend and though I don’t feel guilty about it, I still know that I should be doing stuff.

Today I’m grateful for:

Only five students turning up to my first class.  They didn’t know where everyone else was and assumed that they were taking the whole week away from school, as from Wed-Fri, they are not at school and supposed to be studying online.

I played a Quizziz of each student’s choice for the first hour and then let them go for the second two hours of our class, so I’m back early for more coffee!

The best thing about today was:

The extra coffee time that turned out well, as I got a couple of nice poems written after doing a bit of reading and thinking.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Another one of my pens went missing today during my class with 2/7.  I’m fairly certain that it is Program who is taking them as he is always trying to steal things out of my pocket, never has his own pen and always walks around the room and near the table when I am not there.

I may be wrong but I’ve got my eye on him.

Something I learned today?

As I had some spare time in the morning, I ducked into the grade 10 English class to chat with some of the students I knew and whilst there, Kru Ren came in to teach.  He didn’t do anything to try and get the students attention and seemed to be just shouting to no one, as everyone else was either on their phone, playing games or making TikTok videos.

I just don’t get how that is going to work.  But what was weird was that meeting some of the students a couple of hours later, I asked them about the class and they were able to talk about the subject fairly coherently.  Maybe it got better after I left, or Kru Ren decided to teach in Thai rather than English, so that at least he would be understood.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I stayed back after my last class to talk with Praew some more.  I think she is a little bit of an attention seeker in some ways and I’m not totally sure what to believe.  With her anxiety, depression and being bullied in class, it is sure to mess with her behaviour.

Satisfied – 1st July 2024

Through a process of elimination
We conquered our impulsive mind
To overcome the madness
That once made us so blind

Valley waters now run clean
Pure air fills our lungs
Meditating on our madness
Forced to review the sums

So the moon eyes open
A twinkle amongst the gleams
Falcon flight a-diving
At the fish thriving in our streams

Submitted to No Theme Thursday and Three Things Challenge #M739


Today I’m feeling:

A little bit down this morning, but not about anything specifically.  I think it was still the leftover rust from drinking on Friday.  It takes so long for me to recover now that it just isn’t worth it.

I struggled with exercise this morning but glad that I did.  I have found some videos that I might try to follow, too.  I keep going across different exercise apps, but they all want my money and for some reason I only just now realised I can just follow along with videos instead.  I’ll try my first one tomorrow.

I felt much better after my first class, my happy grade 12s and the lesson I had come up with worked well with them, so that gives me confidence for the next two classes that I try it with.

Today I’m grateful for:

My wage (again!).  Much of it disappearing already into cat food, the electricity bill and a little shopping.  A bit more will disappear tomorrow when I pay off my credit at House.

The best thing about today was:

Kru Tang roping me into helping a trio of primary students with their pronunciation for a presentation that they will give next week.  Their English is excellent already and I could only offer minimal advice.

But the best things that came out of it is that for three days next week, many students are away at these competitions so the school will be closed to students. Those not in competitions are to be taught online.

What that means for me, though, is no classes as I don’t have the knowledge or facility to teach online.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Suddenly, the power went out when I was teaching and I was assuming that it was in the whole building, school or area.  I continued teaching without missing a beat and writing on the board instead of using the projector.

Something I learned today?

At the end of the class, when the power went out, I discovered that it was just our room where it was out and so I assumed that a breaker had been tripped and now I know where they are.  

Another teacher asked me if both of the air conditioning units were on and I wasn’t sure but it made me think afterwards, what if they were?  There are two air conditioning units in each classroom, why have them if there is not enough capacity to use them!?

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I sent Baipad and Anchan a translated parable from Khalil Gibran.  It is about fear and dealing with it.  

I talked it through with Baipad who is not well practiced at understanding allegory or thinking more broadly about things.  

I hope that she understood the meaning a little deeper than before.

Spy On You – 21st June 2024

My lizard eye spies surprise
Sideways sly spy in the skies
Explain a name, much the same
A play for fame explains the game

To beat the heat or face defeat
You gotta cheat the play complete
I did the do in watching you
So talk me through the dimmest view

Before there’s more along the floor
See what I see, saw what I saw
Split decision at the supervision
I got television with precision-vision
I got an eye on you

Submitted to Three Things Challenge #M729 and #M730
4th Dec 2024 – Shared with dVerse – TV shows


Today I’m feeling:

Not as tired as I usually am by Friday which is pleasing.  I’ve already done my morning classes again and they went pretty well.  Just my lively grade 8s to go and then off home again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The last drips and drops of my pay cheque that allow me to buy my yoghurt, that should tide me over until next month. 

I don’t have enough money to pay for Amy’s birthday dinner now and have to figure out a way to get the credit card out of her wallet on the night without her noticing!

The best thing about today was:

The many interactions with students again, mostly mine but also a few new ones that wanted to talk. 

Days like this make all the effort I put in feel worthwhile. I feel like any little small interaction is helping these kids in some way.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I have a sore spot right on the end of my tailbone. I’ve had it before and maybe it was at the same time last year. It feels like dry skin that has maybe split. It could be from spending more time sitting on hard wooden chairs or from doing more exercise at this time of year. I’m not sure. It’s more annoying than painful.

After my first class, I walked past the classroom where George was with the grade 11s that I also teach. The kids were mostly sprawled out across the floor asleep and George sat at his desk engrossed in his phone. 

Well…. That’s not a great look in my book but whatever. It seems most of the Thai teachers don’t care either. But I feel at least a little bit responsible for giving these kids as much as I can, whether they would prefer to sleep or not!

Something I learned today?

China just found a cure for Type 2 diabetes and the USA wants to stop their citizens from getting access to treatment by blocking US scientists from working with Chinese Pharmaceuticals.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Aida was looking a bit down again today and she said that she has a falling out with a couple of her friends in the class. I encouraged her to not overthink things and that it may already be ok again by next week. 

I can feel that she thinks quite deeply about things and maybe focuses too much on the negative.

I took this picture because these fruits (or nuts) caught my eye as I got out of my car after a quick lunch coffee.

From The Tree To Me – 17th June 2024

In the raw, you leave
A bitter tingle on the lips
A dusty drift in the air
Dry to the connoisseur’s nose

To grip the sweat of flesh
Where the cups of coffee sit
Hard knocks on wood
Built for many winters

All the ale spilled over
And never a complaint
Stoic and solid, ever-steady
Dampened with a cloth

How is it that your shade
Perfectly matches your function?
When your name is spoken
Your colour is revealed

Sealed with a scent
A low release of forest
Antique aching legs
Of stale cigars, whiskey and work

Write a poem about an object in five stanzas using sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch – in any order.
What is it?
This was a tough write and I don’t know if people can understand what the object is!


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good despite almost swearing when my alarm went off.  I got up and at it though and now, about two hours later, I’m wondering if I can increase my exercise time a little in the morning.  Seems like I’ve already forgotten about how tired I am by Fridays and thinking of pushing it further now it’s Monday!

(10 pm) So tired now that I’m no longer contemplating pushing myself so much!

Today I’m grateful for:

The students in the sick room who bandaged up my fingers whilst taking pictures to show that they were working when required. Fixing the bleeding farang teacher is good optics.

The best thing about today was:

My first class, 3 hours with grade 12s was relaxing and fun. I didn’t push them too much and tried to keep everyone engaged as best as I could.  I was quite impressed with their English skills and with their confidence to at least try their best.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Tokyo finally got me today and it was my own fault. 

Usually, when I’m leaving House I don’t disturb her as she is sleeping, yet eyeing what is going on but today she was on her side and raised her paw for a belly rub. 

If I had come round to her side maybe everything would be ok but I tried leaning over the bench which left my hand hovering over her until I got my balance to sit down. I know that she feels threatened by this and sure enough, she snapped her jaw around my fingers and me trying to pull away left a big gash on the inside of my forefinger and knuckle of my ring finger. 

Weirdly, it didn’t hurt that much, though I knew I should be feeling pain. Due to the location of the wounds, they soon started dripping blood.  Gui’s mum got out the medicine kit that they have to keep handy for these situations and I quickly cleaned up before heading back to school. 

I got the cuts band-aided at the sick room and went off to class.

Something I learned today?

Praewa complained about her boyfriend, my grade 8 student Ten, smoking too much marijuana! I was not at all surprised to hear this. 

She has been very unhappy since she met him and I don’t understand what his appeal is. Bad boy appeal maybe? All her friends keep telling her to dump him and she keeps threatening to.

Ten is immature and doesn’t have any parental guidance at home, living with his grandmother and his younger sister. 

I’d be happy if I never heard his name again and I usually like the ‘bad’ kids.

What three words describe today? 

Interesting
Inspiring
Tiring

Amy took this picture just before fixing up the support for the nest with an old shirt. Things were getting precarious there.

Spawn – 7th June 2024

A serial killer, an oil driller
Hardened by wooden toys
A road rager, black death plaguer
Once were blue-eyed boys

A nasty bitch, the spiteful witch
Waving a demonic wand
A dirty washup, a wicked gossip
Once were fair and blond

Even the spawn of Satan
Was once a lovely child
Depending on the road that’s taken
Arrives either mild or wild

Submitted to WDYS #241, this picture is way too cute not to take a completely opposite run at it. That’s just the way my brain works sometimes!


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty energised and happy, coffeed up, I enjoyed talking, teaching and playing with my students (and other random ones, too).

I talked with Baipad and a couple of her classmates about the gory videos they were shown in class and told Baipad that this was a great opportunity for her to stand up for herself and make her opinion known.  I tried to convince them that their opinions are valid and whilst they may not be listened to, they have the right to be expressed.

I could see from her face that she knew this but wasn’t able to steel herself to do it.  Still, it’s early steps in showing support and one day, hopefully, she will be brave enough to stand up for herself.

The first two classes were grade 11, so they were pretty well behaved (though still have to put my foot down every now and then) and after a quick break, onto the grade 8 scoundrels who were entertaining, and, with gently prodding, made fairly valiant attempts at their reading.

As I was on my way out, I ducked into Kru David’s class and helped some of the bored and dejected students who were struggling with being asked to write a very simple poem.

As I had no pressure, I had time to explain to a couple of students what the idea was about and how to complete it, and they seemed to get the gist.  Of course, when you are the only teacher in the room, it’s difficult to get around to all those strugglers and walk them through things more simply so that they can understand.

Today I’m grateful for:

A Facebook message from my students Baitoey and Piano saying that they missed me.  I was happy to receive it, though not sure exactly why they sent it as I bump into them around school almost every day.

The best thing about today was:

A positive feeling through most of the day without any exceptional highs or best thing that stands out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

While teaching in the new building and in the room where Kru Pooky sits whilst I’m teaching, I got a bit annoyed that she kept asking various students to go and run errands for her.

When we were about to start an online quiz, I asked her where my student was and told her that he needed to be here in my class.  I didn’t push it any further than that, but hopefully, she understood my intention.  This is the Thai way to try to deal with Thais doing things in a Thai way!

Something I learned today?

Duolingo, which I make all my students use for 5 minutes a day, has introduced what looks like a reasonably good AI chat component to its teaching practice.  Hopefully, some of my students can benefit from this.

And whilst looking at the app to see if they’ve added Thai (which they haven’t, yet they have Klingon) I found that they have added music and math, so I’m looking into the music one just for fun.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered Aida a friendly ear if she needed to talk to someone over the weekend.